June 2007 Archives

There is a Bible story that (kind of) goes like this …

Lady Codependency was on her way to work one day when a beggar asked her for change.

"Come join me for breakfast," she said, wanting desperately to please God and to be the Good Samaritan in Luke’s Gospel.

Ten minutes and 20 dollars later, Lady Codependency told the guy that she was not a shareholder of Au Bon Pain, nor a food pantry.

For the next month, the beggar stalked Lady Codependency on her way to work. Prince Not-So-Codependent (Lady Codependency’s husband) finally logged onto MapQuest to find an alternative route for his codependent bride.

A year later, Lady Codependent still hadn’t found a way to be both compassionate and street savvy. Following the suggestion of a friend, she bought a packet of McDonald’s certificates to give to beggars. That would insure that none of her money went to drugs.

But the first bum Lady Codependent handed one to got up from the street corner where he sat and angrily ran after her. "I don’t want your f….. coupon! What’s the matter with you, lady?" he screamed for a few blocks.

I find it interesting to gather people's opinions on what the right thing to do is when you are hit up for money.

One very compassionate person said, "What would Jesus do?" as she gave the beggar a five dollar bill. But another very kind person told me, "I give to a charity. Giving out dollars on the street doesn’t help anyone, and only contributes to many drug addictions."

One woman said, "I give whatever change I have, and then if the person buys drugs with it, that is on their conscience. For my part, I’ve done the right thing."

Another yet another: "Honey, you need to close the Borchard Endowment Fund!"

Sometimes giving feels good, like you are doing the right thing. But other times it makes you feel resentful--signaling a boundaries issue--like when I opted to watch the bookstore clerk's daughter, paying the clerk five dollars an hour to do so. Man, how I'd love to get five bucks an hour from the sitters who watch David and Katherine.

I get fairly confused every time I try to set some rules along the "charity/Good Samaritan" policy in our house. For the time being, there are still no decision makers living there.

Thanks to reader Lisa, who wrote the following note on the message board of my "When One Door Closes …" post:

I'm still trying to figure out how/if this applies in my own life. Fall in love at 19 -- get dumped, lose my virginity to the wrong person, get pregnant, have abortion. Get smarter. Get married at 24 to man who'd been a friend for over a year. He becomes (AFTER the wedding) emotionally and verbally abusive. Stick it out for five years and get divorced. Get MUCH smarter. See therapist, take antidepressants, read, learn, spend time alone, work the mental health program. Meet man four years after divorce. Vet him carefully for power and control issues. Have happy marriage for several years -- he relapses and refuses to get help. I become divorced single parent of a one year old. See new therapist ... take meds ... work program ... lose 140 pounds ... get healthy ... do some dating ... set clear boundaries ... fall in love with special man ... he tells me every day for four months we will spend our lives together ... I love his kids and thought he loved mine ... he dumps me out of the clear blue for someone who lives in his town, because it's less hassle than a relationship with me 70 miles away. No one has been able to understand (or help me to understand) the cumulative effect of all these losses ... and all I can come up with is 1) despite all the work I have done to make better choices, I brought this on myself with my terrible choices in men and/or 2) I am a terrible person that no one wants to be with. At any rate ... doors keep slamming ... and the only ones that open manage to smack me in the face and bloody my nose. Any thoughts?

Among them:

This reminded me to let go and let God, and to remember God can see farther down the road than I can. –Ms. P

When one door closes another door always opens, but sometimes we have to wait in the hall. --Mike

Don't trip! GOD ain't through with you yet! --Anonymous

Here's a cool blog post (click here) by Wendy Schuman about the singer Edith Piaf, who prayed to St. Therese of Lisieux (whom she credited with curing her childhood blindness). In the movie, she hears Therese’s voice.

I'm always intrigued by other people's devotion to this saint because she had played such an important role in my faith, and in my recovery from everything bad.

Revolution Health is hosting a health fair on their website to raise money for over a dozen non-profit health companies, such as NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). By clicking on NAMI's virtual booth, you contribute 25 cents to their cause. For every 40,000 clicks a both receives, Revolution Health gives them $10,000. So here's an easy way to support NAMI: Go to Revolution Health's health fair by clicking here. Go inside the fair, and then click on NAMI's booth, which is the second booth to the right in the third row.

The fair goes until Saturday. But you can only click once a day (I thought of that too).