My life seems to have been a series of closing doors and opening windows. I’ll only share the most recent. Almost exactly three years ago this was my situation: I was in the twenty-seventh year of marriage. My husband’s and my relationship had deteriorated over the previous fifteen years. We stayed together because of our five children, but had no sex life, barely said two words to each other, and had developed totally separate lives. Our business of fifteen years went through bankruptcy and because the house was pledged against the debt, we were forced to sell our home of twenty years, a home which we had physically built ourselves. We went through personal bankruptcy, though we had never lived extravagently. I had been in therapy for depression, we had tried marriage therapy without success, and I hoped that this reversal of our fortune would somehow bring us closer together. Instead, our antipathy increased. Neither one of us wanted divorce, but neither of us could make any good intentions toward mending our marriage last beyond a few hours. For my part, I was bitter over the situation we were in. My husband worked a series of jobs for which he earned a fraction of his former salary. I was finishing my college degree in hopes of increasing our income. Things didn’t seem like they could get much worse. My husband then got a job as a cross-country truck driver that takes him away three weeks at a time. At first I was relieved to see him go after a weekend at home — I’m sure he was happy to leave. But over time, our separation, combined with my therapy, changed how I saw my husband, not that I didn’t see the flaws, but I saw that he was more than that. I was able to begin to forgive him for the financial mistakes he had made. I decided that I didn’t want to stay angry at him for the rest of my life. I began to make him feel welcome when he came home — and it wasn’t an act. I was really happy to have him home. Now when he leaves, I miss him. We’ve talked about our past problems, and he feels more accepted than he has in years. Being more accepted by me has made him more accepting of my mental health issues. The thing is, had we stayed in our beloved home out in the country, on a beautiful river, I am certain that our dance would never have changed. We now live in a rental home — I doubt we will ever have our own again, but if I had to make a choice — the home I loved — and the happiness (and sometimes, loneliness) I now have, there is no question but that I would choose my marriage. We are not financially on solid ground, but the bills are paid each month. I am convinced that God knew the needs my husband and I had, and opened a window to set us in a new direction. I prayed for years for the strength to change myself, and God answered. This is a long entry, but I am so grateful for all that has happened, tears shed, and all. These experiences have been a painful rebirth, replete with losses I haven’t mentioned, but the rewards have been beyond what I ever could have expected or engineered on my own. Praise God for his love and mercy.

I can relate to your story in a way. Are you saying that since you lost your home and your business went under that its GOD’s way of opening a new direction in your life? Please explain… Sometimes I think I’m holding on to things that maybe I need to let go so that GOD can give me a new direction in my life. I try to be the man and woman the sole provider for my entire family and now 22 years later I’m tired, maybe I need to rethink what I’m trying to accomplish. I very confused right now.>

God has blessed me in so many ways throughout my life. He has given me a loving husband, a wonderful child, a home, a job, and, as a child and adult, a wonderful mother and father. Two years ago my mother passed away from cancer. We all knew what she had and what the end result would be, but nothing prepares you for the outcome. My mother and father were married for 40 years. They were loving, caring, hard working and dedicated parents. My mother was of the Christian faith and raised us that way. She was my best friend. I am 38 now, and not a day goes by that I don’t talk to her and think of her. Sometimes, I can feel her presence. I live in the home that we were raised in, my three older brothers and myself. I know she watches over me and looks down on me and protects me. I can just feel it. When she died I didn’t want to get out of bed, didn’t want to eat. In short, I was very depressed. I turned to drugs. Pills. Took lots of them on a daily basis. I was a nurse. I worked for a Dr. I started calling in my own prescriptions and got caught. I am being prosecuted for what I have done. I knew it was wrong, but by the time I got the job with the Dr. I didn’t care. I just needed them. I couldn’t get out of bed without them. To make a long story short, the best thing that happened to me is that I did get caught. It has saved my life. I see things in a whole new prespective and am dedicated on staying straight. I have rededicated my life to the Lord and have asked for his forgivenss. I know he has forgiven me. I have learned a valuable lesson from this. That’s is when God opened my life when my door was slammed shut.>