Two questions from BB’s ultimate contrarian:
1. What if the people who are dragging down your recovery with negativity are FAMILY? And you can’t escape them, at least physically?
2. If one hasn’t seen (or felt) G-d for awhile and has no idea where He is, how does one go seek Him (let alone trust Him) in our tough times?

re: “If one hasn’t seen (or felt) G-d for awhile and has no idea where He is, how does one go seek Him (let alone trust Him) in our tough times?”
Posted by: Larry Parker | November 13, 2007 12:22 PM
just a question… because I have been wondering about religion and depression… did you loose touch with God because you were depressed or did you get depressed because you lost touch with God?
just a question, because I have found that alot of people seem to carry an oppressive weight because of their religion. Sometimes (well, all the time) I really think that people should get over the dogma(s) and ritual(s) of *religion* and get into the true nature of God – consistant unconditional Love.
jmo… no flaming or flames please.

In 1 Corinthians 15:33, there is a great line. It says, “Do not be misled. Bad company corrupts good character.” That quotation is actually from a Greek dramatist, or so I’m told. It is said that Menander first stated this truth. Well, whoever said it, they knew what they were talking about. Not everyone holds to high standards or the high road. And even those who do probably can’t stay on that course all the time. So, taking advice and counsel from the habitually dishonest or manipulative is a recipe for disaster. It’s far better to have counsel with one’s own thoughts than to allow the user to use. But that leaves us in a quandry – where to turn? Because our own counsel pretty much sucks when we’re in the bottom of the barrel. Wisdom is not always found in official uniform but it is worthwhile to ask counsel of two or three and then glean from their collective wisdom. Whatever is repeated is probably worth a closer look. And once you have the good thoughts distilled from a number of good sources, then you can ask your closest ally, “Do you think this will work for me?” Just the act of reaching out can be a terribly difficult action, but it is so worth while.
My daughter has two friends who are emotional opposites. When she relays and recounts her newest problem, one friend offers tea and sympathy. The other friend says, “Pull your head out of your ‘ss.” Both approaches are good – and blending the two makes a good soup. Encouragement is valuable in almost any form. But when it becomes unsolicited advice or counsel, the listener sometimes tunes out – and why not? For me, I really value my sounding boards. They love me, warts and all – and find the seeds of what I mean in the volumes of what I say. Is that a good friend or what?
Blessings..
Frank,

sometimeswe have to decide whos more important ourselfs or others when my family drags me down i have learned to distance myself and i will still be ok. beleive me it took along time to realize that.but you cant let them run your life.god will lead you to better people for support.

“Morality, breeds immorality !” (hint “Do not eat from the Tree of Knowledge, of Good and Evil”
A True Friend
Does not judge you
Loves you with Uncompromising, Unconditional Love
Accepts you as you are
Will not hesitate to tell you the Truth, show you the Light and lead you to a Way (of course if you have a ten foot stone wall around you, it won’t count for S**t!if you catch my drift !)
Will not cast you out into the darkness
Will be your Friend for all eternity
(How many friends, you got out there, like that ?)
(How many do you want ?)
(How will your ego deal with a friend like that?)
(Are you afraid to profront a friend like that, and tell them the Hell off !)
(Do you give a crap !)
LUV 2 ALL
Wisdum

A little of both, Cully — I think predominantly my depression caused my estrangement from religion/G-d, but I would be intellectually dishonest if I didn’t admit some of it came the other way, too.

