A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile

Q&A: ‘Should I work hard for what I want, or wait and trust the Universe?’

posted by B. Dave Walters

The Truth!

Question submitted via Formspring:
“If I try really hard to manifest something in my life, am I sending out a signal to the universe that I don’t trust in it?”

We have talked about the Law of Attraction many times, but this is an excellent question, that has come up again and again; even many of the so-called ‘experts’ don’t agree on the answer.

So, should you work hard, or sit still and wait for the God/The Universe to bring you what you want?  The answer is: both.

While it is absolutely possible that The Universe might miracle a pile of money into your living room, or that Mercedes might fall off the truck in front of your house, it’s is far more likely you’re going to have to exert at least SOME effort towards making it happen.

The secret, then, is this: do as much as you can, all the time, and mentally focus on the feelings your goal will give you, without resorting to worrying or stressing about it.   If you find yourself feeling anything other than excitement, or wondering why it hasn’t arrived yet, or stressing about if you are doing something wrong: stop!

What you want is to live in absolute alignment with the fact that what you want is manifesting right now, not some point in the future; if you focus on the fact that it’s coming, it will always be coming…not arriving!
I can tell you for certain, The Universe tends to take the shortest possible route, while helping the maximum number of people in the process of bringing your goal to you.   So, rather than stress about why it hasn’t arrived yet, try and find ways you can help more people in the process of manifesting what you want.

Stay focused, and do all you can, every single day; think of it as meeting the Universe half way.
And, remember that the Law of Attraction is only one of seven Universal Laws.   If you are really serious about creating what you want, make sure you are applying the other six!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Q&A: “He loves me, but I’m not sure if I love him back; will it work?”

posted by B. Dave Walters

She loves me not

Question submitted via Formspring:
“I’m planning to start a relationship with a person who used to be my college classmate. He loves me, but I am not sure about my feelings. But, I really need to start dating someone. Do you think it will work?”

So, do I think it will work? The short answer is, no.
For the longer answer, let’s break this down into pieces:
You are planning to start a relationship; why “planning” a relationship?  What is there to plan?
Either you are involved, or you aren’t; if you feel like there are things in your life that would be an obstacle to the relationship, or the relationship is the obstacle, then that’s not good.

The guy in question is a former college classmate, who loves you; how can he love you if you haven’t had a relationship yet?  Notice, you described him as a ‘former classmate’, not a friend.  Yet, you must have had enough interactions with him for him to have developed feelings, and let you know that he wants a relationship.

You aren’t sure about your feelings, but you ‘really need’ to start dating someone…why? It’s a very odd thing to say you really need to date someone.  More importantly, if you know this guy has real feelings for you, but you just want to date ‘someone’, then it’s really not fair to him, and will inevitably lead to him getting hurt.

So, rather than get involved with him, or anyone, just because you can, take some time to figure exactly what it is that you want.   More importantly, make sure you have a firm foundation of loving yourself first; since you can’t love anyone, or let anyone love you any more than you love yourself.  Once you are clear on that, then the right guy won’t be too hard to find!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Q&A: “He wants his space, but I don’t want to lose him….”

posted by B. Dave Walters

 

He might be doing you a favor....

Question submitted via Formspring:
“I have been in a long distance relationship since January; I’ve had an amazing time and he was the best thing in my life.  But, he’s said he wants to tone it down; feelings have changed and he wants to ‘see the world’. I don’t want to lose him, what should I do?”

Let’s break this one down into pieces:
You’ve been in a long distance relationship since January; roughly five months.
It’s been ‘amazing’ and ‘the best thing in your life’.
Now, his feelings have changed, and he wants to see the world (aka, other people).
You don’t want to lose him.

So, what should you do?
The simple answer is: let him go.  For reasons we’ve talked about before, you can’t chase, nag, or beg him, or any man, into loving you.  If he is telling you he wants to see other people, believe him; and more importantly, let him go.

The reason why you should let him go, is one of two things is going on inside his head.  Either one, things got really hot and heavy too fast, and as fast as he got into the relationship, he got over it.  This might be hard to hear, but if it’s the truth, it’s the truth.

