Tikkun is a Hebrew word. It is translated into English as “to repair.” It is rooted in the Kabbala in relation to the brokenness of the universe and the idea that eventually God will repair his universe. I’ve battled depression for most of my 69 years. Sometimes depression can become so intense it is almost tangible and it creates the most intense emotional reactions. In the midst of sensing that my life is broken beyond repair and the only possible human response is to die, I have to make myself pause at remember that whatever brokenness I may perceive, there is a supreme and sovereign God who can and will repair it all. That it isn’t happening now does not mean that it will not happen. Then, too, how do we know it isn’t happening now. I have to remember that I’m not as depressed or depressed as often as I used to be; so perhaps God’s work of restoration has already begun. In any case, those of us who have battled this disease should use any renewed, restored, repaired energy we have to reach out to other in this situation and help them find the light that leads to improved mental health. If we do that, then the promised restoration can begin in us.

You are truly a light in the darkness, Therese. love & peace, Sandy

How do you distinguish depression from ordinary feelings, if it isn’t as obvious as what you have described?

Thank you Therese. Your letter sounds like the same thing my boyfriend is going through. My heart breaks for him because he has severe depression and I usually don’t know what to do other than pray and reading more about the illness as well as looking for hope for him. Thanks again, April

Ed, I truly hope you find the restoration you so richly deserve. Although I have only been clinically depressed once (for a year)some almost 30 years ago, and have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I can empathize with your reawakening of “normal” thoughts after 69 years. On another thought – I’ve just been through a short-lived, but frightening, “A-B-C-D-E-F” depression. Last Sunday, I was “in the Valley,” and saw literally no way out. I didn’t know who to call or what to do. I’m lucky in that I seldom have “moods;” I thought of myself as a “high-functioning” bipolar, and here I was nearly crying at my computer keyboard! It was tough – I went to bed early that night, believing that I would wake up “normal” in the morning; no such luck. I called my psychiatrist – but she was not in. I schlumped through the day, and finally called my Brother in Christ – and he said he’d be right over. He is a rapid-cycling bipolar,with suicidal ideation, but was concerned about ME. After about an hour of making me laugh and forget about my situation, the “sky started to clear.” Today, Thursday, I FINALLY saw my therapist. The “alphabet” I showed above is the result of her probing what might have triggered a “minor” depression. Each letter represented a “downer” that produced a “low” in me. To think there were so many!But – I seriously relate to Therese; looking back on last Sunday, I was so low, I barely got out of bed. I spilled hot coffee on me while reading the paper! But – it is so easy to be forgetful of the hard times. God blesses us with the amnesia of “hard times.” Acknowledging the “A-B-C-D-E-F” was hard – but it prooduced results. I am now my usually optimistic self, knowing that, even in the Valley, we are promised light.

Therese, Your writing was inspirational. Do you think your depression lifted in part because of the journal, or did you start taking medication, or what is your secret? So happy you’re out of the valley.

Theresa, Thank you for writing your experience. I too have dealt with depression /anxiety disorder for many years, and I worked with pts. in a psych hospital.I’m stable on meds now, but I want to praise you for your courage and your growth. God bless you. Elayne

Thank you for this Therese. I was severely depressed and suicidal for years. Until I met God 3 years ago. I helped start a soup kitchen in my home town the past year. My husband and I are retiring out of province in a week. Tonight was my last board meeting. I am officially no longer a member. It was like ripping my baby from my arms. I came home a little while ago completely heartbroken. Then I read what you had to say. I’m reminded that God is good and led me to read my emails more thoughroughly than I have in a very long time and that He has already begun repairing my broken heart. Thank you for the inspiration.Liette