In 1 Corinthians 15:33, there is a great line. It says, “Do not be misled. Bad company corrupts good character.”
** That’s interesting, coming from the Roman Paul, who literally corrupted Christianity, almost single handedly! I guess if there was any Truth to that statement, then we should ALL discount and cast off, anything that Yeshuah had to say, since the only people He hung around with was Longshoremen and Hookers (Ever hear that expression “He has a mouth on Him like a Longshoreman !”)
And even those who do probably can’t stay on that course all the time.
** Sure you can ! Especially if you are willing to sacrifice your entire Life in the name of what you believe in your heart !
it is worthwhile to ask counsel of two or three and then glean from their collective wisdom
**Absolutely right on! That’s the brilliance of this site. You may have noticed that Therese does not respond to her own blog, how brilliant is that ! (although she did comment on her titled uterus)
Encouragement is valuable in almost any form.
** Not necessarily so! In counseling it is called “Enabling’ and that will only lead a person deeper into self-destructive behavior
LUV 2 U / LUV 2 ALL
Wisdum

Ever NOTICED THE CRETURES CRAWLING AROUND IN A LOBSTER TANK AT THE GROCERY STORE OR RESTAURANT? If you have, youl see that mant of them in their struggle to escape will either walk onover their compatriots or step on them in order to gain a few inches towards the top of the tank. It always puts me in mind of how mant (most?) human beings treat each other in our attempts to “get ahead or “get better” or whatever the h–ll you want to call it. Some of them will acrually grab ahold of another with their pincers and drag them back down when they appear to be making too much progress. Oftentimes the way
“lower” animals treat one another can be an inspiration, like the goose or gander who won’t abandon an injured mate (they TRULY mate for life and “sickness as well as health”) The lobsters on the other hand provide a perfect illustrayion of how NOT to behave! Unfortunately, many of us haven’t gotten the message!

Re – Margaret Balyeat | November 14, 2007 5:10 AM
Ever NOTICED THE CRETURES CRAWLING AROUND IN A LOBSTER TANK AT THE GROCERY STORE OR RESTAURANT?
** All the Time, that’s the kind of thing that fasinates me!
will either walk onover their compatriots or step on them in order to gain a few inches towards the top of the tank.
** Now here’s is an example of perception (and perception is everything !) Are they competing to escape, or co-operating to escape? You think, perhaps, the realization that the top one is not going to make it (perhaps a bit too short)and so a bigger, more determined one will try. By the Way, those creatures, will pull each other out of the prison, by clinging to one another ! If only we could learn from them !
Oftentimes the way “lower” animals treat one another can be an inspiration,
** Yeah ! … Like ALL the Time … Makes you wonder, who the “lower” animals really are !
like the goose or gander who won’t abandon an injured mate (they TRULY mate for life and “sickness as well as health”)
** And there will be one, who will stand in the middle of the road, willing to sacrifice itself for the lives of the others … How many of us, would be willing to do that? … Kind of reminds me of that nut case Yeshuah ! Get this, this crakpot was willing to go to Hell for all eternity, so that none of us had too ! Dam! How crazy is that !
LUV 2 U / LUV 2 ALL
Wisdum

Some people see the world,as it is…and say “Why?” While others look at the Way it can be…and say “Why not !” (John Fitzgerald Kennedy)

Jesus did say that it is the sick that need a physician. That was His answer to the critisism. The just don’t need saving (at least not their souls, spirit’s another story). Okay off the soapbox…I have a few personal thoughts on negative people. 1) Don’t let anyone set your limits. Too many times well meaning individuals will tell you not to pursue your dreams if they’re not conventional and practical in their view. 2) You don’t know what you are capable of unless you try! 3) Failure is an opportunity to learn. Don’t fear it! 4) Always seek advice from people who have succeeded in your field of interest! Finally I have this on my refrigerater door( the best place for inspiration) THE SECRET TO SUCCESS IS TO TURN THE STUMBLING BLOCK INTO THE STEPPING STONE.

Wisdum: now THIS time you’re REALLY confusing me! Yesgua in Hell for all eternity? Whatever happened toHim sitting on the right hand of God the Father from whence he shall judge the quick and the dead?

