Dear honest friend
I have not read that book, it could be insightful. And I don’t want to be negative – maybe I don’t really understand all the holistic balance perspective, yet one thing I can say:
- Please, no more pressure to be any better in any way. How to “silence our mind and go with the flow” to get more balanced, I mean, really? It can be acknowledged/mistaken by one’s mind as aiming perfection, which only makes the burden bigger. (We already pay our bills, we diet and exercise, we develop a spiritual life, we have work and leisure, then what else?)
- Whoever experienced a degree of anorgasmia has got physically and emotionally exhausted of walking wrong paths to solve it. I believe we people are up to try anything, but after collecting failures in many levels the anxiety and frustration grow our barriers stronger.
I’m 37 y-old (today!) and married. My relationship with my husband started about two years ago, yet my sexual dysfunction started after my first foreplay with oral sex at 22 years old (!!!), the once and only time in life when I was able to have an orgasm with a partner. The day after all the moral guilt input accumulated in my upbringing stroke me down and for most of my life I felt my body like a desert, in spite of the freshness and the youth.
When I was about 28 I started to feel my G-spot more sensitive. That was a pleasurable and intimate little victory, but I still would not be climaxing.
I had been treated with paxil, too, which made me even more clueless about what was going on for a while. Also, I have taken contraceptive pills all my life and only recently I was alerted about some of its implications such as low libido.
Even though, being safe and loved by a comprehensive husband, suppressing the pills and even taking bupropiona (as a replacement to the paxil), my lack of orgasmic response with him has persisted. I can have orgasms in my dreams, or very easily through solo masturbation or, depending on the hormones in charge, without anything touching me if I’m exposed to some kind of stimulus that hook me up (like an image or fantasy). But not with a partner.
Once a therapist told me to use vibrators during sex. I absolutely hate vibrators! It’s ok for a couple to incorporate them to ad extra fun – if that’s their kind of thing – but once the success of the approach has to depend on it the zest is over. Another problem with the vibrating toy: an overdose of stimulation would keep me for almost one hour at the very edge, then I would get sore and more anxious instead of relaxed, and have trouble to finalize it even when getting alone in the next hours. Plus, the more my body would be conditioning to respond to the toy, the less sensitive I would be to my partner’s touch. So I got rid of them all.
I also tried zestra, too, without fulfilling results.
Then I noticed the pattern: the closest I got to orgasm, the hardest it got to achieve that, too. It’s not about my body, but the fear of opening my heart and getting that vulnerable. From my cultural background I did not learn to trust my instincts nor my partners’ loving intentions. Sounds kind of funny but the fear so deeply rooted was like a (false! obnoxious! twisted!) reminder that my soul and my entire self would fall into no-return disgrace once I gave up to my feelings/sensations. (What the hell of conception prepare us to accept more suffering than pleasure in our life, isn’t that sick? Is this familiar to you?) I wish I could just silence that voice that orders me to shut down when things get better. For many times I wondered what made me have an orgasm at that first play, long ago, and then never again.
I only came up with one answer: I had to go back to that point right before when the fear had been concretely installed. That stage of arousal –natural – had to be regained. That would allow me to see myself and my fears under a different light.
Having this in mind, as a coincidence, I have found information about sensate focus techniques. A reprogramation. It made so much sense! We have started a few days ago, a for the very first time in years I have a feeling that it’s the answer. I have true hope in this. At least, I already feel exquisitely changed and my bond with my husband has improved. I do find myself feeling more adventurous, more positive, more attractive and more attacked to him. We still have some weeks ahead to complete the program, and maybe it was precocious to write you before that, yet this feels so precious that needs to be shared now. This was the closest and more reasonable “reclaim for desire” I could get.
Check: Self-Training Therapy for Anorgasmia in Women by doctor Samir Shahin at samir@dashweb.com or Anorgasmia Self Help Treatment Program at staff@anorgasmia.com
: http://anorgasmia.com/
Wish us luck and also rejoice for a new future.
A.

Please, by mistake I have written my complete name in my comment.
I would like it to be omitted/erased, since it identifies me.
Sorry for the inconvenient and thanks for posting, anyway.
A.