Wow. MMMmmmm. I have lived (lived), survived depression and then Anxiety that swoops through the area of the 3rd chakara like a stupid little man in spandex and a cape and he steals my sunshine. Suddenly, my face gets that worried look (I can feel it), then I wonder what happend? Did I hurt someone?? Then the dwelling begins…yes of course I have hurt someone. I mean come on, I am 43 a recovering drunk and coke and methamphetamine pig, and currently have hep-c, RA and a friend is taking care of me until I can get some social security because my SDI is gone. No family, and since my lifestyle was so awful and everything was always so temporary…no friends, just him and he used to be a lover, but he is just a tad too young, 27 in fact, and, well, I could go on. I am one of those women who have had it all and survived. Well, I am here to agree with you…It sure as HELL does not feel like surving when you are in the middle of it. I absolutely love and cherish your column. I only wish I could do such a thing, I have such a wealth of wisdom and love to give now. May 31, I will be sober 8 years off of booze and street drugs, but I sometimes do more than is absolutely necessary of the methadone I take for pain. No RA meds for me, I have had Hep C for way to long, and have already tried interferon/ribavarin (Hell,sheer hell). Well, look at me, blah blah blah. Just keep doing what you are doing. I am so lucky to have come across you. Love, blessings and I will send a Reiki kiss for you and family, Dana Leigh Roth P.S. I now spend my days with Angels, God and my cat. She is a year old and was a runt in the litter, I kept her warm and safe, and when she lived, I named her Sunshine and kept her. God Bless.

hi therese, good for you for getting out. i echo donna: what helped you move up and out of the depression? meds always work for me, and it’s past time for a tweak, but i would greatly appreciate anything else you can tell me. i agree there is a spritual answer too, and socialization, and i’ve been working hard on those. more suggestions welcome. . . many thanks to you and others for your words, and blessingsg to you all – abigail

OK> Millions more NEVER get out of it

Wow…!!! Depression is discovering that you targeted for Japan from Seattle on your sailboat but ended up in Australlia with no supplies. Especially for giving people.As a post brain surgery patient, mom dying at 17y.o., seeing war as a Navy corpsman, to now losing my job on Wall Street due to a the first ever NASD testing error. Alongside this my wife jumped ship;due to my yelling, and ran back being “mommy’s baptisty boy”(the MIL would make any SIL crazy)….I thought I could see depression………you can not!!! Due to to my seizure increase, my VA nuerologist advised me to voluntarily get wired for a few days to 24 hr EEG. During that period,I met a great professor of psychiatry & neurology. Of which, he gave me the BDI-II 21 questionnaire. I have never done that. Damn, the truth hurt. I would have scored in the high 50′s…if I did not check my six(web) prior to finishing. So Therese J. Borchard….I say your openness is cool and so soothing. FYI .. the most blessed friend I had while in the Navy is named Burchard. He’s a great pastor. Listen sometime http://www.hanfordoasis.org Hook up with people that you can grow with, mess with…if not ya get ill. View…www.realrelationships.com …the video clips fully defuse a depressed person from isolation. Oh…Laugh, laugh, cry, laugh, exercise, sillyness, games, save, vacation, work passionately, prayer, meditation

Thank you so much for writing your column and sharing those words. I have often gone through very similar conversations in my head. I have suffered depression since I was a teenager, I think- but back then it was not diagnosed or talked about like it is today as a mental illness. A few years ago, 2001, I finally went a little too far, and sought professional help. My psychologist asked me to write, as a therapeutic exercise. This method of treatment really helped me get to a “happier” state, though sometimes I still wander into the valley.I wish my family were more aware of what depression really is. Sometimes it really feels like they are not supportive. Fortunately, I have a few friends who understand, and a dear aunt who is also suffering from depression. I know what the symptoms are and I fight myself hard to stay above the half full line. I know God is always by my side and that’s the one great thought I hold on too, that keeps me from suicide. I keep praying that God will heal all wounds. I am glad I came across this article. To all of you out there, keep smiling! Local girl

I have suffered depression most of my life and finally have learned the coping skills to stay at a healthy level and not sink without medication, reading your story how you forget is sooo true I forget and reading your article I have to say I have never seen it described better I have been there and had that conversation with myself so many times. Hard to come to the realization that we are sick and not crazy its such a silent sickness and we really do not have control when we allow depression to take us to that level of wanting to die. There is hope. Prayers for depression sufferers Laura

