Studies suggest that it’s better to be content, in general, than happy. In other words, the guy with the BMW is the first to complain about his faulty air-condition, not the guy in the beat-up Dodge Neon.
The happiest person I’ve ever met is a woman who grew up poor and with one eye. Everyone made fun of her through school even up to college. Her philosophy is this: you begin the day with the assumption that life is hard (the first noble truth), and so if the day doesn’t bring you any hardship, you go to bed with a grateful heart.
That’s sort of the gist of an intriguing story published last week in the "Washington Post." To read the entire article, "Is Great Happiness Too Much of a Good Thing?" by Shankar Vedantam click here. I’ve excerpted some passages below.
Americans report being generally happier than people from, say, Japan or Korea, but it turns out that, partly as a result, they are less likely to feel good when positive things happen and more likely to feel bad when negative things befall them.Put another way, a hidden price of being happier on average is that you put your short-term contentment at risk, because being happy raises your expectations about being happy. When good things happen, they don't count for much because they are what you expect. When bad things happen, you temporarily feel terrible, because you've gotten used to being happy.
"I have some friends who are very well off and have great lives," said Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychologist at the University of California at Riverside. "If you ask them, they will say, 'I am very happy,' but the most minor negative events will make them unhappy. If they are traveling first class, they get upset if they have to wait in line. They live in a mansion, but a little noise from their neighbors infuriates them, because their expectations are so high. Their overall happiness is high, but they have a lot of daily annoyances." . . .
The study, in the October issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, offers a new twist on an old idea. Previously, psychologists such as marriage expert John Gottman said that people's day-to-day satisfaction, whether with themselves or with their intimate relationships, was the sum of the positive and negative things that happened each day.
Researchers had found that people need a certain ratio of positive to negative events to be happy -- couples, for example, seem to need about three times as many positive interactions with each other as negative interactions to feel satisfied with the relationship. A variety of therapists have focused on trying to increase the ratio of positive to negative events in their clients' lives.
But according to the new study, led by University of Virginia psychologist Shigehiro Oishi, people who report a large ratio of positive to negative events also seem to derive diminishing returns from additional happy events -- and ever larger adverse effects when they encounter negative events.
By contrast, Oishi found that even though Japanese people were less happy overall than Americans, they needed only one positive event to regain their equilibrium after experiencing a negative event. European Americans needed two positive events on average to regain their emotional footing.
Oishi's research also provides an intriguing window into why very few people are very happy most of the time. Getting to "very happy" is like climbing an ever steeper mountain. Additional effort -- positive events -- doesn't gain you much by way of altitude. Slipping backward, on the other hand, is very easy.
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Graeme:
For all their radical pretensions, Chumbawamba's "Tubthumping" is basically a drinking song, so I don't take much profound philosophy out of it. (I think the toy commercial when I was a kid was "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down ...")
IMHO, while depression entails worthlessness and hopelessness, it does not entail being pathetic (except perhaps in the ancient Greek sense) or losing our humanity. We are all too aware of our human frailty, and we certainly don't need others to remind us how weak we are (though, of course, they pile on anyway). And even in the depths, we have far, far more courage and "toughness" than you give us credit for.
Alas, we CAN'T always handle it, at least on our own. And because of that, sometimes the beauty of the world can retreat to a place so hidden in our hearts that we lose touch with it.
A decade later, I'm still trying to get it back.
Marquos:
Nice poem, but in my experience, it takes a lot MORE energy to be sad.
Reminds me of this classic S&G song:
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Rhodes/9574/lyrics_i_am_a_rock.htm
Happiness is closely related to contentment. We tend to believe that contentment is getting what we want, but that never brings contentment. Contentment is realizing how much we have, and where it comes from. The late Pastor Ray Stedman used to say, "gratitude is the chief ingredient of joy". Perspective is the key. Like someone once told me, "if you've got it, God gave it". When we realize what we have as Christians, it is impossible not to be thankful. Those most happy in life are not those with a lot or with a little, but those with a grateful heart, and, whose expectations are the simplest.
The other key to happiness is having an eternal perspective on life. We must realize that this is Motel Earth, and we are just passing through. Heaven is our home. This life is just a testing ground to prepare us for the real thing. The test is of our faith, and the desired result is perseverance. (James 1) When negative things happen, God is saying to us, "do you trust me?" Real Christians persevere. Those pretending to be Christians fall away. The enemy would have us focus on the circumstances, and then he can control us with fear. The antidote to fear is faith. 2 Cor. 4:18 tells us to focus on the Lord, not on circumstances.
Knowing that we were created for eternity helps keep things in perspective. When negative things happen to me, I usually say to myself, "I wonder if I will even remember this a month from now". Usually, I won't. We need to be aware of our trials, but not focus on them. In light of eternity, they are "temporary light afflictions".
Happiness can be possible in any state of mind or being, I know what it's like to live in a dark world all by myself feeling like my world is falling apart, and now thru the Lord only have I been able to slowly learn how to dig myself out of that cold dark cave.Mainly it's all up to your own perserverance in life. CHANGE the way you think or rather let yourself think, do something for someone else to make them happy, give to a good cause, pray for people: suffering in addictions, depression, poverty, in hospitals just waiting to die, children in different parts of the world who are orphans and have nothing, if you have eyes to see-be grateful; if you have hands to touch, be glad; if you have a mind to think-be thankful; if you have ears to hear listen to someone other than yourself cause listening to yourself doesn't help you learn. Don't waste your time grieving and self-tormenting in your deep muddy waters of despair, make use of the life you have left to prove to the Lord how much you would love to make it to His Home with Faith in God. Most of all ASK the Lord for comfort and direction.
Seems true that with all the technology of today with TVs and computers, many people just can't be satisfied or happy anymore with the simple things. The media portrays so much greed and many do not see how it affects them, while those with gratitude in their attitude seem to be so much more content. I know, because I am one of them. This article also seems to tie in with the stuff about happiness not being the end result, but found in the journey and that the more we seek it sometimes, the more it eludes us, while if we sit back and relax and enjoy what we do have, many of the things we need or want, will come to us, if it is meant to be. There seems to be something to be said for being in harmony with one's self and with being thankful for one's life with all its bad and its good. It helps me to picture God's loving hand and to remember his HELP: His EverLasting Presence!
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