As a manic-depressive, my postcard from the Caribbean would say, "Having a ball, wish I were dead." (My guardian angel, Ann, came up with that one.) That’s how moody I am. And my moods definitely fluctuate according to the seasons.
Thus, my love-hate relationship with October. Typically, in a non-global-warming world, this is the month when nature is most dramatic about transitioning from summer to winter. With every leaf turning and falling, I cringe a little, because I LOVE summer and all its light (I used to be life guard … bring on the skin cancer), and, for the most part, I HATE winter with its short days that seem longer than ever when you’ve got two energetic kids stuck inside the house. The pumpkin patches, Fall festivals, and Halloween parties (not to mention the bags of Kit Kats I buy “to pass out to the kids”) help me through October, but I still spend this month like a polar bear—making the necessary preparations for my impending hibernation.
I taped this video in the beginning of October when the leaves were green and attached to the trees. So, in case you think I’ve relocated to southern California, nope … I’ve just been sitting on this awhile.
And by the way, Happy Halloween to all my Beyond Blue readers! Try your best to differentiate the ghosts that come knocking at your door begging for candy from the ones hanging out in your head begging for power and influence :)
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Mr Wisdum, thank you for the poem. it's so very true.
i am still scared of the change that winter brings.
winter is an active time in my family's life (we are hunters) the outdoors welcomes and soothes my soul. if i am outside, everything is grand, but the moment that i have to go in to do laundry or whatever needs to be done, my mood quickly changes. my mind runs wild with thoughts that i cannot explain or share at this time.
i work at home and things are not so bad during the warmer months. my thoughts are not as over powering as they are during the what is suppose to be the colder months, but really it doesn't get that cold in Alabama. i love my job, but i truely believe if i continue on the way that i am something bad will happen. but with child care being outrageously HIGH, i may be forced to continue on the best way possible and PRAY, PRAY, PRAY that i can hang on to what little sanity that i have left until spring.
Lynne,
so when are you going to invite us SAD people down to bask in the sunshine you get to enjoy through out the winter????
lol I sometimes get made at myself for returning from FL and years later TX, but then I remember I wouldn't have found my husband or have my God send of a son we love me and care for me!
But please can't I come stay just for a little while?? ha, ha
Maureen
Hmmmm, all I can think of, does it only get worse when I'm much older? EEk, I sure hope not. Despite the jokes that my Mother and I have made with what "We're going to do once we reach 90", I'm still going to remain hopeful and develop more spiritually over the next few decades.
But even w/all the aspiring of doing good in the world, bettering myself as a person ... spiritual guidance.
Sometimes those dark jokes bring me closer to the realization that even tho humorous--they're actually a mere reflection of burning anger of aging. Well, I mean, you know?--who the heck wants to think about deteriorating into a whirlwind of mess? Who wants to have doubts about which way their souls will end up? Have I lived a life so far of good purpose to be qualified into the majestic towering 24k gates of paradise once this life has expired? Or will my soul fall below faster than a 2000 ton steel ball into the dungeon of dark mystery? Yuk. It doesn't seem like I've done anything that bad.
So the way I'm coming to terms w/my own aging {since I turned 40} literally has cornered moi into spiritual reflection, investigation, and a lot of internal and external discovery. It's such a challenging yet exciting process. As well as exhausting on many levels.
Still in the middle of this transformation here, but this is where a lot of learning takes place. Guess my point is, you know how you dream, imagine and desperately WANT to STIVE to do all these great things?--like volunteering ect. But then depression or 'something' seems to block your calling? In need of advice on this one. Bigtime.
I'll keep searching.
Anyway, when it comes down to it, it seems like the only thing that really matters in life is love. And to love fully, one must heal in sometimes many areas in life. And this requires patience I guess and some time.
Always strive to believe and have faith, because the payoff will be a big one. And one no one will regret :--)
Wow..someone does understand the effects of SAD. I found this article very refreshing in all aspects of it. I too am a sufferer of SAD, and the lovely woman in the video hit the nail on the head. It's not an easy illness, its self destructive, and deathly in so many ways. Spirituality alone being whole can make it easier. Thinking back 20 yrs ago when I first started feeling those effects but did not understand them, church was a serious part of my healing. Without it I would not have found serenity in my life. I deal with it now because of greiving, of death of a parent and change in structure, but what I have forgotten was how to rebuild my own structure, finding a way back to God would definitely help me. If a person is not whole spiritually days look dark, even on the sunniest days.
I take one day at a time always hoping my spirit will rejoice on the set of day. Somedays it does others days it doesn't. I still reach for God occassionally, daily, but always something stands in the way of complete contact. It's a battle, but I often win.
I am finding Belief.com/beyondblue by Therese J. Borchard an awesome way of studying yourself. I am really considering buying her book just from watching these videos and reading and writing the information and steps down. I feel better and more understanding of myself. I want to send a thank you to Therese J. Borchard for coming up with this information and her willingness to help others. It is a very Awesome thing to do. This is a really good way to feed your Co-dependent behavior, which I have been accused of having. I've also, have been told of being born to be a mother even if I've never had children of my own. I think these to are connected and also can be confused of the reverse. The natural person seems to go towards the negative side. We all must retrain our brains to see the positive in things and others.
Writing, yes it does work. I've been making myself write things down as I am upset and in tears. It seems to help a lot. I usually, have to go into a room where nobody else is and just write whatever comes in my head. Just put all of it on to the paper. Its like getting rid of the trash that clutters our minds and releasing the pressure.
Again thank you all for this wonderful site.
Juanita J. Mitchell Cpht
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