I am impressed with the level of understanding the writer demonstrates. Depression is like a lot of other diseases in the sense that to someone from the outside, the outward appearance of a depressed individual can be so, well, normal. It reminds me of the “handicapped” parking spaces in the shopping malls. You see someone park and walk inside and if they aren’t on crutches or a cane, or aren’t eighty years old, you think, “He looks perfectly able to me.” And you figure he is getting away with something.
Legalities aside for a moment, pride is one thing that keeps most people from seeking accommodations. We like to believe we can do it all. Unfortunately, it seems more acceptable to have physical limitations than emotional ones. The depressed worker, then, rather than having a disability, is viewed as lazy or not a team player. That furthers the spiral of depression.

I seriously need to write something here, but I haven’t got the time, and you haven’t got the space ! Let me just throw this in… All self-esteem results from what we define as work (work is the Monument of your existance in Life). Work is who and what we are. If you hate your work, you will hate yourself(ergo -depression). If you Love your work, you will Love yourself, and you wil beat the crap out of anybody who stands in your Way !
Life is 90% bullshit and 10% Love. The 10% Love makes the 90% BS bearable. Even at 9%, Life becomes unbearable ! Don’t let anybody rob you out of your 10% (High self-esteem, only flys after 11% !)
I have instruced my wife to engrave this on my tombstone
” Perhaps the World, is a little bit better, because I was here”
LUV 2 ALL
Wisdum

There really is a Catch-22 here. And it’s not just what John D. says about pulling back and getting on the “Depression Track” or “BD Track.” Most workplaces, despite ADA, simply will not let you do that.
The truth is, I was barely making a living in the Northeast anyway as a writer even before my recent unemployment — both as far as salary to expenses and as far as duration of individual jobs (often related, yes, to depression-related absences or perhaps sullen behavior). So to go on the “Depression Track” or “BD Track,” even if that’s possible, is not just a swallowing of pride (which is difficult enough). The lower earnings involved are also, unless one moves to an EXCEEDINGLY low-cost part of the country, conceding to a lifetime of living with parents (yecch, I can say to that firsthand), or in supportive/subsidized housing, and perhaps eventually going on disability. In short, conceding to be a marginalized member of society, the very thing our activism about these diseases is trying to prevent.
And I don’t think any of us are “marginal,” or deserve to be treated as such.
I accept that depression gives me limitations. I don’t accept (yet) that those limitations mean I cannot contribute significant value to a firm in a professional job. (More saliently, neither does my psychiatrist, who resolutely refuses to sign any application for disability for me.) Until someone literally stages a formal intervention and convinces me otherwise, I will “rage, rage against the dying of the light” all the way on this one.

re: “I guess that give you some indication of where I get my self-esteem. If I fail at work, I have failed at life.”
posted by Therese
huny… your work is far far more than this blog. Life is compassion and action. You touch lives of people who never read this blog. You are a success all the time. You spark us to think and care for one another as well as ourselves.

I retired on 8/31 rather than do a half-assed job any longer. I loved the folks and the money was good – but I was in a S#$@*! fog and not able to give like I should/could have. So, I quit – maybe a manic moment. But I’m seeking solace in my new life. And I think we must be about the business of making today our life – and leaving yesterday in the dust. Tomorrow – well, let’s let it be what it will be.
Hang in there – your worth was never about work. Your worth is as the divine’s creation.
I suspect this is no help whatsoever but it’s here for what it’s worth.

Thank you for the story about the meditation retreat.
It is all about accepting what is, rather than what we want it to be. The student had an idea of what “Perfect” or “Correct” meditation was supposed to be, thinking it was all about how one sits. Too many times people think that being “Correct” or “Perfect” is about admiration, buying power and envy from others as to our professional lives.
I may have lost some of my abilities with numbers, organization and spelling, memory – but I haven’t lost my ablilty to love. If anything this illness has increased my abilities in this all important area as I have become more understanding of my own humanity and the humanity of others.

I liked the story about the meditation retreat, too. I do have these wild ideals about what I should be like, what sort of “assists” are acceptable (psychotherapy, depending on the day) and which aren’t (using a pillow or a particular anti-anxiety drug). Where do I get such crazy notions? It’s like I can’t stand my situation (PTSD, etc) and want to manage it in some extreme, baroque way instead of just staying in the moment and accepting myself as I am.
And when I read that bit about the Roshi saying “Defeat is GOOD,” I felt like laughing or melting. It would feel great if I could say, “Uncle… okay… I’m not capable of living up to my ideals. Maybe it’s okay to muddle through the best way I can.”
Also, lapatosu, your last paragraph inspires me deeply. I’m glad you’re living in this world with me.

