Thanks for the link. I’ve been thinking lately that I really need to do more to help my husband understand and learn more about what I deal with everyday. I think b/c it isn’t an illness that they can see it can be that much harder for partners to understand.

Therese,
Thank you for sharing that article. It strikes home with what I was feeling. I still love my Bipolar boyfriend even though we are no longer together.

Excellent Article. Completely true and accurate. I appreciated reading the reality and not the opposite.

Thank you for the article. I have suffered from depression for years, but I just recently started treating it with a medication. My husband has been very supportive, but at first, it was something he didn’t understand. Many partners, like my husband did before, think that depression is a choice that their loved one makes and that they can “snap out of it” by wanting to. And, yes it can be EXTREMELy devestating to a marriage!

I fully agree that depression is something that a person cannot simply “snap out of”. Depression, it seems to me, is a symptom of something else that must be faced if the depression is to lift. Much if not most of the time, I believe that depression is the result of a person’s refusing to “be” who they most want to be, refusing to go after what they most deeply want to go after in their lives. And there are many reasons why people don’t “be” and don’t “do”. But, there is one reason that stands out above the rest, it seems… a lack of courage. Simple word. Too many of us believe that life is supposed to be easy, simply, painless. Therefore, when we find that it isn’t really that way (not for anyone), we are disappointed and lack the emotional muscle to make the effort to carve out for ourselves the life we truly want. Consequently, we hate ourselves and life in general for being the way it is. And we become “depressed”. Too bad… it doesn’t have to be that way.
Bob Stevens
fayebobs@bellsouth.net

That is true its good to talk about it to your spouse .But like mine he won’t talk like he doesn’t care. He says I know your sick but he won’t understand that I’m just like him with his ditbetes its a sickness. I’m not crazy so just talk to me and treat me like a human belittle me are yell at me. I have Addison Disease and thats reel bad thing to have it really makes you sick. But my husband has no heart. I need new glasses the Addison makes your eyes worse. So mine are tiwce as bad as last yr. and I don’t have the money to get new glasses.Its very hard when he works two job just to keep the bills payed. I feel like I’m in a big black hole and just can’t get out.

Great article, I believe that this is not something you personally make a choice to have,,, having your family sad and wondering what is next is something that nobady will like to do,,,,,, and I agree is devestaring for the whole family.

Both my fiance and I suffer from depression. We are both on medication to treat it and in therapy and couples counseling. This is not a cure all because the illness is still active with us at times.
For instance, we both are still argumentative and stubborn as well. I don’t know if its, you’re not going to be the one that’s right or if it’s the depression.
I also suffer from anxiety, and my fiance suffers from OCD. We are on the same medication as we are for depression.
I sent this article to him for his perusal.
Thanx

I was diagnosed Bipolar over 17 years ago. The one comment above says that it is our inside that we didnt do what we wanted, when we wanted, and became hopeless in our lives……….that is so far from the truth, Depression is a lack of chemicals in the brain, namely Serotonin that is for depression, and Dopamine, which gives us a feeling of well being. I have seen a marriage and 3 really good relationships go bad, due to the problems with depression. It can be treated with drugs and this is the most important, THERAPY…..the combo of the two, will help the person work their way out of the darkness and back into the light. People who are bipolar can only hope the meds are right, an most of us have been thru countless years of therapy, in my case it was 7 years. All women I have dated, were told of the disorder on the first date, usually at the end, to let them form some sort of impression about who i am externally. Most women are willing to at least make friends, and usually have female friends who are either depressed or other mental problems. I will never be free of what I have but have the choice to make sure my meds are right and taken as prescribed every day. It helps, but the years of therapy, give me the tools, i need everyday to get thru it in a productive, positive way………..My best to all who suffer from depression, it can be treated and you can recover and go on to live a good productive happy life……….hugs to all

Depression has been a part of my life while growing up, my father was very depressed all my life. I see now as I look back how that has effected my life. Negative thoughts plague a depressed persons mind, hopelessness lingers ever near and sucide thoughts creap in unaware to taunt you. Sucide is not the answer!!!!!!!!!!! There is help and sometimes medicine makes it worse. There are natural supplements that you can take to help, find a church that teaches God Word totally, speak to the Pastor and let the Lord lead you to a person whom you can confiede in and trust. There will be hards days, but there will be a whole lot more better days. good luck

I have suffered from depression for most of my life and when the symptoms become acute my spouse now has a better understanding of what is happening to me. My first wife was depressed also and neither one of us really understood what was happening to us. I do believe in my heart of hearts that was the reason our relationship failed.
I do have to disagree with Bob somewhat in that I have always been a free spirit in terms of pursuing what I thought defined me. Often times those pursuits were not what defined me although I am a better person for the experiences. I think the there is in their a genitic imbalance that throws you off. Otherwise how could I explain the depression symptoms that in retrospect showed up on both sides of my family and my ex-wife’s family. This is more complicated than we know and I think we are only beginning to understand what the underlying causes are.
Joe

What a wonderful article. Sometimes as we move thru our daily tasks we forget to pay attention to the ‘why’ of the behavior of those we contact.
It is so sad that some think depression is only caused by not having the emotional muscles to be what we want to be. Until it is understood that depression is a physical illness of the brain, the stigma will remain and many will go untreated. Once diagnosed, discrimination is encountered in many venues and threatens to ruin other aspects of your life. As if being depressed is not enough.
It is widely reported that over 80% of completed suicides are directly related to depression. Just another reason for a serious look at education for our youth to recognize and understand depression. Thank goodness there are growing organizations working on this awareness.

I have suffered from clinical depression for over 25 years now. I have tried therapy, meds, herbal supplements..you name it I have tried it> I was on Prozac for 12 years before it went generic and I have to say, that was the best time of my life. When I began taking the generic form i slowly sank back down into the hopelessness and dispair I had known for way too long. My therapist did some research among other therapist and found that 35% of people on Prozac *bottomed out* when they took the generic form. I was started back on the name brand and I felt the difference within 3 weeks. I know people, my family included, who say it’s all in your mind, but I am here to tell you I would much rather take the meds the rest of my life than to ever feel that low again. I did have suicidal thoughts when I felt so bad, but having young children at the time saved my life more than I could count. If anyone has these depressed feelings, please get the help you need. Maybe therapy alne can help, but do not discount the use of meds to help you. I always let my partners know, after we get to know each other good enough to talk very openly, about my depression. I find it helps to be straight with them than try to hide it.
SL

I have to say sometimes the doctors can be just as clueless. My Mom I believe, the source of both my and my older brother’s depression, was always one to solve most of her problems by locking herself in her room. Usually this would take place after one of her countless fights with my father.(guess she could be a poster-child for marriage wrecking depression) I now see my brother and I as casualties of war.I was victimized by both my Mom’s rage and second hand abuse from my brother. My Dad didn’t step in to protect me until my Mom put me in the emergency room.( by beating me over the head with a high heel) I was about 16 at the time and I swore to myself that it would be the last time she ever laid a hand on me! I think she knew what the outcome would be. Needless to say I discovered a truth that day…you can run and hide or you can fight back! I’m still fighting back..mentally. Anyway my Mom’s Doctor didn’t see her depression, only her physical symptoms. She always seemed to be in some sort of pain and all they were worried about was possible pain medication dependency.DUH!!!!!Let’s treat the symptoms without ever discovering the underlying cause.

Everyone’s posts have been helpful.I’m looking for a positive story if someone can help. I’ve been diagnosed with depression and had it since 94. I just don’t know how to find good people to accept me. I’ve had a few abusive relationships and even found some bad ones in church, learned no place is immune from jerks. I’ve gotten to the point of giving up on dating thinking…why would a guy want to be with a mess like me. If anyone can help on these points please share
1. How do you test for a good person
2. When do you tell them you have an illness
Thanks
Melanie

After suffering a very traumaic event almost 5 years ago I began to suffer from depression and feelings of deep dispair. I finally went to a doctor who listened to me. Since I dont have prescription coverage he prescribed Paxil, which I can get at Wal Mart for $4 dollars for a 30 day supply. I am now up to 40 mg. per day and pray it continues to keep the depression away. I am fearful it wont.

Lynne, got a feeling I am much older than you, but many things you mentioned were right on target with my young years. The anger/rage of my mom; the dad who did not step in; difference, no siblings. She always pointed out flaws in others and when observed acting out, it was always the ‘other person,’ of course. Stay positive, and bear in mind that she was an ill person. Many of us have trudged the same path, not easy but we can make it. Praying for you. Hang in there!