The second possibility is that he really does love you, but the intensity of all of it is scaring him and making him want to run away; and the harder you push, the more anxiety he’ll feel.

Either way, the answer is the same.  However, if you really do want him back, here is how to do it:  after you let him go, let him see that you are moving on, too. When you talk, be pleasant, but let him know you are going out and having fun with friends; when he calls or texts, wait an hour or two before you call him back.  No guy likes to see a girl move on, and if he really is just confused, seeing you move on will bring him back faster than anything.

A better question is: why would you want to chase down someone who wants to get away?

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

The meaning of Mother’s Day: then and now

posted by B. Dave Walters

Thank you, Julia!

In the year 2012, it is hard to see Mother’s Day as anything other than another ‘Hallmark holiday’ designed to sell cards, roses, and expensive dinners.

However, this wasn’t how the holiday was originally intended.
Mother’s Day was created by Julia Ward Howe, the same woman who wrote the Battle Hymn of the Republic (Glory, Glory, Hallelujah).

One of Howe’s biographer’s wrote: ‘the modern commercialized celebration of gifts, flowers and candy bears little resemblance to Howe’s original idea. Here is the Proclamation that explains, in her own powerful words, the goals of the original Mother’s Day in the United States.

Arise then…women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts!
Whether your baptism be of water or of tears!
Say firmly:
“We will not have questions answered by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.  We, the women of one country, will be too tender of those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs.”

From the bosom of a devastated Earth a voice goes up with our own. It says: “Disarm! Disarm!
The sword of murder is not the balance of justice.”
Blood does not wipe our dishonor, nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil at the summons of war, let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel.

Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means whereby the great human family can live in peace…
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar, but of God – in the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask that a general congress of women without limit of nationality, may be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient and the earliest period consistent with its objects, to promote the alliance of the different nationalities, the amicable settlement of international questions, the great and general interests of peace.’

Now, isn’t that a lot different idea than cards and flowers?
The goal, then, of Mother’s Day is not just to show the most important women in our lives how important they are to us, although that is certainly important, but to celebrate the value ofchildren.  That mothers not just in our country, but world-wide have struggled to bring their children into the world, and into adulthood not just to sacrifice them fighting someone else’s war.

So, enjoy this Mother’s Day, and enjoy your much earned pampering and rest (or giving it to the mom who does), but take time to remember Julia Ward Howe’s original goal for the holiday: mother’s of the world uniting for peace.  And that’s a goal we can all live into, every single day.

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

The spiritual lessons of ‘The Avengers’

posted by B. Dave Walters

Avengers Assemble!

I’ll make a deal with you.
I won’t spoil the movie for you with this article, but rather explain to you why the movie is worth seeing, and more importantly why the mythology that made the Avengers possible is worth paying attention to.  As of the time of this writing, The Avengers is leading at the box office, and receiving generally positive reviews.

The Avengers is the 6th installment of the franchise that Marvel, and now Disney have been building since 2008; moving from Iron Man, the Incredible Hulk, Iron Man 2, Thor, Captain America: The First Avenger to the ultimate super hero movie: the Avengers.

The reason why this film is so compelling, and why super hero movies are so popular in general, is because they speak to a basic human need.  Since the dawn of time, people have been telling stories about heroes.  Think about it, across time, we could have been telling stories about anything; and yet a few basic ideas keep coming up again and again.

Why?

One of the biggest discoveries of the 20th century was Joseph Campbell’s discovery of The Heroic Journey.
In a nutshell, the Heroic Journey is a story where “a hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man.”

Have you ever noticed that Star Wars, The Matrix, Lord of the Rings, Avatar, and now the Avengers are all basically the same movie?
What the Heroic Journey teaches is that certain stories keep getting told again and again across time because they apply to all of us, and the stages we all have to go through in our own quest for spiritual growth.  It’s outside the scope of this article to explain all 17 steps of the journey here, but it would serve you well to read them and see how it applies to what you’ve gone through up until now, and will probably face in the future.
Wikipedia gives an excellent overview of the stages, and how they apply to famous stories and even bible passages.

