There is a Bible story that (kind of) goes like this …
Lady Codependency was on her way to work one day when a beggar asked her for change.
"Come join me for breakfast," she said, wanting desperately to please God and to be the Good Samaritan in Luke’s Gospel.
Ten minutes and 20 dollars later, Lady Codependency told the guy that she was not a shareholder of Au Bon Pain, nor a food pantry.
For the next month, the beggar stalked Lady Codependency on her way to work. Prince Not-So-Codependent (Lady Codependency’s husband) finally logged onto MapQuest to find an alternative route for his codependent bride.
A year later, Lady Codependent still hadn’t found a way to be both compassionate and street savvy. Following the suggestion of a friend, she bought a packet of McDonald’s certificates to give to beggars. That would insure that none of her money went to drugs.
But the first bum Lady Codependent handed one to got up from the street corner where he sat and angrily ran after her. "I don’t want your f….. coupon! What’s the matter with you, lady?" he screamed for a few blocks.
A few months after that, Lady Codependency met a bookstore clerk who was short on cash.
"Do you know anyone who needs a mother’s helper?" the clerk, wearing a pink breast cancer awareness pin, asked Lady Codependency, who decided to hire the the young woman for eight hours a week. Which turned out to be a great deal for Lady Codependency: she shelled out five dollars an hour to the clerk in exchange for getting to babysit the clerk’s daughter.
All of that didn’t prevent Lady Codependent on her mission to become the Good Samaritan. She’d go to great lengths to earn her compassion badge so she didn’t end up like the evil Levite, a disgrace of a human being who didn't assist that man on the road who had been robbed, attacked, and left to die. The horror!
So a few weeks later, Lady Codependency was exiting her favorite coffee shop with a grande cappuccino in her hand, feeling especially guilty for indulging in this pleasure when there are homeless people right in her town.
"Ma’am, Ma’am," a middle-aged woman said to Lady Codependency. "This is an emergency, Ma’am. I need $2.50. I just had a miscarriage. I need some women’s stuff."
Now Lady Codependency is really codependent, but she is not a moron. She was 99.9 percent sure the woman was high, really high, on some drugs that Lady Codependency sort of wished she could get her hands on. And she didn’t appreciate the woman using the excuse of a miscarriage to get cash, if she, in fact, hadn’t had one. (The chances of that were great.) This smelled like a scam stronger than Lady Codependency’s cappuccino smelled like heaven. But if, in the .01 percent this woman was telling the truth, Lady Codependency would have spent $2.50 on her coffee but not on a person in need. She thought about Luke’s Gospel, and dang it, she wasn’t going to be that evil Levite. So she handed the woman the money.
The woman immediately ran off to her friends, giggling and laughing.
One week later, some boys rang the doorbell at Lady Codependency’s residence.
"We’re trying to improve our chances of having a life like you do: a house, kids, and so on," they said to her with droopy eyes like Lady Codependency’s dogs when they were mere puppies. She felt the blood pouring out all over whatever they were going to sell her. She wanted to invite them in, give them her checking book ("Could I just write a check or two from it every month?"), feed them (take them to Au Bon Pain, like the first beggar), order some clothes for them off L.L.Bean.com.
"Could you just please buy a magazine from us?" the guys begged her.
"Of course," Lady Codependency replied, and ordered a subscription of "Parenting" magazine for the bargain price of $50 (which is $38 more than a regular-priced subscription).
Just then Lady Codependency’s phone rang, and the solicitor for a charity asked Lady Codependency for the "decision maker" in the house. She told him that there weren’t any in her house (phew).
One month later (yesterday, in fact), Lady Codependency was leaving the public library when she noticed that an unkempt, hairy man had followed her out into the parking lot. She was frightened because her car was parked at the farthest part of the lot, and no one was around.
"Ma’am," the man yelled approaching Lady Codependency. "I need a favor. I’m in a horrible place. I lost all my things. I’ve just called my pastor and he won’t help me out. Ma’am, I don’t know what to do …"
Lady Codependency froze because she was terrified that this man was about to either rob her or rape her. If she went to give him money and looked down to her change purse, he might take that opportunity to grab her and force her into the car.
"Ma’am, I don’t want to trouble you. I saw you working in the library there with your computer ….. Ma’am, do you know where a man can earn and honest 85 cents?"
"You need 85 cents?" Lady Codependency asked with a quivering, nervous voice.
"Yes, Ma’am,"
So she dug into her change purse without averting her eyes and practically threw the change at him because she didn’t want him to touch her hand. She was too afraid that he would grab her wrist.
Shaking, Lady Codependency climbed into her chariot, I mean car.
The next day (today), the same woman who asked Lady Codependency for $2.50 because of a miscarriage approached her again.
"Ma’am! I just ran out of gas. Ma’am, this is an emergency! Can you spare me some money?" she asked Lady Codependency.