These comments are all too familiar. I married my love almost 3 years ago and within the past 6-8 months I do not know him anymore. The aggressiveness, fault finding and arguments are too much for me to bare. He cuts me down, tells me no one else in my family wants me, so neither does he. He has become so controlling I feel I have no way out. I went through a divorce 6 years ago and married my new husband 3 years ago. I feel so lost, I feel he is making me choose between my kids and him. He was mad because I took a vacation day from work to help my daughter at orientation to college. I had a lot of fun. I think he is jealous of my relationship with my daughter & my son. His relationship with his sons is rough. The 2 younger boys, lie, steal, cheat and his oldest child left because he could not deal with his fathers controlling behavior, now which has turned to me. I am weighing moving out into an apartment. I guess some day someone will love me like I love them.

Lost/FW, seek counseling, even if your husband refuses or is opposed to your going. Obviously, the man disguised his negative (insecure) side during the time you were dating. I responded earlier to Lynne’s msg, sure mirrored my mom’s behavior, and which who was also, the ultimate controlling personality; black and white, no in-between. Whenever I cried (reacted emotionally), I was the one with the mental illness. Even so, no one (whatever their handicap, etc.) should have to exist under these circumstances. No one has the right to impose their baggage upon another individual. Unfortunately, these insecure type persons rather revert the fault to the other, in your case, you. Take positive action to, (1) get him to realize there is indeed a problem and together seek assistance; or (2) decide if salvaging the relationship is a feasible possibility. NEVER sacrifice the well being of your children for ANYONE! Praying for you.

This is an answer for Melanie. I was married for years to a depressed man, but he never bothered me with bad moods, excessive sadness, etc. Before I met him, he was in therapy for years, learning how to handle clinical depression, and he seemed just fine to me. We used to laugh and enjoy each other’s company a lot. I mention this to show that even though depressed, he was an ideal companion, and you can be too. As for choosing the right man, there are signs of abusiveness. The man you go out with should NEVER put you down, criticize you, or make jokes that invite others to laugh at you. The moment a man does any of these, I call him on it. Some walk out on me at once, and I’m glad to be rid of them. A good man enjoys your company, compliments you, and never laughs at or ridicules you. In other words, the abuser is looking for someone he can control and feel superior to. Don’t be that person. No one gets to put you down. Alice

Wow i can relate with a lot of you. I work in the social field and mainly with mentally ill. It causes so much damage to have depression. I suffered from it a lot due to abuse issues and physical injurys. The best thing you can do is talk to a professional and keep trying meds till you find the right one and then keep taking them. There are a lot of support groups out there. My husband would never admit he is depressed but he is. He is the type that holds everything in but and is very negative. I have trouble remembering at times where his negativity comes from and am not patient with him. I wish i had the answers too i am a christian and believes God is the answer but we must work on things too and take meds when appropriate. I wish you all the best life can be hard at times but is important to not go through them alone. Take care and God bless you all. Patty

To all who are going thru depression… I just want you all to know that God is always with you….God is our only way thru life….He is our counselor.I am witnessed to every situation from bad childhood upbringing, abused dad and abused ex-husband. I was so lost i wanted to die but i found Christ in my life… he saved me. I made a decision and got out of that situation, it was not easy. I have 3 sons, ages 26,22 & 19 yrs old. I am so proud of them. I have/had a beautiful daughter who died in an automobile accident at the age of 18 in 2005. Since then my life changed. I see life different. Do not take life for granted. I look back from childhood to now and i am still standing here waiting patiently for my Father in Heaven to take me. I believe in myself and hang onto faith and hope that i will see my daughter again. God has a plan for us all, we need to believe in ourselves… This world is not easy to live in but we have a choice to be happy or not. I am so thankful to God how much he blessed me with my life and i know there is more in my life he wants to use me to help others. No matter what, through all the bad or good always carry a smile with you. You can make it, if you only believe….God Bless to all.

hello everyone!
i am a mother of 3 and a grandmother, i too have been diagnosed with severe depression, and medically i was in trouble. my maniatic state kicked in overiding my depression state. I landed in the hospital 2 times. i often wondered when will this be over?, who can like me like this? how can i function?, well i made it my business that if i did not want to be under medication i well better find something. i did, i found GOD!!and he loves me just the way i am and he is working with me one day at a time from the inside out!!!. things that help daily is reading from the BIBLE- PSALMS (any version) according to my feeling in the morning. I no longer buy dark colored items for clothing or household items, i keep my home with sweet smelling candles to have your mood just right.Keep plenty of natural light entering your home, open up your windows daily get the fresh air, unless it is muggy ha! have yourself quiet time for you only, pamper you! something many of us women tend to lack in doing once we have families. Do not feel like you have to feel embarrassed about depression okay, i know it took a long time for me to get over it as if it was the end of the world, no not quite only you can make it the end of the world for yourself. Antoher tip, take a 5-10 minute breather outside or go for a 5-10 minute walk no matter what the weather is like. Sit under a tree maybe and write down 10 things you would love to do within the next year and set your goals from there and then write down 1-2 people who are your closest and most trusting. Most of all keep it very real at all times with them, exactly how you feel. This was the beginning of my path and so far it has worked out, and knowing that God is my everything that is all that matters. You will see the difference you will feel once you open up and write, cry, talk, what is on your mind and in your heart!! It is a battle but; you and i are not alone. Take it one day at a time.

I can easily relate. I myself continually up my antidepressant dosage to deal with my bi-polar husband who will not seek help and my narcisistic Mother who lives with us, her alcoholic husband, and our 4 children. I just feel completely overloaded and find happiness in very little things anymore. I feel lost and confused and don’t know where to turn.

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.
Roshayla Love

Hi everyone,
I too am impacted by a spouce with depression. It makes life hell at times, but in the good times, things are relatively normal… All goes well until I cross him about something. It’s hard not to do so when little things bother him that wouldn’t bother a “normal” person. If it weren’t for my relationship in Christ, I wouldn’t make it.

People should lighten up and remember that we only have one life. We should satisfy our souls every chance we get. Number one goal: Create Happiness.

For me I did not make it in any relationship. Divorced twice from depressed husbands, I have not been able to attract a “normal” human being in my life. It is not just romantically, but I don’t have lots of friends either. I find it difficult to please them and be the way they want me to be. Now I am getting comfortable being alone and dealing with my own depression alone. But now it is getting in a way of my earning a living. At work I always have this long face which I think make people afraid to approach me. My boss is getting annoy with me because I cannot focus with I am under the influence of my depression. She has no idea that is the problem but I am getting on her last nerve now. Thank God for my relationship with Christ. That is the only place I feel at home.
Sunshine

I suffer from depression that i describe as being manic at times. My fiance has been recently deployed overseas and unfortunately i made his last few months home pretty miserable. The sadness, which was unberable at times, led me to cry constantly and to become upset and angry at even the smallest thing. I’m better now, with treatment, but still find it hard to control the flood of tears that tends to come at the most inopertune times.

My husband suffers from depression. We have been separated for two years. I love him and would like to have a happy balanced relationship with him, but when I think about going back, I remember the harsh comments, walking on eggshells because I didn’t know what would set him off and the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. I got out because of my daughter. I didn’t want her to learn depressive behavior or to put up with an emotionally abusive mate. I sympathize with the majority of those that posted comments. I’m much happier alone than in a disfunctional relationship. He wouldn’t get treatment. My relationship with God has helped me tremendously also.

It is really har having your partner with that problem specially because you may be having a really good time when out the blue depression takes over, that is really a big conflic, but I have been dealing with this for about 8 months in person, but from far away in the phone I have been dealing like for about 4 years, It is really hard knowing that even with the treatment , it is really hard to control completely. I am sure that the only help you can get against it is God, Thanks and God Bless eveybody…

Being on both sides of that coin, I can say depression is certainly a theif who robs us of nearly every positive emotion we have,zapping us of all our energy, and even stripping us of simple dignity. Those who love us most have somehow become nonexistant and look at us as if we could just snap out of it somehow. Well I have been Bipolar/Manic deppressive for nearly five years along with menopause and speaking from experience it can be hell. All we can do is open our eyes each morning and before getting out of bed thank God for the day and try and remember that “I can do anything through Christ who lives in me”. My heart goes out to anyone and everyone who wakes up every day only wishing to go back to sleep. I have to beleive and do beleive the only answer is Jesus Christ, His grace has to be sufficant. I still strugle on a daily basis however I find when I go to the scripture I can always find an answer.We cant give up!

I have been married to my wife for 4 years as of today. My wife came out of a very abusive marriage prior to me coming into her life. She has been diagnosied with PTSD. On top of the PTSD, she has had several other medical problems.
I find every day to be a challange. I love my wife very much and would trade places with her just to see her happy again. We end up in arugments at the drop of a hat and I often feel as if I am the reason she is depressed. The doctors don’t seem to know what to do for her and everyday takes a little bit more of her away from me. I feel that I am becoming depressed now because of what I am watching my wife struggle with. Is there help out there for the ones with depression and the ones that love them?

