A Touch of Encouragement

On 11/17/07, I lost my true love. Vivien had died of breast cancer in the hospital bed. She was unafraid of what the future would hold in store for her. She truly believed that God would heal her but she knew she would not survive this storm. For me, it has led to depression and schitzophrenia. I have many health problems and have applied for disability income. I cannot work, sleep or do anything since my Vivien left me. I know as well as she knew where she was going. At the time we were both unafraid. The nurse called me at home at 5 AM to tell me that this was now the time of Vivien's departure from this world. I headed to the hospital to say goodbye; but she was already departed into heaven. I loved her with all my heart and I hope to join her soon. I'm trying my best to do something with the life God has given me, but I AM afraid. Thank you for allowing me to share these feelings of grief with Mrs. Williamson.

After reading and listing to you I feel like maybe I could possible find some needed help.
I lost my mother 8 yrs ago and still I cry and miss her so much we were more than mother and daughter. We were like one and did everything together. She was in the hospital for over 2 1/2months having a triple by pass at 87 and amputation of leg as her 7th operation. When she came home she was so great even being so disabled. Her mind was better than mine even then. We never spoke of death and even when she had gangerine in her foot and I had to take care of it she never even asked about it. She was trying not to worry me and she even had tube feeding since she came home from the hospital and I learned how to put an new one in due to it always coming out. Much better than going to the hospital each and every time and she never never complained or spoke of the problems even when we went to hospis, she was ther only 3 days and the last day when I went the nurse said she was ok and I said no and then was told she would probably pass that night, than she got worse and they said this afternoon and getting even worse they finally said 1/2 hour. I naturally spoke to her but she never could answer and I feel like we never had the time to say our good-bys. They said she could hear because that is the last thing to go but I still cannot get pass thinking that we had no last words. A worker said to me that very few people have the kind of relationship that we had and thank god for that but I do know we did but I still cannot get better even with medicine and councelling I still feel like when she died I also died along with her and I wish I had. If it was not for GOD now I do not know what I would do because I am now haveing medical problems and cannot do much of anything and really am not any good to anyone, so why does he not take me now so we can finally be together because here I am not living just barley existing.
Any help you can give me would be so appreciated as I at time feel like I am loosing my mind. Please share some help, thank you.

my father just died 2 weeks ago to cancer he has been fighting it for 8 years he died in the house it is soo hard for me to face it i still cant believe it i want to just give up on everything but i cant give up on my kids but i have noticed i lost a lot of interest on a lot of things mostly everything i dont really care of anything very much i just try to spend time with my kids but noticed that i am having my mine just go blank at times can see or hear anything at times just go blank i need help and advice i am finding it very hard to face that my father just died it wasnt soo hard for me when my grandmother died 6 years ago in the hospital in front of me. my father died infront of me too but why is it harder for me sooooo hard i feel soo sad and empty inside

I lost my father this February to cancer I have tried to be strong for everyone around me.I have a sister who is constantly crying missing our father I here her out And swallow my own pain since my father passed on I moved away from my family I have lost both my parents with in the two years to cancer but today As I open my email to belief net since my father died and saw your video dealing with grief my heart poured out and I begun to cry Like I've never cried I Think I needed to let go of my pain so that I can begin to accept that my father is in a better place.And the funny thing is that his favorite scripture was Psalms23 I felt at that moment he was trying to let me know he was okay. Thank You For your inspirations.

I am about to lose my best friend well she is my grandmal but my friend she has helped me through a lot of tuff times and watchin her go is killin me and i need some help to get throw this so if some one can e mail me and give me some tips of grief that would be great thanks

I lost my baby brother to cancer on April 16, 2009. He was only 44 years old. I lost another friend on March 30th she was only 48. Those two deaths really have taken a lot out of me because they were so close together. In May it will be three years since we lost our mother. Another girlfriend has been dead five years she passed in April also. Martha said one thing that really gives me comfort at this difficult time, death is just a shadow and we do walk through it. I know that these people I loved so much and who loved me are with Jesus but there are moments when my eyes fill up with tears but I know from experience weeping may endure for what seems like a long night sometimes buy joy will come in the morning. Without GOD I could not and would not be able to bear all of this. I know he does not make any mistakes. My brother did not have any children and had never been married. It is so hard to bury someone younger than you but I thank GOD for allowing me the time HE did with my brother and my other love ones and I want to live my life so that we will be reunited again in PARADISE where there is no crying, no more dying, and no more goodbyes. I see the people I love and have lost in all the beauty GOD has given us and I try to live so someone will miss me enough when I am gone to do the right thing to see me again.

Jayne
I have asked the same question after my daughter was killed. WHY? I turned to GOD for an answer.. I know it is hard for some to understand but in my search for an answer I found that when I pray things may not turn out like I think they should, but I pray anyway. My daughter wasnt a bad girl but she was my "wild child" I prayed relentlessly for him to keep her in his grace and guide her. When they told me she was dead I knew he heard my prayers...he just had to take her to do that. I find comfort that I know where she is
My brother gave me a book called "Why?" by Anne Graham Lotz - find it and read it. Bad things do happen to those Jesus loves but know that Glory follows suffering and he wants our faith and trust in him to grow deeper and stronger.
The 1st thing my daughter ever memorized was John 3:16. HE is our only hope for everlasting life. He has your family with HIM and they are not suffering now but in that glory he promised, they are the lucky ones...please believe that. Turn your grief and anger and resentment over to him, HE will deliver you from it. Trust in HIM.
God Bless you and I pray you will find the peace and comfort you so need.......

I lost my daughter 4 weeks ago in a terrible accident. She was hit by a train. She was 20. It was a Saturday afternoon and that following Wednesday morning I awoke startled. Was I dreaming, I asked myself. Some may call it dreaming but I beleive a vision..... I saw my sweet Katie holding Jesus's hand and they were walking down the train track, she turned back, smiled at me and waved. My faith has gone to whole new level. Although we miss her very very much I cant be sad because he let me see her and let me know where she was. As a mother what more could I ask for. He revealed to me the glory he has promised us all. She is truly the lucky one. God Bless all.......

IT HAS BEEN A LITTLE OVER 7 MONTHS SINCE MY MOM PASSED FROM MALIGNANT MELANOMA AND I GOT THAT PHONE CALL FROM THE HOSPITAL TELLING ME THAT SHE DIED!!!!!! OH, HOW MUCH THAT HURT ME, LIKE BEING STABBED IN THE HEART KNOWING THAT I DIDN'T HAVE THAT TERRIFIC MOM AND GRANDMOTHER HERE WITH ME OR HER GRANDCHILDREN ANYMORE!!!! THERE IS NOT A DAY THAT GOES BY THAT I DON'T THINK ABOUT HER AND ALL THE GOOD TIMES WE SPENT TOGETHER AND HOW I MISS THEM!!!!! WHEN SHE PASSED AWAY, SHE WAS IN PAIN FROM THE BACK SURGERY SHE JUST HAD DONE A FEW DAYS BEFORE AND WASN'T CONSCIOUS DUE THE PAIN MEDICINE SHE WAS GETTING; IN OTHER WORDS, SHE PASSED AWAY PEACEFULLY IN THE LORD'S HANDS!!!!! PEOPLE SAY THAT IT ISN'T GOOD TO DWELL ON THE PAST, BUT HOW DO YOU JUST FORGET THE MOTHER THAT GAVE BIRTH TO YOU, RAISED AND WAS WITH YOU ALL YOUR LIFE?? I KNOW THAT SHE IS NO LONGER IN PAIN OR SUFFERING, BUT ALIVE AND WELL IN HEAVEN WITH HER FAMILY!!!! EVEN KNOWING THAT, IT STILL DOESN'T RELIEVE THE PAIN AND HURT THAT SHE ISN'T HERE WITH ME!!!! BUT, I SAY TO MYSELF, THAT SOMEDAY, I WILL, HOPEFULLY, SEE HER, MY GRANDPA, GRANDMA, ETC....IN HEAVEN ONE DAY AND WE'LL BE TOGETHER, FOREVER!!!!! I GUESS, IN THE MEANTIME, I AND MY 2 KIDS WILL FOREVER TREASURE THE GOOD TIMES AND MEMORIES WE MADE TOGETHER!!!!! I STILL HAVE PICTURES AND HOME VIDEO OF HER, MY 2 KIDS, ETC....SO WHEN I WANT TO REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES, I JUST LOOK AT THE PICS AND VIDEO AND THINK THAT I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HER AND KEEP HER MEMORY IN MY HEART, FOREVER!!!!!!!!!

Hello, I'm filled with grief for a different reason. I had a stroke on May 5th of 2008 and next Tuesday will be my 1 year anniversary. MY doctor informed me that I wouldn't make it through the weekend after an M.R.I., and I had to learn to walk and talk again. My right side has even been affected that I had to learn to write, eat, etc., with my left hand along with building and strengthening my right leg. I am very grateful to be here and don't take it for granted, not one bit. I have lost a lot of weight during my stroke survival and still don't fit in my work clothes all the way, but that will come in time. I even have memory issues that I'm working on every day because it is so important to me to keep learning.
The good news is that I am now walking, talking and using my right side again. I can even type and I'm using the right hand now to type. Of course, my right hand still needs work when it comes to my handwriting. I have shaking in my thumb and fore-finger. I even have some shaking in my right shoulder and trying to hold the phone with this arm, is not wise. Even holding a glass of water in my right hand isn't always wise due to the shaking and spilling of water all around me.
I'm going through a sentimental journey right now. I've wanted to cry all week and have finally opened the flood gates. Don't get me wrong, I have cried in frustration during the year but nothing quite like this. On and off I've cried for several days. I believe that I'm being cleansed of everything I have gone though during the past year. I'm not 100% yet, but I believe that GOD will provide his continued healing for my life and others.
In closing, I'm an Advocate for the American Stroke and Heart Association. I present and tell my story or testimony along with the risk factors to everyone who will listen.
I am very grateful for the help of my Speech, Occupational and Physical Therapists. I don't have to explain the work they put into getting me better and making me whole again. I thank them and my families (mine & my husbands) wholly. They are all wonderful! But most importantly, I thank GOD for all of his work,the praying, healing, inspiration, determination and motivation for me to make it through. I tell others that "He must have more for me to do." I'm looking forward to it.(smile)
Have a blessed day in the Lord!
Sincerely,

Alexis Nunley
Does Your Coffee Pay You?
www.aleikocoffees.com

I happened to come accross this message, interested and looked at the video, thanks for being there and reminding us of the words from the bible, "yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death", because grief can be found in alot of different losses, I have lost my marraige of 38 yrs, and I feel I have walked through this death and continue to walk through this 9 years later. But hearing this through your video reminded me that nothing is as bad as to the death of a person....thanks for the inspiration this morning and reminding me I am still alive and well...

June 9,2009 would have been my oldest daughter's 40th birthday. I only had two. She died on July 9th,2005. She was 36 for one month.
I wasn't aware of her illness until it was already almost too late. I say almost only because I believe in God and kept hoping that God would allow her to live a little longer. I didn't want to loose her. I wanted her here even if it meant that I was to alter my own life to keep her here. I know that God knows best but I still hurt so hard. I cry all the time...especially when things around me a not going so well or when I'm all alone and can think of no one else but her.
I may be able to finally put a headstone on her grave. I want to do it o her birthday. I am looking for some nice and comforting words to put her headstone. I've looked in the Bible and searched other places but nothing is coming up.
Her sister and grandmother ( my mother ) is hurting as much as I am. I need words to comfort all of us. We truly miss her even though we had family issues like any other family. I need something to put on her headstone that will help to ease the pain some.

Thank you in advance for all who can help me

I just don't know how to tell you how you helped me today.

