A Complaint-Free World (an excerpt)

Such pie-in-the-sky sentiments set you up to be like a zebra -- full of sunny, optimistic, positive thoughts, ready to charge across the river to your destiny.

But sunny, optimistic, positive thoughts without wariness and (yes) negative thoughts about potential predators won't keep you from being eaten by a crocodile.

Some freakin' destiny.

Basically what Maya Angelou is speaking of is the process of "Acceptance". I take exception, not that Ms. Angelou would care, to the last statement. Don't complain. Okay - if that means to go on and on to every person that crosses our path and reiterate the same sorry story with no willingness to let it go, I get that. However, for me the acceptance and letting go of a situation I have absolutely no control over, can't change, have to accept (or choose to be misererable - no thank you)is a process. Sometimes the process is 5 minutes, other time 5 day or 5 weeks, which includes talking about (not whining - well maybe, and sometimes even through tears). It depends upon the magnitude of what has occured. When I speak of what has happened with certain "healthier" people in my life (that took some learning too), is what consistutes the beginning of purging and ultimately, letting go of what I cannot change.

The Serenity Prayer. At times it's instantaneous; however, not everything is a quick fix. My old M.O. would be to pretend and stuff it; not complain, but let whatever happened (hurts real or perceived) take root in my being and make a home. Internalize the anger and beat myself up for whatever I felt. People pleasing was a big aspect of my life. This went on until their was no more room within, and I had to keep my insides quiet with alcohol, spiral deeper into depression and keep it all inside or perhaps release it on unsuspecting soul who had nothing to do with the situation at hand.

I do believe in living in the solution, not the problem. An old cliche I heard so many years ago at AA meetings. The concept is not a new one just because this person wrote a book and came up with purple bracelets. It reminds me of "The Secret". There was no secret in it. I had a difficult time with some of the pontificating that went on when Oprah interviewed the contributors to that work, but again, had to let it go. That was after my husband listened to my conversation on it - I guess it's not really a conversation though when I just wanted him to listen so that I could get it out of my system.

I've found for me, that's how it works. It comes down again to cognitive behavior therapy, and also reframing thoughts. As long as I don't shoot from the hip and react impulsively, I've got a fairly good chance of living in the solution. Never perfectly - it's all about progress and desire to be a beacon of light rather than adding to the darkness. Not an easy task at times.

Another great post, Therese!!

Complaining about a situation is NOT the same as "processing" a situation. The concept is to LET GO of Complaining so that the solutions can be implemented. Try it and you will be amazed at how much negativity to carry/spew into your world.
I have been dubbed "Pollyanna" numerous times in my life...yet when put to the test of letting go of my negative comments and actions (with the Complaint Free World concept), I found myself to be far from the blonde-haired-blue-eyed-there-is-always-a-brigther-side-to-life-little-girl I had so often been accused of being.
Before "complaining” about or ridiculing the concept, try it and see what it does for your perspective. 21 days is a long long long time.

There's a time to be silent, and there's a time to speak up.

Silence is complicity.

Torture. Illegal wars. Staged terrorism. Population Reduction policies. Influence-peddling and corruption.

If you don't complain now, when are you going to complain?

Emily Cragg

Rattling off quotations from an old Book is not going to help, in this Forum.

Save it for when you're preaching to the choir.

I notice you evangelical Christians don't have anything to say about genocide, torture, or the issues of the day. You want to waste the planet so you can force God to intervene. "Beam me up, Jesus!" is a crazy statement, you know?

That does not speak well for you.

Emily

Whenever someone says....don't complain. I feel that they don't want to deal with anything, and want to go through life with rose-colored glasses. They leave the nurturing to those of us that "do" complain...and try to listen & help those individuals that have "genuine" complaints to have to deal with. Telling someone not to "complain"....is like telling them to bottle up every emotion they have inside, and when it's a feeling that's overwhelming to them....go seek a therapist, and pay out more money (if they don't have enough to begin with)....and when the debts pile up....they'll have more to complain about. But...the "selfish, self-centered...don't bother me with your problems" people in this world won't have to give any of their time or energy to helping them. Why doesn't society learn how to "complain" about the selfish ones that can't open their hearts and minds to those that need a helping hand, and an ear to listen and try to understand why they're complaining in the first place. If society had that "attitude"....maybe this world wouldn't have so much for people to complain about!! Bible or not...."treat others as you would have them treat you"!!

The direction the discussion took reminds me of a post I made recently on the Mental Health Forum on the Bnet discussion boards:

"Try to be more ASSERTIVE about your needs with people in a positive and proactive way on the front end, to prevent [negative] feelings from building up. In one of those paradoxes of life, if you stand up for yourself, you may actually avoid a negative confrontation; if you are passive and say "Whatever," you may ultimately bring one on.

It took me a LONG time to learn this (I still am ...)."

If I didn't complain for 21 days, my house would be a mess and my household would go wild, husband would drink his life away and my kids would be on the loose, my job would drive me crazy!! I couldn't see if I held it all in for 21 days I would go insane or end up in a hospital.

Before I complain to anyone ,I think to myself" there has to be someone out there that is worse off than me " which makes my complaint so trivial.... it works every time .....

There are other ways to get things straight without complaining - My mom complains about everything and things get done quicker when she chills out a little. I think it's awesome that people are trying to make known how much an impact complaining has. Complaining really gets nothing done but make people aggravated. Karen, your life wouldn't go crazy, consider other ways of handling the things around the house. Be calm about what goes on in your life - I know it's probably difficult, but try it - you and the other people in the household will probably be in such a better mood and you guys will probably get along so much better :) It works for me - I have yet to get in an argument with my fiancee - we never complain about things, and if a conflict arises, we get through it with a smile on our face and offer a hand, and everybody's always so much happier!