I’m not entirely sure how I found the man who became the love of my life. It might have been his intelligence or his sense of humor, but I think it was the way in which I saw him interact with others. When you first meet and start dating someone, of course the objective is to impress each other and win each other over, so you are likely to see only the best sides of each other. So try to separate how he treats you in those early times from how you see him treat others. The “right” man is the man who reaches out to others with kindness and thoughtfulness, shows concern over social injustices, shows compassion to the less fortunate, shows forgiveness and gentleness. He is the one who will love you for who you are, support you through the terrible times, and know how to separate darkness of your illness from the light that burns inside the true you. I owe my life to my sweet man, and thank God for him every day.

I am have read these comments, and I am floored on how similar my life is to those of you who have been brave enough to share your experiences. My husband has been manically depressed for over 3 plus yrs now. I could write paragrah after paragraph on what our lives have been with this evil illness. Why am I stil here? Because God is carrying us through this.

I too lived with someone who was dealing with chronic untreated depression/anxiety. She failed to see, despite my constant loving and supportive requests to the contrary, that therapy might help her improve. Sadly it tore us both apart and we are no longer together even though I tried harder than I ever have in my life. All the love in the world and even faith can’t heal someone who needs professional psychological help.
The stigma of mental health issues still exists today for many people. If only more people would spend the time and address those difficult issues in their lives and grow beyond them or alteast cope more effectively. The science of Psychology can yield much in improving our lives and the lives of the people we care about but people have to be open to it. Even in this day and age I feel there is a painful ignorance brought by lack of education and sometimes religions that keeps people from honestly addressing many of the issues that affect their lives and general happiness. Hopefully the future will bring a brighter day. Science is not an enemy but a revealer of truth.

I have been going thru my depression now for nearly a year, but it’s almost like a relapse from when I went thru my divorce 3 and a half years ago. I am with a new sweetheart, who I now live with, since March of this year. I’m very frustrated and depressed, since I’m not able to drive now (suspended). Sometimes I feel as if I’m a prisoner in my own home, but know I should not feel this way. I’m relying alot on prayer and my dear Lord Jesus to help me thru this darn depression!! It seems like he (boyfriend) does not give me enough support, until I find suitable employment. Thanks for hearing me out. Kathy.

When I was 15 years old I was diagnosed Bipolar Type 1, Anxiety, PTSD and struggled with anorexia… I have attempted suicide and still think about it atleast weekly… I have been and will continue to seek councelling… I am engaged to a wonderful man, who I feel sometimes I TORTURE with my moods! I know he deserves better then me but I’m very glad he’s sticking around (So far)… Does anyone know if I’ll ever feel better????? Any tips I can give to my husband to be on depression and better understanding me would be helpful too… My councelor I’m sad to say doesnt help much…

Depressions is truly a horrible affliction for all involved. I had my marriage end because of depression. My suggestions for those who are afflicted with it: 1)find and take the appropriate mix of drugs 2)watch your thoughts for like skills they too can be changed-optimism is a choice 3) smile even if it hurts..I say this because if you smile it triggers the happy hormones in the mind that lets it know everything is okay 4) Get active…physical exercise helps to release the happy hormones. My experience has been that depression can only stay if you allow yourself to sit idly by.

well, it’s been 8 long years since i began my depression. Unfortunately i’m still going through it. I’ve never been married, just bad relationship after another. I also have 2 beautiful boys; that i’ve raised by myself during my depression. Because of my depression, no one understood me; or even took the time to find out who i am inside as a person…that is until i met the man of my dreams 3 months ago. We have our arguments like every couple has, but, i know it’s because of my depression. I’ve also been prescribed every single antidepressant known in the world by every doctor..but it doesn’t work. there’s got 2 be a better solution then creating another addictive cure to the depressed. Thanks 4 takin’ the time to read this. Victoria.

Both me and my spouse suffer from depression, and while I agree that it can be something that certain people can’t conrtrol, I believe that it all comes done to will power. You ultimatley decide your fate. You know if how far you are willing to go to change your life. Only you can choose to end the cycle.

I can relate to Kathy, who relies on prayers and the Lord for support. I am the wife of a Clinically Depressed person. We have been together for 19 years this month. He says he would be dead, if it had not been for me. Hmmmmm, I think the Lord did alot of it! We pray together and talk things out. We try to remember that it is an illness with symptoms, and to accept the things we can not change. But we can think positive, like someone said, Unplatoestrago, smiling is a choice. Exercise is a choice, we can do these things and work on positive outcomes. These are the things we can change. We are living proof that God works through people and we are recipents of God’s gifts. May God bless and keep you and make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. May He continue to pour out His love into your heart and bring you peace. Amen.

Well,
My story is lengthy. I grew up with a manic-depressive father who was so kind and generous that many times in the morning we would wake up to hobos living in our yard under the bushes…when we would get home in the afternoon our house would stink and he would lie his way out of it..he would take his entire check and give away to the poor just to make my mother mad…Who did they think they were pretending that everything was right??? My parents fought about everything…A constant in our home for 19 years…
When I was nineteen…I made up my mind that no one would rule me any more…Because when the was conflict or fighting or violence i cathy would take my father’s hand even at the age of 2 and bring him to do some sort of exercise..the child had mor since than both adults…talk about dysfunctional…nothing much has changed except that my bossy mother refuses therapy…my father is still manic 70 years old now and i am still middle age syndrone child handling everyone and everything while others give advice from afar and try to tell me what to do regarding my mother recently widowed and my family who still turns to cathy as the advocate..
It all washes out in the end…andyes I do pray alot about everything because only God’s grace hs seen me through trying times… yes…i do go to therapy because i need it to deal with my family and the pressures this life may throw at you…Have a blessed day!!!! Good Luck!!!!Cathy

DEPRESSION IS NOTHING BUT SELF IMPOSED PRESSURE. THE PRESSURE TO BE PERFECT AND EXPECT OTHERS THE SAME WAY. DEPRESSION IS NOT A ILLNESS, IT IS A STATE OF MIND, WHEREIN THE MIND OVERTAKES THE BRAIN. SO CONTROL YOURSELF. TAKE THE LIFE AS IT COMES. NOTHING CAN BE STOPPED BY WORRYING. BE HAPPY AND MAKE YOUR SURROUNDING HAPPIER. IF YOU FEEL DEPRESSED, SPEAK TO AS MANY FRIENDS / NEAR AND DEAR, TO CLEAR YOUR MIND FROM UNWANTED THOUGHTS. DO NOT PANIC IF THINGS DON’T HAPPEN THE WAY YOU WANT, BE CALM AND IT WILL TAKE ITS OWN COURSE. TRY TRY YOUR BEST AND GOD WILL DO THE REST

I CAN RELATE TO THIS ARTICLE, I WAS IN A AUTO ACCIDENT ONE YEARS AND SOME ODD MOTHS AGO, AND SINCE THEN I HAVE BEEN REALLY DEPRESSED, I LOST A NICE NEW CAR(COMPLETELY GONE)TWO MONTH LATER MY JOB LET ME GO CAUSE THEY COULD NOT WAIT FOR ME TO RECOVER.I CAN,T DO THE THINGS I USE TO CAUSE OF THIS ACCIDENT. I HAVE TRIED EPIDURAL SHOTS, THERAPY AND EVEN A DRX9000 TRACTION SYSTEM AND NOTHING HELPS ENOUGHT. NOW SURGERY IS THE ONLY OPTION(WHICH I DON,T REALLY WANT). LIVING A YEAR DOING NOTHING AND ON MINUS MY INCOME(THANK GOD MY WIFE HAS A GOOD JOB AND BENEFITS) NOT BEING ABLE TO DO ANYTHING MORE THAN READ A PAPER OR PUT SOME DISHES IN THE DISHWAHER STINKS.CAN,T DO THE THINGS WITH MY SON I USE TO ALSO. YOU FEEL LIKE WHAT NEXT. I AM TRYING TO HANG ON CAUSE LIFE HAS A QUALITY ALL ITS OWN THAT KEEPS YOU GOING CAUSE THERE IS SO MUCH TO ENJOY IN IT. YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT THE POSITIVE THINGS IN LIFE, CASUE IF YOU LOOK AT THE NEGATIVE WE ALL WOULD BE DEPRESSED AT TIMES..ALL I CAN SAY IS THANK GOD FOR HIM, FRIENDS, FAMILY OR ALOT OF PEOPLE WOULD BE MORE DEPRESSED THAN THEY ARE ALREADY.