“Also, lapatosu, your last paragraph inspires me deeply. I’m glad you’re living in this world with me.”
Me too. And me too.

What to do if you are depressed, and your job makes you even more depressed?

me to lapatosu! I have been on and off many anti depressants over the years. Headaches, nightmares, and physical lethargy keep me from not being on them at all. But lately I have dwindled way down and I cannot remember things. My mind gets so spun up that I am appolled at myself. Why I think why does this happen. Why haven’t I any self control? especially over the things I say. I just rattle stuff off and then later beat myself up for being cheaky or brazen. I am at a loss now. I keep going and don’t want to repeat any mistakes but somehow I make new ones and some old ones resurface as I try new or different jobs.
However, I do appreciate mentioning that jobs aren’t your worth. But some of it is. What trails of disaster am I going to blaze next?

I completely understand depression overlaid with further depression from work. It’s insidious, and the two tend to feed on each other in a snowball effect.
It helped when I started trying to figure out what it was about my job that worsened my depression. Was it the work itself? How others responded to me or my work? A sense of being trapped in the job? The feeling that what I did in my job wasn’t making any difference to anyone?
Sometimes if you can pinpoint the cause, you can see a way to deal with it. And sometimes, just being able to name the source of the problem takes away some of its power over you, that horrifying feeling of being totally overwhelmed.
I recently had a manager who consistently promised others that *I* would do the impossible, then blew up at me when I failed. It wasn’t (as others had suggested) that he had that much faith in me – he just didn’t value me in the least, unwilling to take into account my needs (such as food or sleep) or even external limitations (the computer *really* can’t do that). It wasn’t until I began to realize that his demands were impossible to meet, his actions selfish and thoughtless, and his view of my performance unrealistic in the extreme that I was able to see any way to deal with my job.
I started to see that *I* wasn’t the problem. I wasn’t a failure, I wasn’t incapable, and I wasn’t worthless, regardless of how he treated me. That understanding – in my brain, if not in my heart – made it possible for me consider my options, including looking for another job, even in the face of a probable pay cut. I no longer felt trapped. That freed me to the point that I found myself able to hang in there until a position came open under a different manager. I made a lateral move, against *everyone’s* advice, and my work life no longer drove me to wonder if I was going to die very soon of a heart attack, a stroke, or bleeding ulcers. To me, that was a step up.
I still struggle with the fear that the work I do really doesn’t have any sort of impact on the world, positive or negative, but I don’t constantly carry the feeling that I have ‘the Midas touch’, where everything I touch turns into an exhaust system.
I hope you find some part of this helpful.

I was so moved by the honesty of your account. As a medical professional with a history of depression, I have come to understand the difference between wha you try to do in whork, and who you are. Depressives like a feed back from work and neglect their essence. The Buddhist monk had it right. It is only when you are conformtably being nothing ( no-thing ) that you can come to understand the immensity of who you are. Then the feed back is irrelevant – as the Buddhists would say “just another illusion “!
Congratulations on your courage and honesty
Best wishes for your journey
Annie