I remember the day my mother went to otherside of the curtain I wasn't at the hospital but she came to me. I got so cold for such a second went into the fetal possition and she told me goodbye and cried so hard because I wasn't going to be able to smell her anymore and see her in beautiful clothes.
I won't be able to argue with her and we would have so much fun having different opinions it would get heated but it was fun. I wouldn't be able to go to the beauty parlor anymore where we would get pretty together or go to the grocery store together and get what she needed and not what my sister would buy for her and that made her so happy. We would go to a special drug store where she was able get her old fashioned things that regular drug stores just didn't carry such as Ting (which is a liquid powder that she would put between her toes because she had hammer toes).
We wouldn't be able to watch Ice Skating together even though we were in different houses we would be on the phone getting excited over the jumps they would do it was so much fun. To this day it is very difficult for me watch skating it just is not the same but I speak to my mom the entire time I am watching it but she doesn't get excited anymore and I really miss that so much.
I used to do her laundry because my sister would make a mess of her clothes so I would was the little bit of clothes she had and took good care of them but I really miss doing that because that really made her so happy that her clothes came back the way she gave them to her and I never lost them as my sister some how would do.

She did something for me that I can never ever forget she did for me when I became very ill and had to have all of my female organs removed and I couldn't go back to work for six (6) weeks she paid me my salary so I wouldn't loose my job. My sister was furious at me because she said I was using my mother and my mother set her straight. I asked her time and time again if she could do it and she told me "Yes". If she hadn't done that I would have lost my house. I could never thank her enough for that and I don't have a clue where she got that money and I never asked her because she wouldn't like that at all.

Much earlier in my life she did another thing for me of which I had no idea about this until much later in life and only because I asked her. When we came here in 1955 the Cubans came to the United States at the same time and they got everything free when it came to medical care when they went to the publc hospital called Jackson Memorial Hospital everything free as soon as the landed.
Well I became ill from my appendix and had to go to the same public hospital so my mother went to the office to get help for my bill and they refused her and mind you we are Americans. She had to a loan shark to get the money and took her years and years to pay off that bill and I never heard a thing about it NEVER because she was the greatest mother in the world.

The whole time she was taking care of all of four (4) children she took care of my dad 24/7 because he had a severe stroke and she worked outside the home as a secretary/bookkeeper and cooked and cleaned and all the things mothers do and we never heard any complaints or she getting mad or upset she held all of that inside of her so we wouldn't get upset that is the kind of Mom I had.

I don't think that I will ever find another Mom like her in the land I just don't but more than likely there is one and you are the lucky one to have one like that make sure you tell her everyday that you love her with all of heart like I do today and always will.

today would have been my daughters, debra rosemarie's 32 nd birthday.
she was stillborn april 28, 1977. they say, you will forget + go on.
but the pain is still there. i know that she is with THE GOOD LORD !
this is what gets me through each day. they tell me she was gone 24 hrs.
before they took her. i had a miscarriage 1976 0n apr. 27. which would
have meant both deaths ocurred the same day, a year apart.
i thank GOD for being brought up by good christian parents. they taught
me the value of faith and life. WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
SO FOR THOSE OF YOU STRUGGLING--PLEASE KNOW GOD LOVES YOU ! YOU
WILL SURVIVE ! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL ! THANK YOU !

I sure wish I had seen your video 8 months ago when I lost my husband.it was such a shock as he died from a heart attack.I know he is heaven and waiting for me, yet it is so lonely without him.He was a wonderful husband father, grandfather and friend.he touched so many lives.. He would do anything for others without expecting a thing in return and all the while keeping god first in his life.He is terribly missed by all and iknowthat oneday we will be together again.I thank You for your words of encouragement, I know I am not alone in feeling the pain.

I thank you so much for those words of encouragement; not only did it remind me of our very recent loss but how walking with God on earth is what I need to be doing and I just pray that I get that walk back whole heartly,There is no half stepping when it comes to God and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! God Bless you for those wonderful words! Now I ask for all your prayers to find a church to call home! Most importantly solidify my walk with Christ. Thank You In Advance! May all who are missing somebody today recieve a blessing,In Jesus Name I Pray.

Hi, I too, have lost a son! He was the 2nd of my three birth sons and was only 28 years old. I lost him to a freak accident back in June, 1998. He was such a joy, such a true blessing from God! My heart will never heal from his death, but he was a believer and I know he is with our Lord and that I will see him again someday! What a day of rejoycing that will be! I trust that all will come to know the peace of our Savior!
Thank you for this website! It's beautiful! Love & blessings to you!

Hello and God bless, I almost passed up reading this and listening to this video, but I guess you can say it was my day. I lost my dad in March 2008, my dad and I were not close, but I loved him dearly.And then on March 17,2009 God took my mom home to be with him. Now this is the hardest thing so far that I'm going through. But I know God is good, and things happen for a reason. You see my mom and I were close ( some may say too close) now I know we all have to leave this earth, but I had no idea that it would be my mom's time so soon, she would have turned 66 on June 1, 2009. She was the back bone of the family and everyone act as though this is some kind of a dream and we're going to wake up from it. My mom was loved by a lot of people, and I didn't know how much until the day of her service, when we arrived at the church there were so many people at the church. Cars were from one end of the street to the other. It was such a beautiful day, the church was full, and I was told the fellowship hall was jammed pack, they had taken all the chairs out of the felloship hall and put them in the church, but the people didn't care they were in there sitting on the floor, there were people standing around the wall, and they told us that it was twicw that many people outside and no one left everyone stayed until the seervice was over.I told my sister and my brothers that I knew we loved our mom,but I had no idea that this many people loved her like this.She was very active in the community, and all the children at church is taking it very hard now, they all loved her very much, they all called her "Mama Carrie".Some days are very hard, because I talked to my mom somtimes three and four times a day. I still go to the phone to call her.I ask God to not let me fall by the way side, because faith was very important to my mom and my grandma, which we lost her 6 years ago. So please to each of you stay encouraged and know God is an Awesome God, and even though it hurt, He won't put no m ore on us than we can bare. He too wist to make a mistake. God want angels with him, and I know when He took my mom He has a beautiful angel with him now. Be blessed and know that God will never leave us,nor foresake us, so please let's so strong, and put out trust in Him. God Bless You All.

I still cry for my Mom and Dad, and I'm 51!! I was raised to believe in God, so I do, but really, how does one believe in something you cannot see, feel or touch? I live in a city down south in Texas, where we see snow maybe once every 30--40 years. When Mom died after a very short battle with stomach cancer, I searched for some king of connection with her, I started watching joel osteen and john edwards and imagining that each of them was sending me a sign from my Mother. I started praying to God, all I wanted was to know that Mom was ok now. What I asked for, of course, was a sign. There has never been a white Christmas in my city, so if we got snow on Christmas, I knew it would be sent from God. Dad was going through his own hell without Mom and a year 1/2 later we lost him. coronary heart attack, quick. this was in may, Mom was in August the year before. On December 24, 7 months after Dad's death, this city woke up to some cold. I decideed to wear my Mom's mink coat to work. About 2:30 in the afternoon, I was looking for a card for my husband when this frenzy of customers started running to the windows to look out and I heard them
shouting "it's snowing!" On Christmas, God answered my prayers. A friend told me HE answers when HE sees you need it, and since it was going to be a hard Christmas, 1st one without Dad, this was the time to show me HE does exist and my parents are now in his home

Thank you for the "Touched by an Angel" series. That was good television

hello, i just want to say what a blessing this website is to me and i am sure for others. i lost my baby daughter teresa marie hurt on tuesday april 14, 2004. she had been sick all of het life.i cannot explain the pain that is in my heartand will remain there until i die. for as sick as she was, she never complained, she alwys had a smile om her face even when she was in unbearable pain which was 24 hours a day she was 33 years old. had 2 sons, and 3 sisters(of which one was her twin) if it had not been for god and my pastor and church family, i probably would have killed my self. when i lost my mother in 1994 i thought that was the worst pain in the world. i lost a brother and brother-in law in 2002, a son-in-law was murdered and the list goes on and on. the one thing o know is that if you believe in god and his word, you will get thru. the word of god says evn though i have to leave i will not leave you comfortless, and god is nat a man that tells lies. this is what keeps me going day after day. i do have what i call teresa moments when i just cry and get mad and all of that, then i can se her smiling face and it lets me know she is ok. she is in a place i am trying my best to get to. my daughter died of lupus and she a had severe rhuemotid arthritis, high blood pressure, and about 3 different muscle diseases and all of this started when she was just 5 years old.there were days when she couldn't walk or talk because of the arthritis. she was on steroids that swelled her up like a ballon and she was only a size 9/10 or smaller.she use to be embarressed about her cripling hands and would not clap in church because of the hands and one day god got a hold of her and told her she was perfect in his eyes and she clapped evey sunday until she died, the night she died in the hospital, they took me to the room where she was at. and i looked at her and her face wasn't swollen, her hands were not crippled anymore and her feet were not swollen. i knew then that she was already in heaven with her new body and with jesus, this is what gets me thru. my prayer is that everyone who is grieving , if you don't know jesus, or have left his presence for any reason. he is waiting for you with outstretced arms. he built the bridge between us and god with 2 boards and 3 nails. may god continue to bless you and heaven forever smile on you.

Yes and no, My wife of 29 years took the step into the arms of our Lord and Savior and I do experience the grief more often than I thought I would, yet I know of a certainty that I will see her again.

Since the time of my wifes departure from this life into the arms of our Lord, I have had 2 dreams. The first came about 2 months after.

I dreamed I entered into a large hall and there were many others present standing around engaging in conversations but all seemed to be waiting for something. As I looked down this hallway there stood a large man standing over 7 ft tall I was struck by his calming look and there standing beside him was my Loving wife she was radiant and seemed to glow she appeared as she was when we first married in her 20's. She looked at me and smiled and in the way she always did when she recognized someone she pointed at me and then raised her hand to wave. I moved in closer to her and started to say something to her when the man standing next to her stepped in between us he looked at me and said she is fine and looking forward to seeing you soon but you are not to speak to her at this time. You will join her soon but it is not for this time. Then I was awake and thanking God for this vision.
The 2nd dream was about a month later, this time we were standing together we were looking down at what seemed to be a large beautiful new home, I remember being able to see the interior from where I stood and as I looked down there was Vonnie entering the front door, so I went down and as I started to enter I found the way blocked by some unseen force. I looked in and saw her running from room to room I called out to her with tears in my eyes trying to get her attention it was then I heard a familiar voice, telling me "You can not enter yet it is not your time, You will join her soon."
Then just 2 weeks ago Saturday as I was on the Computer doing my bible study and I was just nearly done again thinking about going to bed. To my right is the main tower of my computer where I have a picture of Von and I, taken after we had been married for a yr. What happened next was supernatural, as I have done before I look at her picture blow her a kiss then I said "Good night sweetie I love you" no sooner had I said that I heard a very distinct voice from behind me "She Loves you too" the word was so comforting all I could do was thank God for this revelation it was not in the past tense nor future it was in the present tense. With the two dreams I told you about and this I believe God sent an angle to comfort me in a time when I needed it most.

Martha, You are totally inspiring in allowing God to use you for His ministry with Beliefnet! Each one encourages me so very much! Carry on, my dear sister in Him! Love, Lorie

i dont know if you got my comment

we live in Sweden have just recieved mail.1998 my daughter who was just 15 years old survived a disco fire in which 63 teenagers died and over 200 hurt. This happened october
29/30 1998 just about midnight.Life will never be the same.10 years on our wounds have not compleyely gone away but we have peace love and faith have found friends from different culturs whose childern died that terrible night these people we cherish.God never takes only away He gives back i must admit sometimes in strange ways.to all of you in pain just now hold on to that small glimer of light it will get bigger and once again fill your heart untill my thoughts and prayers are with you all.