I have been suffering with depression for many years now.I have tried different meds,therpy,even talking to my friends.I feel that my friends are sick of hearing me talk about the same old thing.I have two children, a young teenage girl,and a young man adult which commited suicide last June.Since this has happened,I really am having a hard time finding any joy or happiness in anything.When i’ve tried to go to therpy,the one’s that i had always have had to move on,then i end up with another.Needless to say after a while you get sick of telling the story over and over.I also live with a man which is no help either,when i feel really down and i want to talk,he’s always to busy.So far because i believe in God,that seems to be the only light right now.I’m concerned about my daughter seeing me sad so much,that i’m afraid she will become depressed, specially at 14.I feel so lost,but am trying to keep moving ahead.How do you move ahead when you feel so alone????????????? Is there any hope?

It never ceases to amaze, sadden me that there are still people out there that think depression is just a state of mind, that it can be controlled with will power or by just praying hard enough, or by having enough faith in God, or by just snapping out of it! Repeat after me…..DEPRESSION IS AN ILLNESS…..just like diabetes…or cancer….people don’t ask to get it….they don’t suffer from it through any fault of their own….and YES…IT CAN BE TREATED!!!!! THERE IS HOPE FOR PEOPLE WHO SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION!!!!
I hope that someday the stigma of mental illnesses will be erased and people will become educated about them. Would you tell a cancer patient that they would be cured if they just put a smile on their face and thought happy thoughts?? Not unless you were a complete idiot…so why would you tell a person suffering from depression that? There is absolutely nothing wrong with a person taking medication to help them with their depression! Would you tell a cancer patient that they shouldn’t take chemo? Again…not unless you were a complete idiot. Do you see the point I’m trying to make here?
PLEASE stop treating depressed people as if they have some character defect, as if they are weak willed,selfish individuals that just lack the faith to “heal” themselves or the ability to just pull themselves up by their own bootstraps!

AMEN DEB! WELL SAID! I have had this for pretty much all my 36 yrs. My mom has it, my sisters both have it, my dad has it, my gma had it, etc. etc. etc.

Depression is an illness and those of you who think it isn’t don’t care about people with depression. I myself have dealt with depresion for most of my life (at least 25 years). It’s not something that I’ve wanted to deal with but it’s something that I just can’t toss away like you do the trash. I have taken medication most of the time. I’ve had counslers off and on during my life. I kept journals, tried to talk to friends, and family members but that doesn’t always help. I’ve tried talking to whoever I’m with in a relationship but that doesn’t mean he wants to hear it. The one I’m with right now would just as soon watch TV or sleep and hear about me being depressed and what in our relationship is causing me to be depressed. Depression is real and it doesn’t just happen over night. It’s something that can be there for years and it’s something that can really affect a persons life. Depression is worse than a cancer, because even with medication and counseling doesn’t cure depression. DEPRESION IS A SERIOUS ILLNESS THAT NEEDS TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

Depression is an illness and it is directly impacted by the state of mind and all the factors around a person. All I can say is this, I don’t feel sorry for myself but life has kicked my butt in my 35 years on this earth and it can be depressing. You just have to get back on the horse and try to go again. Tomorrow is a different day and a new chance. Sometimes we have to take a few days to get ourselves feeling better when we get down and there is nothing wrong with that. People who have financial overload understand depression alot because it is so overwhelming. It is not about self-imposed expectations to be perfect. Don’t worry be happy is easy to say. Try Yoga? I can’t exercise I have IC, don’t know what that is? Google it. Feeling left out? I appreciate this information, but do get real! People read this blog looking for help and understanding as a way of helping themselves. I wonder what kind of life the first commenter has where they don’t suffer from depression, must not have teenagers in the house or never enough money to pay for everything and certainly they must own their own home and vehicles and have financial security, sounds like a fairytale. It’s about survival, overcoming pain and illness and working hard so the kids have clothes on their backs and food on the table. I live in the real world, and it can get depressing when no matter how much you do it’s never enough to get where you want to be, so you just be. You DO have to look at what you have and be thankful for what you have and for your loved ones and remind yourself everyday of what is important. There’s no time for self-indulging pity-parties. God helps those who help themselves, and he does. Faith is important, believing in something is important. To all of you reading this, there is hope. Find a support in a Christian (good) friend or congregation and pray. Take time for yourself and talk to a Pastor or counselor about your problems. Meds are not always the answer, I can not tolerate them. It’s sheer willpower and caring about yourself, stay in your boundaries and take baby steps until you get stronger. I’m a survivor, full-time and ill working wife and mother of three. to The first comment poster, when you have walked in my shoes, then tell me that depression is not an illness that you have to fight and rise above. Talk is cheap.

I have been married to my husband for 33 years and it wasn’t until about 6 months after bypass surgery that he became depressed. We now realize that HIS dad suffered from depression also. My three children all have some degree of depression but only one takes medecation for it. Even now there are days that I think my husband will say something to be mean or spiteful or not get out of bed just because he doesn’t want to, but then it will hit me that it is the illness taking over again and he doesn’t realize he’s being mean or lazy. After I realize what is happening I usually go and tell him how I am feeling and we go from there.People with depression don’t analyze their actions like people without depression do. It’s hard on the partners of people with
depression. Sometimes I feel like his mood is a result of me or our lives, but it’s not it’s the illness. I Love my family very much and as hard as it is to deal with the illness as the one who has it, it’s as hard or harder to deal with it as a bystander because you don’t always understand why they do what they do. But you are there for them when they need you and deal with it.

Penny’s comments about the first commenter was referring to the comment posted by: THIAGARAJAN. Sorry to get defensive folks. If THIAGARAJAN has any proof that can back up his/her claims that depression is not an illness please provide that and have your facts straight before making such a comment. Depression is a serious but treatable illness, here are some sites that maybe THIAGARAJAN may want to visit but also these sites are quite helpful as well:
http://healthyplace.com/communities/depression/definition_2.asp
http://menanddepression.nimh.nih.gov/infopaged2c2.html?ID=15
http://www.mentalhealth.com/bookah/p44-dp.html

i was diagnoised with depression 6 years ago. Now at the time i was diagnoised i was put on two different medications. It seemed that those medications were not helping. in fact things just got worse. I found my own way out of depression by talking and keeping a very positive attitude. I do have little bouts now and then and have found out that those bouts are caused from me not getting my way or that i am in a situation that i cant control. Depression can be delt with and releived without medication and with faith. Jesus did say the kingdom of heaven is found within. It semms he has the simpleist of answer.

I am a 39 year old woman who has battled depression at different times in my life. At this point, I’ve been in Recovery for drug addiction (meth) for almost five months now, and have never felt so good in all my life!!!!
The point that I want to make is this: I have DECIDED that: even when I can’t change certain circumstances, I CAN CHANGE MY ATTITUDE!
I’m going through a custody thing with my ex over my special – needs daughter right now, and he’s not exactly playing “fair” with me, but I have set my mind to go through WHATEVER COMES with a GOOD ATTITUDE – and when I catch myself wallowing in the past, or SELF-PITY, or any thoughts that are dark and unpleasant, I make the conscious choice TO TURN MY THOUGHTS TO SOMETHING POSITIVE!
I know that it sounds simple, but after practicing it, IT WORKS!!!
To all who are reading this, have a BEAUTIFUL DAY!!!

This article really hits home. My significant other left me after 11 years. This is the hardest thing I ever faced in my entire life because I love him very much.
I had to deal with his depression and anxiety attacks. He had an anxiety attack that actually paralyzed him for a period of time. The doctors put him on medication but it really didn’t help in the long run. He is very controlling and did hurtful things at times and I never understood until now, that it was all part of the illness that he has. I always tried to be there and be very supportive. However, he build up things within his mind about me that don’t make sense. He started thinking negative about me until he has gotten to a point of hating me.
Grieving over our lost love has put me in a depression and it does not help the situation. It only makes it worse. Now, I understand more what is happening and maybe I can correct it. If I can’t save us, at least I can understand what happened and try to go on.
Thank you very much for this article. It really hit home and now I understand.

Hi edveryone, the problem with depression is that sometimes it has a very real PHYSICAL cause that often goes undiagnosed. I am almost 50 and have suffered for over 20 years with bouts of depression and I had it all. Great husband, enough to get by and 2 fantastic kids. No one could figure out why I would get so depressed I could not get out of bed for days. What was really wrong was a pituitary tumor, which finally the doctor figured out after I demanded a REAL visit – you know longer than 15 minutes and made him listen to all I was feeling. I still have the tumor – they usually are benign – and I know that this particular thing somehow is causing me to have the PMDD I have had for years and a slightly underactive thyroid which can itself cause feelings of lethargy. So now I eat better – get checked regularly for thyroid hormone – it’s not so bad that I need medication – YET ! and I thank God that I DEMANDED that the doctor listen to all I felt.