For our purposes here, let us talk about mythology, and how it still applies to our day to day lives.
You may be wondering, what does mythology have to do with the Avengers?  The short answer is: everything!

Thor and Loki come directly from Norse mythology; Captain America is basically Perseus, slayer of Medusa.  Hawkeye is the Greek god Apollo, and the Black Widow would be Artemis, or possibly Athena.  The Hulk would be Gilgamesh’s wild friend Enkidu, and Iron Man would either be Hephaestus or possibly Icarus.

But more importantly mythology was never meant to be a collection of ‘boring old stories’, but the living breathing history of the human race. It’s a combination of actual events and fundamental lessons that should never be forgotten.

The Avengers (loosely) combines to major aspects of Greek Mythology; in the previous movies we’ve seen each of the characters go through their own small Heroic Journey, which lead them from their humble beginnings to becoming the heroes we know and love.   Now this film shows the journey as the team transforming from a group of individuals, into Earth’s Mightiest Heroes!

Again, rather than give any details about this movie, let us look at how our ancestors used mythology to teach us about who we are and where we come from.

For instance, in Greek Mythology  Cronus, God of time, overthrew his own father Uranus who was the God of the Sky.
Then Cronus married Rhea (Goddess of motherhood and female fertility), and had his own children: Zeus (God of sky and weather, law, order and fate), Poseidon (God of the sea, rivers, flood and drought, earthquakes, and horses) and Hades (the King of the Underworld, the God of death and the dead).
In time, Cronus’ children overthrew him like he’d overthrown his own father, a cycle that played out again in the hero Theseus’ life, and his prophesied salvation of humanity.  Theseus’ story was told very recently in the extremely popular movie Immortals.

But here is why this story is important:
Beyond just an interesting story about war, deception, intrigue, and sex (as if that wasn’t enough!), these stories give an insight into the very foundation of reality and all of creation.  Notice, Cronus (Time) is the offspring of Uranus (the Sky) and Gaia (the Earth). Without an earth and sky to observe, how would we even know time was passing? Once the limitations of a 24 hour period was established, it was possible for the Earth’s own creative ability (Through Gaia’s daughter Rhea) to combine with time (Cronus) to give rise to weather and seasons (Zeus), oceans, tides, and droughts (Poseidon) and even death and an underworld (Hades).

Add to that the continuing evolution from huge general concepts like Uranus as the entire sky, and the entire Earth (Gaia) down into a more concrete time (Cronus) and femininity (Rhea) into the even more distinct forms of their children Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades. And their children are even more specific.

For instance, Aphrodite (Goddess of Love) has an affair with Ares (God of War) to give birth to: Deimos (fear, dread, terror), Phobos (panic), Harmonia (harmony), and Eros (love). Passion and aggression can unite to create both beautiful and terrible things.

Thousands of pages have been written about mythology across thousands of years, so there is far more that could be said then I have space to write.
If you want to find some easy introductions to mythology, see Immortals, or Clash Of The Titans (new or old)! Or NBC did a great version of the Odyssey a few years back and there is also Troy, which was like the Illiad without the Gods, but still tells a good story.

Or even go to the book store or library and check out a children’s book on mythology; don’t feel embarrassed, it is easier to get started when it’s written in plain English! Every nation on Earth has their own mythology, if Greek isn’t your thing, maybe Chinese, African, Native American, or some other nation or culture’s is!

I hope you see and enjoy the movie, but even more I hope you start a love affair with the same stories that have captivated the minds of people for thousands of years.

And when you see the Avengers, make sure you stay through all the way to the end; there are two scenes after the credits!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!
B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Q&A: Does God have to follow His own rules?

posted by B. Dave Walters

That's not photoshopped!

Questions submitted via Formspring:

“Hi there. I am a big fan of your spiritual and religious radio episodes & I have got a question for you. Do the 7 Universal Laws that you talked about a long time ago govern GOD, or is He the only exception that works outside their rules?”

