Ever the contrarian pessimist
No, I’m not going to deny that Michelle’s letter is great advice and offers a lifeline out of the Black Hole.
When you have bipolar disorder, though, the problem is the near-INEVITABILITY that, once you climb out (and you will), you will be back in the Black Hole over and over and over and over again. It’s like Groundhog Day played out as a Greek tragedy instead of a comedy.
Actually, there WAS a Greek tragedy of that sort. It’s called the story of Sisyphus.

I think another way to summarize Michelle’s comment would be to say- the only way through is through. It can get better, but you have to ‘keep on swimming’ as Dory says, and you’ve got to swim through till the end.

fyi, I responded to your email and it bounced

I agree with ya Larry – only I’m still having trouble getting out of the black hole,even if for a while – but I like the groundhog day analogy – makes sense to me – thankfully the firearms and sharp objects have been removed from the house – a suicidal mess I still am.

I suppose this is true for me as well. People keep telling me this, but it’s hard to believe in them. I’ll just have to trust that they know what they’re talking about.

Someone to Take Care of Me
Will someone please take care of me?
Can I stop so I can rest?
I’m tired of being strong and brave,
Can I just be depressed?
Would someone just take care of me
If I chose to walk away,
If I left behind the world I built,
Could I exist from day to day?
Would someone please take care of me
So I can take a break?
Could I lie down and not feel guilt
For making a mistake?
Can someone come take care of me
And let my world recede?
A license to let go a while
Is what I truly need.
If someone could take care of me
For just a little while
I think I might begin to feel
The prologue to a smile.
If someone could take care of me
And if my life would hang around,
I’d take the time to mend myself
Without fear of losing ground.
Could I let someone take care of me?
Could I explain what I’ve endured?
Could I let go and close my eyes
And feel secure and rest assured?
If someone did take care of me,
Could I delegate my days?
Would I lose my sense of self-esteem?
Could I sacrifice my ways?
I’ll try to take good care of me,
I’m better off this way,
I’ll learn to trust myself again
And get through another day.
I’m choosing to take care of me
I’ll sport my warrior face,
And defend myself against the odds
With dignity and grace

TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. TAKE ONE MINUTE AT A TIME. I HAVE BEEN THERE AND GOT THRU IT , TAKING ONE MINUTE AT A TIME AND PRAYING ALL THE TIME. LOTS OF ENCOURAGMENT FROM THE INSPIRATIONAL LITTLE BOOK “THIS TOO SHALL PASS” AND I DOES WORK BUT I AM A SURVIVOR OF ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION AND HAVING TO BE HOSPITALIZED FOR IT , NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF BUT I WAS THREE YEARS AGO,.. BEING ON A MENTAL WARD IS SOMETHING ONE WILL NEVER FORGET BUT THEY DID HELP ME. THERE IS HELP OUT THERE YOU JUST HAVE TO ASK FOR IT .. AND DO THAT PLEASE THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT., IF I NEED IT AGAIN I WILL GO THERE. GOD BLESS.

Linda:
When I read your poem, I thought of the chant “Will I” from Rent (about a different disease, but it sure fits …):
Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?

This was handed out in my substance abuse group,of which,out of ten of us,I am the only one(who has admitted)to having mental illness(adhd and bipolar)and I am the oldest recovering junkie in the bunch(50 in a couple weeks) Anyway,since I don’t remember where I was going with that,just wanted to share thia poem with y’all.
BUTT PRINTS IN THE SAND
(Otherwise known as the sequel to “Footprints” Ten years later and no change)
One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of my precious Lord,
But mine were not along the shore.
But then some stranger prints appeared,
And I asked the Lord,”What have we here?”
Those prints are large and round and neat,
“But Lord,they are too big for feet.”
“My child,” He said in somber tones,
“For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait.”
“You disobeyed,you would not grow,
The walk of faith,you would not know,
So I got tired,I got fed up’
And there I dropped you on your butt.”
“Because in life,there comes a time,
When one must fight,and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand.”
Author Unknown

Linda,
It’s not very often that I read things that move me to write but your poem was just breathtaking and so on point. I finally found the words to say how I feel. Thank you so much.

I am struggling with another bout of depression. Its hard to say what triggers those feelings where I just don’t think I can face another day. It helps me to know that there are others just like me out there and I’m not alone. Thank you for your encouraging poem.

yes, it’s trut, the good Lord will after you each day, cause he never give you what you cannot habdle , there God is good, thak God for jesus chris our savio, i been there still there but, by God grace i’m stil stand tall thank you jesus

Hello,
I have no one to talk with and I am alone all the time. I have had depression all my life but did not really know what it was all about until I was hospitalized in 1991. I have been given every antidepressant available, went through ECT, and when I was laid off from my job in 2001 and could not find another one, I sunk to the deepest depths. I finally found myself not able to work. I am 49 and I receive Social Security Disability, but I can’t live on what I receive. I have started a part time job (again) but am already experiencing the stress. My self-esteem is low enough, but the woman I work for and who owns the small company I work for makes a point of telling me often that she had had higher expectations of me based on my past work history. I did succeed in my career until I was laid off from Compaq in 2001. Every job I had was successful and I was always promoted and received praise.
The company I work for now has its own detailed system for doing everything and I think I have done quite well, but she continually tells me things like I can’t handle as much as she had anticipated, etc. There is so many nuances that they don’t always come natural to someone who has worked there 3 weeks vs. the owner who has been doing it 10 years. I am not trying to make excuses, but I am so sensitive that I take everything to heart and feel that I have lost my ability to learn and excel at anything. I had tried working at Charter Cable prior to this and they said the same comments so it must be true.
All my life the only thing I felt I had going for me was my intelligence and now I hear such criticism that it must be true. I am so worthless and I don’t know what to do. I work very hard and do the best at everything I am given.
What can I do? Do people do things like this to make you feel bad for some reason?
Help

I think Bill you are doing the best that you can. I agree there are some people who purposely like to see how many people in a day they can make feel bad about themselves. I think you are doing a great job. You have overcome many obstacles, keep moving forward. Don’t let the past sneak up on you. God Bless.