As a retired clinical social worker I seem to be a magnet for ladies who have bipolar illness, particularly the undiagnosed
type. “Undiagnosed type” is not listed in Diagnostic Service Manual IV, but maybe it should be. I’m just as attracted to them as they are to me, only moreso. I’m not particularly good looking, attractive, but kind of fat, ovely talkative, and I don’t drink or smoke, but eating is my addiction. One of these temporary companions, (they usually last a year or two.) was way too young, and another was a lot better looking than me, and closer to my age but still younger, and we actually married. Now she’s married to someone else but still calls me every few years when she stops taking her medicine. Then,there’s one other one who is age appropriate for me, and I’ve gone with her off and on over the years. She likes younger men, but she loves to have long-winded, all-day, intellectual, and repetitive discussions of bipolar illness,(she’s an RN)but at the end of the day decides even if she is bipolar she wants neither the diagnosis nor treatment for it. So, now I’ve come to the time in my life when I’m okay alone. I must admit I’ve enjoyed all of my relationships with these ladies all of whom eventually became bored with me and moved on, eventhough they have a tendancy to eventually come back. What’s my diagnosis? I won’t tear myself down by offering suggestions, but I can think of a few, none of which are listed in DSM IV.

Hi this is my very first time adding my comments to a blog. i usually just read what most of you post and end up feeling better that i am not the only only wiht this kind of problems, i really learn from all of you. iam relatively young mid thirties,and i believe i have had undiagnosed depression for about 15 years or so, i suffer from hypothiroid and i believe that has contributed a lot to my depresion. bbut what made me feel worst was my divorce of a seven year marriage, then breaking up with a boyfriend that i really attached myself too. thats when i looked for help and took meds for a few weeks and i did not think they were helping so like Ron said, what has helped the most is having a positive attitude and reaching up to God. thanks for your comments, all of you have a wonderful day, and if you dont already have one, start a relationship with God, truly i believe He REALLY is the best friend ever, He is the ONLY one that would never let us down. some of us do need to take meds because of the chemical imbalances in our system but you believe God you can help yourself a lot if you have faith in God and upon that faith.
take care.

I met my husband 6 years ago through work. He was gregarious, witty and charming. He was also a single man with no responsibilities that had been catered to by EVERYONE, friends and family. I had three sons and he was wonderful at first with them. Gradually he started to become bitter, verbally abusive and no longer interested in sex. I’ve watched the progession of change, and had decided that some people are just not meant for a family life that includes real responsibilities. He was diagnosed with two concerns, depression and a narcistic personality disorder….the two together are not pretty. The depression with the disorder have made him unbareable. We chose to do something unconventionable….he resides in another home then our family but we continue to be married. We had two daughters together and his issues CAN NOT effect them because I believe a whole other generation would be harmed. So I have 5 beautiful children, in a healthy environment that are loving and kind and of great character, and my husband can be a healthy part of their lives by not putting them through his anger. He continues to see a therapist and take medications, and his outlook is grander. Depression stems from so many things that it saddens me that so many people are lost. There is so much stress day to day and in a relationship that I think people are exhausted mentally…..I wish everyone hope and pray they find an inner peace.

I went undiagnosed for years w/ bipolar. I was down – would make a doc appt. I was up – would cancel the appt. On and on. Finally my 2nd (and current) husband insisted I go and wouldn’t let me cancel. It took almost 2 years to finally get the right combo of drugs. I am pretty much even now and even tho I miss the mania part – it’s better for all. You’re never too old and it’s never too late to get help. Also should mention that bipolar tends to run in families and will always be with you, while situational depression is related to an event (ex: a death of a loved one). Doctors know how to tell the difference and how to treat both. GET HELP! For yourself, but most of all for your loved ones. They deserve to have a healthy you.

I am diagnosed with clinical depression and PTSD, and I am a recovering drug addict, those combined together seem to be a monster at times, but throughout all of my pain, I have lived 42 years when at the age of 31 I sought out the attempts of suicide, now I live with a no feeling ass of a man, whom thinks I am just weak, how very little he knows about us women whom have encountered the abuse, and the hurts, and survived so to all u women, stand up and say we do recover, cause we have an inner strength that can only come from above, if the relationship is not working, than leave it is that f’ing simple, I just got in the solution. thanks for allowing me to vent

I have been with my Husband for eleven years and married for one year.
I knew that it was love at first sight but I did not know what would come with the package later on in the years.
I also had my problems before him when I lost my first husband in 1975
when I begun to drink, take prescription medications, BIPOLAR, I WAS.
I was at three other people when I would drink and someone over-stepped
the boundaries I had set for them, I love to dress always had a luxury car and a fancy truck to travel in for any occasion, love to travel, would work eight to twelve hours for as many days as I could UNTIL I MEAN UNTIL I got hurt on the job, no pay, using sick time, vacation time was the last thing I wanted to do, not getting paid by workmen’s comp., using my savings in an access of over $50,000.00+, because of the life style I lived then, as the money down and no more coming in I became even angrier at everyone except for my Mom; it was then time for me to do something about it, I shut myself in the house not coming out, losing interest in the things I always like to do.
I went to a private hospital for a nervous breakdown: then I ended up being in the same hospital again until I got roddy, My Mom got a man I really liked back then to talk to me, but I refuse to talk, I just wanted to drink again, not thinking about how it was harming my health and this man would let me have my way and then he finally saw what it was doing to me, he refuse to tolerate my activities and he found a Dr. E. Robinson,God rest her soul, she is in HEAVEN and my Mom is to.
Dr. Robinson was a minister’s wife, understanding about the life of the Lord and His children was that God sent my friend to her and she was there GOD SENT HER AND I WAS ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY THAT DAY
I meet her and her husband Dr. C. Robinson.
It was the Lord’s way from then on; I was on a journey I had never been on before and I thank the Lord for these four people.
I begun to act right, look right, talk right and then my disability money started and it was as is God was waiting for me to clean up for myself so He could bless me and for me to become a testimony for Him, and that I am. KEEP GOD FIRST IN YOUR LIFE. Thank You Johnie Stewart

I’m feeling depressed right now & I don’t have anyone to talk.I started feeling depressed after my girlfriend went home.We spent some time together today.I enjoyed her company. When she went home, I felt alone.I can open up when I’m with her.I know one other person that I can talk to, but he’s away on personal business.I’ve been living on my own for about 20 years.I have a sister that I haven’t seen since 1991. I call her once in a while, but it seems like she doesn’t want to call or write me.I feel like she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.Sometimes when I feel depressed, I sometimes cry, like I’m doing now.I guess that I have to wait till Monday when I see my Doctor & tell her how I’ve been feeling. I’ll be OK, thanks for listening.

This is in response to the comment posted my Jim Vance. There is a big differance in feeling sad and being depressed. Everyone feels sad it is a valid God given emotion but if you are depressed it can be for many reasons, you sound like you are feeling detached and isolated from other people. That makes everyone feel sad. You are going to have to force yourself to reach out to other people. My suggestion is to find a good church that has a lot of activies going on that you could become invovled in. When you serve others you forget about yourself it does wonders to boost your self esteem and bless your life. I would also begin reading the bible the psalms are a good place to start and i will pray for you. The Lord will lead you if you ask him too. Keep reaching out to your sister even if she seems distant at least you will know you are making an effort. Crying is ok, i do it alot myself i believe tears are cleansing. Also exercising boost endorphines in the brain that make you feel mentally and physically better. Laughing is good too, rent a funy movie or read a good book or find some hobby you enjoy. God made you for a purpose and he does not want anyone feeling lonely and depressed! Also Pray pray pray! Blessing and joy to you!

I have been diagnosed also for PTSD and severe Depression. I also have a mood disorder but which one they couldn’t tell. (HA HA)! Today all I feel is angry. I get migraines so I am so sensitive to noises. I get this way when I do too much. I want to keep busy but still wear out so bad. Thanks for letting me vent out! I tend to help others and sometimes I need the help. I get tired of talking to people and tend to like to be alone. It does work out . I will if my brain was not overloading all the time. Thanks all! Take care. Sylvia

Noticing one of the things which bothers me and that is, the gender bias with which almost all of the currant subjects go by when referring to depression. Until they are going to drop the gender bias there can be no solution to the effects of depression in relationships. ……….Trisha.