We talked about this on a recent episode of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters, along with: what power is, and how to get it; how to know if someone is ‘the one’; God and the 7 Universal Laws, religion vs. education, 11:11, and more!

The topic of the Seven Universal Laws has come up many times recently, and yet there always seems to be more to say on the subject.  To review, the Laws are:

The Law of Mentalism: This Law dictates that all of creation exists in the mind of God, and by extension our lives exist in our minds.  Perception is reality; things are how you think they are.

The Law of Vibration: we have talked extensively about the Law of Attraction, which is in reality an aspect of the Law of Vibration.

The Law of Correspondence: this Law dictates that there are hidden relationships between things.

The Law of Polarity: this Law dictates there are at least two sides to everything: an up and a down; a black and a white.

The Law of Rhythm: this Law dictates that everything changes, nothing stays the same. Night follows day and then back to day again.

The Law of Gender: this Law dictates there are ‘male’ and ‘female’ aspects to every situation; giving and taking, pushing and pulling.

The Law of Cause and Effect: also known as the Law of GOYA: get off your backside!

So, do these Laws apply to God?  The answer is yes…and no.
Yes, in the sense that God is the author and architect of these Laws; they are the foundation of the entire Universe.  As such, when God moves in the world, it tends to happen through the function of these Laws.  Basically God set up the system, so why wouldn’t He use it?

However, the answer is also ‘no’ in the sense that God can do whatever He wants; and if that means the sun needs to stand still, or the dead need to rise, it will happen, Laws or not.  Although as you progress along the Spiritual path, one of the things you learn is that there is no such thing as the supernatural.  Not that miracles don’t happen, because they do; but these miracles don’t violate the natural order of things.  They just happen according to Universal Law, rather than physical law.

Every religion in the world teaches that it is possible to become more like God, and create miracles in our lives; understanding, and more importantly applying the Seven Universal Laws is the key to making this happen.

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!
B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

 

 

God in your veins, and the Universe in your brain

posted by B. Dave Walters

 

As above, so below!

“As below, so above; and as above so below.
With this knowledge alone you may work miracles.”
-Emerald Tablets of Hermes

The Secret was many people’s first introduction to the Law of Attraction, but the Law is actually only one part of Seven Universal Laws.  We have talked before about the Seven Universal Laws both here, and in a recent episode of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters along with: Dealing with negative emotions and loss especially around the Holidays; The Law of Attraction and the 7 Universal Laws, and how to have true and lasting happiness and peace in your heart.

However, one aspect we have never talked about is the Law of Correspondence.  The Law of Correspondence teaches that everything that exists outside of us, exists inside of us, too.
There is a sun inside of you, just like there is a sun outside of you; mountains, oceans, and everything else.  From a mystical perspective, the outer Universe and the inner Universe areconnected.  When you truly understand this, you can learn to influence your inner state in order to influence your outer reality.

The amazing thing, is even though this has been a basic teaching of metaphysics for thousands of years, modern science is starting to

Beautiful!

confirm this to be true…or at least give more examples of how what is inside of us is reflected by what’s outside of us.

We will keep this one short, so you have a moment to look at the images attached to this article, and ponder what they mean.  The fact that the structure of our brain reflects the structure of the Universe is no coincidence; the fact that a leaf, the Amazon, and our blood vessels look the same is no coincidence, either.

And as you look at the images, remember one thing:
Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
Genesis 1:26

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

That's not photoshopped!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

 

 

Buddha’s birthday, the Celtic Festival, and the Super Moon

posted by B. Dave Walters

Tonight is a special night!