For many years, I argued with my doctors about the possibility of my suffering from depression. I think that rebel state was born from having raised a bipolar child whom I felt I had to be constantly on the defensive for as he was so misunderstood and mistreated by everyone whom he came in contact with.ie; schools,family, friends,doctors,ect… Or maybe it was a combination of many factors. The aforementioned, my Hepatitis C diagnoses and subsequent decline in health over the years coupled with the stigma factor as well as the inability for the doctors to realize that the virus could in fact make one feel very sick despite any actual liver damage ~the death of my mother and the murder of both my beloved grandparents within a 20 day span ~ life with my alcoholic husband ~ a family who didn’t really seem to care one way or another ~ poverty~ and then, the ultimate death of my best friend and first born son at 25 by suicide. Ironic, I suppose, that I would denounce a diagnoses of manic dpressive considering all the above, and there is more…. so much more… The day i realized that they were right,was the day that i woke up and really didn’t want to be here anymore.. I still fight the good fight, but am wondering short of meds, which my body cannot seem to tolerate, and short of GOD, whom I have been left to feel abandoned by, what helps all of you make it through your dark times. How does one get complete control over their feelings? Is is not ok to cry? And why should that embarrass us? I am still here. And all in all I love life in spite of it’s harshness. But I don’t have a good support system, many friends, nor a belief that God will make it all better. And so I’m interested in knowing what others would suggest for someone in my present situation. I wish peace for us all ~ L.

Blessings to all of you. Let’s all give one bit of advice for anxiety/depression. 1. Sunshine. 15 minutes a day.

sexy

Wow! What an awakening. I just read Theresa J. Borchard’s piece, sounded like myself. I can sincerely relate. I am in the process of trying to let back to my life (positive) outlook. I am seeking the assistance of a councelor. I had been taking some meds for depression for over 15 yrs,. after a stroke, which I recover after 1.5 yrs of hard work and the strenght of God. It does help to hear that their his relief coming. It is going to time. It took me awhile to get this place, so I have make sure I am climbing out with a bring yellow rope. I wish all the best of luck. I listen well, and if I can help please email. Blessings to all.
Theresa

ONLY ONE ADVISE,DEPRESSION AND ANXIATY,ADDICTIONS,
TAKE THE TIME TO READ AND READ AGAIN EVERY WORD IN THE BOOK ” POTATOES NOT PROZAC “IT TOOK TIME TO GET IT IN MY HEAD.

i have struggled with depression since the late 90′s. i take meds and sometimes it works and other times it doesn’t seem like it. my husband can always tell when i have not been taking meds as i am supposed. i cry very easy. lately, even though i am taking my meds i have been very down. i also think alot about death and suicide. i have promised my husband i won’t kill my self but sometimes it is hard to keep that promise. i think about ways to die. i want it to look like an accident for insurance purposes. i have really thought of different scenerios. i would like to know how you can be happy, truly happy, without having to fake it. there really doesn’t seem like there is a purpose for me being here.

reaching out to others when I am at my worst point is the best way for me to get the releif I really want, I then feel I am particapating in life. No longer isolated, and I can reach out to people who are able to show you that your presents in there needful time is life giving to them. That does’t mean they have to tell you they are thankful or appreciated, you already can see that by reaching out to them is keeping them from being alone and without being cared about. We all need to be cared for in some manner. So caring enough to give to others feels so good. Find a way and a place where you can go and be caring on a regular basis,even if it is a simple thing, just make it be a way to give at those worst moments of the day or night you are getting in that cycle od depression and anxiety, and you won’t be just wasting the hour being broken and bleeding in you heart,LOVE IS A CHIOCE, LOVING OTHERS IS YOUR CHOICE and the act of loving is very healing to our soul.
good neighbor