I am praying for all who are writting tonight i understand your pain I have felt sad all summer since my oldest moved out take care don’t worry so much and try to get some sleep tonight rest helps

How can you tell if a person is just iritable and mean or depressed. We have to choose words carefully when talking to my husband and feel like we are constantly walking on eggshells around him. Our kids are grown and out of the house. I am having trouble dealing with this with only he and I in the house. I thought that with the pressure of childrearing out of the way, we would have a better relationship. It has only gotten worse, as has his moods. Is there a test to detirement whether a person is depressed? We tried counselling – well I tried he said as little as possible and we stopped going. It was not going to work. Maybe that was my answer right there?????

Everyday I tell myself I will get help for my depression: see a doctor, or go to the next church sevice, talk about my fears & stress. But I never do, I guess you can say I am conveniced nothing will ever change. I am 22 with more pain in my life then you could ever image, no one sees how my still waters run deep. There’s so many situations that have occured in my life. It’s frustating to even think where I would start, to mend my broken heart. I’m so use to acting like I have it togther, I have childern 2 wonderful boys, and a loving man, but if I exposed my pain and how it dwells on my brain no one would understand. In life people expect you to forgive and forget, but how do you forgive yourself? Or forget about problems that are still there? I feel my life taking a different toll my health is now at risk from my problems I’ve made myself sick. Depression is more then an illness, it is a disease without notice you can ROTT

This is very very helpful to me and my fionce, I suffered many of
these symptoms due to “a series of unfortunate events” the past 7-8
years. I faced job loss, untimely deaths in the family, some alcohol
abuse leading to a very costly DUI and a few relationship problems.
The thing that sticks out for me in this is how depression snowballs
and takes you down a dangerous path in so many areas in your life.
We think we are ok, but deep down trouble is brewing. The symptoms
you mention are so similar to what happened to me, first some sadness
and grey emptiness and confusion. Then came real frustration, acting
out, anger, arguing, self-destructive behavior. It was a downward
spiral which even landed me arrested a couple times. Some say bad karma
is no accident, it is a process caused by bad choices and consequences.
I am about 90% cured now, older and wiser from it all, but I have to
keep it in check. I have supportive fionce, family and friends and I
sought therapy short term. After failing w/some medication I now take
some St John’s Wort. I wonder too if many have chemical imbalances in
America today due to our extremes of drinking. We are hooked on alcohol
but also Starbucks type coffees, Red Bull & energy drinks and even sodas w/all kinds of funky flavors. The brain reacts and often crashes
down. I can’t remember a time of such extremes, the answer: moderation and healthier choices.

Depression is an Illness. No Less or no more than cancer, diabetes,etc. It can be treated with medication and therapy and family support. Please remember the person diagnosed with this illness cannot control chemical imbalance in the brain, no more than the person with any other disease can control their symptoms. That is what the medications are for. To say one has control of this illness is to say that someone with cancer can stop the spread of this disease with willpower. One of the hardest obstacles to face is the lack of knowledge about this illness even today. Some don’t speak up for fear of being outcast. And those of you who have the illness know what I am saying. There is more information about drug addiction and sexually transmitted diseases than depression on television. Has anyone seen the ad for Depression, asking if you will be the friend to stay and help? Yes, prayer and believing that there is a Higher Power does help as with any illness or problem. Without Hope there is Nothing. Remember that someone with depression cannot think rationally and may have paranoia, anger, etc. just as an alcoholic has. Most of the time they will blame everyone around them for their problems and or actions. So seek medical help, therapy, support from family or friends and Your Faith. Hand in hand these steps will help you and your family. Support groups are everywhere, just seek them out. God Bless to All. Use all of the help available to you. Denial is not an option as all of us who have the disease know to well.

Smile everyone = ), if only for a moment…
Naomi, I just wanted to say hello and let you know you are not alone. When I read your post, it mirrored my feelings. Where do I start? How do I forgive myself? I have to pertend all of the time. Sometimes I convince myself that my smiles are real. Only I know deep inside that there is pain and deep wounds that have only been covered more and more over time. There is no peace, no balance. My mind is not clear from past situations. There are things I’d like to address to others, but I dont know if they are ready to deal with it in their life, so for some reason I feel I have to hold it in my heart. I’m getting tired though. Sometimes I wish I could just say #$%^ IT and just go live near the ocean and start anew. I wish I could cut the attachments and live life the way I really want to live FREE. Somewhere down the line I lost myself. I’m Just want to find that happiness AGAIN. No lies. No Secrets. No BS. Just free to be me! = )
Write back if you would like to talk sometime.
Thanks 4 Listening
Z

I truely hope someone out there can give me some advice.
I am not depressed enough to kill myself but I sure wish I wheren’t here. I feel like I have good reason. About 2yrs ago I had a seizer while riding a bike in HEAVY traffic and injured a disk in my back, and got a bulging disc in my neck and at first I was paralized. I met my fience actually before all of this but we didn’t date until after I was hurt. He knew all of my problems and seemed to love me anyway. Now I’ve had so many seizers and hit my head so many times that my neck is alot worse and I have sever memory loss.
Now if ANYTHING at all bothers me and I say it or he sees me crying he is angry and hateful and it makes it so much worse.
I’m sorry I must sign off it’s just too much!!!

I know we all have stress in our lives. It’s tough out there. Job issues/loss. Kid issues. Bad investments. Difficult relationships. Untimely deaths and missing a love one or pet.Hey even the stars are not immune to these issues. Although I’m not 100% feeling great myself. I do know that once I spoke to a doctor about feeling a little blue but try not to just jump on medication. He said that exercise would treat 90% of anxiety and depression out there.
I think he’s right (unless you have a handicap and can’t) because exercise allows those natural endorphins to really kick in and you will feel if not great, at least better! Sometimes when my husband are I are down, we go to the gym I asking him on a scale from 1-10 how did you feel before you went in. He says a 2 and when he comes out, it’s like a 7!!! I won’t get into our issues but just wanted to helpfully help someone out there!
Also, do something you like to do (exercise wise). If it’s not the gym, try swimming biking, tennis, walking/nature hike, dancing, yardwork, etc. : – ) Try smile therapy and a little SAM-e from GNC. Good Luck.

I have been fighting depression for over 25 years. At first I did not know that I had the disease and my first marriage went down the tubes after 16 years. That may seem like a long time to be married then get a divorce and it is but he could not or would not listen when I needed to talk about the things that happened to me in my past. Depression is a chemical imbalance but I believe that if people would have actually listened to me when I wanted to talk then maybe I would have a better outlook on life. Now it is hard for me to tell anyone about the way I feel or the things that have happened to me. I keep everything bottled up inside and eventually I explode or cry. Sleep is also a side symptom, that is the lack of sleep. I am so tired that I would like to just lay my head down and go to sleep, but you can forget that. I am currently taking my medicine but it takes some time for it to work. I had not taken any for about 2 years and I was OK or so I thought I was. My doctor says that I need to take it for at least another year but possibly for the rest of my life. I do not want to be stuck on medicine forever. I have taken St. Johns Wort as well but it was not strong enough for me. Does anybody have any suggestions?

Re Penny’s story: I’ve had a similar story and was in a very bad way until an intelligent doctor sent me to NeuroSensory testing. That really helped to identify where the damage is, what the extent is. So now I am enrolled in a course given by a neuropsychologist, aimed to help one to compensate according to your individual situation. I would suggest that Penny and anyone with depression caused by trauma go on-line and find a NeuroSensory test center nearest yourself.
Like Penny, I also got into depression about it all, and they sent me psychologists and wanted to give me anti-depressant medicine which actually only made it worse. Then someone said that, yes, you are in emotional anguish but there is nothing wrong with your emotions: your problem is that you body just does not work for you and when you try to construct and conduct a normal life again, your body “goes on strike” as it can not cope. And when you know in your heart that it doesn’t take much for that to happen, it leads to discouragement, it leads to despair and doubt, frustration, anger and that is normal (naturally, do we not all want to live full lives with all of our faculties?) – but the ROOT CAUSE is in the nervous system, and it sounds as if you need some help identifying exactly what is going on there, how it affects you and how to cope (so that you can have a more normal life). Please check out NeuroSensory testing, I can tell you that that the knowledge gained so that strategies can be laid is changing my life, and I think that it might be helpful for you, too!
Best wishes, Lynn

I’d just like to second that story about exercise and depression. I don’t know the mechanism, but it seems as if my body isn’t as efficient in cleansing the normal waste products when the depression cloud comes for a visit. But I have found that exercise and just walking in fresh air really does help that and eases those dark clouds, maybe not on the day but the accumulated exercise seems to help. When I’m really bad, I don’t feel up to going out at all, so have arranged with a couple of friends and family members who are willing to stop by and go for a walk, which helps me to get out the door.
Also, since I have neurological damage from an injury which makes it difficult to do a lot of exercise types, I have found that the slow movements of yoga and some pilates exercises work well. I have an exercise mat, strap, blocks, and several DVDs, which I play so that I can exercise in my living room. I also feel that exercise helps a lot with the anguish and despair. It is fun and cheering to see my 50 y.o. body get back some of its younger woman figure ), and I think that it means something (in the long run) that I do this for myself.
Best wishes,
Lyn
P.S. If I’m really feeling poorly, I do just the breathing exercises, so that I can point to that in my own mind and say I’ve done something, feels a little bit more like I’m in charge and that I’m handling my situation.