Tonight is a very special night!
From LagunaNiguel.patch.com:

“At 8:35 p.m. PST on Saturday, the full moon will be the largest all year. This is because the moon is at its perigee meaning it’s closer to the earth than any other time in its regular orbit.
The moon will be up to 14 percent bigger and 30 percent brighter than the other full moons of 2012, according to NASA.
Super perigee moons happen about once a year on average, but the moon of March 19, 2011, was almost 250 miles closer than Saturday’s moon.”
From an astrological standpoint, full moons are always important, and super moons are always very important.   We talked at length about last year’s super moon, and while this one is smaller, there are two major differences at work: this year’s super moon is happening during the Celtic festival of Beltane and known as Wesak Moon which is an auspicious day that celebrates the birth, life and death of the Buddha.
An entire book could be written about the impact of this particular heavenly event, but this should give you enough to get started. This is just a short to the astrological impact of the super moon and how to apply it to your prayers, meditations, and especially *actions*.
First of all, any time there is a full moon is a good time to focus on and perform prayers and meditations associated with increase, gain, acquisition, etc.  Saturdays -Saturn’s Day- also have their own spiritual meaning.  Saturn relates to responsibility, stability, business acumen, restriction, obstacles, and longevity. Saturdays are good days to focus on working towards positive Saturn goals, or for removing unwanted blocks, restrictions, and responsibilities.
This particular super moon is in Scorpio, which according to Astrologywork.com:
“There are so many issues that come to the surface with this Full Moon in Scorpio /Taurus. Many of them have been highlighted in the past few months. Besides the Sun/Moon opposition, there is the Mars /Neptune opposition which have been with us for a few months by now. Our actions are still not where we want them to be. We make plans, we try hard, and yet for some reason when it’s time to actually manifest, we end up with a diffused product. We are angry and we don’t know why, we want to change things and we don’t know where to start. We feel tired unexpectedly, and many have the feeling of loosing trust with themselves and with the world.”
“The good news about this Full Moon is that this configuration is about to finish in the next few day, and that overall this full moon does have a lot of positive building energies in it.
The moon is in Quintile triangle with Mars and Venus, which can help creative solutions to come to mind, and help that fleeting feeling come in s surprising manner and give all of us a lot of hope and a sense that after all – life is good, life is worth living.”
Cathy Lynn Pagano writes:
“This Scorpio Full Moon is also called the Wesak Moon, the most auspicious day in Buddhism, for it celebrates the birth, enlightenment and death of Buddha.  In this energetic opposition between Taurus and Scorpio, we are all called to the great union with Nature and the heavens, celebrating the Divine within Nature and within ourselves.  Like the Buddha, we are called to acknowledge the divine spirit in our human nature as we overcome and release the emotional demons that plague us and separate us from our spiritual inheritance…”
She goes on to say about the Festival of Beltane:
 ”At Beltane, we dance around the Maypole, weaving the masculine and feminine energies of life and love, hope and expectation.  And so, each year Life is renewed.  Beltane is another fire festival, symbolizing the next leap of light here in the northern hemisphere.  You’ll notice that the light will increase dramatically now as high summer approaches.  The bonfires we light at Beltane give us back the light of renewed hope for the coming year.   When we leap over the Beltane fire, it cleanses us of any lingering darkness, and brings us luck and fertility.  It is during Beltane that the veils between the worlds open and the Faerie folk come out to dance with us.  So go outside and enjoy this time of beauty and delight. “
So overall, this is an excellent time to focus on any new beginnings you are trying to make.  Any relationships that you are looking to start, or restart, goals you have been putting off, should be started NOW.   These energies are in motion from now till around 3-4 days from now, so you have a big window but not an infinite one.
Use these guidelines to focus your prayers, meditations, and actions and definitely keep your eyes open for new opportunities, it’s never going to get any better than this!
Remember: what you want wants you!
If you are clear on what you want, do what you can, and stay positive you’ll be there in no time.
And if you want even more in depth information about Beltane, Wesak, and the super moon and how it affects us, you can find it here!
You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!
B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

 

 

Q&A: Should you stay together for the kids?

posted by B. Dave Walters

Kids see more than you think....

“Two questions submitted via Formspring:
I’m stuck in a loveless marriage. We do nothing together but take care of the kids and take care of other things. We are basically just roommates. Our kids are young the youngest is 3. So I’m not waiting until he leaves the house. I need to be happy now.”

And,
“Hi I loved the advice that you gave the other gal -She was asking if she should stay in a loveless marriage, but she is too afraid to leave for financial reasons. Well I have a better excuse! I am also afraid to leave because of a 14 year old daughter.”