reading your column reminded me of myself. I was going through a very sad time in my life and went to my family physician and told her all my problems and cried and then the next time I went I knew all these people know everything about me. In the bible David wrote God is the lifter of my head. while going through this time of depression I felt a spiritual leading to write some songs and it was like it came from a angel or something. I woulld write them in 10 min or so and had never wrote songs before. One I wrote was going thru my head when I was asleep so I awoke and wrote it down. there is a book by Joyce Myers that’s called the battlefield of the mind that is very good.
I always sing my songs when I get down and it lifts my spirits up. I will give you a few words.
Bring your burdens to him and he will give you peace within.
No need for worry,doubt and fear, no when my JESUS IS SO NEAR
.
He said, come unto me and I’ll fill your heart with Glee
no need to worry anymore.
another song A child without a Care.
I know I’m my daddy’s girl
Jesus, you are my whole world
You take away my pain, then turn my sorrow into gain
like a child without a care
like a feather in the air
when I go to you in prayer
I will leave my burdens there.
now i’m a child without a care
just like a feather in the air
as long as your with me, I’ll be happy anywhere
Sweet Lord, you rock me off to sleep,
when I awake you laugh with me
like a feather in the air, I’m a child without a care
God Bless you all, Ask God to help you and listen to what you feel lead to do. See a Dr. get a friend, take your meds and think about good things. love to all Diana I sure can relate to what your saying and I know you can find peace with the presense of the Lord and his help. He loves you so much

I want you to know that help is just a prayer away. I know that sounds too easy, but it is true. The Lord has a wonderful plan for your life. He can use all things to work together for your good, Just love Him and trust Him. Reach out to close friends and spiritual books that speaks of His love for others and you can see that if He stood by the side of so many He can also stand by your side too. The apostle Peter was a good example, after he felt defeated. When he denied His savior… He wept and the Lord restored him. David was another… there are so many examples in the bible of those who did not measure up but the Lord was there by their side to see them through as He will also be there for you if you allow Him to come in and be with you through it all. Stay bless and God Loves you.

I read what you wrote and it was pretty intesting… I agree with alot of what you said. Life isn’t easy and we have to be strong and go with the flow or be eaten alive by its ups and downs.. I have tried to be a good person, but I know that I am not perfect. I try to see both sides of things and be objective.. reflect on things that should have been done differently but weren’t.. and than realize that I must learn from my mistakes and make my experiences matter. God has always played a big role in my life and still does.. I want my life to count for something.. and I hope that the people that I have touched in some way matters and that they feel all the love I had to give… Life is about choices that we make and the freedom that God has allowed us to have to achieve anything that we want from this world… My belief is this, if we are true to ourselves and the people that we love, how can we go wrong with any decisions we have made in our lives.. God comes first… for me…

I’m crying out for help! Yesterday with great hesitation I called a pastor from a church I use to attend and asked if he would pray for me. Afterwards I felt stupid because of course he didnt understand me. I’m sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo depressed! Gross, I hate writing that word or even claiming in my life, like I once did so openly. But now I’m such a private person because so many people I’ve opened up to about my personal life struggles are no longer my friends. I feel sooo much shame and embassament!!!
There’s so much to say and I dont know were to start, I just want some hope that there is a life worth living.
I cant travel on the high way without my mother, cant get on a plane, cant go into New York because of traffic, bla, bla, bla ,bla
I’m sick of myself!!!!! When I was a teenage I was spunky and spontanious and fun!!! and Yes I’ve always had fear because of an abusive childhood. But fear as a child didnt cripple me like it does today. I’ve lost friendships because they dont understand or want to..hum? and the love of my life said he cant stop living his life to help me. Ive tried passive dating. because I didnt want to expose my shortcoming and once again be rejected and treated like I’m damaged and not worth it. (that I couldnt handle) My grandma tells me I need to get better ASAP “No man wants a woman who cant travel, who’s ever hear of that” I watch those commercials for vacations and they dont excite me NOTHING DOES

I wish to share with you. Please find me here:
pitrinam@stumbleupon.com
Peace!&Love2U&Yours! PiTrinam