"You hit me up yesterday," said Lady Codependency, quite disillusioned from her attempts at compassion and wondering if maybe the Good Samaritan has some codependency issues himself and needs to do some boundary building exercises and go to therapy.
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I always try to help, but not to be taken fro granted. I gave away my clothes amd my daughter to charity, give money to united way every month, so I know it's not going to drugs, if I stop on the street to helpan homeless person.
To "Lady Codependency" From the Queen of Codependency,
I loved this! It is so true too.
I enjoy your viewpoints so very much.
I remember moving to a metro area and seeing a woman on an overpass on the freeway in the winter, and she had no coat and was trying to sleep on the cement and how my heart went out to her. I wanted to give her my coat, and just take care of her, but was prevented by those I was riding with. I had to pray for her as I still do.
I work in a crisis area, I am a subtance abuse counselor which has caused me to readjust my crown most days to taking it off some.
As I write one of the staff wants to use my phone, in private, which would mean me leaving my office- it doesn't get better some days, does it?
Anyway I Do enjoy your writing-keep it up. You are an AMAZING WOMAN!
Val.
I, too, struggle with the codependent's choices. Jesus did say (also) that the poor will be with us always. Wasn't it Judas who admonished the woman for usiing the precious oil to anoint the feet and head of Christ? "should be given to the poor".
I have to choose my charities. Otherwise I find I have not learned from the basic lessons of Communism. In theory if we all share ALL we have than everyone will have plenty. Didn't happen. The fact is that when we give ALL usually most wind up without enough to meet our own needs and a few wind up with abundance that they don't share with the masses. God does require us to share, but I don't want to insult him by throwing away all the blessings he provides for me. I choose my charities, pray hard and sometimes rely on my more realistic friends to guide me. I also pay my bills, keep my insurance, go to work, behave responsibly and try to provide for emergencies. Can't say I won't be that streetlady, but I am making every real effort not to burden my family or society thru practical realistic choices that I am making today. There is usually a tomorrow. It's not guaranteed but my choices today can affect it if it does come.
This is an example of a modern person taking a Biblical text (in this case from the Christian Scripture -the New Testament) and trying to put a "modern" spin on it while TOTALLY misinterpreting the original text's purpose. If you (the author) would like to construct a modern parable or teaching story, fine, do so. That is a great idea, as it helps people to see where, in their own life they can make changes. But PLEASE do not take teaching parables and perciopes from ancient texts and twist them to suit your needs and desires - that is insensitive and ignorant on your part. It is also offensive for those individuals who follow the faith-path which these Scriptures explain and illustrate. The ORIGINAL meaning of this text was to show that one should have compassion (NOWHERE in Jesus' parable is the action of the man shown to be anything remotely like Co-dependency!) for their fellow man - even if the individual was one that society shunned. The story also pointed out the hypocracy of those who were appointed by society to help the poor, weak, defenceless, and oppressed but did not because it didn't win them accolades with the "popular people".
Like many people in the modern world, your ignorance of the Scriptures and your attmept to discredit believers who follow them is more of a dis-service than a service. I fear your reading co-dependency into a parable where it does not exist because you are co-dependent.
Maybe the real test of "are you a co-dependent?" is if you see it in religious texts and ancient documents, then you are. It's called PROJECTING.
Shalom!
The issue of codependency is purely and simply personal. If a person feels uncomfortable giving in any given moment then they should not give. The motivation behind the giving is selfish...Giving to stay out of the "hell" of guilt and shame is not giving at all. It spiritually harms the giver and the receiver. The giver is resentful about giving and it causes them stress and the receiver may feel some guilt and shame from the giving. If not guilt and shame then a continuing to believe that manipulation is the best way to get anything, sanctioning the predisposition that "no one really has any empathy and nobody really cares so you gotta get yours the best way you can....especially when yoy have fallen victim to the social ills of society. Society, generally continues to not trust. America is a society of suspicious people. We take many precautions and create many laws to protect our things yet crime continues to exist, drug use is on the rise spreading viciously through our middle-class and upper-class homes. So exactly what is it that needs to change? I would say, "Whatever is at the root of our belief system. The problem is not the beggar its the giver. Mad because they feel taken advantage of when they judge the person they are giving to! If you must judge their need Don't Give! If someone walked up and told you they were going to buy drugs, would you give them a few dollars....you are not going to do it...so they say what they have to say to get what they think they need! Who among us has not committed that crime....? People get caught in vicious cycles of insanity....all people....each of us needs to ask ourselves what is that thing that we do...that doesnt make sense to anybody but ourselves?
Empathy breeds love and a demonstration of love is what the Good Samaritan displayed when he helped the fallen Levite..he didnt judge he just helped..and treated the man like the child of God that he was. It is a way of life to strive for..we will never become perfect at behaving with love when we encounter our fellow-woman and our fellow-man but we can strive to think more like Jesus in our everyday affairs.
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