Hi Z, touched by your story, but sounds to me like you’re too alone with your problems. Is there not a support group that you can join? Also sounds to me like you have post traumatic stress (can also come years after the event), so that might be a starting point for you. Please don’t allow yourself to be alone with all this – you sound like a really great person who’s just run into some difficulties, and I suggest that you reach your hand out and seek help. It might not take as long as you think, you just need a few coping skills to get over this hump and to see what changes need to be made and to help you to plan your way to a fulfilling life.
Best wishes,
Lynn

believe excerise is my best bet for now.

Check out few other natural supplements. You might google them first to see if that is something you might like to try. Search for 5HTP, SAMe,
Rhodiola and Kava-Kava, they can be combined with St. John;s Wort which
by itself might not be strong enough. Good luck!

I agree with you Lyn that exercise is the BEST medicine for the human body. Exercise will combat Stress, depression & anger. Let your emotions out while exercising, let your stress out as you “Pump Iron” if someone has hurt you, use that to your advantage as you work-out but always remember to breath correctly as you exercise…
Eduardo

I am new to this, “Post a Comment” thing, this website, and this conversation. So feel free to disregard me. I am concerned about anyone taking anything into their body for depression without first discussing it with a physician whose opinion they trust. Different combination of supplements and, say, medications or conditions might have unexpected and possibly unhappy results. Please be aware of the possibilities.

i agree with alot of this i have had manic depression and bi-polor my whole life and im 35 years old ive even gone through electro shock treatments but the whole thing is the moods are really bad and my husband has no clue of how i feel and it tears us apart every month we fight to the point of divorce is mentioned but then the mellow love phase comes back and things are back to normal for another week or so, but the other partner goes through so much dealing with my emotions that i think sometimes i making it harder for him there should be a support group for couples in this drama

I have been suffering from depression for at least 10 years now.It is a struggle everyday and seems to go thru many phases.But I try very hard to not let it become a force against my fiance.It is almost like I am another person when dealing with him,I am respectful and try to listen to his day and problems with work and make sure he is mentally happy.I am not sure how I have the strength or capacity to do that,because as soon as I leave the room or turn my head from him the depression and sadness fills me instantly.I just love him so much and don’t want to make his life miserable,or ever for him to suffer the way I do with this illness.It would not be fair for me to invoke my depression on him,it was here way before him and he stands behind me all the way.But he does not express how it makes him feel to see me sad,does he secretly hold it inside,am I making him miserable?Would he stay and deal with me like this,is love that strong?Please share your comments with me on this.

I have been suffering from depression for about 7 years. My husband also has major depression and is manic/depressive. We have been through so much and it has caused many rifts between us. Until I finally admitted that I was depressed and got help. Though I don’t recommend medication for all, I have found some relief from many of the symptoms with working with my dr. to get the right amount and kinds of meds. My husband is also taking some meds, and if we had not gone this way, I know that we would be divorced by now. If you cannot control your emotions, blow up at the slights things (I usually have problems when my spouse criticises me, then I really blow up), then you are also depressed. But even on meds, we both still have bad days and good ones too. You need to learn to talk about what you are feeling, truthfully and honestly, even if it is to a therapist. Holding things in, just makes it all worse. We have a family and we both want to make the best life for our children. It is harder when there are children involved. You have to be upbeat and try not to let it interfear with them, but unfortunately, when mommy “isn’t feeling well” the whole family suffers. I am working on it every day, but unfornutately it is constantly with me. I believe this will always be “me” from now on, so every day I have to remind myself that “I want this family to stay together, so I need to control myself.” Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, my husband and I are still working on it, together. Hope this helps someone.

Dear all we are married for 29 years.two years ago when both the children left home to persue their own careers.I was dectected with T B in the limph nodes in the stomach.This n the menopause blues gave me a sevier depression.i really dint know how to deal with it.professional help also dint help us much.we faught a lot i feel men also go through a midlife crisis.My husband started finding happiness in others company.his broughtin more misunderstanding n unhappiness.
we r trying our best to deal with it.i do believe in prayers n positive thinking.Regemented exercise routine also helps in reducing stress n depression.

This article really hit home. For the past few years everyone and everything bothers me to the point I just explode. I am never truly happy and when I am not happy nobody is. My husband is the worse for getting on my nerves and sometimes I just think I am trying to pick a fight. You see I lost my 26 year old son in April of 2004. Since then I have no happiness or relief from the pain. Medications are not an option for me because my son died from methadone and xanex he went to sleep and never woke up. You just never get over losing a child and nothing anyone can do or say can help. My husband attitude is to going on living because this is our only life and we probably don’t have much time left ourselves. But I can’t look at it that way. But the article describing the symptons and especially the part of about it affecting your sex life. I just have had enogh I lost my son in April 2004, my house was damaged badly by Hurrican Ivan in september of 2004, and I just lost my mother in 2007, so is depression normal under these circumstances?

My husband has been in depression for over 20 years and though he’s see a therapist, nothing seems to get him over this. He’s always been mooding and cranky, but I’ve always tried to be optimistic about the situation and stand by him. I’m not sure i can do this anymore. We’ve been married for 21 years and the last 2 years have been hell. He’s claims he wants a new life and wants to be able to do things he didn’t get to do with me. we have 3 children and I thought we had the world. Our health, job, and a roof over our heads. Then he went and had an affair and it seems to haven’t gotten worst from there. He just doesn’t seem to care. He leaves the house for space, but then begs to come back after 3-4 days. The sex has become minimal and it’s only when he wants it. i’m not sure that fair at all. He seems to enjoy the company of his co-workers (single men) and heading to sports bar. He says coming home every night to watch TV is boring and he’s tired of it, but everytime I put my foot down and say no more, he begs to come home. I’m not sure what to do anymore, but I no I don’t want to live like this for another 20 years and he puts it all on depression. I believe there has to come a time when you have to say no more and be happy for you do have. Call this a midlife crisis, but how much more can I take.

I am an average person with a bubbling personality, but here lately for the past 6 years i have been suffering from depression that comes an goes, sometimes i can be on top of the world then i feel as if situations or things will never change in my life. I honestly know and see that things are getting better for my husband and I financially, which is where all of our depression stems from, but this emotional rollercoaster that i am forced to ride sometimes gets the best of me and i say things to my husband to make him admit that he is the reasont that we are in this rut. I know sometimes i am wrong but i feel that if we both work together that things will pick up for us but he gets a job and keep it for 3 wks and quit, and get another and stay for 4 wks and quit, and another and another, i have been put in the postition that i first of all do not trust him to be there for us finanically so i would go out and tell lies to get things that we need for our home such as food and other things. I hate what it has done to me because i am a faithful person who believes in God and there were times we had nothing to eat no place to live but i worked and kept my head up with him along with me and it is so hard to embrace him, I love him soo much but this is really taking a toll on who i am. can anyone advise me on this thanks

This is a great article. Depression>> to feel a ‘loss’ at everything. I, too, had been diagnosed as being depressed. With many ‘bad things’ that happened to me during my lifetime, I, one day could not get it together. Just trying to do simple things just would not come together. That’s when I was taken to the Dr. and was told that I was having a ‘breakdown’! OMGosh, I thought, how could this be? I was the STRONG PERSON that could handle ANYTHING and EVERYTHING!! I have been on anti-depressants for a while. I feel almost myself, realizing that I will NEVER be the person I once was. I always tried to take care of everybody else and tried to fix the World. Thank GOD I am a Christian. He is the ONE that saw me through my difficult times. The ‘BIGGIE’ incident that happened to me was the loss of My Husband at 54. How do you go on after you have felt such a tramatic experience?! I have learned that I have No Control – Things I can change, I change – Things I cannot – I leave it there. My Faith has surely helped me through difficult times.
I am back in the dating scene and it is so bad out there! I am beginning to believe the men today are out just to make themselves happy for whatever reason. Sex, financial, or they want someone to be their ‘keeper’. I have met, probably, the worse of the worse. What has happened here? …are there any men out there with morals and values anymore?? …and they wonder ‘why’ women are hard to understand…and so this leads to ‘other problems’. Yes, it is like so depressing that this has happened to our world. I just want my partner to pull their load…is that so hard? …am I asking too much?
I have found that when you really open up to someone they always look down on you. Like you are a weak person – by no means am I weak.
..and then there are those that say we, that take antidepressants are strung out on drugs! …and we don’t need them!
Why are there so many depression cases now? Why was it not diagnosed more long ago? Being a strong person, I have so many questions. Yeah, I know it has to do with the chemicals in the brain. It seems more cases would have been reported then…we have been Blessed…I thank My God every day for knowledge!

