Once again I am wishing I believed in an afterlife where I would reconnect with people who leave me too soon. Leave irredeemably. Permanently. That hard word forever. But I don’t.
Once again I wish I had had more time. More jokes. More stories shared. More of her. But I didn’t.
And once again, I am breathing. Breathing in for her husband, who was there with her to the end. Breathing out for her sister, who is the only one of 3 sisters left, now. Breathing in for her many friends, each of whom has lost someone rare & precious. Breathing one breath at a time, wishing words could save me.
Death is the ultimate rejection, I remember hearing once. I never see it like that. Too many moves as a child leave me looking, still, to see if I might bump into a familiar face. If someone is really just gone for a bit. Just around the corner, up ahead.Some fragment of my childhood clings to me still, and the sense of maybe? still hangs around.
But she isn’t coming back, the adult in me knows. And she had a very short, hard final year. I should be happy she isn’t suffering. Only a bit more than a year ago — not two — she was fine. Just a rasp in her voice. But as of last night? The voice that was stilled far too early by ALS is gone completely now. And I’m sitting here. Breathing. Remembering, once again, that grief has no logic…
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Previous Posts
the love of a teacher ~
Just yesterday this post-apocalyptic scene was a school, where children sat at tables, learning. Where teachers sat with them, facilitating that learning. Hours later, a tornado turned that normally noisy scene into hell.
Moore, Oklahoma is familiar with tornadoes. Two other horrific ones have hi
posted 12:28:15pm May. 21, 2013 |
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bees, and going with the flow ~
I've always wanted to keep bees. Perhaps it's my Uncle Russell's fault, although I'm pretty sure that my fascination w/ bees predates Uncle Russell's beekeeping days...
More likely it's from reading the French entomologist Jean-Henri Fabre as a child. And following bees around. Like I did ants, a
posted 3:44:50pm May. 20, 2013 |
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art festivals & beginner's heart ~
Art festivals rock. Really! Tents of cool trinkets to explore, music, junk food (although really: who considers locally made chocolate gelato junk?), kids with painted faces... What's not to love?
This week is Tulsa's MayFest weekend. An old festival (as these things go), the original MayFest h
posted 6:17:18pm May. 19, 2013 |
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grand-nephews & grace ~
My grand-nephew is a hoot. Named for my younger son, little Noah is funny, drop-dead cute, and tons of fun. A great companion for a Friday adventure. So today, when he arrived w/ his grandmother -- my younger sister -- in tow, I knew fun was walking in the door, too.
He made straight for the brea
posted 3:52:24pm May. 17, 2013 |
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days of youth, death, & disconnection ~
I just heard that an old and very dear friend died. It was last year, but I only heard today. Some of you probably knew Larry Megill -- especially those of my local friends. He and my dear dear friend Carrie were Sunday school teachers at All Souls; they also delivered Meals on Wheels.
But that i
posted 1:06:43pm May. 16, 2013 |
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