Thanks to reader Larry Parker who wrote the following message on my "Oprah at Wellesley" post:
Creative visualization, or "The Secret," or the Law of Attraction--or whatever you want to call Oprah's philosophy--is not inspiring for those of us with depression. It is nothing short of monstrous. If I were to try to visualize what I want into creation during a manic jag, I would end up in a psych ward, in jail--or dead.
I certainly hope I haven’t given the impression that "The Secret" is all you need to treat depression. I completely agree with you that using JUST the law of attraction would be irresponsible, dangerous, and detrimental to mental health and recovery.
If I have seemed to be more pro-Oprah lately, it’s only because I was relieved to see some good information on her site and on her show on depression. I didn’t get the sense that she would endorse "positive thinking" your depression away. And if she did, I’d welcome the chance to debate that with her, equipped with a folder of neurological reports that show that severe depression is a serious brain disease that requires medical intervention.
I suppose I put "The Secret" into the same category (okay, maybe a rung or two lower) as positive psychology, the school of thought held by happy doctors such as Martin Seligman ("Authentic Happiness") and Dan Baker ("What Happy People Know"). They basically tout an Oprah-ized version of cognitive behavioral therapy (which has been very helpful to me)--combining exercises of identifying distorted thoughts with The Secret-esque notions of gratitude, focusing on strengths, finding a purpose, the power of stories and words, and the importance of altruistic acts.
Now, during my suicidal days, all of this stuff was toxic to me, as it can be turned around in a depressive’s head to suggest that all the pain and suffering she is feeling is her fault. My doctor instructed me to close all books about the power of positive thinking and even cognitive behavioral therapy until I was out of the danger zone, and settling somewhere into moderate or mild depression. Only then could those techniques give me an extra boost in climbing out of the darkness--when each exercise ceased from being an opportunity to self-batter.
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I was so relieved to find this site. I've tried to explain to people for years that neither my Master's Degree in Psychology nor all the self-help/spiritual books I've devoured have done anyting for me. In fact, I read in a soul-oriented book last year that it is often best to stop reading altogether to see what the soul brings forth. I have been doing this since the new year. Believe it or not I found the fix-it mentality was constantly pressuring me to be someone different, i.e. better than I am. Not listening to my moods, inner voice, etc. put me in a constant state of disconnect which was even more desperate feeling. These days, I try to tell the truth to the right people, and accept myself huge flaws and all. I could totally relate to the woman who is raising kids and managing depression. Sometimes I have to tell my ten-year old daughter that I'm just struggling too much inside to be there for her and ask for her understanding. On the days I feel better I really do go for it with her since I never know when I will be incapable of anything more than work. I have not been able to get medication since I am low income, but can't get Medicare because of my I.R.A. I've called all sorts of "free" places only to be told that I either don't qualify or I'll be put on a sliding scale and even at that I can't come up with the extra money. I know my family, one has disowned me, get totally frustrated with my "stuckness" but I feel great just being productive and being able to manage my day as a housecleaner. I try to be grateful for what I can do, even if others think I should do more. I am happy that I am deep, soulful, Passionate, creative and a hard worker. I have found art and writing to help when I can get the energy to do them. Thanks for listening. Nancy
You know I've to write my thoughts to you and I just can't....but self help books sometimes make me feel worse not better....
I've only recently connected with your website and am thoroughly enjoying the insights. The struggle with depression other contributors tell about have helped me feel connected with the wider world of people either living with depression or overcoming it. I developed post natal depression and anxiety 44 years ago and it's only been in about the past 12 months that I've felt I can cope with it. My psychiatrist started me on a brilliant medication for epilepsy (which I haven't got) but which sometimes helps with hard to treat anxiety. I too have read all the self help books suggesting positive thinking and, until I read today's postings, wondered why they mostly made me feel worse - guilty and unable to apply all the positives to my life. Some of the positive stuff HAS worked though but I've had to be very selective. All God's best to fellow travellers. Lynny7
IMO, the bottom line is you have to find what works for you. Since depression affects all differently as we have all seen there is no one solution. In other words, what works for me may not work for you. So I don't get why some folks, like Larry Parker, make a blanket statement that about Oprah's philsophy and those expressed in The Secret are not inspring for those of us with depression -- because while it might not work for him, it has worked miracles for me.
I have struggled with "I want to die" depression/bipolar issues since I was 17 years old, but did not realize it until I diagnosed in my late 30's. Over the years I have been prescribed various meds and found that at first they did alter my "mood", but they also left me quite zombie like. These days I can joke and tell others how I was there, but not there... when the reality was I hated it and decided I'd rather go back to being "crazy" with all the glorious highs and crippling lows rather than going through the rest of my life numb.
Therapy also helped tremendously, but I was still just barely making it through each day. I felt as the days and years were slipping away with frightening speed with me getting progressively worse and no hope for improvement...until one day when I finally gave up and just killed myself to end the endless pain.
... but I digress... Oprah's show on The Secret was a major ephiphany for me. On that particular day I was on the verge of surrending to the abyss (what I call my depressive/anxiety episodes), but after watching the show and for the first time in years I felt a small glimmer of hope. Once I bought and began implementing the principles outlined on the CD to my complete amazement my quality of life changed and, in fact, is a significantly better.
Btw, this is what I found worked for me: First and foremost I began to stop focusing on what was "wrong" with me and in my life and practicing the law of attraction. Since April, I have incorporated prayer, meditation, gratitude journal, The Secret, a manifestation book, inspirational sayings/readings, websites such as Beyond Blue (Therese, you are a brilliant, lifesaving LIGHT in the darkness), affirmations, cognitive therapy and a natural reuptake inhibitor together with incredible success. When I feel anxious or start tripping, I say to different things to myself such as, "Anne, these thoughts are not real. They are your depression (and/or bipolar). The reality is you are (positive things I have done, am doing or working toward)..."
As time passes I'll add other things to my regime as appropriate.
This sounds overwheliming doesn't it??? Had I looked at this list before starting I would never have done it -- so what I did was one at a time and eventually as I became better I combined them in beneficial ways.
... and yes, I still have my good and not so good days, but to my surprise I am not suffering endlessly like before.
When I watched Oprah I didn't get the impression that she was saying The Secret was the end all be all -- just that it was ONE tool to get you where you wanted to be in life.
In closing I'd like to quote Oprah's saying: "All I know for sure" . . . All I know for sure is that the principles outlined in The Secret were awe inspiring and saved this depressed/bipolar's life.
... oy... pls excuse the typos in my earlier post... :@
Btw, I hope you are all having a life worth living day.
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