This is one of those topics where I find myself wanting to scream out! Yes! Careful how you choose those around you for it can mean the beginning or the end!
As my husband of 14 yrs. prepares to move out & we prepare to divorce, I know that his negative thinking has been a huge roadblock in my recovery. His thinking is that I chose to lay in bed & not face the world after 20 yrs of working & being a productive, reliable, loving person. He still, after seeing all this happen to me, doesn’t believe that depression can be a debilitating mental illness. However, long before I met him, I met several of my dearest friends. All of which have stood by me through thick & thin! They saw me fall into that dark place & immediately said that they didn’t see their old friend anymore. All of them have come to my rescue repeatedly & in so many ways. I thank God for them. Those friends are so much like my family. My family that is so close & strong that they won’t allow that brick wall that I built around me to stand. Because of my family & friends that came & are helping me tear down that brick wall, I have the strength to see that my husband helped me build it. My family & friends have held me up & said you are more than this depression. They said that they understand that I have up days and down days, but they believe in me. They have seen shimmers of my personality emerging from the dark over these past 6 months.
Therese, I’m lucky to have all these positive people in my life & I’m choosing to eliminate the negative. I know that not everyone has this, & that’s why it’s so important to have BB. Thank you, again! I know it must take strength, courage and hard work to continue writing the posts. You never let us down!

Re -Lynne | November 14, 2007 7:17 AM
Jesus did say that it is the sick that need a physician.
** I believe it was “Physician, heal thyself.You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” There are Way to many “absolute controllers” in this world, who suffer the malady of not being able to control all these “strong-willed children” we got running around … How depressing is that !
LUV 2 U /LUV 2 ALL
Wisdum

A little of both, Cully — I think predominantly my depression caused my estrangement from religion/G-d, but I would be intellectually dishonest if I didn’t admit some of it came the other way, too.
Posted by: Larry Parker | November 13, 2007 7:05 PM
Thank you, Larry, for your responce.
hugz and love,
Cully

re: “sometimeswe have to decide whos more important ourselfs or others when my family drags me down i have learned to distance myself and i will still be ok. beleive me it took along time to realize that.but you cant let them run your life.god will lead you to better people for support.”
Posted by: mlwalker | November 13, 2007 3:45 PM
This is so true!! the only thing that holds us back is what we have been told/taught about *honoring* our elders. Heck, you cuz you are old does not mean you’ve gotten any smarter than anyone else.

Re -Margaret Balyeat | November 14, 2007 7:19 AM
Wisdum: now THIS time you’re REALLY confusing me! Yesgua in Hell for all eternity? Whatever happened toHim sitting on the right hand of God the Father from whence he shall judge the quick and the dead?
** I did a whole explanation this morning, but so far it has not been posted (that happens when you include any youtubes in the text)The Apostles Creed says “He descended into Hell, and on the third day He arose again”… tie that to “One year is like a day, and one day is like a thousand years” you could interpret that as 3,000 years…. That’s a lot of sacrifice for our sins, wouldn’t you say ! How’s that for some Roman Catholic guilt ?
LUV 2 U / LUV 2 ALL
Wisdum

hank you for the clarificationI understabs your point now, Isn’t it amazing how one scripture will connect to another to ive us ullumination? Even ONE day of His scrificial stay was more than I deserve!(Thank Hod for grace, not works!)

Great information I would keep this in mind.
Do have a blessed day and thank you.
Susan

Thanks for the clarification Wisdum but I was quoting from the book of Matthew 9.”They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick. But go ye and learn what that meaneth. I WILL HAVE MERCY, AND NOT SACRIFICE: for I am not come to call the rightous, but sinners to repentance.” I apologize for my somewhat innept paraphrasing but I always appreciate an opportunity and the occasional reminder to pick up The Book and check it out for myself. Love and Laughter…Lynne