I just read your post on depression. Your story is almost exactly like mine. There was a time at work that my memory was getting bad. Working with important figures that could affect the establishment. I remember the exact date I told my boss that after 13 years of work I could no longer stay. He begged me. He said he would leave my position open if i needed time. I told him I could not commit due to depression and all its affects. That was 1997. I was humiliated to the max. At work I was worth someting. I lost my self esteem and confidence. I was highly paid with the best benefits-I drove a new car every year-they would gas it up and wash it and bring it around in view of my office. I had tremendous benefits. The loss was devastating. He continued paying me for over a year- He let me keep the car for about 6 months and he kept my health coverage in full force for 7 years.
I need to comment on that so you understand where I am today.I went to Mayo clinic twice. Because along with my depression came neck pain, nausea, weight loss, total body pain- no sleep. I had to become my own health advocate. It was many years of my research that I found out my deppression was secondary and I had an underlying disorder. I was finally diagosed with Fibromyalgia. I think all the worry and anxiety and no sleep triggered this disorder. Current I was happily married from 2000 th 2007. My husband walked out on us 9 days before Christmas.We had to sell our paid for million dol;lar home. I purchased a condo with great amenites. NOW lets talk about depression.I hardly left the house. I never got out of bed. I cried consistently. There were times I could sleep thru a whole weekend and not know the date and time. My faith kept me alive. Having to force a smile with my children. Thankfully my son left for college to pursue a medical degree. That left my 12 year old. For almost a year depression consumed me. Unlike you I had no problem telling anyone how depressed I was. Through the grace of God I figured out no one was going to rescue me. I would have to go and seek treatment for depression. I did.I really do not know if the medication was working because I was still crying. Finally I knew I need a whole lifestyle change. That did it. I smiled again no longer cried and with my faith pursed this new path.Working out at the gym 3 times a week. Changed to healthier food.Found time to truly love myself and heal.I even purchased a puppy I had flown in on American Airlines. He is my baby-4 pounds and would stay 4 pounds as an adult. I truly learned I was blessed. A second chance at life. Through my faith I wanted to help others that had suffered. I run my puppy 2 miles a day. I fit in clothes and finally had become a better person than I has ever been. I laugh and look at things in a knew light. All bessings no losses. God Bless You. If I can help you in any way feel free to e-mail me and from there I will give you my contact phone number.
Sincerely.
Jennie
jennielevija123@yahoo.com

wow. Why do I think I am always the only one? I have been away from the websire for awhile (lost my internet connection) and forgot how many people are just like me. I have had sooo many jobs…I just get to feeling trapped and unappreciated. I end up seriously disliking the majority of my co workers and bosses, I resent the money they’re not paying me and it really makes me angry that I have always felt, in every job, that they don’t really care about anyone but themselves. Then I quit and the vicious cycle starts all over again. I have suffered from depression since I was a teenager and went undiagnosed and untreated for the majority of my life (Im 51 now). I self medicated with alcohol until my 49th birthday. I ve made a real mess of my life and have absolutely no resources to fall back on. No family (they threw me out at 16) no money,,,,no job….I will end up homeless on the street, I can see it now. I don’t know what to do. Im on medication…I feel ok, but Im so tired of starting over..and over..

I suffer from depression as part of the side effects of diabetes, type 2 now, but its forerunner, hypoglycemia, for about 30 years before I converted to type 2. Depression from this disease is insidious. It seems to exacerbate without warning, rhyme, nor observable reason. A few of my friends who know about it, who see me at my worst, all agree that it is obviously some chemical imbalance that is acting. My life experience, knowing myriad diabetics in my family and friends, shows me that it is a common side effect of this disease.
Stress, and things which might trigger mild depression in non-diabetics, seem to trigger deep depression in me. I have, at various times, taken various medications to relieve the symptoms. Now, however, I fear that they will interfere with some of the other medications I have to take. I also find myself on a limited income now and know the I cannot afford some of the drugs for this condition. I like to use, and have used successfully when I could afford it, St. Johns Wort. It tends to even out the mood swings, particularly keeping the lows from being so low.
I work for myself, as an artist and jewelry maker. The depression often keeps me from working —- somehow not believing I can make anything that people will want to buy. This, even though many people come by any display I set up and tell me how beautiful my stuff is to them. When I feel good it translates into a confidence in my abilities and, somehow, into sales.
When I feel bad, more sad and alone, I tend to cut myself off from everyone so as not to expose them to my “toxicity”. I also don’t do many pieces then. This can become a downward spiral, partly because I need the money from a few sales each month to survive financially.
I see a few parallels for me in each of the comments, and in the post about depression at work. I have quit jobs because I thought they were demanding more than I could do. Now I have not been hired because, I believe, my interviewers pick up on my depression, or because I haven’t worked for fifteen years —- I took care of my invalid husband and my aged mother for several years until their death.
When I got married, in 1992, my husband needed me to be at home, didn’t want me to work away from him so that we could do things together in the years he had left. He also saw the problems my then stressful job created for me, for my mental health i.e. self-esteem and depression. With him as my cheerleader, and in the light of his and my mother’s love, I learned to live a simpler lifestyle, to use my art to make some money whenever necessary, and to leave behind the stress of working for someone else.
I also learned to please only me and my husband. I left some of the need to be what others expected out of my life. Now, with them both gone, I find myself falling victim to the need to please others, not just myself. Thank you for reminding me, especially through the tale of the retreat, that modifications are not failure, just modifications which let me succeed. My faith in God has helped. Still, I have a long way to go until I dig my way out of the hole my severe depression following the death of my two “supporters” triggered. Now I am back to only my “normal” diabetic mood swing depression, and that hole seems awfully deep at times. Reading this blog, however, is helping me to see that just maybe there is a slant to the sides of the hole which will allow me, with help, to climb out and, once more, view the world as a place in which I want to stay. Thank you all.