I come from a family of 8 sibblings and a strong mother who was a rock for us all. She always found a way to make things better for us eventhough she had nothing. She was the most optimistic and prayerful person I know who always looked forward to better days to come and NEVER EVER gave up hope nor faith eventhough decades had passed with not much improvements in our lives. But suddenly, out of nowhere on August 22 my mother was tragically hit by a car and killed on the street without any of the children she so loved and cared for by her side when she took her last breath, no last words. Worse, I never even got the chance to say goodbye at her funeral because it happened back home in another country and I couldn't afford to go. Exactly 4 months and 2 days have passed and the pain of the loss only seems to be getting deeper and deeper. I try to make sense of it, that maybe there's a greater reason why God had to take her away when He did, but why so tragically without even the comfort of her last words to hold on to is oh so beyond me. Why? Why? Why? All she had was hope, faith and her children, and all we had was her and we all prayed and struggled for a time when we could give her a better life of the provision of basic needs while surrounded by all her children. But she's gone........my rock, my strength, my movitation, my inspiration, my mother, she is gone, WHY?

I just lost my mom September 9, 2008 to mastatic breast cancer.She not only was my mother, but also an acting father and my best friend. She died too young at 56.But I thank God He allowed me an opportunity to spend time with her and show her how much I loved her and what she meant in my life.And I will always cherish those memories.
The holidays are very hard for me right now and I really don't feel much like celebrating anything anymore.I feel like a pile of mush.It's getting hard for me to pull myself together.I've been trying to concentrate on other things- school, work, church.But it's not easy at all.
I can just hear my mom say-"Live and not die".And her last words she said to me were,"It's not over till God says it's over." I know that she would want me to continue to be myself as only she knew me.
My mom was a devoted Christian woman and spread God's word to everyone who would listen.She was a very affectionate person and touched lives everywhere she went.And she will be greatly missed.I can only imagine her up in heaven with her shouting shoes on dancing for the Lord. :-)
Others called you 'Auntie Lil', 'Sister Slater',but you will always be 'Mommy" to me.I love you always, your daughter-Dawna.

Always LOVED Never Forgotten - Kayla faye Brennan dob 7/10/87 - 10/5/01
on her 14th bday we were told she had 20% chance of 4 months of life due to bone cancer. She made it one week short of four months with 4 chemo treatments and 3 comas. She died the day before her make a wish trip to fly in an airplane...the same night her grandmother passed two hours after her - it was her only granddaughter with 5 grandsons.They were meant to go together. My son was a sr. in high school and enlisted in the marines before he was 18! He is home safe now! Thank GOD for the JOY I had! It has been 7 yrs now and still no grand kids! Proof has been thrown into my path(repeatedly) for we will be whole again! I believe with all my heart! Still my joy is gone- ok changed her address.
Half Dead Heart

No more merry Christmas
Hardly a thanksgiving day
No more truly happy times
Only substitute attempts at
Surviving on a dream that
The day my dead hart beats again
As one strong and free
Full of love
May never be
Its like living only half alive
The only smiles I see and laughs I hear are
Just distant memories in my soul.
There are no more special occasions
With my half dead heart.
I half hear the words “mom I love you”
I half feel the hugs of understanding support.
I have half friendships now
I half care about anything.
The half that still beats only half paced.
What is half? 50/50
No more joy only my pride to go on living day to day.
Some pray there is a day when we all join our spirits together forever.
This life is not for the whole hearted.
Like a puzzle of people sometimes we lose a piece to feel complete.
My precious puzzle was complete and my full hart beat strongly.
Lose half your hart and what do you get?
The knowledge and proof of love.

I wrote this and know that here people can feel the joy, love and pain like we all do at times when we selfishly put our needs first. Thank You for all your compassion. Maybe some of you could visit Hugsandhope.com to send happy mail to sick kids. I sent 160 cards knowing 160 smiles will result perks my heart up 160 more beats.

It's been 446 days...
or 1 year, 2 months, 2 weeks and 6 days....
it actually feels like an eternity since the love of my life took his own life.
He called me and I was upset with him for some reason (I can't even remember what it was). So I didn't pick up the phone. Seconds later, he was gone.
I blame myself. I should have answered that call. He'd still be here. And I wouldn't be alone. I can't handle this anymore. It hurts so bad and everyday it just hurts worse. It doesn't get any easier.
When does the pain stop?

Dear Martha,

such poem posting in this blog...
seems like i have read it somewhere else too.
I really like poems. they always brought memories to my thoughts.

a few words to share but a journey to remember in a life time ..

thank you-

on july 20th 2008 i lost my nephew in a quad accident he was 8 yrs old he was in geogia at the time on family vacation and was told he couldnt ride the quad one night after dinner he snuck out hoped on the quad and took off with my other nephews running after him saying tyler no. tyler lost comtrol and flew off and his head went into a tree he broke a blood vessel in his neck and had blood all in brain and was brain dead he died in my older nephews arms his cousin. the helicopter came and picked him up and took him savanna geogia where he was revived but places on life support untill his parents got and made the decisionm. a month later his great grandmother died she was really old and i guess couldnt handle his death now on oct 10th mt grandma passed away she was 87 we just buried her this past weekend oct 18,2008 which was my brothers birthday. mt grandmother died from a severe asmatha atack and heart failure. i am very close to my granma and miss her so much its hard to believe that us grand children grew up soso fast and now how lives of our own. my grandma has 10 great grandchildren ages 16 to 13 months old. luke who is 13 months old never met his great grandma because they live in ky. so this has been a horrible year for me and im suffering from gallbladder or hihatel heernia probles and wint get my car scan untill oct 30th so thats it for now hope there is nothing gfoing to happen this year i have enough god needs to take a break.starting monday i will head back to my college class and finish my course in early childhood hope you have a great day

Prayer Request,

Please pray for my daughter and her husband their names are Lisa and Yrex. She miscarried her baby boy Kaleb Nie after carrying him for 5 and 1/2 months in her womb. My daughter and her husband already have one son Jacob Ely who is 19 months old. We don't know why this miscarriage happened to Lisa and Yrex with their second child Kaleb Nie.

Thanks in advance for all your prayers for them who are experiencing so much pain and sorrow during this devastating time in their lives. Their hearts have been broken and they are now trying to get through this Tremendous Pain of not having their baby boy Kaleb Nie here with them.

Thanks Again,
Marixa Rigsby (Mother and Grandmother)

Dear Martha,
I came across this video and it really helped me. My step son was killed in a motorcycle accident this past weekend and so was the driver that hit him in the car. He was only 25 years old. This is sooooo hard on everyone especially his younger brother. Please keep us in your prayers. God only know why these things happen and it doesn't make the pain any easier to deal with. He was a good boy, but he didn't attend church reguarly and that bothers me. I know he's probably in heaven. He always did everything with his dad and he wasn't ever married. Everyone misses him sooooo much. Why did this have to happen? I lost my husband to death when he was 23. His pancreas bursted. All the close people to me are dieing and it really hurts. God take care of them.

I lost my sweet husband on July 6, 2008. After the funeral, I hardly left the house, I couldn't be around people without crying.

My son and his family decided that I needed to get out and took me to Olive Garden; my husband and my favorite place to eat. As I walked in, I had to work hard to keep from crying, but I managed. Well when we got seated, my son ask me what I usually ordered and I broke down and started to cry. I tried to keep it in check, but there was no way I could hold back the tears. Finally my son looked over at me and whispered "Mom, everyone is going to think we are abusing you." I startd to laugh and the whole family started laughing. It relly helped lighten things up.

I am so lucky to have that wonderful son..

Dear Martha:

I saw your video and you words gave me a lot of comfort. It has been two years and 1 months since my husband passed, we were married for 5 years that were filled with joy and happy moments. I feel as I was cheated since I didn't get to spend a lifetime with my soulmate and I feel so lonely now. I have buried myself on work and so many activities and don't allow myself to think about anything, which is sad because our marriage was full of happiness, but everytime I think about him and our life together I just can't stop crying. I wish I could live all my memories over and over again, but hurts so much that I cannot take it. Everyone says that there will be a time that I can think about him and not shear a tear, but these people don't have an idea what means to lose your loved one, even though I know they are just trying to help.
I'm working hard in recovering, but I know it will take time and baby steps, I will never be the same person I was before Robert because he made me whole, but I will give everything I have to live my life the fullest until God decides to take me and reunite with my baby.
I miss him so much, I miss his smiles and miss calling him on the phone, watching TV with him and simply spending an afternoon doing nothing at home, but I know he is in a better place now and that somewhat brings me comfort.
Everyday is a new day to learn new things, I have learned how to run all the household chores and pay the bill and an outnumber of things that Robert took care of, is not easy but I wanted to let other women going through the same that they can do it too. I have a very loving family that has helped me lots, especially my mom and I always thank God for that.
For everyone in this blog, the pain doesn't go away but it gets easier with time... I'm still working on my healing process, I wanted to share something that happens to me and gives me strengh to go on, a month after my husband passed I came back to my house because I was staying with friends, that very morning when I woke up I saw my husband standing next to my bed smiling so sweet, he was dressing in white and there was a bright light all around him, I know that was his way to tell me that he was in heaven with God. I wanted to share that with all of you. GOD BLESS YOU

I lost my husband in Jan. 2007. He was my best friend and the love of my life. We grew up together, knowing each other for 47 years. We would have been married for 25 years later that year. It helps to realize that I am not alone, especially in the deep depression that I have gone through. I feel like a part of me is gone. I want those women who were asking if they were losing it and feeling like they cannot go on, to get some counselling. I was lucky to have supportive and compassionate co-workers and family. Still at a year and 7 months later, I have periodic depression. I have a good Catholic foundation and believe that God has a plan and things happen for a reason. I still miss my husband so much and there have been times when I have felt like I was losing it and could not go on. I have my children and grandchild and wonderful family support. I never thought I would ever be depressed like this, but the counselling has helped. God has always been there for me, but sometimes we need someone to guide us through the hard times. My heart goes out to everyone who has lost someone they love.
God bless you all.

I just lost my Tom 5/22/08 to a brain anyerism at age 54. The shock was to much to explain but the reality was worse. I see my own grief in the messages posted but I know I have no choice but to go on and live my life for my Lord and know that some day I will see Tom again. I too cry so much, feel like I don't want anyone but my very close family around and sometimes just feel so much pain. I try to focus on what I do have left and our life was so full and he left that to me. We had a love that could not be repeated in my lifetime and I know I will always miss him but I am trying to be happy for him.
We had some really sweet words between us that morning but if I had known there were words of goodbye,well, there would not have been words to say goodbye, but I know he walked out that morning knowing he was loved and appreciated and I like to think that warmth followed him into his day. I was told he was in a great mood all day. I talked to him on the cell 20 minutes prior and then the call that they had found him. He still had his tools in his hand and a look on his face that my stepson couldn't even express. He said it was like he had just opened a Christmas package and received a gift he had not expected and was so happy. He found his dad.
It is so hard to just go on but you have to do just that. Our sweet Lord knows and shares your pain and if you ask he will give you comfort.
I have plans to finally start my own mobil photo business. I have wanted to do that for years but with my husband being an independent contractor I felt I had to work for someone for the extra benefits and security. I also plan to foster and my sweet man just didn't want to go there again. I will be 60 in about 9 months and that allows me to draw his social and also his retirement benefit from a company he worked for 25 years prior to going into his own business. This was a gift from him also. I would prefer him but the fact is I can see this as a blessing. I want to take pictures of handicapped children and other children and pets in their own enviorment. I feel like I have to make my life count and stop sitting on the fence when it comes to doing something that makes a difference in the Kingdom.
Thanks for listening. Suep

In September of 2006 we found out that my sister had breast cancer, I went and took my 6 year old grandson and cared for her for few months, leaving an understanding husband at home, she had lived 4 hours away. In November while there I found out my father too had cancer. In February 2007 I had the opportunity to spend that final week at my Father's bedside, he was in a Veteran's hospital, they gave him and myself excellant care, they insisted I ate, and rested, giving me the most beautiful room with private bath that you wouldn't even believe. As he was dying I would sing and read scripture as he had done this during our childhood, told him I loved him, and death was all about getting to go home to his maker, we experinced a moment in which even the nurses were amazed, as we cried and laughed, as death is to be joyous, knowing Jesus Christ as our savior. Then in August 2007 I lost that precious sister she had suffered many things along with her cancer she rarely slept during her illness, but those sleepless nights we spent together are now precious memories that I have of reading the word, encouraging poems, and yes even at 2am when she would ask me to just sing, I sit and smile now at that Blessing from God as he knows in which day he will call us home. I was not with her when she died, and by that I am saddened, but 2 days before she died, she could hardly breathe making it hard to talk, and I told her I just wanted to sing to her, Turn your eyes upon Jesus. If I had known she would have been gone in 2 days I would have been there, but I believe God knew and that song to her that night was her permission to go on home, from me.

