Thanks to reader Eddie who wrote the following on the message board of my “A Dozen Addiction Zappers” post:
This all sounds good, but when you are as depressed as I am, it sounds just like a bunch people talking crap that ain't true in my world. I'm an alcoholic and I hate AA. I have been through literally 14 AA based treatment programs, countless meetings, sponsors, a 167 page 4th step which I did with one of my sponsors. The Big Book says that many people feel a sense of relief after taking their 5th step. I felt like I did something I really shouldn’t have done. I have been there and done that. Don't tell me I haven't worked the program and please no idiotic AAisms. Just because it works for you don't mean it works for everybody. I can honestly say that I gave the AA program 15 years of my life, and I'm still drinking to this day. Now I don't even try anymore, because it's a waste of time for me (going to meetings, calling the sponsor, etc.). Folks, I want to quit drinking bad, real bad, but AA is not the answer for me and does that mean I have to suffer in my life and die an early death because of it?
Eddie, trust me, I am not an AA knight. I even hesitate writing those two vowels given the eleventh tradition: "Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and film."
I have had my share of issues with the program, one being the fear of God they put into people who think for themselves: "No one is too dumb for the program, but many people are too smart." (However, in hindsight, I sort of understand where they are coming from, because my brain was a real liability the first three years of sobriety, and thinking for myself would have most definitely lead me back to too much vodka.)
At any rate, I no longer take ALL my directions from their book anymore. I believe that I have enough recovery behind me to begin experimenting with my own program, which is based on the wisdom of their steps, as well as the invaluable teachings I have learned from different kinds of mentors along the way (two important ones being my writing mentor, Mike, who has never stepped foot in an AA meeting, and my guardian angel, Ann, who has taught me the basics of how to survive depression).
So listen, I’m all for creating your own program—whatever works for you!
I thought you might be interested in the following article “Many Roads to Recovery,” written by Dan Wakefield. He mentions several alternatives to AA as ways to stopping alcohol abuse.
And please know that I don’t judge you in anyway. We’re all just doing the best we can to find our way, a chunk of peace and serenity in this world.
You’re in my prayers!
Here’s the beginning of Wakefield’s piece. For the entire article, click here.
I never went to Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.), but 20 years ago I underwent a lifestyle change that involved an exercise and diet program (lowering my resting pulse rate from a rocketing 120 to a healthy 60 that I've maintained ever since), and a return to church and a spiritual path.From a daily dependence on alcohol that periodically turned into binge drinking, I went for long periods of abstinence to times when I have a glass of wine with dinner or at a social function or celebration.
My friends in A.A. still refer to me as an alcoholic, since I've never done the 12-step program and still sometimes have that glass of wine.
One evening over dinner, I asked one of those friends if she'd mind not calling me an alcoholic, explaining that isn't how I define myself. I quoted the definition of alcoholism from my American Heritage Dictionary: "the excessive and habitual consumption of alcohol."
My friend wasn't comfortable with that definition and suggested we call a doctor to get a "medical definition." I said the dictionary definition was good enough for me, and if she saw it differently that was fine too; I simply wished she'd stop calling me an alcoholic. She suddenly said, "Screw it," picked up her purse and books, and stormed out of the restaurant.
One of the drinking buddies of my boozing days is an Irish fellow who also stopped drinking 20 years ago and has never had a drop since though he never asked for the help of AA, therapy, religion, or any self-help or spiritual programs. His friends in AA lament that he is, nevertheless, what they call "a dry drunk."
In my non-AA layperson's view, a "drunk" who doesn't drink is a contradiction in terms.
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What works for me is the spiritual practice of yoga. The answers one
seeks is from within and not from within the bottle. There is a wonderful book entired the Tao of Sobriety by David Gregson and Jay S. Efran,PHD. As well as taking what you get from a.a. like people, places and things. Some of the steps worked for me and with the ones that did not I replaced with the other teachings.
Giving myself completely to the simple program of AA was the only thing that worked for me after 35 years of alcohol addiction. Key factors for me are continuous trust in God ,attending meetings daily, and love for myself and people regardless of hurts, habits, and hangups.
