I couldn't make a racist statement to get out of jury duty. It's just not me. And my letter failed--the one explaining that I might not be an ideal candidate, given my psychiatric history in the last year.
So there I was listening to the case, hoping that I would recognize the judge, the defense lawyer, the state attorney, or the defendant (like from the waiting room of my psychiatrist).
My case involved a motorcycle accident, in which the passenger died. The prosecutor argued that the driver was drunk while operating his Harley Davidson, which skidded off an off-ramp. (The passenger died instantly after hitting a guardrail.)
"Since this accident involves alcohol," the judge addressed the jury pool, "would anyone have any reason that would keep them from impartial judgment."
I stood up and made my way to the judge, two lawyers, and defendant.
"Sir," I said, "as a recovering alcoholic, I tend to be very judgmental towards drunks who do stupid things."
"I see," he said. "But do you think you could put that behind you and try to judge this case fairly?"
"I will certainly try. But, sir, it's kind of like being an ex-smoker...in a bar."
The defense lawyer glared at the judge with eyes that said, "Don't even think about putting this chick on the jury."
I walked back to my seat with a smile because I knew I had just scored. But I was slightly embarrassed by what I had just said, and how it came out so naturally.
Growing up in an alcoholic family and enduring nineteen years of drunken holidays and dinners where I was the only sober one had left me with a few bruises. Almost all my compassion was used up in this area.
But maybe I shouldn't have been so matter-of-fact.
A few days later, I read the details of the case in the paper, and I wanted so badly to take back my calloused and disparaging words.
The passenger who died wasn't some fellow drunk picked up at a bar, like I thought. It was his wife. And the defendant said the only drink he had that day was one to toast his wife's birthday.
"How many times do you have to learn this lesson?" I asked myself. "You can't rush to judgment until you have all the details. And even then, it's always best to err on the side of compassion." My friend and mentor Mike taught me that.

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well i dont think you made the right choice because i as a daughter and sister and brother ,girlfreind would never make excuse'es for drunks or alcoholics he made his choice of getting on the motorcycle like you made it bye not judge'ing him just because you yourself is one to or did notcare i have my self never made excuse for my family and my boyfriend if i had to yes i would judge them or make them pay for their mistakes or they will keep going makeing more mistakes as they say .
I can hear and understand the pain you describe as a result of this situation. I can also hear myself asking the same question you did at the end of your column..."How many times do you [I] have to learn this lesson?" What I have learned is that, in both cases, whenever I sense such disturnbances in me, whether or not there is anything the other party did or didn't do to me that helped generate the disturbance, that there is something I need to review about myself. In a way, its like me asking myself, "Who am I really angry/sad/afraid of/at here in this situation? I have learned that this form of introspection helps me learn valuable life lessons in nearly all circumstances. Thanks for your honesty and open frankness in what you shared with all of us.
i love this blog!! it is certainly true. i understand where u are coming from because i am married to an alcoholic and i have a low tolerance for drunks doing stupid stuff too!! especially my husband
That was a fabulous article, teaching us just what you wanted us to learn. I will definatly not pass judgement so quickly from now on. Thank you.
I absolutely think we should not judge. My prayers to Britney and her journey on this plane, I think everyone that cares about her story should do so only to wish her recovery of herself and her kids. No one should judge. Take a look at yourself, what shadows follow you?
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