One of astrology’s miracles is in helping us to better understand ourselves and our loved ones, thereby improving our ability to relate to others. A reader wrote,
I’m hoping you can give me some advice regarding any effect the recent Solar Eclipse with the New Moon in Leo may have had on my relationship with my son. My son is home for the summer from college. We got into a horrible fight nearly 4 weeks ago and I haven’t seen or talked to him since (he’s staying with relatives). I feel terrible for the part I played in the fight. For some reason we clash in the worst way and I would do anything to have a better relationship with him, I just don’t know how. Although we have difficulties relating to each other, things have never been this bad. I’ve been reading about the Solar Eclipse and wonder if it played any part in this situation?
She sent her birth information and that for her son as well. My reply to her which you can also find unedited in our new Astrological Musings group was this:
the eclipse actually was affecting the charts of both you and your son. He has the Sun in Leo and it is exactly square to Scorpio Pluto at 7 degrees. You have the Moon in Taurus at 8 degrees nearly exactly opposite your Ascendant at 9 degrees Scorpio.
It’s not uncommon for family members to have tight aspects that conflict between their charts. My Mars (aggression and anger) is exactly opposite both my mother’s and my sister’s Suns, and we have had lots of flareups over the years. It helps to understand what the nature of the dynamic is.
Your son has Leo rising and three planets in Leo including the Sun, Vernus and Mars so he is a strong, strong Leo character. He needs a lot of attention, admiration, validation. That Pluto/Sun square in his chart gives him an intensity of emotion that he wouldn’t otherwise have.
You are more sensitive than he is with your Sun in Pisces, and your Scorpio ascendant gives you an intensity that can match your son’s. Plus, Uranus and Pluto are conjunct in your chart and they oppose your Sun, which adds an extra layer of intensity and challenge. So both you and your son can be very intense
The eclipse at 9 degrees Leo made a square to your Moon and Ascendant, and to his Sun so it sounds like it illuminated the challenging energies that clash between you. With your Moon opposite the Ascendant (personal identity) and Chiron (wounding and healing) conjunct the Sun (Self) in your chart, it appears that it can be challenging for you to feel strong in your own Self. I suspect that the relationship with your son feeds that inner feeling within you and that this eclipse brought out those feelings.
Of course there is hope for the relationship, but each of you need to recognize that the other is a completely different individual, with very different needs and motivations. All of us when we’re 20-21 go through a very difficult period when transiting Saturn makes a square to Saturn in our chart, and transiting Uranus makes a square to Uranus in our chart. Saturn brings difficulties and challenges, and Uranus brings rebellion and a fevered desire to do something different. This is not a time that he’ll be able to be sensitive to your needs, which I think he usually is (his Moon is in Libra which is geared towards achieving harmony).
You have your own Uranus transits going on right now, so you are ready for a big change and are likely feeling restless and wanting to create something new in your life. Communication is the key, as in all relationship issues – communication, avoiding the temptation to blame the other person, and working towards understanding what each of you needs.
In this case the eclipse shone a giant light on the underlying stress that was already present in the relationship between this mother and son; a disturbing event, but one that offers the promise of real transformation of their relationship with hard work and attention.
posted August 8, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Part of the process: Young people step away from the home and have an opportunity to live by their own rules, sometimes unconsidered. They gain a sense of self which is not easy to hand back to their parents without feeling like they are being treated ‘like a kid’. Kids are like the tide, they come and they go, each time showing more of their own individual self. Parents struggle with hanging on and letting go of their children. It’s a relationship that begins with protection of the child but that must gradually become the young person’s own responsibility. As loving parents we have to be prepared for the development of a child into an adult and to count on easing back. Now, some parents are “in your face” people, too bad, that’s life, and some people rely on habitual patterns of behaviour in dealing with their children. So when the child returns home with their newly learned behaviours to try out on the folks, it can be frustrating for all concerned. If the parents are hurting enough over disintergrating relationships, they might consider this. That it’s so much safer for a child to see how their new ways work when the folks are the recipients and not the public at large. Trying to get them to do what you want and being angry when they say no to it, just means you don’t get it. They are saying they have changed, they have grown, their perspective is different. That’s when a parent can cash in on communication skills developed between themselves and their children. Ooops! Didn’t do your homework? Well, it’s never to late to learn basic communication skills. Hop on it while you still have a child that wants to come home and practice.