I don't know how I started getting "BeliefNet" e-mails, but I gratefully stumbled on this string of messages regarding pros/cons of AA and different paths to "recovery".
I've recently been struggling with my own inability to quit drinking for my own good. I quit a year ago for a short time, having gone to rehab and lost a good job (which I realized later I actually wasn't happy with). I lost my job due to the drinking and one would think that would be stopping me now, but no. Strangely, had that humiliating incident causing my job loss last year not happened, I would not now have this job I love. However, something is still missing and except for feeling extremely alone (even though I have a loving daughter, son-in-law, and 14-month old grandson), I should be quite content. My new job pays the rent and most of the bills if I don't overspend otherwise; I live alone and no one tells me what to do, etc. I'm overweight and hate my appearance and feel quite ugly, but I know nothing will help that without diet and exercise, etc, etc.
It's really difficult to understand my sense of "weakness", to the point of "stupidity". I'm feeling so worthless, and have been tempted to go back to AA meetings, but they leave me feeling even lonelier when they're over and I have to go home to only myself. I've never been one to "depend" on others, such as a "Sponsor" - I was the oldest of 9 children, and pretty much raised myself, past my teens. AA has it's place, and may be truly helpful to many, but not necessarily for me. I never quite "absorbed" all those benefits the AA "converts" seemed to have gathered. I attended the meetings, took numbers, called and was called (occasionally), never had a faithful sponsor (maybe didn't ask enough), and even went to conventions, meeting many "successes" from past rehabs, making me feel even more of a failure.
Anyway, I'm not sure where I'm headed right now since I'm truly in the throes of a powerful struggle for my future. I left the AA meetings, after celebrating a fellow-AA member's 31'st sobriety b-day. Freaked me - I don't want to go 31 yrs. w/o a drink, glass of wine, holiday cocktail, whatever. I may have become an alcoholic drinker over the years, but I don't believe I have to give up the stuff until I stop breathing!! I just need help figuring out how to stop this depression drinking and appreciate life for what it is, even if it stinks occasionally.
Sorry for rambling. Any hints for help. Please pray for me. My daughter loves me, and her son is beautiful - I don't want to lose them, but have trouble caring for being alive. Thanks for listening.
M ~
I CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR DIFFICULTY IN QUITING THE DRINKING ROUTINE. I HAVE A DRINK WHEN I FEEL THAT A DRINK WILL DO THE TRICK...WHATEVER THAT IS. THE ONE SUGESTION THAT I RECOMMEND IS:
1. IN ORDER TO QUIT A HABIT, YOU MUST REPLACE THAT HABIT WITH ONE THAT IS CONSIDERED A GOOD HABIT.
2. THIS CANNOT BE ANY OLD HABIT...IT MUST BE ONE THAT YOU CAN HAVE EASY ACCESS TO.
3. ONE THAT YOU FEEL THAT YOU CAN ENJOY.
4. TREAT THE OLD HABIT AS IF IS "LIFE THREATING>" IT IS.
5, THIS TAKES A LOT OF WILL POWER AND TRUST IN GOD THAT HE WILL
DELIVER YOU.
6. WHEN YOU DECIDE TO PUT YOUR TRUST IN "GOD" IT MUST BE COMPLETE TRUST...NOT PART TRUST BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT QUITE SURE THAT HE WILL DELIVER YOU...HE WILL! THE KEY TO THIS WHOLE THEORY IS PRAYER. GOD WILL DELIVER YOU NOW! YOU MUST BELIEVE THAT HE WILL DELIVER ON HIS PROMISE. ALL OF THESE OTHER SUGGESTIONS AS GOOD AS THEY ARE. TRY THIS ONE AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!
openmindedness is the way for me. I see we do not get a life on harm reduction. I am over 5 years clean, and with the help of my HP, my Program (12 Step), My family, prayers/meditation ,a lot of sprituality, fellowship, I can stay clean a day at a time forever
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