Therese, my final admission of “defeat” came with my last job in my hometown. I was the only clerical/secretary in Legal Aid (the other secretary had left), and was trying to do work for 7 attorneys and 2 paralegals. I had typing skills of 121 w/p/m, but with also trying to do Intake on new clients, I, too, had deteriorated. I didn’t realize it, until two of my bosses brought me an Affidavit and showed it to me – I had made typographical errors in EVERY line! At that point, my cheeks turned red and my stomach turned over – I had THOUGHT I was keeping up and doing great work. The fact that I had committed that many errors in one page overwhelmed me.
The Executive Director called me into his office, and calmly explained they could no longer use my services. He offered me company disability for three YEARS; at that time, I didn’t realize what that meant, so I packed up my vases and mugs, and, tail tucked firmly between my legs, departed the office.
The next day, I realized what an opportunity THREE YEARS of disability would mean – I would have money coming in, and wouldn’t have to be under the tremendous stress of THAT office. Bear in mind – it wasn’t under a DEPRESSION that I was fired – it was hypomania, me being bipolar.
I contacted my local Community Mental Health Clinic, and was put on stronger medications. I had twice-weekly sessions with my therapist. I also allowed my boyfriend to live with me – first time, at 32, that I had EVER done anything like that. I was also running the 3-apartment house that I owned, so there were the rents coming in.
I took in typing from the local University, and managed to get through the three years intact. I HIGHLY recommend that if you ARE depressed, or going through an episode where you really CAN’T manage your workload, that you GET OUT before you HAVE to. Of course, if you’re fired – like I was – you qualify for Unemployment Compensation, and I used that until my Disability came through.
I am NOT proud that I had to leave that job under such dire circumstances, but I GREW, knowing more about HOW to work with a disability than I ever knew before. I am more aware of proofreading EVERY thing I type, so that it doesn’t go out without being perfect.
This story of the man who had to realize his own limitations from his depression brought it all back. It takes courage to admit you can not function to the best of your ability. I was humbled by the experience.

Suzanne:
The frequency of job switches among those of us with depression — sometimes jumping, sometimes being pushed — is definitely worth a follow-up.
Perhaps even by our intrepid blogger (hint, hint)

its nice to know other people have trouble functioning on their jobs and just dealing with day to day life.sometime its so hard to deal with other coworker but you cant keep changeing jobs, any answers?

Oh DEAR GOD!!! Does this ever ring of truth for me. I have spent so many years wasted jumping from jobs. ( not the few I felt I was actually able to acomplish something, and felt needed). So much resentment of people whom I perceived (and still do) to have things handed to them when all I can do is struggle to get by!!! I did’nt blame it on the depression but CLEARLY it is a major factor. I see it as a weakness in myself. I would’nt consider it to be in someone else. Go figure! I don’t believe I have ever realized my potential or utilized my abilities…dare I say talents or would that be boasting? I think I need to start being a better friend to me.

Wow! So glad I stopped in today to read the message and all your comments.
I have battled depression for over 35 years and in addition, have ADD without the hyperactivity. I’m pretty intelligent, try to manage my condition, and most people I work with never know about it unless I tell them.
Having been promoted to a management position in my job 10 months ago, I had worked literally day and night (with no compensation) trying to get a messed up situation under control. This was all at the expense of my mental and physical health, and almost cost me my marriage. I had become increasingly depressed and shared this with my employer in my letter of resignation which I gave him a month in advance. I also explained that mornings were my worst time which caused me to frequently get to work later, but that I still worked 10 or more hours everyday. I asked that I be considered “on medical leave” but without the “absence” for the remaining weeks of my employment.
In a meeting week before last, he asked that I make a comittment to be at work on time. I told him “I will do the best I can do”. Either my best was not good enough, or I was being set up, and was fired less than 2 weeks before I was to resign. I was actually relieved to be out of there and away from the stress, but I’m angry that I was fired. I have financial obligations, and my husband and I already had a trip scheduled for our 25th anniversary this month. I know I can apply for unemployment, but also know from a previous experience that I may or may not get it, and even so, it would be delayed 2 to 5 weeks. I just wondered if any of you have any thoughts or suggestions for my current situation.

