Empty-Nest Depression

I too have grieved ever since the summer before my oldest went away to college. Both sons have been gone now for almost seven years, and we have managed to keep a fairly close relationship. However, in the last few months they are seem very distant and call their father much more than they call me. I guess this is inevitable, that the boys would grow closer to their dad as they mature. But it still feels bad! I am the one who helped with every science project, went to every parent conference, every Scout activity, and took care of every need...except making money for the family. Now I feel like I have ended up with nothing after investing years into being the best mother I could. Is this what life is supposed to be like?

Oh how I can relate! I have been divorced since 1999. I have been depressed for a few years not wanting my only child to leave and go off to college, I know its selfish . NOW that she has gone to live at the college dorms I cant shake my empty nest issues. My problem was, I gave up all my life to raise her the best way I knew how. I even changed from a good paying job with medical and retirement and went and got a commission only sales job to work from home (didnt pay the bills) I couldn't bear to put her in child care and my good paying jobs hours were so up and down I never knew where I what city I was going to be working or if it was at 5 AM or working till 11PM at night. COULDN'T find proper child care with those hours and family was too far away, and her dad, was a Disneyland dad, good for fun and some weekends, plus he moved an hour a way after the divorce, which was not fair to my child since she expected to see her dad each day if he lived across town. THIS made it hard for her so I had to do something.. SO .I did it all so I could be a stay at home mom for her. Now I'm in debt since my sales job didnt pay the bills each month, but it did allow me to be her mom take her to school and pick her up take her to activities and you all know the routine! I even gave up a love life when it got in the way of me being the best mom I could be. I have not dated since 2003. My sales job is bust my company is going under and I am not healthy enough at this point to go back to my heavy lifting good job from before. I am alone and scared and broke. I did sign up for daily exercise activities and went 6 days a week for the first few months, it didnt shake my depression, I wish there was a club for empty nesters like there is for red hatters.. I should start one! GOOD LUCK TO ALL YOU LADIES! WE ARE STILL MOMS... just in active duty heh heh

I want to understand or at try to understand. My mother is an extremely co-pendant person, she literally never left home with the exception of a four year marriage to my father, she is now 62 years old. My elderly grandfather left her, my brother, and myself his home to live in. When my brother reached the age of fifteen he went unwilling to live with my father. He was completely out of control and has since turned his life around. My mother though she was the one who sent him reacted with jealously and anger? I still don't understand why she felt she was the one abandoned by him for moving on with his life though she sent him. Since I was married and began raising a child of my own it, she has gotten worst. She’s bitter and hostile, constantly looking for a confrontation or fight. She has also become extremely selfish and childish though she was always slightly that way living alone has seemed to compound this problem. I really don’t understand how to deal with this, and I'm at my wits end with the bickering and snide comments. I hate to say it but I'm beginning to feel there is no longer a reason, outside of my daughter, to continue a relationship with this thing that was once my mother.I honestly don't know how to deal with her, and would appreciate any insight that might help.