Hey Spunky 1996, hang in there. I blamed myself, my family and my God. I thought I was bi-polar as well, but it turned out, like you, I would be spunky one minute and down and out the next. Turns out that the spunky was just the “tears of the clown” trying to pull myself out of depression, and boy could I get into trouble. I had a good shrink, and she worked with me until we both came to that realization. I was so great at faking being manic that I had my ownself fooled, but the truth is that I was desperate to get out the funk. Medicine nowadays is better too. There are medicines now for PTSD which I have from childhood trauma, and there are medicines for BPD which they have found is not a personality disorder but a form of depression due to childhood trauma, but it is still stuck on the Axis II line. There are norepinephrine inhibitors which can make you feel a lot better while you pray it through. But as for mild depression, prayer works and working with other people. But for major depression it feels like a slap in the face for someone just to say, “Pray more” when the truth is, when you are depressed, just for information, depressed people pray ALL the time! In fact God is about the only person there were times I even wanted to talk to. It is like saying to someone gushing blood in the middle of the road, don’t call an ambulance, just pray more. Just get up and go help someone else. You’ll get better soon. It is the number one cause of death in our teenagers and the fourth cause of death in our adults in this country, so let’s get real people. God is real, and God walks with us in real life. Depression is a sickness that needs a doctors and God’s help.

Interesting article and postings…
and I was just thinking last night how:
“what feels like Death, also feels like Birth!
Experience is the ALL the same. Tat Tvam Asi.
It is only Our Preception of that Experience
that fluctuates
and must be Mastered.”PiTrinam

pitrinam, I tried to e-mail you but it didnt go through…I agree with your comment. Yes, perception is so important but I believe it’s governed by the thoughts we nurture everyday. However, when you have more of an external frame of reference it’s hard to channel that. I’m trying to be more solid in who I am and what I believe. Through that I hope to acquire my own internal frame of reference. I refuse to accept any lable given by a doctor that says “you need medication” I’ve been mis-diagnosed by doctors and given medication where later found out by another doctor that I should have never taken that. Also I was on one particular medication for depression for four years that caused more problems and I didnt realize it until I finally took myself off it last oct of 06. Now I’m not taking anything and I pray through God’s Grace and a STRONGER faith I will overcome this. If we can go back to a happy freeing moment in our memories and try to grab that feeling and try to remember the smell of the air the way your mind felt weight less. and try to reclaim that joy in our lives. But the bible says “I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me” But first we must believe it’s possible. Pleasse dont misunderstand what I’m writing trust me when I’m in the dark hole I see no light of hope. I’m feeling a little better today and I’m hoping to inspire or help lift someone’s spirit…. God Bless!

I good to see that people don’t forget about God. He is in charged.

i was feeling just like those two stories up on top but for some reason god pull me thur i had breast cancer and i got so depress then one day i ask god to get me thur this and he did i feel so much better and i went to the drs just yesterday and found out i have lung cancer so i just pray for him to put it in his hand and if he was ready for me then it time at lease if i go i will go home and i know no more sadness and no more pain but i was sad and i told my family if god decide to take me ,celerbrate me going home no wars no pain and i will be with my father my faith as became my life god is my strenght. i hope this help some one your prays make you stronger everyday but if you give your heart to him and he blessed you every monent of your life god blessed