HELLO MARTHA .HOPING AND PRAYING YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE IN THE BEST OF HEALTH.WITH OUR LORD BLESSING.AS FOR ME I LOST MY MOTHER 1 YEAR AND 6 MONTHS.I HAVE NOT BEEN THE SAME SINCE SHE MOVE FROM SPRINGFIELD MASS TO A BETTER PLACE.MY MOM CAME TO VISIT ME AT MY HOME IN PHILADELPHIA.WE WENT TO SEE MY SON AT JAIL.WE HAD A GREAT TIME .WHEN WE GOT HOME WE TOOK A SHOWER .ATE DINNER WENT TO SLEEP .MY MOM WOKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.TO GO TOO THE RESTROOM.WHEN SHE CAME OUT .SHE TOOK THE WRONG WAY TO THE BEDROOM AND FELL DOWN THE STAIRS.I CALL 911 THEY TOOK HER HOSPITAL WHERE MY MOM WAS FOR 1 MONTH AND PASS AWAY.SHE WAS MY 3 IN 1.MY MOM ,DAD.AND BEST FRIEND.SINCE SHE LEFT I BEEN LEFT ALONE SHE WAS MY EVERYTHING .I WISH I COULD CALL MY MOM AND TELL HER HOW MUCH I LOVE HER AND MISS HER.MY SON SUFFER SO MUCH SHE WAS HIS ANGEL.MY BABY DAUGTHER WENT THREW ALOT SHE WAS BLESSED WITH HER FIRST BABY THAT SHE NEVER GOT TO SEE.MY GRANDBABY WAS BORN 1 MONTH AGO.MY MIDDLE DAUGTHER CARRY MY MOM NAME AND HER TWO CHILDREN MISS THIER GRANDMOM.THANK YOU FOR READING MY LETTER I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU .GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.FROM DORIS (DEE)

YOU’RE A PART OF OUR HEARTS

A THOUSAND TIMES WE’VE NEEDED YOU,

A THOUSAND TIMES WE’VE CRIED;

IF LOVE ALONE COULD HAVE SAVED YOU,

YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE DIED.

IN LIFE WE LOVED YOU DEARLY,

IN DEATH WE LOVE YOU STILL;

FOR IN OUR HEARTS YOU HAVE A PLACE

THAT NO ONE ELSE CAN FILL.

IT BROKE OUR HEARTS TO LOSE YOU,

BUT YOU DIDN’T GO ALONE;

FOR A PART OF US WENT WITH YOU,

ON THE DAY

GOD TOOK YOU HOME.

Author Unknown

Thank You for the words of encouragement.I lost my first chlid ten years ago...just seems like yesterday. Oh,how my Heart aches ..I miss her so..I know She is in the most Wonderful Place, Heaven....so My Angel is also watching over all of us ,daily.My second child ask about his Sister all the time...we talk about her very often. Memories Live Forever In our Hearts ! Momma Loves & miss you ,Kristen. I will see you in Heaven !!!

I lost my father on Palm Sunday this year. He struggled with so much throughout his life. He was born in Dutch East Indies. During the war the Japanese took over. Renaming his country Indonesia. He was in a concentration camp at the age of 14. Last time he saw his father. After, He moved to Holland and joined the Dutch Navy. He then was reunited with his mothers and some siblings. Met my mother, married, moved to the United States. Where they had nine children. Now with 44 grandchildren. My father had Prostate cancer and colon cancer and won that battle. Then diagnosed with Emphysema. He struggled this last year. Unfortunately, he did not win this battle. He now is in a much better place and struggles no more. Although I had a chance to say my goodbyes. I am left empty. I loved my father so much. And, wish that he did not have to struggle for the last 10 years of his life. He was a very hard working man and a wonderful father. Now I worry about my mother. They spent every day of their lives together. They did everything together. They were an old fashioned couple. I pray that my mother will heal. Slowly I'm sure. I'm glad that she has the nine of her children, nine daughter/son in-laws, and 44 grandchildren to keep her busy. I hope for her independence. I know I have given a lot of information, it helps me this way. I guess I want everyone to know what a wonderful, and passionate man he was. I wrote this poem for him after he passed away. I will write it in the next posting. I hope the poem helps to all that grieve. God Bless To All!!!

i lost my sister in 1995 it liked to killed me because i was so close to her i miss her so much she was only 15 she died in a truck wreck i was 11 when it happend and then when i was 21 i lost my step grand mom and then when i was 22 i lost my step grand papa it seemed like the worst day of my life when my sister Shannon died because i thought she was the only one that loved me back than i got another sister Tosha we talk sometimes but we are not as close as me and Shannon is and was i lost my cousin Marie Mach of last year that was hard for me to deal with because i loved her so very much in 1997 i lost my papa i was close to him to but i know where they all are they are in a better place and i know i will get to see them one day i love all of your stories they make me smile all the time when i am sad i know i can come and listen to your stories and they will make me feel better you are so pretty keep your stories coming i want to hear from you i am a fan of yours

I lost two very important people in my life in less than six months. I lost my wonderful mother-in-law to cancer in May 2007 and my grandmother to cancer in November 2007. It has been a daily struggle for me ever since. I know that they are better off now in Heaven where they are once again whole & I find comfort in that. But it still does not stop the pain. I have taken care of my grandmother and my grandfather (who is still living) for the last 17 years. My grandparents were always there for me or ANYONE who needed them. NOONE ever referred to them by their names. It was always Granny & PaPa, even from friends & neighbors. To lose two people as special as my mother-in- law & my grandmother is extremely difficult. It's the little things that you miss the most and I will never be the same again. Not to mention my children & my grandfather. Sometimes I think they are worse off than I am. Does the pain ever go away? No but I hope with time it will get a little easier.

This message is for all of you who have lost loved ones, and especially for those who have lost a child. I lost my first child (a boy) when he was 5 years old to cancer. He died on my daughter's second birthday. I understand completely how you feel when you say that you lost the will to live after your child died. I felt the same way. The only thing that kept me going at the time was knowing that I still had my daughter and needed to be there for her. For a very long time I would look at my son's picture and tell him how much I missed him. Even now, 30 years later, I still miss him, and I still have times when I cry thinking about him. But God is good! I know my son is happy in heaven and that I will see him again some day. And God has since blessed me with 3 grandchildren who were born to my daughter, two granddaughters and one grandson. The grandson was named William after my son who passed away. And guess what! Both of the granddaughters were born on my daughters birthday! Yes, that is the same date that my son passed away. I believe that God has given back three fold what I lost. Just recently I listened to a CD and read a book titled "90 Minutes in Heaven" by Don Piper. It is a true story about Don Piper's experience when he died and went to heaven and was there for 90 minutes before he miraculously came back to earth. I recommend getting this CD or the book. It is very encouraging and uplifting. God bless all of you.

i lost my 22 yr old son 9 yrs ago. he took his own life. he was depressed. some days i feel like i just can not go on without him, but i always do. after all i saw what his death did to my other three children and i could not do that to them again. but thoughts still come. i miss him so much. his name was Christopher, and he was my first child out of four. i hope one day that i will see him again. until then there will be a piece of my heart missing because i miss and love him so.

My husband of 23 years passed 4 years ago. He was my best friend, father of our four children, lover, and all were the center of my universe. Seven months after his passing, I had heart surgery and lost our home of 21 years to hurricane Ivan. Three of our children were still living under my roof, so I experienced his loss plus experienced the "empty nest" AND no home. Talk about so much grief in such a short period. I didn't know if I would ever come back from Hell. I have and making new memories but nothing will ever replace the old ones. Rely on God. He does understand our pain. He cries with us. He came to this earth as Jesus, a human man, to learn how it feels to be human. He learned. You have to try to make our loved ones proud. Carry on for them, even when you just don't think you can make it another second. Realize that God is the cure-giver and time eases the pain. It will NEVER go away and your life is changed forever, but things do get less painful. Don't feel guilty about letting the pain go. It's okay to heal.

This is for Jill
I too lost my first born last June. I just wanted to die. I'd look at concrete overpasses when I was driving, and I wanted so bad to speed up and drive into the side of one! I just wanted to go to him. I knew my soul would be in danger if I did. I now, know that there had to be a reason, and that he is in a wonderful place. Before he died of Cancer, he gave his heart to the Lord. I held him as he took his last breath, but when he was still able to hear me, I told him that I would come to him soon and to watch for me. I miss him so, but now I want to live for my other girls, as you do. They don't want me to talk about him and that makes me feel so sad. It feels like others have forgotten that he existed. When I'm asked how many children I have,I still say three. He's still my child, and he's only away. Time here, is but a vapor.

I am a true believer in fate. I also believe that things happen for a reason. I received an email from your site. Normally I would just hit the delete button and continue on my way. I did not delete your email and I am so grateful that I didn't. I tried to read all the messages of people sharing their grief but could not see though the tears I was shedding. I lost my precious aunt Jan 3, 2008. She lived till the sweet ripe age of 95 and she was surely an angel from heaven. My mom (her sister) is 91 and she is waiting patiently to join my dad, her two sisters and all her friends. I am the true believer in the family. I believe in God and I believe that my loved ones have walked though into the arms of God and are waiting for me. I cry for my loved ones I have lost but it is tears of joy knowing they are all together in God's arms. I want all of you to know how much your stories of grief touched my heart and I truly believe that just like myself, I will one day be reunited with everyone I have loved and lost. Take comfort in the knowledge that they are the lucky ones already in God's arms without pain, or sickness. Thank you Martha for touching my heart and allowing me to express myself to others. I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers. Remeber that we are only on this earth for a heartbeat. Let the ones that you care about know how much you love them before the chance is lost. God Bless all of you.
Sincerely,
Donna Sleeman a true believer

On March 13th,2004 my mother passed away. On May 3,2004, my baby boy,
Terry passed away. I say baby boy because he was my last child. He was 37. He was the perfect child all thru his life. He was a top student in school thru college,. received his pilots license and had a job with the Coast Guard.
He was almost perfect in every way. So loving and thoughtful.
I miss them both so much. I miss being able to talk to my mother whenever something happens,. whether happy or sad. Thank God she went first, as it would have been so hard for her. I like to think that God took her first so she would be waiting for Terry when he passed away.

God bless you all who have read this site.

HEaring the words you spoke... it hit home. I lost my Mom back on 11-2-06 and this was the most hardest day I had to deal with. It started on Halloween (October 31)my Mom had not walked in over a year, she was in the hospital with a hugh sign that said "KEEP BED ALARM ON AT ALL TIMES" - we usually had a family member sitting with her around the clock because my Mom had so many different health issues going on and the nurses just didn't take the time to deal gently with her. My Dad was sitting with her on this day and he forgot his medicine at home and he asked if the nurses would watch Mom for 30 minutes and he told them why- 15 minutes later the nurses found my Mom on th floor, she had taken 4 steps by herself falling breaking her hip in 4 places and it was not discovered that she also hit her head at this time. As soon as I got home from teaching I called my Mom's room and my Dad answered and told me what happened- I spoke to my Mom for about 10 seconds and I told her I would be up there as soon as I could (I live an hour away) she told me to wait and go get my Dad some jeans for his birthday the next day and she was ok- I normally head out as soon as I would get a call on her and I didn't that day, I stayed at home and got my Dad is jeans. 12 Hours after her fall Mom started having problems breathing and it was then they noticed the bump on her head which was filled with blood. Mom was placed on life support and she was in a coma. By the time my husband and daughters drove me up to be there with my Mom it was discovered that she was given 5 times more blood thinners and her thickness of her blood was at 8.9 - since she was a CHF patient her levels should be between 1.8 and 2.2 -- 5 days earlier her level was at 2.1-- they doctors increased her meds, added new meds of which now she was taking 58 different kinds all throughout the day at different times and the nirses misread the blood thinner RX-- November 1st (my Dad's 69th birthday) my Mom went through surgery, had two holes drilled in her skull trying to relieve the pressure from her brain swelling due to her hitting her head. She made it through surgery and about 2 a.m. she had a mini stroke one after another and finally at 11 a.m. the doctors told us that she was only alive through the machine and her chances on coming out of this was zero percent. As the family and at Mom's wishes we turned off the machines. I held my Mom's hand and watched her heart line go to a flat line. She was gone. My life has not been the same - a part of me died that day - I just wanted to go with her the day she was lowered into the ground. I have four brothers and I am the ONLY girl and I am stuck in the middle of the boys. I tell everyone that I was her favorite daughter- Mom would smile so big and add "she is my favorite because she's my ONLY daughter".

