Even as I’m not very good at it, I know that gratitude is important and can help a person beat depression. Based on her research findings, University of California psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky believes that keeping a gratitude journal--taking the time to consciously count your blessings--is one of the most effective happiness boosters. According to psychologist Robert Emmons at the University of California at Davis, gratitude exercises improves physical health, as well--including raising energy levels and relieving pain.
Dan Baker writes in "What Happy People Know":
[Appreciation] is the first and most fundamental happiness tool. . . . Research now shows that it is physiologically impossible to be in a state of appreciation and a state of fear at the same time. Thus, appreciation is the antidote to fear.
I guess my major beef with all those who preach gratitude, gratitude, gratitude as a way out of depression is that they expect a depressive to be cured of her brain disease by counting her blessings, but they would never expect a person diagnosed with stage-four breast cancer to treat herself effectively by keeping a gratitude journal.
Yes, by all means, remembering our blessings can go a far way in recovery. But it’s not going to reverse the brain damage that neurobiologists are finding happens with severe depression, and it’s not enough to pull a suicidal person out of her harrowing thoughts.
Probably the worst thing you can tell a depressive is "Count your blessings!" I can’t count the number of times friends and family, trying to help, told me to practice a little more gratitude. And each time it made me feel so much worse, like I was some greedy spoiled kid sitting on all the goodies, but pouting and moaning because my favorite tv show wasn’t on.
For me, being depressed had nothing to do with not appreciating all my gifts: a supportive husband, two wonderful kids, a stimulating career. I know that I’m blessed, but that doesn’t correct the bad wiring in my brain.
I need to say this because hopefully my honesty will assure readers like Teddie that he need not feel guilty for not rejoicing about the good stuff in his life when he’s in a depression. On the message board of my relapse post (which, by the way, has over 120 really wonderful and loving notes on it … for anyone who is presently in the Black Hole), Teddie wrote this:
I have lots of be happy and joyous about. My only son got married July 6th of this year. I am happy he found a darling girl. There is a calming peace about her for him. Their baby is due November 26 this year. I should be ecstatic. So why has this not put me there? I keep falling and trying to stay up is hard. I am struggling and want my blankie, bear, and to go into my closet.
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Thank you for this! What a relief to know I'm not the only one who felt guilty for being depressed when I have so much to be thankful for. So often what you right helps, but this was such a huge help, especially at this time of year. Thank you for opening yourself to those around you!
I,too,thank you for your thoughts.I love Christmas and all it means with His most precious birth.But,this year I am having a difficult time with the blues and can't seem to pull myself out of it.For the sake of my children I am trying.I so miss having a deep connection with a significant other that at times I am on the verge of such despair.I have so many other blessings in my life that the guilt over this paralyzes me.Family and friends who have never experienced these feelings don't understand.I am glad you are here.
I, too, was grateful to see this. I have had terrible things happen to me as a child. I put it behind me, and I went on with life, but several years ago bad things started happening to me, one after another, after another, and still it is happening. I am so sad, though I have learned to accept most of the losses. But the loss of good health, and a work place where I am discriminated against and harassed because of my health problems, (this is a synopsis) make it impossible to be "happy." I do count my blessings, but don't tell me it is going to make me healthy and happy. It is annoying at the least, and increases my sadmess at most. Counting one's blessings works for billionaires like Oprah and for simple folks who maybe have one big thing, or maybe a few minor issues with which they must struggle. Can we call the Pollyannas stupid without sounding bitter? :)
I think you missed the point. It appears you're waiting for that "One Thing" to relieve the depression. It also appears you're overwhelmed with these oh so helpful cheery know-it-alls that say "All you have to do is. . . . " and when that doesn't help they tell you that you must have done something wrong, then the guilt sets in and you wonder what you should have done different, thus adding a link in the depression chain. All they have to do is mind there own business. Being grateful isn't a cure. It helps eliminate a link or two of your depressive thought process chain. Being depressed isn't the result of just one "thing" it's likely the culmination of many. Coming out of depression can be a long, drawn out and complicated process. Being grateful, along with other positive thought processes, can divert you away from some of the aspects that affect your depression and replace them with more positive thought processes. Having a different / positive outlook on life can allow you to approach depression from a different perspective. This, in turn, allows you to focus on the remaining aspects that do contribute to depression so those can be addressed. In time depression can be whittled down to something manageable. It may never go away completely but one can experience the joys in life when they come around. I've been there, it's taken me nearly 40 years of listening to these cheery people and doctors all of whom had good intentions but didn't have a clue. There isn't just one way to come out of it. Geez, I wasn't going to write this much but this has been therapeutic, Thanks. Holy smokes, I was just grateful.
Having gratitute is actually what makes me sick. When someone is kind to me or does something that I can't do for them in return puts so much pressure on me that I want to kill myself. Recently, a friend lent me some money and her daughter has been constantly, in a kind way, wants to find out what did I do with the money, I hate finding myself in a position to explain myself to a 17-year old selfish girl and thank them over and over for lending me some money. They have been kind to me but how can I make them understand that I am grateful and will return the favor the moment that I can.
I had a brain surgery couple of years back and my life has been up side down since. I am always grateful to everything and everyone and this makes me lose my mind.
Isn't there limit for everything?
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