The Paradox of Happiness

My negative, pessimistic, tortured side is sarcastic and beat up enough from life, depression and another incurable illness to interpret this as "Ok - so don't expect anything good at all, ever, and I won't be disappointed, because ultimately life is not fair, people are selfish and suck and just get through this day again. Ugh!"

Now - that is not exactly a joy-filled, grateful heart and mind. Fortunately for today (and that's at this particular moment while typing), I know the extremes and strive to achieve the balance in this concept.

I really like post, as it serves to remind me that "happiness" is not the acquisition of more and better stuff (it's nice, but not necessary), and the expectation that I "should" be able to have more or what's worse to think that I "need" it. Wants are so different from needs.

This post helps me from keeping my head up my butt, not being able to see the big picture on the important things in life. I don't want to live a life of unfulfilled needs, based on the constant desire for more and not appreciating what I do have, which is already more than most in this world.

Having said that, most days lately, I have to set my mind and thoughts to those of gratitude. It's a deliberate action. When I wake up each day with these illnesses ready to pounce on me before I open my eyes, it's difficult not to want more in this area. More health and well-being; a freedom from it all.

What I then do at times is start with the basics. Thank you God for keeping us safe while we were sleeping. Thank you that I am the one with the illnesses and (so far) not either of my sons. Please keep them healthy. Yes, I wish I could wave a magic wand and be free from a secondary, equally debilitaing invisible illness that is as wicked as being the the throws of the worst depression; however, I then have to get as basic as thank you God that I can see, that I can hear, that I have to legs to walk on (even if in pain and weakness). Thank you for the job I have, even though I wish I didn't have to work ever again and that it is in my home or I would be unemployable and my family destitute.

Thank you for my home that needs a makeover from it's retro look from decades past, as it keeps us warm when needed and a place to put our heads at night, when some people are sleeping on cardboard boxes.

It's looking at the glass half full - not my first thought these days. The paradigm shift in perception. The gratitude list, which includes this blog with Therese as a safe place to share.

And if this is as good as it gets, I hope that I can see the blessings through the pain. As it goes "In all things, give thanks". That does not mean "for" all things, give thanks. It would be a little ridiculous to be thankful for these unforgiving illnesses, but while "in" them, try to remember the good. I am not always successful, but I've got a better shot at it when I lower my expectations of myself, life and others and raise my level of acceptance.

This is a perfect illustration of how everything in life (and I DO mean EVERYTHING!) is trlative,Not much "fun" to accept that, but there ir is anyway!It put me in mind of that old saying"..I felt bad because I had no shoes until I met a man with no legs..."(Once again I can'tcredit the origin of the thought.) Because, let's be honest with ourselves here, that's a BEAUTIFUL sentiment, but it'd equally impracical to expect ourselves to have our first thought when we ebcounter an amputee be "..well, i guess mt old shoes are good enough after all...! We may sympathize, maybe even attempt to empathize with this person, but it's not human nature tosay "..Oh, i'm so blessed to have this ratty old pair of sneakers to put on my feet. At least I have feet to put them om!. Not, IMHO, should we. That type or feaction rings shallow and not just a little egocentric to me. sort of like the child who comes to school after christmas with a new winter coat feeling superior to those who are still wearing their pre-Christmas outerware when i reality s/he would have rather received the fancy new video game system those other children found under their tree. having lost the use of both of my left limbs due to a stroke, I can tell you that seeing someone whois para or quadra plegi rather than merely hemiplegic DOESN'Y create an instant attitude of gratitude wthin my soul. and i don't think that's because i'm more selfish or less grateful than your average bear, either. We ech bring our own experiences and reality to the table on a daily basis and thre are times when our experiences and realities freaking SUCK! (Pardon the venacular, no offense meant) Being thankful or "more content" that i'm merely depressed rather than sociopathic simply DOES NOT COMPUTE; It's still a lousy place to live. are there others worse off than we are? FOR SURE! But the flip side of that cin is that there are an equal number of our fellow humans BETTER off than we are as well, and it's only human to believe we're hust as(MORE, even!) entitled to wholeness as the next guy. OF COURSE our attitudes have a direct bearing on our frame of mind at any given moment, but our states of mind are often in direct proportion to our illness(es) Once again, I say LAY OFF! I have more than enough guilt to carry around without bing ttold it's my own fault I'm unhappy! YOU try living as A CHRONIC DEPRESSIVE FOR A WHILE, AND THEN WE'LL CRITIQUE

Graeme:

For all their radical pretensions, Chumbawamba's "Tubthumping" is basically a drinking song, so I don't take much profound philosophy out of it. (I think the toy commercial when I was a kid was "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down ...")

IMHO, while depression entails worthlessness and hopelessness, it does not entail being pathetic (except perhaps in the ancient Greek sense) or losing our humanity. We are all too aware of our human frailty, and we certainly don't need others to remind us how weak we are (though, of course, they pile on anyway). And even in the depths, we have far, far more courage and "toughness" than you give us credit for.

Alas, we CAN'T always handle it, at least on our own. And because of that, sometimes the beauty of the world can retreat to a place so hidden in our hearts that we lose touch with it.

A decade later, I'm still trying to get it back.

Happiness is closely related to contentment. We tend to believe that contentment is getting what we want, but that never brings contentment. Contentment is realizing how much we have, and where it comes from. The late Pastor Ray Stedman used to say, "gratitude is the chief ingredient of joy". Perspective is the key. Like someone once told me, "if you've got it, God gave it". When we realize what we have as Christians, it is impossible not to be thankful. Those most happy in life are not those with a lot or with a little, but those with a grateful heart, and, whose expectations are the simplest.
The other key to happiness is having an eternal perspective on life. We must realize that this is Motel Earth, and we are just passing through. Heaven is our home. This life is just a testing ground to prepare us for the real thing. The test is of our faith, and the desired result is perseverance. (James 1) When negative things happen, God is saying to us, "do you trust me?" Real Christians persevere. Those pretending to be Christians fall away. The enemy would have us focus on the circumstances, and then he can control us with fear. The antidote to fear is faith. 2 Cor. 4:18 tells us to focus on the Lord, not on circumstances.
Knowing that we were created for eternity helps keep things in perspective. When negative things happen to me, I usually say to myself, "I wonder if I will even remember this a month from now". Usually, I won't. We need to be aware of our trials, but not focus on them. In light of eternity, they are "temporary light afflictions".

Seems true that with all the technology of today with TVs and computers, many people just can't be satisfied or happy anymore with the simple things. The media portrays so much greed and many do not see how it affects them, while those with gratitude in their attitude seem to be so much more content. I know, because I am one of them. This article also seems to tie in with the stuff about happiness not being the end result, but found in the journey and that the more we seek it sometimes, the more it eludes us, while if we sit back and relax and enjoy what we do have, many of the things we need or want, will come to us, if it is meant to be. There seems to be something to be said for being in harmony with one's self and with being thankful for one's life with all its bad and its good. It helps me to picture God's loving hand and to remember his HELP: His EverLasting Presence!