I feel that every time I go to work it is a war-zone. I have been diagnosed with both ADHD, and depression, and PTSD. In the work place nobody has every been compassionate to me. I feel that I carry a stigma around wherever I go. It is only a matter of time b/4 the job falls apart. I have even been called to my face “the weakest link” in an effort to belittle me. My dad thinks it’s “stuped” that I can’t put up with “a little harrassment.” I hung up on my dad and told him in a message later not to ever call me again.
Nobody I talk to supports me. If they do they tell me that something else is wrong with me. In expample my my physician assistant friend said that I have high functioning autism. People tell me that I should go on disability. I know that I have alot of talent and skill. I hated all the jobs I’ve ever had b/c they are low level medical positions that get no recognition. I know I can do so much more, but I am being held back by the hatred and negativity of others. I am flat broke and owe $80,000 in student loans. I try to get much better positions, but continuouesly fail in achieving even an interview. Help me I very desparate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. SH Faris I have been in the same boat. I was fired b/c of some performance issues even though it was b/c of a stigma. I didn’t get unemployment even though they told me to my face that I would. I didn’t get it b/c of “misconduct” In fact a couple weeks after I was fired, I got a letter saying that I threatened to do bodily harm to ppl. It was a TOTAL LIE. They had fabricated why I was fired and fabricated a big lie so they wouldn’t have to pay. It was all over a bunch of politial crap. I go through this in every job and see no hope of it ever improving.
Patricia

Wow, this post and comments have been a revelation for me. I was coming around to the realization that a lot of the “job problems” that caused me to job-hop for years are something inside me. Now I realize that a lot of it has to do with depression — that feeling of being trapped and worthless. I’m going to need to digest all this for a while. Meantime, thank you all for being here and being honest.

I don’t understand why if these problems for us are just depression related that these issues seem to continue after medication is prescribed. Am I right in this thinking? I am under the impression that everybody here is medicated and/or in therapy. Why are we going to therepy and taking meds if the most important part of our life is still being destroyed? We all need to work. Why should we have to lay down and take disablility which will leave you destitute and broke? I am too ambitous and NOT AT ALL willing to be defeated. All my dreams will be crushed.
Patrica

iread this post about depression and it remined me about that dark pit God pulled me out of then i read how do you stay free? WELL GIVEN A DISABILITY CALLED M.S. THEY SAY IT’S NORMAL! i don’t want to accept that for myself well the thing like prayer bibile reading communicateding with others on different issues these things help very much now that i know i’m not m.s. i’m isabella but how do i guild my daughter 17 at this time in her life when things are not going the way she thinks they should go well i prayer for wisdom and try to get her to talk to me or dad someone so that’s my prayer for my beautiful daughter olivia when she told me her teacher said she sounds depressed i felt like NO! this is not going to go on i attend a new chruch Impacting your world” and ihave learned so much from pastor RAY and Tracey Bernard i know GOD IS NO RESEPECTOR of person and what he did for me he will do for my child

Patricia:
As you may have read earlier, I am a fellow traveler with the same desires and frustrations (i.e., multiple times “getting the boot” or running out the door to avoid such) in the workplace.
You raise a very good point though. Why is it that, even when therapy (group and individual), medication, exercise, etc. begins to improve your mood, relationships, etc., your work still suffers?

This is the 1st time I’ve ever been on this site. I’m amazed at how well I can relate to all that’s being said. I too have suffered from depression all of my life. While I don’t have any answers, I can sympathize with each and everyone’s struggles.
I too find that the mornings are the worst part of the day. It causes me to be late for work and seems to control everything I do at work. When you wake up in the morning and hate everything about yourself, you can’t understand why anyone at work would want me there. I feel like a total failure at all I do and if I don’t even like me, how could anyone else. The feelings of worthlessness, emptiness and despair, are all that I can think about. By the time I leave for work, I’m already tired from the constant steam of negative thoughts that have been running through my head.
All it takes is just one mistake at work to validate all that I hate about myself. It really affects my job performance. I’m constantly trying to be perfect at all I do, when I know that I’m going to make mistakes. Why is it that when someone else that we work with makes a mistake, we tell them that it’s OK, no big deal…Yet if we were to make the same mistake, we would crucify ourselves for making it. I can’t ever picture myself being good at what I do. I’m sorry that I’m probably not helping anyone, I guess I just wonder when does it stop being so painfull to be awake. God bless all who read this and I wish them luck.

