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From Ruiz’s “The Four Agreements“:
Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally…. If I see you on the street and I say, “Hey, you are so stupid,” without knowing you, it’s not about you; it’s about me. If you take it personally, then perhaps you believe you are stupid. Maybe you think to yourself, “How does he know? Is he clairvoyant, or can everybody see how stupid I am?”
You take it personally because you agree with whatever was said. As soon as you agree, the poison goes through you, and you are trapped in the dream of hell. What causes you to be trapped is what we call “personal importance.” Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about “me.”
Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.
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Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
Meet others on the journey in
Therese’s community group
Ask Therese to be your friend
Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
posted May 19, 2007 at 2:24 am
The second agreement: otherwise known as “I can do any horrible thing I want to others, and their reaction is their problem.”
posted May 22, 2007 at 7:23 pm
Doug If I may. I believe instead of blaming the victim, which is very popular psychobabble currently. The second agreement removes the victim from the equation. If you come to me and tell me I’m a lazy slob, and I refuse to acknowlege your existance. You can’t harm me. I’m not a victim. If you use a gun I will bleed. But, most of us, on a daily basis suffer more frequent and lasting damage from words, than we ever have to worry about at gunpoint. Have a beautiful day. CJ