Hello Dee, I read your story. First of all I went through two horrible divorces. After a recent break up with a guy I met on the internet last November then in person in January, I felt on cloud nine. It only lasted for a few months and I got very depressed thinking just like you do. I have been dealing with depression since the mid 80′s. I went into the hospital twice because I was on the brink of loosing it. My medications needed changing and I needed a little professional advice and “attitude” changes on my own.
NO, YOUR NOT ASKING TO MUCH OF MEN. YOU ARE NOT WEAK EITHER AND DON’T YOU ALLOW ANY MAN OR ANYONE TO CONVINCE YOU OTHER WISE. When you do, you allow others to take control of your feelings and life…NOT GOOD!
DON’T ALLOW OTHER PEOPLE TELL YOU “TAKING ANTIDEPRESSANTS” IS BEING STRUNG OUT ON “DRUGS”. That is simply not true and when ignorant people say these things it’s becauses they have some kind of issues they can’t handle on their own.
Mental illness has been around from the get go and it has to be treated like any other illness (heart disease, diabetes, cancer, etc). When ignorant people get this through there heads, the world will be a much better place, if that ever happens. But you can control your own beliefs..don’t let any man or anyone take that a way from you. Remember this, we (everyone) has a CHOICE as to how they want to feel and make choices in our lives..
I am not sure you are seeing a pyhc/or a counselor, but from my own experiences, it does help tremendously if you make the CHOICE to work with those professionals. Let me also tell you sometimes it takes a while to find the “right niche” counselor and doctor. It did me, because they are humans and we all have our own personaliies..
I hope I have given you some good advice… If your not in counseling, and getting the proper treatment from a physch/not a general MD, I hope you will search for those professionals who GOD created to help us with our health issues, of any type mental or otherwise.
Forget about what others are saying about mental illness…you can’t live by what others may think is right or wrong. What is wrong or right for one person, may not be the case for the other.
I searched for a “support group” also to help give me encouragment to get through those “low and high” days and I have found some wonderful new friends.. We can never have enough friends in our life..
If you attend a church, your pastor may be able to help you find a good counselor and doctor/support group. My pastor helped me with the counselor, and my counselor referred me to a good physch doctor for my medication adjustments. My neighbor got me involved in her “church” support group…praise God for this group.
I hope my experiences and knowledge will help you some.
Stay true to “yourself” because you know what you need.. My Dad told me after my first divorce, “Cathy you will have to kiss alot of “toads” out there before you find “your prince”. So, keep on kissing Dee, the right one will come along, but allow God to pick the person for you.. I had to learn the hard way..this time it’s all God doing..mean time go out and have fun date even if you have to kiss a lot of “toads” one day God will send you your “prince charming”, keep your faith/trust in God!
God Bless You!

I am in a place in my mind that i do not have control of,I have always been a leader and the first person to step up to the plate to get the problem or the job done.I have been reduced to a person who cannot even drive a car by myself,panic attacks and depression have me unable to solve the smallest problem.Things are tough for me because my wife cannot understand how can a strong person be like this and my family and friends will not accept what i am going thru,so i have no one to talk to because they will not accept what has happened to me,I see two doctors but they prescribe alot of mecication for me but i am so afraid of medicine because my brother killed his wife while on alot of medication so most of my adult life i would bearly take asprin.I am so lonely because no one will step up to just read or find out what depression can do to a strong or weak person.I am writing because reading these stories makes me strong and lets me know that this can happen to anyone. Thanks

Hey Michael, I am in that same place. I feel like that, with no health insurance which I have always had to go to a Dr. I can’t even fill out a simple job application without putting my cell phone number for my street address and me who took all those math classes in school! I have a panic attack like what if I don’t get hired, is my hair combed right, etc on and on. My brother died in a motorcycle accident 35 years ago on my motorcycle and I can still see him riding off that day. This can happen to anyone because I was always known as the leader and let nothing get in my way. Now it is hard to get out of bed even. You are on the right track though. I can tell you one thing that has always helped me and that is to keep reading. Just read this stuff from people and it will help. Not newspaper horror stories, read what makes you feel better! Don’t watch the news either because it’s designed to keep you down. I watch Andy Griffith Show for a dose of reality. I used to live in a town like that. Anyway, don’t ever give up, there is more of us out here.

Hi everyone depression is real.I live with it every day if something could help me focus and give me energy I would take it.Hang in there God loves you and there is hope.

After being married to a strong work acholic for most of my life,Ive seen the agony of depression.My husband has bi-polar and by the grace of God I had not let it destroy me.It could have and may yet.It would probably be easier to deal with if he had the love for God that I have,He doesnt understand I hurt when he hurts.The sad part is hes the one hurting me.

I’ve been lucky in that, in each serious relationship I’ve had as an adult, each significant other has been more and more understanding of my depression — even as it has worsened and worsened during that time. (Of course, if you’ve read my descriptions of my ex-wife elsewhere, we’re starting at an awfully low base … sigh.)
In fact, my last girlfriend (still a dear, bittersweet friend) truly didn’t care. She loved me anyway, as I did her. She would say that 80% of me was worth more than 100% of any other man. Amazing!
But (there’s always a but with this disease) she desperately wants a family. And in my anxiety and fear, I desperately … don’t. That’s a gap that can’t be bridged no matter how much you care for each other.
Sometimes you can’t win for losing. Though I’ll take my first sentence above as hope that perhaps, the next time can be the charm.

I have been dealing with depression for over 10 years now. There was a time in my life that I barely knew the person starring at me in the mirror. I had gained over 60lbs and was a walking zombie. Those who love me could not help me….they did not know how. It was a very scary time for me. Even with all the information provided to my husband…he could not understand what was happening. And our relationship fell apart. But it was not until I began communicating regularly with my family doctor, a theript and a psyciatrist. That my life really turned around. I suddenly had more energy, the weight started coming off and I began living my life again. I feel absolutly fantastic. And what is even more encouraging is that my family and friend see the change. Depression does not have to take over your life..it is your responsiblity to take charge and help yourself.(and I know it isn’t easy..baby steps) You know yourself better than anyone else. So just keep communicating..and don’t ever be afraid to ask for help.

i am bi-polar and i have had alot of sickness since i was diagnosed in 2001. i have over came alot of fears and anxietys,but i am making it now. i am having marriage problems now and i think the way my husband treats me now is his way of getting me back for all the things i did to him when i was really sick 2 1/2 yrs ago. he says he forgave me, but his mouth says something else.he stood by me thru all my sicksness and distress,but now i think that he uses all the bad things i did to him in the past to talk to me really nasty. i don’t know what to do, but i do know that i must stay health and my soul and mind free from all this mess. i am in between what should i do, leave him or stay and put up with all this junk that he throws at me? we have 7yrs of marriage,but i don’t think i can take any more stress in my life that should not be. what should i do?

I am married to depression and she seems to grow more & more everyday.
Depression is an inheritance through the gene process of a lot of people. The mother usually carry the depression and pass it on to her babies and the depression thus for grow inside of the child and then the atmospher in which the child live, will more than likely be an atmosphere of hostility and depression and then it becomes full blown in that child and then it becomes a vicious cycle for which that child grow up and find a mate and pass on the depression to the next generation. My monster in law was a sneaky rotten, low down, sometimes nice and easy going maniac / manic depressant/ bi-polar skitzo ditzo.
In order to understand my wife, I first had to understand her mother.
Living with depressed people is hell.

It’s funny how the depressed claim not to be depressed, rather every thing else and everyone else is depressing them.

I have been depressed since i can remember,but my family doesn’t believe psychology is a real science so I wasn’t diagnosed until age 18. I have trouble remembering to take my meds or go to my appointments, which only makes it worse. I have stress-related catatonic episodes, which really strains any relationship I have. I cry and/or go catatonic when I need to communicate. I lie about how I feel to make people leave me alone. I am antisocial most of the time – even when I’m not upset I prefer tobe left alone and am always bored. Nothing interests me. Living with depression stinks, and I feel bad for those who are in relationships of any kind with me because it has to be frustrating and upsetting to see your loved one acting in a way that you don’t understand and taking offense to anything you say or do even with good intentions.