This is the first time I’ve ever posted on this site but I’ve been reading on here for some time now. I can totally relate to this story. I’ve had severe bouts with depression for probably the last 8 yrs. I’ve seen therapists and counslers and so forth but it just seems to keep coming back. In my latest job, which I’ve been at for 6 or so months, things are already starting to deteriorate. I don’t like the job I have and I think that is the reason for my depression besides the fact that the relationship I have with my 9 yr. old son has become really strained these past few months because of his anger issues (something else I’ve dealt with and still do at times). I pull into the parking lot of this job and sometimes wish I didn’t exist. My co-workers are irrated with me because of my attitude but if they only really knew. This is not what I had set for myself and deffinetly not where I thought I would be at this time in my life. Money issues always come into play and not having much of it creates even more probems. I want so much to have my own business and to be able to enjoy what I do and I see all my friends and family with that and it makes me sad and angry and then I come home in a bad mood and take it out on my kids and wife. I can’t even focus on getting a business going. I’ve come to the point where I almost lost my marriage and everything I do have good in life because of this. I hurt so bad inside and I dont even know where to begin to heal myself. I do want to thank Jim for sharing his story because it is hard to admit when depression is the root of destruction. Maybe there is some hope after all…..

It is weird to read this and then see where I fit in or how some applies and some doesn’t. I believe everyone’s situation is unique. For I have had many “jobs” not careers. Careers are where you make more than $30,000 a year and you grow, learn, and earn more and more. Jobs are just something we do to survive or we like to do or we do because we haven’t had anyone give us a chance at doing something we aren’t experienced at. Or we are stuck in a social class and don’t have the funds for education and making a living (or the energy to do both at the same time.) I believe my situation for multiple jobs has been for a multitude of reasons-NOT EXCUSES. I could list many, but the point is depression does play a role when you are on medication because the &*#@! sh– gives you side effects, does a number on your memory, and messes up your sleep! If you don’t sleep and just dream or have nightmares then your brain is never really “with it” Every time I change dosages up or down my brain races all over the place and things just slide by me that NEVER normally would. Being on antidepressants is a constant adjustment and there is NOBODY to advise you because everyone is effected differently by different meds. I feel like my life is a crapshot that I gamble with daily. I don’t have control and I get blindsighted just like others do when you least expect it. Not to mention, I DO NOT have bad self worth and I do like who I am. I just don’t like not having control over my brain and mouth. Sometimes I am awesome and right on and other times I am like what the hek did I just do(in unfamiliar territory). So no I don’t believe I should give up and let the government determine my future-hell f*&^%$#@ nNO! I have charisma, knowledge, hard work ethics,loyalty,honesty,great positive characteristics to offer. I think that sometimes depressed people need a longer adjustment period to get new job difficulties down. The only thing is that there is usually some premadonna or someone that plays bad politics and ruins it first. When you don’t come on strong and perfect to earn respect in the beginning it doesn’t matter after that because people are judgemental on performance. It takes time to feel comfortable. I just have to pray more that things don’t slip by me and that I am on the ball and know what it takes/requires to be on the ball and hope my brain works consistently and that my diabetes that is untreated doesn’t riun my day or my life. Other wise I am golden and to all those who don’t feel that way start reading, studying, and taking notes as well as quizzing yourself on self help material. Spend every waking momemt learning something that will benefit you spiritually, emotionally,psychologically, INTELLECTUALLY, and physically. Try to achieve balance and move. Don’t let thoughts grow that won’t do you any good. stomp on them and think positive. yOu are your creator. you can empower yourself. Don’t lay around in self pity. Get up use your brain and make a Gosh darn difference somehow, with someone if it is not yourself. Don’t help people who are bottomless pits. choose to help yourself in the 5 dimensions. There are resources, books, internet, library, people, bible. so so much. Don’t try doing to much of everything though like I did. Do one or two books, then balance with exercise, nutrition,and the rest. Good luck, go take different meds if you are experiencing fatigue, pain, or grogginess. change change change, it can get better so make it happen!
BEST OF LUCK, ANY QUESTIONS EMAIL ME. I FEEL LIKE A DEPRESSED JOB JUMPING PROFESSIONAL WHO HAS CHANGED,RECOVERED HOPEFULLY FOREVER.

that wz a lovely story~thanx 4 sharing!!!!