One Beyond Blue reader has already turned in his homework assignment! I'm waiting for the others. If you haven't already written to four friends and started your own self-esteem file, then I think Frank's assessment of his process will prod you along. Wonderful stuff, Frank, thanks!
Not at all sure where to begin, except to say that this has proved to be an invaluable lesson in my own self-worth. I know that men operate under the premise that they can't or won't do this, that it flies in the face of who they are or hold themselves to be. I decided it was worth a shot, to have another tool in my toolbelt to fix that part of me that seems broken. It was terrific. The replies came in over several days - maybe a week. So, I had these little, divine moments when I saw myself in a new light. This morning, I copied and pasted the reply e-mails into a single Word doc and read them again. I'm somehow transformed. I'll need to read them again - just to be sure, but I think I'm beginning to perceive myself as this different dude. Now, I didn't spend my life saying I'm not worthy - but some of my actions said it pretty clearly. That's where the change has been most evident. I gained a sense of worth and confidence that isn't challenged by myself. In life, we'll have moments and persons who challenge our perception of who we are. But if we believe, truly believe in ourselves, the barbs and slings of life won't sting nearly so deeply. I needed a blessing. What Therese did was encourage us to ask for the blessing we deserve.I'm hanging onto my list and checking it twice. :)
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I thought I already did my homework assignment in the comboxes following the original post ;-P
But in all seriousness, just as negative builds on negative in this world, positive can (sometimes) build on positive. Even in all my recent transitions, I am deliberately trying to reach out to fellow BB devotees and other Bnet "online friends" to tell them how much I value them, and as specifically as possible.
And they in turn have returned the favor to me. Which has been wonderfully reassuring and comforting at a difficult time for me. So again, to all, thank you.
T, You and I have discussed my SEF in our personal emails. Since i've had one for years under another bame(My"Warm fuzzy" file, I'm just continuing to add on to that one. I'll admit that I haven't asked friends to write to me specifically to thicken it; i think I shared with you that theitems in it that I most cherish are those which came out of the blue without any special purpose or occassion, just as a spontaneous response to day-to-day life from those people with whom I am in daily contact and that now includes many of my "new" BB friends who have dialouged with me on this site. You're in there, as are both larry and Wisdum and a couple of other less prolific responders. There are notes from friends who were sel-motivated to write to me and letters from former students trelling me what they learned from me(mostly in non-curriculum areas)and thanking me for being their teacher. I've also included letters of recommendation which I collected when I was considering a change to another district. Obviously, those WERE solicited, but they say such nice things i wanted them in there anyway. I get it out occasionally to look through it, as has always been my practice when I've needed some bolstering ever since I listened to Jack Canfield's motivational seminar tapes "Self Esteem and peak Performance. Don't know if you're familiar with those, but they are EXCELLENT and well worth the modest expense. I got the title "warm fuzzy file' from that seminar. They used to be my preferred listening when I was commuting to my job fifty miles each way, which I did throughout my married life. Anyay, I guess I wasn't aware that you wanted to see copies of our files, but mine is (and has been) done. I hope it's not cheating to continue using the one I already ha; it seemed redundant to start a separate one.
I think it is about time i did something...be it an esteem file or anything else anyone can suggest. I feel i am wasting "life" time. I seem to be depressed most of the day and get so weepy too. To make matters worse i dont do things that have to be done and that makes me feel even worse. I am a teacher and at the moment i am notworking as i cannot face a class of 30 children or a whole group of my colleagues.
I am fedup of my life and of myself. I have prayed, i have read self help books, i have been to a therapist who charges the earth,nothing seems to get me out of this rut. I need friends i think even just to correspond with via e mail. Its good that i can come here to Beyond Blue and to our dear Therese who so patiently reads all this. I feel so isolated, so alone since my husband left home and i dont have any children either. Loneliness is a problem especially in the evenings when its dark so early. There is a limit to how much one can read and watch TV.
This is in response to Kay's posting on 11-6-07.
It takes one depressed person to understand another one and only one who has been there can truly offer advise.
Therese is always offering advise on how to "manage" our depression and (my own personal thought) she is really good at it!! It wasn't until she mentioned her SEF that I realized I have been doing one for almost a year by using 3x5 cards and copying things from several 24 hours books I have due to my AA program (another thing her and I have in common). When that weepy attitude hits I hit the index box and pull ones out random until I hit a few that makes me realize things are not as bad as it seems.
As for not doing the things you should be doing, FORCE YOURSELF!! I had every excuse under the "clouds" not to do my house or yard work until someone kept pushing me daily to "just do it for one hour".
That one hour turned into 14 hours of yard work because once I started and could actually see what that one hours worth of work produced...I wanted to see more of it.
Therapists can be good but if he isn't helping you..time to find someone else. I had to take the bull by the horns a few years ago and got into my therapists face and tell him point blank either medicate me and find the right combination or else I will find someone who will. He "tried" to prolong my depression longer by claiming meds wouldn't help me but I used a trump card my sister-in-law gave me...I want to try this medication because others in my family have been on it AND my sister-in-law is a nurse and has suggested it since it is her husband (my brother) and my neice and nephew who have found it worked for them. He wrote the script and I can truly say within 3 days I could feel the difference from suffering a year with chest pains from anxiety to the anxiety coming and going. Within 2 weeks they left and have never returned.
I don't know where you live, I am in Michigan, and its hard enough to suffer depression but add on top of it the seasonal depression and you become one crazy person. Leaving lots of lights on in the house is worth the electric bill compared to the mental state I would be in otherwise.
I am single with no children and very little social life (dating or friends) but I do have my cats (obligation to them which is a good thing) and I do make sure during the week I find out what is happening in my area for free come the weekend (even when it is something I would not normally attend) and make sure I go. In turn I have met several people and have e-mail addresses that I send funny things to. Some never respond but several send funny things back to me.
Of course, since I am a member of AA due to trying to drink my depression away I still attend weekly meetings even though I no longer drink. Most programs like overeaters, narcotics etc are all based on the original AA program. If you tend to drink to help deal with your depression (you didn't mention) get yourself into the program and make lots of friends that way by attending different meetings in different areas and over time you will find an entire "family" to help keep you busy and active.
May God bless you with peace of mind and energy to get beyond the depression your feeling.
Nan
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