Holiday is still hard especially the ones my Mom and I loved so much together. My Mom is my Angel and she is in Heaven with my Sweet Mother-in-law and a family pet named Penny. I know each day is closer on being with them all. Losing my Mom made such an impact on my life and I just cannot get certain things out of my head, and I wish I would not had listened to my Mom and had gone on up to be with her like I had always done- I'm not sure why I listened to her that day,but I have regretted it every day since. I miss my Mom so much! and the tears still flow....Gone but NOT FORGOTTEN

My beloved Mom crossed over at the end of October and it's just as you said...I want to share everyday laughs with her and miss that terribly. Thank you for your encouraging words. Just after the funeral I found this parable which also gave me great comfort. Thought I'd share: A Parable of Immortality

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship
at my side spreads her white sails to the
morning breeze and starts for the blue
ocean. She is an object of beauty and
strength, and I stand and watch until at
last she hangs like a speck of white cloud
just where the sea and sky come down to
mingle with each other. Then someone at
my side says, “ There she goes ! ”.

Gone where ? Gone from my sight … that is
all. She is just as large in mast and hull
and spar as she was when she left my
side and just as able to bear her load
of freight to her place of destination.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone at my
side says, “ There she goes ! ”, there are
other eyes watching her coming and other
voices ready to take up the glad shout, “
Here she comes ! ”.

Henry Van Dyke

This video will help me plus others that ask me for prayers. I lost my best friend in 1982 and I still miss him. It still hurts, but this video reminds me that he is joyous now instead of pain. That person was my dad!!Praise the Lord!!

Dearest Martha,
Shalom!
I am 42 years old and a mother of four and also a HELPMATE to my husband who is also a minister of the Gospel since he was 20 years old.
I just want to share my thoughts how you have blessed me today in hearing and watching you shared how you "missed" so much one of your friends who passed away.But because we still can see them again to our FINAL HOME in heaven we should not loose HOPE.
I am so thankful and grateful to God for your life!I can really see that there will be more hearts and soul be touched and comforted by your admonitions!
My Dearest Mom who was 75 went home with the LORD last Dec 27,2007.I tried to be very strong at this time knowing the fact that I can never hug her and share to her all my answered prayers and how God moves in my children's life at thier young ages.SHE is far more better than all of us who are still living and fighting our good fight of faith here.And indeed fighting our good fight of FAITH is the only way we can also reach our MANSION in heaven without any MORTGAGES to worry of.
I became a christian since I was 19, my Mom was my ROLE MODEL of who I am now.She taught me how to be an intercessor and how to understand others all the time.
My HIDING place aside from the presence of the LORD JESUS in my life is her heart who always listens to me when I call her on the phone.It hurts me so much because I was not there with her when she passed away.I know that everything has a purpose,and God has His reasons and they are all for our good.
I have a family of my own to take care of,my husband and my children,that I know.But at this time,as if I need to be taken care of in a very special way.
There are still times I can't hold on but tears just fall down from my eyes and sometimes really sob and never stop crying.
My Mom surrendered me to God after I married my husband because she knew that I will be travelling a lot with my husband in sharing to the world the Good news of God.I came from a big family of 7 in the Philippines and our Mom raised us loving the Lord and serving Him even in any ways we can.Glory to God!
God brought us this far in the United States since 2002 serving Him.We had a lot of trials for the past 5 years but the JOY of the Lord remains our STRENGTH!
Thank you for reminding me today for PSALMS 23.
I know I will also pass that valley of death one day in His appointed time,and I will fear no evil because His Rod and His Staff they will comfort me.
I am still grieving,grieving in the sense I will miss my dearest Mama so much but I am at peace because I know she is now with our Maker and there will be no more sorrow ,no more tears and no more pain that she will suffer any longer.
Again,from the bottom of my heart,Thank you so much for such a heart that you have in making yourself a blessing to others!
God Bless and keep you and let His face shine upon you!

In His Love and Mine,
Connie

I can relate to Beth's message on Jan 22, 2008 at 8:27pm

I too don't remember giving my Daddy a hug when he left from my Grandmother's house after her funeral. He looked so good that day but I try to remeber over and over again, I didn't tell Daddy bye before returning to my home 3 hours away, I remember he said he was going on back to the house but I can't remember giving him that hug...How I wish, How I wish, I could go back. Although I did talk to him on the phone a few days later to let him and Mama know I was bringing the Great Grandchildren to see them around the 28th of July, ONLY it turned out He died after 14 days from a stroke and heart attack and we buried him the 29th ....That was 5 years ago and I still miss him so....I miss him for my Mama too, She is broken, her love of her life, the other half of her, I cry for knowing she is in so much pain too.....A man who love to laugh, tell stories that would make you laugh, unconditional love. There are 6 sibilings going thru different phases of greif. I have learn to respect each of my brothers and sisters feelings. Holidays are hard for 45 years we were all together, thinking back those days were so perfect yet I took them for granted. I want it back but I know I must go on for my family. My heart hurts knowing that my Grandchildren will never know my Daddy like me. I do keep him alive by talking about him to the children. Showing them pictures. Thanks for listening.

After reading the posting, I know I am not alone and can relate to others as we walk thru our daily lives.

I lossed my only child May30,2007 due to suicide this was so unexpected. I still can not believe it. I can not except this. We where so close talked everyday. He was 22yrs. old and everything to me. I miss him so much I am tired of the pain the tears I cannot cry anymore I think of him every minute of the day.

I hav been married for 21 years ith my latin wife that I met in Chrch in 1986 on Tankiving Day. The next day I prposed and she said yes.
I hav lost 2 granmothers a mother and father plus three diters 4 Aunts an d two Uncles since the age of 23. Gone but not forgotten is the way I will always remember them.

Thank You and Gods Blessings to Us All.

Martha has provided here the most comforting, uplifting, inspirational and heartfelt message regarding grief I have ever watched. Thank you, Martha, and thank you Beliefnet. God Bless you and yours.
-John Pierson

My brother Ricky was like my best friend. He was funny and smart and just a blast to be around. He was older then me and I remember that he used to tease me constantly when I was a little girl. He made fun of all my sister's. But we would all laugh. We knew how much he loved us. The last time that Ricky and I were together he took me camping in the desert. I think that I had the best time in my life. I was 15. 2 week's after the camping trip my brother was hit by a drunk driver while he was riding hie motorcylcle. He lived for 4 day's. The doctor came and told us the worst news that I hope that I never have to hear again. He said that Ricky's brain was dead. They asked my brother's 25 year old wife if she wanted to turn off the machine that was living for my brother. She had to sign the paper that would end the life of her husband and my wonderful funny and sweet brother. It took less then 30 second's for my brother to be pronounced officialy dead. 30 second's. This wonderful life force. This man that could ligt up a room by merely walking in. Gone in 30 second's. I couldn't make sense of anything. I was angry at my brother's wife. I was angry at the man that hit my brother and never even bothered to say "I'm sorry". I was angry at my parent's and I don't even know why. But I was the angriest at God. How could this God have done this?? How could this God that was supposed to be so good take this wonderful happy young man away?? I was angry for year's. My teenage year's were spent getting in trouble and taking drug's. I took the drug's to numb the pain and empty hole that I had in my heart. I never thought that I would ever stop being angry. But one day I met a man named Joseph. He was handsome and had the brightest smile and best sense of humor that I hadn't seen since Ricky was alive. Joe asked me out after 2 week's. I was comfortable enough to tell him about Ricky and how I was angry at everybody and mostly God. We talked for 8 hours. We just sat in his car and talked. I cried and Joe cried. He told me that night that there is a reason that God chose Ricky to go home with him. He could tell me why. But he knew there was. This was the first night in year's that I actually felt happy. I knew that night that I was in love with Joe. I alos knew that the same God that I was so angry with had given me such a wonderful man. He had brought Joe into my life. That was 26 year's ago. I'm still with Joe and I still thank God for bringing this man into my life. I still miss Ricky and sometime's I still cry when I think about him and miss him. But I know that Ricky is up there in Heaven looking down at me. I also know that one day Ricky will meet Joey and maybe we will even be able to go camping some place in Heaven. Don't ever waste your time being angry. I really know as a fact that you'll be wasting your time.

I was so glad to see this website on grief caused by the death of a loved one. My heart was broken 2 months ago when my husband unexpectedly died. I miss him so much. We had such a wonderful life together, and now I feel so alone. I also have such guilt. He went to take a nap, so I just let him sleep all day. My daughter went in to check on him around 4:30pm, and he was dead. I wished I had checked on him earlier in the day. He would still be here with me now.

Thank you, Martha, for your words of encouragement, for we need those constantly. Faith and grace and hope, on which our foundation stands as we go through life, can suddenly and excruciatingly become questions rather than answers in suffering loss. Our precious 24-year-old son, Jordan, was killed in a tragic accident September 2004. This journey I was thrust into meant traveling through sadness I knew existed but never believed I would experience.

So far God has shown His faithfulness.....to me. Just as you shared, He says He will never leave us and He hasn't. He's close, always, even when I feel alone and disparing. When I question who He is and why this could happen He just holds tighter.

I look forward to hearing your words. As you know, we cling to everything that makes us feel better, even temporarily. Layer upon layer of God's grace is what I trust will eventually glorify God and give me all the assurance I need until I am able to hold Jordan again.

Thank you, Martha
Paula Hendrick, South Carolina

I am truly grateful for coming across this site this evening. I too have lost all of my "core" family members. The last person I lost was my little brother, Gary. His death has been hard on me and I figured out why. I was supposed to go before him, not the other way around. But MY GOD had different plans for Gary and I now understand that.
I was quite fortunate to take care of each and every family member I had as I was their "healthcare" giver. I was able to keep each of my family members out of the nursing home and care for them in their homes. They died in their own home. Daddy and Gary died in their beds, Mother died in the hallway. My other brother, Scott, was murdered and I was there at the hospital to be by his side. He had brain damage so there was no hope for Scott. I do know that all of my family is together and they are all HAPPY.
I have come to the conclusion that it is us that suffer, we who are left here on Earth. This year I made a NEW RESOLUTION. I have decided not to grieve my family anylonger. I am sure they are tired of looking "down" on me crying for them. I realize that where they are is the place I want to be. They will be waiting for me and there better be a HUGE PARTY for me when I get there.
For those of you that have had a recent loss, I offer my condolences from my heart as I KNOW the pain that you are going thru. I want to assure you that in time it gets easier, it truly does. You may not believe me at this present time as you are hurting so badly but TRUST ME, time helps.
As most of you know, we are sent down to Earth to LEARN a lesson, whatever that lesson may be. When someone dies the first thing I think of is that they are an EARTH GRADUATE. Keep that saying with you, it will help. It has helped many during my lifetime.
God Bless all of you that have lost and are hurting, TRUST GOD, HE will get you thru this. HE helped me.
BLESSINGS, Donna

I lost my Mother 1997. Somehow, I knew that Mom was well aware that her days were numbered. That particular week, she asked for a visit from her grandchildren, and she requested that I take her to church the Sunday before she died. It was so terribly hot that day. I tried to convince her into skipping church that Sunday, and I would take her the following Sunday. She adamently insisted that she go that day! Well, the next day, on Monday, Mom passed away. Mom was a dialysis patient. I took her in for treatment 3 days a week, and spent the weekends with her. Fifteen years earlier, she called me at work to have me come by her house. When I got there, she sat me down and went over all of her insurance papers and other important documents. She told me that out of all her kids (I was one of 15 children), she felt that I was the one who would handle the business without breaking down. I was wondering why she chose me, the youngest one, to do this. Well, when the time came, I jumped right into motion and planned a beautiful service. I even eulogized her. I brought up stories of how much fun she was as a mother of so many kids. How she and my Father handled all of us kids still amazes me. She was a phenomenal woman. After Dad's passing, she still kept all of us kids clothed and fed.

