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Albert Camus once said, “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.” And Carl Jung said, “There is no coming to consciousness without pain.”
During the year of my depression, I would have replied, “Please shoot me then, because I never asked to be alert.”
But I do believe I’m a stronger person today than I was a year ago. I wouldn’t go so far as to thank God for my brain disease. (I’m not a moron.) But I have learned some coping skills that have come in handy not only in living with extreme moodiness and anxiety, but also in toilet training my daughter, being a loving wife with PMS, and respecting preschool administrators who feel that Easter deserves two weeks of vacation. (I love Jesus and I’m glad he’s risen, but come on!).
I thought about those perks the other day when I ran into my friend, Ellen, at the grocery store. Neither of us time to chat at length (as usual), but I did ask her about her daughter who had been hospitalized in October with depression.
“She’s good!” Ellen said. “In some ways, I’m glad she fell to pieces…because now she’s put together better.”
Recovery from very severe depression is similar to the metamorphosis, or chrysalis, of a caterpillar to a butterfly.
Only in struggling to emerge from a small hole in the cocoon does a butterfly get wings strong enough to fly. As she squeezes out of that tiny space, the liquids inside her body cavity are pushed into the tiny capillaries in the wings, where they harden. Should you try to help a butterfly by tearing open the cocoon, the poor thing won’t sprout wings. Or if she does, they won’t be strong enough to fly.
No struggle, no wings.
In general, I think I like myself a lot better today than I did prior to the breakdown. I rely less on my work or any type of accomplishment to provide me with self-esteem. I know that a Weblog award (for most excellent blog) would be totally cool to advertise on my website once I build it (in 2009?). But it won’t make me happy. I know that now.
And I guess I’m in less of a hurry (although you’d never suspect that if you ran into me) because I realize life is more about the journey than the destination.
Camus and Jung are mostly right, I think–butterflies are stronger than caterpillars. And more beautiful.
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Previous Posts
Rewire Your Brain For Love: An Interview with Marsha Lucas, Ph.D.
posted 6:00:56am Feb. 14, 2012 | read full post »
Love Deeply ...
posted 6:00:28am Feb. 13, 2012 | read full post »
Therapy Thursday: Sweat
posted 6:01:57am Feb. 09, 2012 | read full post »
Scrupulosity: What It Is and Why It's Dangerous
posted 6:17:35am Feb. 07, 2012 | read full post »
The Treasures of Darkness
posted 6:06:40am Feb. 06, 2012 | read full post » |
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Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
Meet others on the journey in
Therese’s community group
Ask Therese to be your friend
Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
posted May 29, 2007 at 1:14 am
May 23 is my birthday. These two post you made today allow me to consider them a special birthdya gift. Both. Hurrying time… that s the story of my life. I m learning the pleasure of unfolding at my own time, and thus letting things and other poeple unfold at theirs too. It s a win out of compassion. It s a breakthrough to that stupid “you-are-always-too-late” concept i have been programmed with and I so obstinately feeded and thought true.Today I am OK with Time, and I like to deem it as alwasy plotting in my favor, not against me. I learned to trust life a bit… and that is grand. You surely know what I talk about. Bless you! Thx for the gifts!
gi
posted June 24, 2007 at 2:40 pm
Therese,
I wonder if your novena of hope that came from Buffalo, NY was from my Goddaughter’s sister, Rose? My Goddaughter has been a member of the Carmelite sisters for some time and I am sure it would not be unlike her sister to send a novena and prayers for a speaker about depression. My battle of depression started as a twin survivor. My twin died 3 days after birth. My greatest depression happened in August of ’99. Because of grace, grief work and many prayers my depression is under control with a minimum amount of medication. I am grateful everyday for the life I have to live today. During the worst of my depression I could have been offered $1 million or more if I could cheer up on my own and I’d have to turn it down. What helped most was discovering again my anger with God and getting that resolved. I didn’t trust God in my unconscious mind until I got that resolved. I am Catholic also and and blessed to be able to have more faith than I did as a child. I am now 50 and look forward to live the rest of my life in honor of my deceased twin. I am convinced we are identical, but have no way of knowing it for a fact. I learned yesterday my aunt, who was a nurse, burped me hard as a pre-mee in the hospital, during my first month of life. It could have saved me because I was in an incubator for the first two months of my existence. I had come home briefly after the first month only to develop pneumonia and have to return to the hospital. Touch is very important for infants this small (I was 4 and 1/2 lbs. at birth). So this added stimulation had to have helped. Small world! Peace and love, Joe B./Denver, Colorado
posted June 26, 2008 at 11:39 pm
I love this blog. I have been reading for a year now and it seems you are the only person who truly understands what it’s like to be in this deep, dark hole. I am desperately seeking for help, answers, anything. Unfortunately, I have lost my faith in God and in the belief that life turns out for the best. Can anyone help?