'He Was Ill'

Thursday March 15, 2007

Categories: Mental Health

"One only needs to have a family member or friend with a mental illness to understand that there is nothing rational, predictable, or fair about these diseases.... He was not down or blue, he was ill."

That statement was just released by the family of comedian Richard Jeni regarding the actor's suicide last Saturday.

Today the family of Brad Delp, the lead singer for the band "Boston," confirmed that his death was also a suicide.

"He was a man who gave all he had to give to everyone around him, whether family, friends, fans or strangers," the family said. "He gave as long as he could, as best as he could, and he was very tired. We take comfort in knowing that he is now, at last, at peace."

Whenever I hear such loving and poignant statements about someone who has taken his or her own life, I think about William Styron's words: "The pain of severe depression is quite unimaginable to those who have not suffered it. To the tragic legion who are compelled to destroy themselves there should be no more reproof attached than to the victims of terminal cancer."

The eminent novelist of "Sophie's Choice" and "Confessions of Nat Turner" penned his memoir, "Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness," as a response to the public's reaction to the suicide of Primo Levi, the Italian-Jewish writer and chemist who had survived the Holocaust. The scholars who admired Levi wondered how he could have endured years of torture by the Nazis yet break under depression.

I can't count the number of times I've paged through Styron's book to validate my own pain and anxiety, to know I'm not exaggerating or making it up as some friends and family members (and all insurance companies) would like to believe. Just as seasoned parents say "You wait!" to the pregnant lady in front of them at the checkout line, a person can't begin to appreciate the harrowing darkness of depression unless she's been there.

And so to the families of these sad tragedies, I extend my love and support. I pray that Richard and Brad have found their peace, and I pray that you might find strength and comfort in knowing that so many of us depressives join you in your sadness, in your grief, and in your fight for this cause.

Comments (21)

Filed Under: Depression, Mental Illness

posted by Beyond Blue @10:40am Permalink email icon

Email This

Comments

Carol

March 21, 2007 6:03 AM

HASH(0xcf191e8)

I cannot tell you how glad I am that I came across this. I am 60 years old now and have spent most of my life in the "DEEP DARK HOLE". I finally found someone that has been able to help me. They finally decided that I am bipolar and found the correct medication. All of you please keep your faith in God , He will help you. I still don't know why I am here but at least I am not planing a way to leave.

ilene

March 22, 2007 11:17 AM

HASH(0xcf1a1b0)

William Styron's words: "The pain of severe depression is quite unimaginable to those who have not suffered it. To the tragic legion who are compelled to destroy themselves there should be no more reproof attached than to the victims of terminal cancer." really touched me... to read that helped me relize that other people have experienced the same feelings i have but couldn't explain!!! i'm now on meds for as long as they last... i know how hard it is to understand, as my husband is bi-polar & refuses medication.. even with my past it is still difficult to know how to deal with his problems. Many people over the last 27yrs don't understand why i don't leave him(sometimes i'm not sure myself). it appears to be inherited because my mom was sick & so was his uncle. for this reason we purposely didn't have any children. We just keep reminding ourselves that WE ARE SURVIVORS!! and take 1 day at a time. some good some bad. the meds help but don't completely reduce the suicidal thoughts. i guess i'm just trying to escape from the pain of the illness!!!knowing even that helps a little, that it the illness & not me. thank you for letting me share these feelings(i have to laugh here it reminds me of my codependents anomomys days) laughter really does help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joyce

April 3, 2007 1:17 AM

HASH(0xcf1b230)

I finally was diagnosised with bipolar and schizoaffective, personality disorder , obsessive compulsive disorder. I have a lot of mixed emotions right now. The past week and a half have been in a depression. But the logical side of me says to cheer up, but something is dragging me down. Negative thoughts keep coming up and I can't seem to keep the positive for very long. The doc says we are going to keep the meds the way they are and I feel the need for more of something or maybe less of something. I'm not getting much done on a day to day basis. I've been journeling but even that doesn['t help much. I was very ill this last time I lost weight severely, anorexic and almost died they threatened me with tube feeding if i didn'[t start eating and i'm eating now even tho alot of the time now i'm not hungry.. I feel like no one knows how I feel and I'm doing ;my best to be happy. It's just not happening.

Ibolya

April 3, 2007 2:39 AM

HASH(0xcf1c1a8)

I have been bi-polar for more years than I care to remember. My parents were and from what they tell me, so were theirs. After 15 years I'm medicated. Suicidal, I don't think that ever leaves if you are prone. What keeps me here? My husband does not deserve to find me that way. I take myself off medication regularly...just to see if I am still "sick." I have had people back away from me. I have had the "snap out of it, you are just looking for attention." My husband and daughter hauled me back from walking onto a highway in NC. I could not understand why they wanted to save me. I just wanted the pain to stop. In my manic phase I have gardened from 6:00am to 12:00am seven days a week for four months. In my down phase I didn't have the strength to put stuff in the washer or hide the crying marathons. I am a writer and one day a friend said, put it on paper. I did. It is my sanity. I feel my depression is the gift, not the writing. I can show others what we feel, what the symptoms are, where and how to get information and help. Now God and I have a book in print, poetry about my struggle with the disease. I try to educate and have. We suffer. We find comfort from others who are like us. We are more of a threat to ourselves than others. It took me years to convince my husband he had were depression. The hardest thing to remember when you can't get any more bottom than you are is, your brain chemicals are off. I asked my Dr. if she was bi-polar or depressive. She said it was none of my business. The .... it isn't! All the book smarts, tests, hours of lectures and your vacations to detox will never let you know what it is like where we go all because of brain malfunctioning. Or having your family call you every 10 min. on a suicide watch. My husband keeps the trigger guard on the guns locked. He hasn't figured out how I can cook without large kitchen knives, though. WE NEED TO EDUCATE THE REST. If we make one, just one understand... My Dr. learned a lot about bi-polars she never learned in school. May we all find the peace we seek and the help we need.

Jazzmax

April 14, 2007 3:31 AM

HASH(0xcf1ce7c)

Suicide is a temporary insanity--when everything inside yourself turns upside down in an emotional bend of which you have no control. People do not realize it's power or how it hits,or the signs that it is coming. It slips slowly into your life without you realizing what is happening..down a little, and a little more, and so on. You adjust as if it is pro quo---not realizing that it's not.I have battled with depression on and off a lot of my life...and I have spent many years strong and thankful and joyful. This has given me a perspective. I have come to know depression and how it affects me very well. When I start to have symptoms I see a Doctor. After years of strenth and positive emotional being I developed PMMD. The depression from that almost killed me suddenly! There's not a lot of warning in the days preceeding your period!

Read All Comments

Post a Comment

By submitting these comments, I agree to the beliefnet.com terms of service, rules of conduct and privacy policy (the "agreements"). I understand and agree that any content I post is licensed to beliefnet.com and may be used by beliefnet.com in accordance with the agreements.