I remember as a child that I asked my Mom if she would please come back to see me after she died and went to Heaven. She promised that she would. Well, I finally got my visit about 2 yrs. after she died. I asked her what took her so long, and she told me that she was busy "working". This is funny, because my Mother was a stay-at-home Mom. She never worked outside the home. She had the most amazing angel wings - - - so beautiful. She smelled fantastic! Mother explained to me that she was a "facilitator", and was still doing God's work. That was eight years ago. I felt so much better after our reunion. My siblings insist that I was dreaming. I let them think whatever they want. I know that Mom visited me. When I woke up, I could still smell her presence - - - -

DEAR MARTHA,
I STUMBLED ACROSS YOUR SITE THIS MORNING AND I AM GRATEFUL I DID. MY STORY STARTS PRETTY MUCH THE SAME AS THE OTHERS. MY OLDEST DAUGHTER OF 3 WAS TAKEN HOME TO BE WITH THE LORD ON JUNE O5, 2007. SHE WAS KILLED IN A CAR ACCIDENT THAT ENDED HER LIFE INSTANTLY. NO WARNING, NO GOODBYES. SHE HAD JUST GRADUATED AND HAD SO MANY DREAMS FOR HER FUTURE. SHE WAS A LIVELY AND CARING YOUNG LADY. HER DEATH DEVASTATED EVERYONE AT THE TIME. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THE YEARS I HAD HER. SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND. MY SOULMATE. BEING A SINGLE MOM SHE WAS EVERYTHING AND THEN SOME TO HER LITTLE SISTERS WHO ARE 13 AND 10. I DIDN'T KNOW I COULD EVER SURVIVE THIS OR CRY THIS MUCH. I FEEL GUILTY LIKE SOME OTHER READERS DO THAT IF I AM HAPPY FOR EVEN A MOMENT IT IS LIKE I AM ACTING AS IF IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. I WANT TO BE HERE FOR MY DAUGHTERS AND FOR ME. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE LOST SO MUCH OF MYSELF AND I AM ALONE EVEN THOUGH THERE IS NOT A DAY THAT GOES BY IN MY LIFE THAT SOMEONE DOESN'T HUG ME AND ASK IF IM OK. IT MEANS SO MUCH ALL THE SUPPORT I HAVE BEEN GIVEN AND I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU FOR ALL THE PRAYERS AND THE LOVE EVERYONE HAS SHOWN US. I PRAY THEY ALL KNOW I AM GRATEFUL EVEN THOUGH I MAY NOT ALWAYS BE WITH IT. I AM STILL HERE AND I WANT TO FULFILL GOD'S PURPOSE FOR THIS TRAGEDY IN OUR LIVES. IN CASSIES LIFE AND DEATH MANY PEOPLE'S HEART WERE CHANGED FOR THE BETTER AND IF NOTHING ELSE COMES OF IT THE DIFFERENCE SHE MADE IN OUR LIVES WAS TRULY A BLESSING. WE LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH MY PRECIOUS ANGEL.

Dear Martha,
I loved Touched By An Angel. Will there be a reunion episode?

Dear Gretchen,
Your experience is one that is repeated too often in this world, there seems to be an over abundance of pain and suffering in so many lives today; and yet, there is such a shortage of friends like your Linda! I sense in your post that the "seed has been planted in your heart" to be to others as your friend was to you. I pray the Father gives you the resources to do so and He will. Keep me posted on how things unfold for you.
SJ

My Dear Martha and to each of you who have had a loved one leave this life as we know it:

You remember when Jesus appeared to the disciples in the Upper Room, where was He before He appeared? You remember the excitement of the news as they shared with Thomas that He had risen, what was Thomas' reaction? "I will not believe until I touch the nail prints and His side." What happened? Jesus appeared to Thomas, knew what He had said and invited Him to touch the places where the nails were placed and the spear had pierced His side. Jesus did not leave Thomas in his unbelief; wherever Jesus was, when He was not visible to Thomas, He was close enough to know his doubts and his heart.

When my Dad left to go to home, the Lord comforted me with the experience that Thomas had and the knowledge that if our loved ones are with Him and He is with us, then they cannot be far away. To feel His presence brings us close to those we love. My prayer for each of you is that you will feel His presence in a special way that let's you sense the nearness of your loved one.

As I listened on this I was inpsired I got numerous losses of my family Febuary 8, 2003 was my mother passed away and one month after was my father and a year after was my son who died in a tragic death while he was on board on the ship in South Africa in Durban,the most painful thing was that we have been texting that was March 29,2004 and two days I received a call from the manning agent my son died.I first I wasn't able to accept what have happened,but I taught myself that everything there is a season and a reason.I always read and heard people where are in grieve because through them I becaome stronger and prayers helps me a lot so the this coming March 26 will be my brithday and this was the months I lost my beloved ones.thank you very much for inspiring us.God bless.

Is it such a good idea to spend much time thinking about the afterlife when there are things in this world to solve. Whatever the condition of a loved one's exit, we should only concern ourselves with what is best for the living. Nobody on the planet can even claim to have an inkling about how the afterlife works.

Today Tim and I would be (are) married 20yrs. He is waiting for me someplace else. Very nice full of mountains to hike where the trees are tall and green be on are wildest dreams. Bears are not threathened wolves can live with man.Yellowstone is neverending and summer is on one side of the stream and you can walk over to the other side and find winter with snow so high and beautiful.Best of all when I go to sleep at night it is again in his arms (like I used too) with him playing with my long hair.He is telling me I am beautiful and he loves me. I also dont have MS anymore. Yes this is how I WILL spend THIS year.This our anniversary. I love you Tim Rediger. Alway will, Your wife Sue

I like some of the comments on the blog. I feel sad today. I lost my wife to breast cancer on November 16th. I can't stop shaking. I can't sleep or work. I am on medication which only takes the edge off my pain. I am trying to pray! I can't even make it to church because I continue to cry.

My son Michael was murdered in 2005, at a friends party. Gang members decided to crush the party and shot into the crowd at the party and only our son got hit in the head, he passed away 16 hours later. I still find it hard to believe that all this has happened. We will be going to trial some time this year. They arrested 3 young men who done this violent crime. Thanks for your encouraging words.I all happened so sudden here one minute and gone the next.

How amazing that I saw Martha's video on grief, on this the 29th anniversary of my son's death. Jamie was 15, and had cystic fibrosis. The doctors then told us it was a miracle he lived past six years of age, because then the treatments were not available that are used now. I think the advancements have been quite wonderful, and someday, there will be a cure. He was a most wonderful boy, and all his 3 brothers and 4 sisters literally loved him, and each other, in a most incredible way. Knowing that God has His reasons, and we always try to obey and be faithful does not lessen the grief in the beginning. I still miss him dearly, as do many family members, but his life was so beautiful and special, and he came to us for a reason, we all know he was born for heaven at an early age. I truly understand the incredible pain at the loss of a child, and pray that God will wrap His great big arms around every one of you who is suffering so deeply, and hold you close to His loving heart forever.

My husband also passed away on January 19, 1997, after suffering incredibly for 3 years with a rare form of cancer. He also was heroic, never complaining, and I am forever grateful that my daughter and I were able to take care of him 24/7 for all that time, right here at home, even on the day he died. Knowing that the dear father and son are happy in heaven, with no more pain or suffering, only joy, sustains my daily living. I work, pray, and try to help others in any way I can, because they were such blessed and good people, I try to follow their example daily. May God richly bless all of you forever, in both your sorrows and your pains.

I have a brother James I havent seen in 19 years until this past June of 2007. He died a very tragic death he fell from a 4 story building. He was under construction job at the time .All i can see is him falling and lying on the ground.Ive been praying for years to be able to hold him to let him know how much i love him.God has some reason not to answer that prayer so far i dont understand.When i first heard of his death I at first I was concerned about his soul.And i still am.I did with gods help got 1 chance to speak to him I thank God for that It gave some closesure but i miss him so much.You feel like a part of you died with them.I ask for all your prayers and from others who reads this. God Bless all whos also going through grief. jackie .L. Wilmington NC.1-7-2008

Thank god for all the comments i had the pleaser to read today. I lost my oldest sister to lung cancer 4 years ago i can't tell you how unhappy and lonly i felt without her and still do we were surpose to grow old together. Now i'm turning 50 in 2 weeks and she's not here.after she passed i was so mad at her for dieing she was only 46 at the time of her passing. I belive she is going to see our lord she loved him so much as i do! i belive in my heart and soul we will grow old together just not now.I do miss her and we will be together again some day. God Bless each and every person that ever lost a love one.

God Bless!! Donna Clark

I just lost my dad on December 21. I am a daddy's girl and have been very lost without him in my life. I can't dream about him, see him in my thoughts nor as hard as I think about him, I can't picture him in my mind. My mom married him when she was 16 and they were married for 38 years. She is so lost without him. Why can't I talk to him? I love and miss him dearly. I have told everyone this and I will say it toy ou, My whole life growing up through all my trials and trubulations, laughter, tears all. My dad havs never made me mad, hurt me, upset me, turned his back on me. Even when the world was lonely for me, I always had my dad. His death has hurt me more than anything in my life, even going through cancer treatments, having three kids, everything. My dad has always been here for me, and I will miss him and I don't know how to deal with his death. Can you help me and my family? I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you
Lonely Heart in Savannah, GA
April Collins

As I look up to see,
I pray for those who are in need,
As I look up to see,
thats why they call you the King.
As I look up to see,
I am for sure you wear the RING,
As I look up to see,
I know whats going to become of thee,
As I look up to see,
You know you follow me,
As I look up to see,
I know you get closer to me,
As I look up to see,
there's nothing really to see,
As I look up to see,
you've always been with me,
God, Jesus & the HOLY Spirit.
Jessica Patterson (Sissy)

I feel your sadness and know the feeling of why keep trying when it is all going wrong in my life and with my ffamily i just returned to after 3 years of not speaking. I now realize how it broke my mothers heart and caused my dad too much pain to take.I was and am thankful every second to be home and start healing .The first weeks were ok but now i hear myself saying horrible things in response to my mom being ashamed of me for my mistakes.It happened when my parents gave me a huge business reponsibility and i lost priceless papers inherited from my dads brother.he always beleived i could do it,yet i lost the paperwork that ended up causing us to lose everyhting financilay.I know i dont desreve forgiveness from them and feel that maybe they would be better offf if i was out of their life. I try to do pray for guidance but i have my flaws and it hurts to know your own parents wish for peace and life without me in it to remind them of the beautiful ,smart daughter who grew up to be a total loser .I feel like dying to see my mom and dad in pain and yet most days are filled with arguments and blame.i try to know God is with me but just when one thing is going ok ,it all crashes down.I left my abusive boyfreind adter he almost killed me and dont wan to go back to him. I pray that someday my parents will at least know i love them so and know i made a terrible business mistake that caused all this suffering .I am so tired in my heart,i wake up and go to bed thinking of my failure and the happy momens are erased as i realize the great sorrow i caused.

