I don’t know how to respond to the following notes posted on various message boards other than to say that I pray for you and offer you my sincere condolences and support. And I ask all readers out there to keep the following people in your prayers as well. I do believe in the power of prayer, and hope that all of you will feel some consolation and peace soon.
I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child, as I’ve read in several books and articles that grieving a son or daughter is the most difficult tragedy a person can endure. Maybe if there are many readers out there who have lost children, we could start a prayer circle on Beliefnet for those who have mourned the loss of their children.
I just lost a son 7 weeks ago and wish to join him. Is that normal in this stage of loss.--Vicki MooreIt is very normal and you will feel like that for some time. I know I have felt that way for close to the first 8 months of losing my only daughter. She was 7 months pregnant with her 2nd child and was celebrating her 30 th birthday when her and her husband were both killed in a car accident on their way home. Their 18 month old child survived the accident. I still don't deal with this. It will be 2 years this month. I still want to deny this. --Carol
I feel I have been suffering with major depression due to the fact both of my children recently died and five days following my son’s death, my husband of 34 years divorced me. He has left me penniless and I am now indigent, which truly concerns me. I am trying to exchange fear for faith, but at times it is very challenging as I feel I need to just give up. –-Suzanne Hugueley
I am sorry for everyone that feels like this. I know how it is. I have lost my son, grandson and husband. I am disabled and have been trying to get help for years for social security but have been turned down. I think people today have no feeling for others. My mom always said help one another and I have. But now the shoe is on the other foot and everyone seems to leave you. I just feel so alone and sad all the time. I pray but I think he does not want to hear me either. I just want to wish everyone well and hope that you can pull thru this because I do not think I ever will. GOD BLESS. --Louise
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The Light of God Surrounds You
The Love of God Enfolds You
The Power of God Protects You
The Presence of God Watches Over You
Wherever You Are, God Is.....
And All Is Well.
Amen
Prayer of Protection by James Dillett Freeman, late poet laureate of Unity Church
Yes, I have lost a child - my youngest son Dean died 8 years ago at the tender age of 18. Losing him was like losing half of myself. The other half lives in my oldest son David, also grieving the loss of his only brother.
At first, I cried and prayed to die all the time. I just wanted to join my son, the pain of surviving without him was too much to bear. I also suffer with Clinical Depression, which hasn't helped at all with the long and painful grieving process. Many people have said cruel and stupid things to me over my loss. Well intentioned people - I recognise that, but how painful it is for someone to tell you that you need to let your child go, or that your child is in a better place. How can he be in a better place? The best place of all was here, with me and his brother. A sister even confided to me that she was "jealous" of the car I had been able to buy with the death benefit my son's employer paid to me through his insurance. I just stared at her, and she said "I hope you understand that". I said I did, but I have never gotten over those cruel words. I know others who have been told, at least you have other children. I tell ya, you just wanna smack people when they say things like that.
I just want to say that if you hear of someone you know, (or heaven forbid someone close to you) who has lost a child, PLEASE do not judge their behaviour through their painful loss. Just be there to listen and cry with the person if they want that, or to hold their hand and sit silently comforting them, or to do whatever it takes to help that person. You feel dead you know, like you will never feel anything but pain again in your whole agonising life left on this earth!
The best thing you can say is, "I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to understand what you are going through, but I am here for you if and when you need me". And please, do NOT leave it up to the person to visit or call you. They can't. It is just too hard. I had lots of callers and visitors up until the day of my son's funeral. Then most of them deserted me, when it is the time you most need support. There is nothing left to organise you see, nothing to keep your mind off the sad fact that it is real and your baby is gone. You need to just drop in, or call and say that you were just checking on them to make sure they are alright. And don't say, "How are you?" How the heck do you think they are? It doesn't take a genius to know that the bereaved parent is NOT good, not ok, not doing fine and certainly not great.
When all is said and done, there is probably nothing you can do but be there and support the person as much as you can, for as long as you are able. Don't bring up your own experiences and don't tell them you know how they are feeling, unless you really do. I can tell you, even if you have lost as many people as I have in my life, (16 family and friends in the last 18 years), NOTHING is as bad as losing a child.
You can learn to smile again after one of your children dies, but it takes time and it takes a hell of a lot of strength. It is 8 years for me now, but I still have days that I just dissolve into a mess of tears, missing my son so very much. The loss of him is far more profound than I could ever have imagined in my life before his death. It changed me forever. I am far less capable and far less outgoing than I was before. The fact is, their death changes us and we never go back to what we were. We learn to live with the pain and the new life we now have to live.
Thanks to Sasha, Kathy and others for your kind words. They are appreciated. I truly hope this does not sound angry and blaming. It is very hard to tell people how to help bereaved parents or siblings etc, but the best way is to be there for them, whenever you can.
Angel Blessings to all, bereaved parents, families and all others. Love your kids, they are on loan only and nobody knows when one of us will leave the planet.
(\o/) (\o/) (\o/) Love, lilfaery
I lost my only child, Christopher, over a year ago. I wanted to die right there with him when I had to identify his body from the car accident. He was the sweetest most loving individual ever. I named him after Christ because he was so special from baby on. Something always told me that I would not have him forever though. My husband's and my life has changed very much and we have gone on to do many things in Chris's name such as a golf scramble which generates 3 large scholarships for local schools. Chris was a top golfer. We have also added a beautiful lake at our golf course in our son's name that the course could never afford but wanted. I try to live more like my son did, never judging anyone, loving everyone, and never holding a grudge. I miss him so much but know he wants me to continue on doing what he did so well.....loving everyone.
My heart and prayers go out to you all....I recently lost my sister to cancer in july 2006 then Feb 2007 I lost my son to a drug overdose he was 23 and my heart is breaking, I want to go be with him and i dont want to live anymore..is this normal to be feeling this way at 17 months? someone let me know you can write me at Foxybrat46@aol.com please someone help me I am reaching out
Sandy
On Feb.28,2009 I lost my Husband to cancer after a year of him fighting for his life,I was there every step of the way and I could'nt help him, I prayed all day everyday for him,and now he is gone and I don't know what to do with the pain of losing him, I'm disable and I cry everyday,I miss him so much.Please can someone please tell me how will I ever get pass this. Do pray for me.
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