I too suffer from depression. I have as long as I can remember, I’ve been hospitalized twice for complete breakdowns. 4 Years ago my depression became a panic disorder which manifested as Agoraphobia. I was stuck, glued to my house, unable most times to even pick up the phone. The few times I was able to leave would never be longer than 2 hours, other wise, BAM it would hit me and everyone around me would move away, afraid for themselves. I would begin to cough, then choke, them a full blown asthmas attack and I was totally unable to breath for longer than I thought necessary to stay alive. I would have to run from a store or family gathering just to get to a place I felt safe long enough to use my inhaler and take additional medication.
I had a friend come to stay with me because she had convinced me that she was being abused by her husband and children and I always knew that she was drinking heavily,but I thought if she got here to Massachusetts she could get the help she needed. Anyway she came and a horrific incident terrorized one of my children, she made sexual advances toward my 20 year old son, I made her leave. And for about 2 or 3 months after that I myself drank, while on my medication. Well, i can remember praying..God please, let me wake up tomorrow…and when i do please let me be rid of these terrible vices. Well, one day he answered my prayer. After my friend left I began to sleep in my bedoom upstairs and what I though was a simple form of exercise resulted in me losing 40 lbs. Now around the same time I was given a new prescription from my ortho for back pain…(remember this part). Also around that time I started to make Angels out of this really nice sheer material that was bordered with satin and feathers and pearl halos. I must have made more than 50 with the intention of selling them. I actually sold a lot but also gave alot as Christmas presents. Out of the blue this year shortly after Christmas something miraculous happened to me. Well, it was around February or March one day when I came downstairs and walked across the front of my living room…I stopped and tried to feel what was making me stand their. Something was missing, I had stopped feeling pain…days later I stopped smoking and had already stopped drinking. It was like a miracle…I couldn’t believe it and I thought it would never last.
Around March, Oprah Winfrey had the creators of the movie “the secret” on her show. I tivoed the show and watched it 3 or 4 times everyday until the one I ordered from Amazon.com arrived. I can’t tell you how transformed my life became. I use absolutely no medicine for my COPD I can breath better than I was ever able to. I am back to walking and in the beginning I couldn’t walk without crying the whole time. (crying with joy) for the ability to leave my house and walk like that. Everything I do now is a such a mirale. I have seen more changes in my life than I have in my entire 58 years on this earth. I am still taking medication for depression (1) and the muscle relaxant for my back (1)and my anti-anxiety (2) at bedtime. My blood pressure is normal and my physical stregnth had returned. I don’t know exactly what happened to make these changes take place, but I know one thing….It was God’s plan and I plan to tell this story and share everything I learn with as many people as I can for the rest of my life. And, by the way, one of my goals in life is to live to be 100 and the current president at that time will (BRING to me, not MAIL), my award for turning 100 years old.
When I read your story today, I couldn’t help but think if maybe you can also find a ladder up from your depression and I suggest you try using the principles in the movie “the secret” as a step up. It truly worked for me along with my blind faith in God. Bless you with what you are experiencing, my empathy is so deep that there are tears in my eyes right now, because I know your pain. Give the “secret” a try and while you’re at it there is a meditation series out called “Holosync” by Bill Harris that also did wonders for me. It brought all the luggage from the back of my brain forward where I could see it and understand it and I have learned that there is a healthy mind set, that ANYONE CAN BENEFIT FROM.
My thoughts are with you and you are in my prayers, I remember waking up every morning telling myself that I had to get through, yet, another day, fight another battle, try to find the smallest of joy….Right now, none of that is work for me….it just exists inside of me. If there is anything I can do for you to help you on your journey please let me know. I have a lot of resources that will help anyone that is going through mental illness.
One of the joys that I experience now, is my mind….staying open….I’m no longer afraid of what will come in when it’s open, (that would be like the conversations you have in your head, I have them too, I just use a different dialogue now.
Ann-Marie Cunniff
anortonc@aol.com

I am having bad panic attacks and yet able to function to a degree but there’s a lot to do and I live alone. i have lots of phone and e-mail connections but I don’t know how to stop these eccept with music and sedatives.I know the one writer said she was choking and coughing as well as drinking.I pray and ask God to help me and look after me.I ask all those who read this e-mail to pray for me as I am frightened when I have these panic attacks and feel paralysed.Please help me and all those who suffer from this kind of thing as it can be debilitating and prevent you from doing a lot of things.
God Bless you all.May I return to normal soon as I can.I hate this way of living.and my pet birds are scared so I try to calm down for them and then feel a little better.
Mary

Hi Therese. Along with a debilitating depression came psychosis. I “trained” my mind thought by thought for eight years to literally become sane again. You may not consider a hygienist’s chair an appropriate place to cry (although I think the idea of an appropriate place to cry is absurd), but you’re very lucky that you were able to cry. I consider myself lucky when a few tears slip out. It feels healing to me, and boy do I need healing. It’s amazing that you are able to look back and feel compassion for yourself. I can see why you’ve been able to rate yourself as a 1 in your mood journal. Good for you!

How wonderful to see how well you are doing! God loves us in a way that is incomprehensible to us – it is all encompassing. All praise to our magnificent Lord!