Thank you for your message today. I lost my husband May 16 2005. We keep pictures of him around, and talk about him often. At first it was so hard, my two older daughters thought it might be best maybe to not talk about him because I was so sad and would cry. The crying is cleansing, it needs to happen. Now, we can remember things that happened, places we went and fun times we shared, and laugh. I also have a 15 year old, and I want her to have good memories of her Dad. He was a wonderful husband, father, grandfather, brother son and friend. He was my best friend and husband for 35 years. I will always love him, and miss him, and I still wear my wedding rings, to honor his memory. My only consolation is knowing he is up in Heaven, no longer suffering, and he is our guardian angel. Exactly one year later, my younger brother, 41 yrs old died from kidney failure. He was born with only one kidney and it was undersized. He did not find this out until 6 months before he passed away, on May 16 2006. I know he is also up in Heaven and no longer suffering. I miss them both so terribly.

For Jill - As another mother who lost my first born, I have to tell you that you are not a failure as a mother. Your daughter who donated her marrow did not let her sister down. You did all you could. Medicine is not an exact science. Try to forgive the doctors and yourself. God takes our children for His army in heaven ( Book of Wisdom, Ch. 4 )before they are corrupted by this world. My husband and I turned our focus to our remaining son, because the living child needs you more than the one God has called home. So lavish your remaining daughters with attention and all the love you have. God has a plan for them, too, and it includes you to help them to find it. We have our good days and our bad ones and we can say, "I am sad today." That brings us closer to one another and gives the loving support from within the family. Your daughters miss their sister too. Just because you miss the dead, doesn't mean you love the living less. Tell your girls that. And try to get through today. God Bless!

I miss my husband so much. Its been more than 7 years. Our wedding date is coming up this early January,when does this life altering pain numbing pain stop and begin to lift. He was killed one rainy June morning. I was only 38. I had been dx with MS 2yrs before and we always lived good after that.I was a very successful RN and thought everything bad had just happened to us so now we could survive the rest. But one rainy morning he was killed and know I am frozen. Sorry for the grammar but I cant see again through these tears.

Thanks Ms.Martha,It's like you were speaking right to me.My mom passed away from this life as we know it,on Oct20,last year.Funny i use to call her Martha or Marty for short but her name was Peggy.I miss her so bad my heart hurts,when you said "left behind" i felt a lump, then the warm tears start to flow.I feel i can't talk to no one because their moms are still alive.Death feels empty inside.At frist,my faith was tested..What do you belivie Kay i ask myself.Heaven is it paved with gold,are angels with my mom,was anybody there to greet her,is she happy&o.k.???????Did GOD let her in?Why have i not dreamed of her?Saw her anywhere?Felt her?We were very close.I wanted to lay down and die with her!!!I guess a part of me did.I pray,help others,give of myself..No relief..When does it stop?Who do you tell? Sometimes i wonder 18months later i'm i having a break down,some days are better than others.Thanks from the bottom of my heart for this post it let me know i'm not alone.May GOD bless,keep doing His will..Ms. Kay

I just watched your video on grief. God works in mysterious ways and I have always known that. I am going through a deep depression right now. We just lost my third and last brother this past April to liver disease. We lost three brothers in the last three and a half years. The first two died nine months apart. My husband has been deployed for the second time since January 10, 2007. My middle son just told me about two weeks ago to leave him and his wife alone and that he wants nothing to do with me and that was the last straw for my emotional state. I have never been a controlling mother and allow my three sons to make their own choices and mistakes for I believe that is how they will grow. My daughter-in-law seems to have told my son many lies and of course he believes her and that is okay, that is his wife. What hurts so much is this is my child. I will not know or enjoy my two beautiful grandchildren. I had always helped them when they needed help for they were so young starting out and struggled financially. My son had always excelled and was taught values (I believed) such as the importance of God and then family. I taught my children that everything we have today is because of God. Nothing happens without Him. I feel lost. My bible lays right on my nightstand. I think of God most of the day everyday. I think of the prayer "Footsteps" and I know he is there. My niece told me the other day, "Auntie Terri you are one person who I know has such a big heart for everyone but yet you suffer so much emotionally." I don't know what to make of that. I have a history (a long time ago) of suicidal attempts x 2. After my second brother died the ideations returned however I called someone. I was just having one of my deep crying episodes about 2 hours ago and when I checked my email I watched your video. I don't want to sound ungrateful to God because he has showered us with many blessings. Sometimes I wonder if the devil is trying to make me lose faith like what happened to Job. I don't even have the energy to go to church anymore and I was a faithful member in the church. I feel God may be angry with me for that. Thank you for letting me write my feelings and story.

Your message today made me realize that we all suffer our losses very similarly. When you said you think of something you'd like to tell the person that has passed, I thought, that is exactly when I feel the saddest - when I think of something that the person (in my case persons) would enjoy hearing. Those are the moments that make me feel low. I enjoyed your comments today and will continue to listen for more. Thanks.

Thank you for sharing your feelings of grief. We lost our husband/Dad almost four years ago. The Holidays are always the worst. We have a strong faith, have placed him in our hearts and cherish the good memories. Messages like this are so heart warming. Thank you!

Hello martha williamson.my name is jacob ttaiwo oguntunwae and i`m mailling from nigeria.
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Dear Martha, thank you very much for the show Touched by an Angel, it was one of my favorite shows. I know what it is like to lose someone I lost my husband on Feburary 17, 2007, it was one of the hardest days of my life. I was there when he died along with so many others who had gone before him, all waiting to take him home. It has been a long hard road they say time heals all, I can't say that I agree it was 22 years ago that I lost my father who at the time was only 55, I still morn his passing. My only relief in all this is knowing that by God's word I will see them again some day, and that they are whole once again and no longer in pain. I believe that is something that we all must try to understand as much as we love our family God loves them more and that they are no longer suffering, and we will see them again. Thank you and God bless..

I really am at a loss right now as to why I am writing a comment. Holidays are so very hard on me and I dread them every year. My father passed away on New Years Eve nine years ago and I still haven't gotten over his death. His birthday is Dec. 23 and his death day Dec. 31. I lost my hero. I lost my friend. I lost my father. He always told me "not matter how old you are Jody you will always be daddy's little girl until the day I die." I'm still daddy's little girl at 51.

I will never forget the night he died. I had spent four days and nights (alone, not my brother or mother)at his side in the hospital. They never found what was wrong with dad or what he died from. Anyhow that last evening dad was on the upswing and he told me to go home and see my family and spend the evening with them. After much arguement I agreed (comfortable that everything was ok). At 1:08 A.M. the phone rang and it was my brother saying dad had died. I was devestated that I was not there with him. He was doing so well. Not that I find peace in this but in my heart I know my dad knew he was coming to an end. I know that he did not want me to experience his death because it would cause me such great pain. He wanted me to be with my family and in the warmth of my home. He wanted me to be happy. I know this. I miss my daddy so very much still. I cannot think of him without crying! I talk to him everyday and always finish my conversation telling him I pray that when my end on earth comes that I will join him in heaven. I can only pray.

Another holiday season has passed and I made it through it. I really don't know how because my life is in much turmoil now. I am "on the fence" teetering!!! The only thing that keeps me from "falling" is thinking of my dad. How unselfish he was to me. How sad he would be if I jumped off that fence!

I love you daddy and I miss you!!! Did I ever tell you that you're my hero?

Thank you Martha for your words of encouragement. I'm sure God sent me to your video today because it's been an extraordinarily difficult week. My only child, Brittany (17-1/2) died October 13th 06 after having a grand mal seizure. I watched as they did cpr 4 different times in PICU. The 4th time - I stopped them and said enough. She is no longer here. I new because God gave me time between the 3rd and 4th code to sit and pray over her. I knew he wanted her home. I prayed for healing - she got the ultimate healing - being in God's arms. No more suffering. She'd been ill since age 1 after having encephalitis. Now it is me that suffers so. My faith has never been stronger, but I struggle with my purpose here now. I am not married and have no other children.

This was not my first loss. My 48 yr mom died while I was 7 months pregnant with my daughter. She was my best friend. Then 5 years later my grandmother died.

Gabriell thank you for expressing so accurately how I feel. Sometimes it's hard to put it into words. and Angelia that you for reminding me I do have a purpose to help others going through this type of loss.

May God Bless You All
Malissa

I don't know why I clicked on this this morning but I hope what I have to say will say will help just one person. When you lose a child the hurt will never go away I don't care if it is 1 day or 1 year or 10 years I lost my son 19 years ago Dec.16 and it was just like yesterday but Gods grace hold me up. I look back and see His hand on my life and if you who ever you are if you will put your trust in Him just take a mintue and look back and see how He has put His arms around you and walked with you through the dark days . I know it doesn't seem like He is there when we are going throught the dark times but He is. Every day I think of my son and miss him so much but I was never mad at God I never blamed Him He only load him to me for a few days here and I enjoyed him while he was here.That is what I tell every young mother and young father please enjoy them while you have them. But God has been teaching me though all this.And this is something you all can do and it will help you with your grief and it will help others. When I hear of a childs death I wait and pray ask the Lord what I can do to help that mother I go to the store pick up a THINKING OF YOU CARD and at the right time a week a month even two months I will send it to them. I just write in it what I feel it is a personal note to one mother to another.you would not beleive I have had mother and fathers setting on my couch when I come home talking with my husband full of tears hearts broken but needing someone that know how they feel to talk with. God has given me many friend like that and He has given me the Grace to help me through the good times the hard times and you mothers with hearts so broken thats going throught the hard times and dark days He will pick you up in His arms and hold you until the dawn. HIS GRACE is what will see you thought .

Dear Martha
You message was beautiful and keeps me in touch with memories of my mother and younger brother. We missed them very much this holiday season. Your words are very encouraging.

I lost my 19 year old daughter in April. She was the love of my life and my very best friend. Her loss has left me in a strange place. I feel like I am standing on a big rubber ball trying to keep my balance.

Somedays I lean a little more towards the sadness and have to try to right myself, those are the hardest days, because I miss her so much.

Somedays I lean towards anger, and God and I have it out.

Somedays I am just quiet and reflective.

Somedays I lean toward a new begining, those are scary days. There seems to be some comfort in holding on to the pain and grief. Moving forward feels like forgetting.

My faith was strong, and I was not afraid for her to die. At the end I just wanted her pain and suffering to stop. I knew in my heart that we were connected at a soul level and I would just lose her body, not her.

When she died the hum and beat of her disapeared inside me and was replaced with a silence I can not describe. For a long while I lost my faith. I felt God had taken my daughter and deserted me. Then I felt there was nothing where I thought there was everything.

I have chosen to step gently back on the path and walk the journey I was put here to navigate. God knows my heart and forgives me everyday for asking him the questions he must be so tired of. He forgives me for being angry and for wanting to leave this life behind sometimes.

I think you can walk away from what you believe but it will never leave you, it just follows a couple paces behind you waiting for you to need it again.

The death of a child is the worst possible pain a mother will ever endure. Living with that pain, because it never goes away takes bravery and faith.

My faith is non-traditional but I believe prayer is prayer. I pray that the people who have written here who have experienced this loss know that they are not alone. You are in the company of people who know and understand this pain, we all share the same life boat. We all have an oar and we are all quietly trying to find are way through this ocean of tears.

