Dear God: 40 Ways to Keep Your Lover

I suggest Al-Anon for Invisible wife Laura. Your husband's crass behavior certainly stems from his life of drinking -- and, I would guess, binging.

The abuse of alcohol would make it difficult for anybdy (male or female) to carry their weight with domestic chores.

I also suggest that you begin marital counseling. If he refuses to go, go alone. The therapist can help you work a different plan of action. I suspect you have found yourself running around in a circle like a hamster in a wheel. No doubt you have heard the expression "a sure sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result every time."

Now this last suggestion might make you laugh in my face (fortunately neither of us knows where the other lives!) The suggestion? Praise him for the little work he does do. It might be a motivation to do more. By all means, please -- please do not accuse him of not carrying his burden of household chores. Make gentle suggestions of what you would like him to do. Whether or not he follows through is his problem, not yours. That way, you know who is responsible for getting things done.

Maybe some of this can work. And maybe not. All this can be summarized with two points: first, know what does and does not work. Then determine what you can change about yourself (you cannot change your husband.) Second, be proactive. That is why I suggest Al-Anon and marital and/or individual counseling.

I pray you will see changes in your response to your husband.

Dale

After 16 years of trying to do all these things and being far more concerned about the emotional state of my husband( and everyone else for that matter)than myself, I am completely drained. I have been struggling with my own depression and am in need of some compassion and understanding, but it's become evident it is asking to much of him. I feel so lonely. I been dealing with his bipolar (which he refuses to treat) and have always tried to be careful about how I approach things with him but if we fight he venomously attacks. Throwing things back at me I've shared with him in private vulnerable times. Nothing is sacred. It really hurts. He recently was laid off and seems to basically spend most of his spare time playing computer video games. He does little to help me with the housework and seems to resent my expectation he should pitch in. He doesn't seem to get how out of balance things are. I find myself feeling very resentful. Sometimes I think about just running away but we've 2 children together and I try to shield them from as much of this as I can. I don't know what to do. I just want someone to take care of me, I'm tired of always being the responsible one. I'm falling apart and yet I have to keep it together some how.