Re -Lynne | November 15, 2007 6:40 AM
Matthew 9.”They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick. But go ye and learn what that meaneth. I WILL HAVE MERCY, AND NOT SACRIFICE: for I am not come to call the rightous, but sinners to repentance.”
** I’m not sure where you got that from. My bible talks of the curing of the paralytic, “Rise pick up your stretcher and go home” The part you mention, refers to Yeshuah eating with the tax collector Matthew, and a whole lot of sinners (He kinda hung around a somewhat shady crowd like that, if you catch my drift … did I mention hookers too!)The Pharasiees, as usual were trying to dis-credit Him. So the “sick” He was refering to was the sinners. BTW I like the more modern translations instead of the Elizebethan/Shakespeare style. Mine reads “Those who are well,do not need a physician, but the sick do… Go and learn the meaning of the Words ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice’…I did not come to call the righteous (or is that self-righteous?)but the sinners”
LUV 2 U / LUV 2 ALL
Wisdum

Such a way to build a personality: by becoming a mirror of other’s weakenesses and leaving to a fairy tale character the guidance of your destiny!
You are not advising to pick friends, but to choose business partners!
The whole idea of splitting the world in losers and “winners” is the accepted segregacionism of this age. You are not doing any good for human thinking, you are proudly duplicating the “wisdom” of your mother, a thinking way from half a century ago!
Though religious, this site presents good advise most of the time; I don’t really understand what your “wisdom” is doing here instead the highschool cheerleader’s bulletin!
Maybe, just maybe, Therese, that is why your eyes express anger, sadness and frustration while the rest of your face tries to smile.

That is exactly what I was searching for in that particular subject. Thanks a lot. I will keep that in mind.

Great advice.

Even when everything is going fine and you feel like you’re happy, don’t you feel like something is missing?

This is one of the best life lessons in a nut shell.
Thanks

Best advice I ever read. Thanks

This is sick! You can’t just dust everyone in your life because they don’t help you achieve your own self interest. This the power of positive thinking taken to the extreme of social isolation. Yikes!

Re -Mark | November 15, 2007 11:37 PM
This is sick!
** Of course it is ! This is a web-site for sick people. This is also, and more importantly a place to vent and confess your sickness . . .and “The Truth shall set you free !” (you looking for any freedom, my friend ?)
You can’t just dust everyone in your life because they don’t help you achieve your own self interest.
** Of course you can (it’s called freewill!) It has been going on since the beginning of Time … I’m sure you know about Cain & Able !… and right up to today’s GW Bush (or haven’t you noticed?)
This the power of positive thinking taken to the extreme of social isolation. Yikes!
** Bingo!… and that’s what the Bible refers to as Tribulation rushing head strong into Armegeddon/Har Meggido … into WW III… (are we having fun yet !) This is “The Dawning of Aquarius”
LUV 2 ALL
Wisdum

Wonderful advice, its best to keep ones mouth shut too, when they are having problems, and go to God for help. For a friend will only tell you what they would do, and God will tell you what to do, and it will work.
I always remember a verse in the bible in Proverbs, which tells what a friend truly should be, Chapter 14:20 The poor man is hated even by his own neighbor, But the rich has many friends.
And Proverbs 18:24 A man who has friends must himself be friendly.
But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 18:4 Wealth makes many friends But the poor is Separated from his friends.
Also so one always finds out how many friends they have and who they are when there lives are upside down and totally apart.
And Country Western singer Tracy Lawerence has a song out “you find out who your friends are” And that song is so true.

Re -windyblue | November 16, 2007 8:26 AM
How about “A stitch in Time, saves nine(inch nails)” … or “Forgive them Father, they ain’t got a clue, as what in the Hell that they do” (Yeshuah)…(or something like that !)
LUV 2 ALL
Wisdum