The universe embraces us, we are held close, our children are just a breath away and they will be in the everywhere with us when we are done with our work here.
Gabriell

My mother, my best friend died 6 months ago of brain cancer. She was so healthy for years. Then on Christmas of 2006 she acted like she had had a slight stroke. SHe never wanted to go to the Doctor. SHe always had all of our kids and helped us raise them. SHe finally agreed to go. The Dr. agreed that she had a slight stroke, but wanted a cat scan. I went with her to get the test. God placed a special angel from she there and she allowed me to walk clear back with her. SHe even told my mom she would not have to stay. (She wanted to get back to all herr grand kids) Well, it wasn't long before the angel from church came out and said it wasn't good. They called the person that reads the scan to come and talk with me. I was shocked.They let me use the phone to call my other brothers and sisters. They wanted me to let the ambulance take her to the other hospital here in town to admit her.MY heart sunk. This was my best friend, this was my mommy, this was the person that was more my twin than my real twin. We spent so much time together. I tried to remain calm. How do you do that. I wanted to scream and shout. Life is not fair!! WHy Lord??? Why can't you take some one that is on the street and no one is there for them. Mom was the glue that kept the family together. No!!! Well, we had to tell her they needed to do another test at the other hospital. She then became a flight risk. I took her out against every ones wishes and let her smoke. SHe had always smoked and what would it do now. The Doctors seemed to take forever and lots of test(brain surgery) even to confirm that she had type 4 brain cancer. She just wanted to die!! She would scream. It was hard for her to be away from her kids and grandkids. I think that actually killed her more than the cancer. I was numb. All of us kids would take turns taking care of her. SHe finally after months at the hospital got to go home. (against the hospital request really) They didn't think we could take care of her. SHe had to have 24 hour care. That is my mom and oh yes I can. She was taken to my sisters to live for a couple months. She started to get where she could not walk or even catch her breath. We all agreed to take her back home. With brain cancer you get angry and she had plenty to be angry for. SHe no longer wanted the grandkids around. Probley because she did not want her little ones to see her like this. Her legs started to turn black and seep. Hospice was not much help. They would come and see her once a week and never give us any results. We did not know that black legs meant taht part of her was dying. I still have visions of mom looking so weak and helpless. SHe was dowen to 56 pounds. My twin brother was the only one that did not gert to see her before she moved to Heaven. His heart aches. He was to far away.. If Hospice would have done there job and told us that it would be soon I could have got my brother to say goodbye. My older brother came and picked mom up and put her in bed she could not even sit up. Her kidneys had failed and she was wet. But her digity lved on. She was mad at me because I had to call Hospice and have them make a death bed for her. She was so mad at me for doing it. They would not let us give her morphine at home. Why WHy Why??? Mom moved on to heaven that night. I miss my best friend so much. The whole episode took about 3 months. My heart aches. I am so depressed. I just go thru the motions. My little girl has seperation anxiety because she thinks I am going to die. Memaw was her best friend too. Please pray for comfort for us. We had mom cremated. Please tell me she is ok. If I could just have 1 more hug. Is she still mad at me? I miss her. Sis

This is the first time I have read all the comments and saw the video. What caught my attention was "Getting through the Grief." I lost my father on Dec. 19, 2007. I would have never known a year ago that he would be gone from my life. He was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of stomach cancer in Feb. 2007 and was only given 4 months to live. He was a fighter to the end and he tried whatever treatment was made available -- chemo and other alternative treatments. It was heart breaking to see him slowly fade away and die. He was the picture of health until a year ago. His oncology nurse was always amazed at his strength and determination, his vitals were always so strong. His heart was compared to that of a 19 year old, strong, so strong. My father had just turned 74 the day before he passed and he had never been ill. I was having a hard time accepting his death. He was loved by so many. He had a heart of gold, he would give his shirt off his back to anyone who needed it.
What has helped me are the good memories and knowing how blessed I was to have such a special father. One who never turned his back on us, always comforted us and helped us. Even my husband adopted him as his own father because his biological father abandoned him when he was 13. My father forgave everyone and never held a grudge. I know he is watching over us because his family was so important to him and that is what gets me through the day.

To everyone who is grieving, my thoughts are with you. I remember my dad with a smile because that is how he would want to be remembered. He told my sisters and I before he passed, don't cry for me, I will be okay.

Thank you for your inspiring thoughts on losing a loved one, and the grief we feel being left behind. It is hard work going thru the grief process. I lost my beloved son
15 years ago he took is life Feb.24.I am on the healing side of my grief today,yes I will always grieve it
should never have happened but it did.I know that God received my son that dark day in february and when I said the last good-bye I somehow new someone else was saying "HELLO".
Jerry

I am sorry for your lose, i to have lose 7 years ago my only daughter was killed ,not only did i lose her but myself and 2 years ago i lose my fiance from lung cancer.It was really hard because we always said he was sent to me by my daughter, they both had the same birthday 12/26 and we started seeing each other 2 weeks before my first mothers days without my daughter, he was my love and my strength. i had lost my way when my daughter passed, and had a lot of anger and hatered in me for life, for taking my daughter ,for letting me live through my breast cancer just to lose my daughter after that the only reason i went through everything was to be with her. i am currently unemployed and have been since augt., but with in the last month i have found something fulfilling in my life. i was so embarassed i had to break down and go to a church soup kitchen for food ,because i had no money to buy any the people were so nice and never judge me and feed me and gave me a bag of food to take home. the next day i was home channel surfuring and came across this minister saying that god love me and has always loved me and will always love me no matter what and that he will forgive us and has forgiven us or sins, now for the last 2 years if and when i prayed it was to ask for someone to love me for me no matter what, guess my prays were answered just never payed attention,so went to church that sunday and minister spoke of peace within ,and i had just been telling a friend of mine that since i saw this show and went outside and spoke with god and ask for forgiveness and peace and guidance i have been felling peaceful with in,even unemployed i dont fell as stress out as i was before always worrying always upset about something. I have been to church 3 times now went to my first candle light service,started crying i think i am finely seeing the messages and felling it to,i still fell the lose of them but i am not letting it consume me with anger now all i fell is peace and hope and pray that i know they are in a better place where peace and happyness is always with no pain . I am trying to find my way back to god and glad that he still loves me no matter what i may look like, i will always be beatiful as long as i fell his love and peace with in and fell in grow inside of my heart and soul . I hope and pray now that when something happens to me i will see God and know i will see my daughter,grandmother and fiance there .

I would not even want to say I can understand the pain of losing a child. But, I awoke to find my Mother (only 63 yrs. old) gone one morning unexpectedly. After much grief, I realized that I was selfish to wish her back on this earth when I knew she was in the presence of Her Lord & Saviour. I also take great delight in knowing I will in fact find her waiting for me when I cross that chilly Jordan! When I hear of anyone passing, the 1st question in my mind and out of my mouth is "did they know Jesus"? Did they have a relationship with the Father? Not religion..but relationship? For then, I know they are not dead...but merely separated from me, by space and time but for a while...temporarily...in heaven we will not remember those who have gone on without Jesus..for the word says " there are no tears, He shall wipe all tears away" so of course we couldn't be happy remembering a lost soul...so I can say in confidence...take comfort in knowing you will see your loved ones again...

P.S.. for NILLAWAFER...just pray and ask God for wisdom and peace and I promise He will deliver...He is a "on time GOD" amen!!!

Wow....How can you not believe there is somehow, someway,something..else?
I feel the pain in your statements yet wonder if you don't just need a bit more perspective ?
Our peace is within I think.
It's unfortunate that all this horror is your burden!
Stop for a moment and breathe...

It goes like this: Take a breath to the count of four,hold that breath to the count of four,release that breath to the count of four, and hold that release to the count of four....

...if it doesn't work
do it again :)

My son, Alexander, passed away on January 29, 2000. The cause of death was attributed to SUD (sudden unexplained death). Alexander was 16 years old. After spending a good part of the day with him and his cousins at the local mall, and upon returning home, after leaving him at his computer to try out his new computer game, little did I know that that would be the last time that I saw him alive. Our Father had called him home.

It was not until after his passing that I came upon a reflection that he had composed for one of his school assignments. Alexander never revealed to me that he had written it and I never had the opportunity to thank him with all my heart and all my soul for his loving words. I want to take this opportunity, through this forum, to thank him, to tell him that I love him very very much and to voice my prayer that we be together again, very soon, for all eternity.

These are the words that he wrote: "The person that I admire the most is a tie between my parents. In this reflection paper I will focus on why my father is the person I admire the most... My father is the kind of person who is always willing to help others. He is always willing to help me with my homework or whatever else I need help with... I also admire my father because even though he has a hectic schedule, he always finds a way to get home early and spend time with us. When both my parents are not working we spend a lot of time together as a family whether it is just watching a movie or going downtown (to the shopping mall). My father also brings my sister and I to almost anywhere we want to go even if he does not want to. In conclusion, I admire my dad for many reasons. My father makes sacrifices to make the rest of us happy. I also admire my mother for many of the same reasons and (although) there are many others that I look up to for various reasons, what my parents have done for me over the years is so extravagant. I would not know how to begin to show them how much I appreciate what they have done for me. I definitely hope to be like my father when I get older and I trust that my parents know how much I appreciate all they have done for me over the years."

Thank you Alexander. Daddy loves you always.

There was a Church in Van Nuys I went to once - not one of my own Catholic Churches, yet it was once of my best visits to a Church - ever. It was my chance to meet Martha Williamson in person - the first time and last time (so far) I have ever met her. She would know me for sure because I asked, right before Christmas, for 3 copies of her book to be signed - once for myself, once for my Dad and his new wife, and once for Jaci Velasquez. I am now, as I recently told Martha, in the Tampa Bay Area working for a major Insurance agency famous for hosting BCS Bowls of late, and knowing that my job is being eliminated in the next year in the name of the human progress of the bottom line for publically traded corporations. In that e-mail I got the chance to tell Martha what a great joy it is to be able to give God's own comfort to those who need to be Touched by an Angel. No one calls me to tell me they have had a great day. They call me to tell me that something very seriously wrong has just happened to them, and there is a trademark-registered saying for what kind of hands the recipients of bad luck are now experiencing. Well, I can certainly identify with a lot of that because my own job is about to be eliminated, with nowhere to go. In this real world, even my own bills have to be paid, and the thousand dollars so far in the last year as an investor in that company have already cost me a hundred dollars, even as the company finds time to host several BCS Bowls. I am no angel, and often I must balance the fact that a great deal of people out there are just trying to scam those angels and humans like me who would like to be in order to get something for nothing that they deserve. I do try to be a human angel with great Christ-like empathy for the sufering. No one ever calls into my phone line from the 50 States to tell me they have good news for me. They usually call to say that someone they know - someone like Uncle Burt ... is injured or dead. When I look into the coverages of their policies, I often notice that they never had purchased - ahead of time - collision coverage that would allow us by law in most states to ethically pursue on their behalf the responsible party who had run a red light. When they are stranded in a snowstorm after hitting ice with no where to go but to die, when they call me of all people for help, I am so sorry to see they had not purchased certain policy options that would allow for towing or road service or even an option for a free $30.00 per day rental car just to get out of the cold to get home. Of course, doing the math, I am not sure that any of these options are really a good deal in the long run. But I have for long said as my closing thought to the callers, "have a good Day, thanks for being with (or calling) {my company} and may God bless you." God just has to enter the conversation somewhere, especially since we all know that insurance is a bet that we won't outlive our savings or technologies or circumstances. But Martha has always been ahead of the 8-ball and knows that this is, as she says, just a transit through the valley of darkness - not a trip down to live there.

Martha your message is up lefting. Please keep your message coming. Please continue with God's work. Also please join me in pray for Nillawafer. He sh is hurting very badly.
Dear Sweet Jesus,
Please help Nillawafer. He/She is going through a very hard time right now. Please let her know that you do know how she/he feels. Let he/she know that you are walking with her/him. Please help him/her let go of him/her anger and let your love feel him/her up. And let him/her know that you will never forsake him/her. Please let her know that you did not foresake him/her friend that died. Let him/her know you where right there to take him/her into your loving arms and that you took him/her to the arms of your Father.
I ask for all this in your name Dear Jesus, Amen & Amen

what do you do if the person was angry at you when they took their life? what do you do if they didn't want to go to god or heaven? what do you do if they don't go to heaven and so you won't be seeing them there? if all one has to do to go to heaven is take one's own life then why don't we all do that? what if you aren't sure you want to see them again in heaven? will i feel better once i'm in heaven? how will i deal with the fact that they may have chosen hell? will heaven make me stop asking all these questions everyday? will i not care what happened to him?

your uncle, god rest his soul, is in heaven. i don't know where my loved one is and either place seems unfair. heaven--he got the quick reward. hell-someone i loved is doomed to eternal suffering.