The short answer to both questions is the same: leave.

In my Coaching work, I often work with people staying in bad marriages ‘for the kids’, but the problem is: doing that, hurts everybody.

It hurts the husband and wife, since you are standing still while life passes you by; it’s easy to get hung up in ‘someday, maybe’ thinking.  Someday it will get better; maybe we’ll get divorced once the kids are out of the house.  You are basically signing on to spend years as a prisoner in your own home, and for what?

Ah yes, the kids.
The problem is, coming from a broken home teaches children to grow up and create broken homes.   Growing up, we look at our parents to teach us what love looks like, and this is why growing up in emotionally unstable, or even abusive environments is so dangerous.  Since, a child won’t look at a situation and say “clearly my parents no longer have feelings for one another, but they have put their own wishes to the side to be physically present for me.  When I grow up, I will have a much different dynamic with my own spouse”.  They’ll look at it and think parents who don’t communicate, have zero intimacy, possibly yell and scream or just plain don’t like each other is normal.

And when the time comes, they’ll choose the wrong mate and create the same cycle again.
It would be much, much, MUCH better for them to see their parents having healthy relationships with two other people, rather than one twisted relationship with each other.

One other really important thing: try not to argue in front of the kids, or anywhere they can hear it; and never, never, never try and get the kids to turn on a parent.  No matter what happens in your relationship, or how you feel about each other, you will always both be their parents; so don’t get the kids stuck in the middle.

You have to find a way to coexist as parents, even if it’s no longer as a couple.  Considering you once got along well enough to sleep together, much less got married, finding a way not to hate each other shouldn’t be too hard to do!

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

 

 

Q&A: Do opposites really attract?

posted by B. Dave Walters

Ok...SOMETIMES opposites attract!

Question submitted via Formspring:
“Do you think opposites attract?”

The short answer is: no.

One (dis)advantage of life in Los Angeles, is everyone is working to be absolutely identical. It may appear like they are so different, but if you look close at the carefully manicured ‘shabby chic’ look, the preppy look, or one of a hand full of others, you’ll see the similarities.

So, why don’t opposites attract?
Realistically, you are not going to find your absolute twin out there; and in truth, you wouldn’t want it! If you totally agreed on *everything * you’d have nothing to discuss, and get pretty bored pretty fast.

The key, then, is to be in agreement on the IMPORTANT things.
For instance, if one of you is a raging Atheist, and the other is an evangelical Creationist, you are in trouble. If one of you thinks that sex is gross and sinful, and the other one frequents sex clubs, then you are in trouble.
If one of you wants to get married and have kids, and the other is afraid to commit, you are going to have problems.

A few pivotal areas you need to be more similar than dissimilar are:
*Marriage: do either of you want it, at least eventually?
*Children: do either of you want them, at least eventually?
*Religion: is it going to be a big deal in your house, and if so which one(s)?
*Politics: can you agree to disagree, or not?
*Finances: what are you working for?
*Home: do you want to own a home, and if so, where?
*Happiness: what does a good life look like to you?

There are many things you need to be in agreement on, but these are probably the bare minimum.
Now, it doesn’t mean you have to be IDENTICAL in belief on these topics, but you need to be able to respect each other’s opinions and differences. If one of you likes action movies and the other likes ballet, you need to be able to compromise and do both from time to time.
As I said before, if one of you wants to have 10 children and live on the planes of Wyoming and the other wants no kids and a 10 million dollar penthouse in Manhattan, you have a problem.

As in anything, there is room for compromise; but that other person needs to volunteer to give up what they want, rather than be nagged or convinced to. Since they may say they don’t want to have that Mercedes Benz if you think think it’s a bad idea, if you aren’t careful you set yourself up for decades of buried resentment that tends to manifest as affairs and wrecked marriages down the road.

Make sure you and your mate agree on the fundamentals and can respect each other where you disagree. Don’t let either one of you make ALL the decisions, and let everyone have an opportunity to do what makes them happy. And as always, COMMUNICATE, since if you can’t communicate, you don’t have a relationship.

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha – Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism – Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another – A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

 

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