Not for the foolish but those seeking wisdom. I have found this only to my unfortunate experiences and unnecessary losses in my life, to be so perfectly true. I only wish I had learned prior to losing so much of what was a part of me and who i was to those who i should have never allowed into my home where the ones I love were. I truely beleive that the only thing that I can count on to be evident by all the freinds who i thought i too, was a freind is this:”People will never fail to dissapoint and let me down even when they can do the smallest of gestures to avoid doing so, this is what I can depend on for sure.” I have been stripped of everything that I once had and loved by those I allowed and trusted in my life including one biological mother, her brother my uncle and my once hero big sister who have all turned on me to hide the ugly that they have done to my real mom my grandmother. I have never done any wrong to them or the many trusted freinds I have eliminated from my life yet they would sell me to the first bidder to rid themselves of the lingering reminder of my gramas voice urging her family to the humble things that earn rightious pride and the peaceful, happy things we should never take for granted because we leave this world too soon to explore how truly awesome they are and stay caught up in miserable petty ungratifying roles desiring things that never bring us any joy. If you are sick, i am also now that I have learned about people, SICK WITH IT! AND AM TRULY ON A MORE PEACFUL, LESS CHAOTIC PETTY TIME CONSUMING PATH INVESTING IN THE ONES THAT LOVE ME AND I LOVE THE MOST. NEVER WILLL I EVER PUT ANYONE IN FRONT OF THEM FOR ANY REASON.
SICK WITH IT IN BAKERS

i think everyone is entiled to their own opinions…after all who are we to judge? theres only one judge , GOD..

The Most High Is Our Best Friend.
Jeremiah 29:11

Interesting comments here. As one who is in the grips of depression (again) I can only say I don’t ascribe to the beliefs that G-d will heal all. He/she/it can be a help to some though I get similar help from settling to meditation, self-talk, prayer yes, but to a higher power of sorts, maybe just an extension of my inner being, dunno. But scripture does not help me, except to acknowledge some of it to be wise and good basic psychology and maybe worth taking on board.
Re the original blog (Therese?) on what friends to toss out, well if I did that with most I know based on her views, I wouldn’t be left with many. Who/where are these perfect people she talks about?
Wisdum I don’t agree with everything you say but like your gumption. A bit of anger there, but not a bad view of reality, which I think can be very healthy.

I believe the beginning of any solution in our lives has to come thru forgiveness, most often the hardest to forgive is ourselves, we are often our own worst enemy, and if we don’t have any love/respect for ourselves, chances are no one else will either. I can say this because I can’t seem to break this same cycle that has plagued me thru out my life, but I can ask the one who knows me better than I know myself to lead me and trust him to take me thru any situation, for me this is Jesus Christ, my lord & saviour. God Bless, Cheryl

So answer me this:
I have one friend who always calls when he needs or wants something from me but at most times don’t bother to call at all. I tossed him out because he’s a user and most times when he uses my things he never returns it. And when I need or want it back “I” have to get it as he will not bring it back himself but will tell me where it is at his home.
The second so called friend I have, well, we’ve had a couple of agreements where we would exchange services, he’ll use my backhoe for something he needs to do at his home and he’ll do the printing of my
business t-shirts. The first time he used my backhoe it took him over six months to print my t-shirts. The second time he used my backhoe it took him over one year to print my t-shirts. The third time he used the backhoe I asked him to include some shirts to an order his cousin made, because I liked the design, before leaving on a trip to the U.S. mainland and he agreed to add mine to the printing. Well, a few days later I found out his cousin had left for the mainland and when I called my friend he forgot to add my shirts to the order.
Not many days later he called asking me for help to dump a washer from his home to the local dump and if I happen to be in an area where he picks up his orders of t-shirts if I could pick it up for him? Then I remembered of a time a month prior to this when we were talking in the bank and an older gentleman in his 60′s, another friend who is confined to a wheelchair, asked me if I could stop by his house to take a look at and possibly fix the brakes on their family van? When this so called friend overheard the request he mummbled under his breath and said something like “what, that’s the only time he calls you, when he needs something like fixing his car?”
It happens that this so called friend dated this wheelchair friends daughter some time ago and the relationship didn’t work out and now this so called friend is just bitter.
Well, this second so called friend still calls and talks as if nothing happened and I can help but think of how sad it is for him to forget about those that are closest to him. These days I just ignore him and just don’t bother. My mom said that maybe he doesn’t know or doesn’t realize he’s doing this? I just said that it’s too bad because I’m tired of him being this way with me and don’t want to deal with him any more than just an aquaintance.

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