I also printed out reader Marty’s comment. Back on the message board of "The Myth of Safe Sex." Because I found it consoling. Oh my god! There’s hope for me!?!
You used the phrase "debunks the assumption that good sex follows intimacy", yet I believe that that assumption is exactly correct. I am a 51-year-old man, married for almost 27 years, with 4 (nearly) adult children. My wife and I have sex twice a week on the average, I think (I don't track it), but it is sometimes more, sometimes less. It is less often than it used to be, because I'm not as young as I was - but it is still great; we talk about how we feel about what we do together, what we like, what we don't (she's a little more open than me, but I try).We don't do everything together, but that's just a consequence of life. I'd rather have her with me than anything else. We talk together easily, about anything, sometimes for hours. She's the best thing that ever happened to me, and the better I know her, the richer my life is.
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My husband informed me that since we are in our 50's (just barely!) he no longer thinks about sex and we haven't had sexual relations in months! I feel hurt and have turned off any desire for him or anyone else! I guess I will be content to live my life without the sex but I wonder if this is normal or is he just not owning up to a problem he might be experiencing and is not man enough to let me know about it?
End of my love life...
"I guess I will be content to live my life without the sex but I wonder if this is normal or is he just not owning up to a problem he might be experiencing and is not man enough to let me know about it?"
I strongly suspect the latter is the case. Men only lose their sex drive (erectile dysfunction is simply the inability to physically express their sex drive) when they are dead -- though I will give you that some succumb when suffering an extremely serious illness. SSRI medications for depression complicate things on the sexual functioning end, as they do for Therese on the distaff side, but believe me from personal experience, it takes a Mack truck to stop the male sex drive altogether.
Check to see if he pays any special attention to the Cialis, Viagra and Levitra commercials when he's watching TV. Otherwise, I might worry there is another, far worse reason for his sudden lack of interest in you :-(
"As for the opining, well, it's probably not my strongest charaxter virtue, no. but i'm from Jersey, so it's in my bloodIEven if just from the toxic waste I no doubt took in as a kid!):
Actually, Larry, I DO see your willingness(Need) to express yourself as a virtue (And you do it so well!) Too many men (IMHO) aren't willing or able to expound on their belifs/feelings, and without honest communication, ALL relationships are doomed (Be they marriage, friendship or parent/child.) From your wonderful way wth words, I feel lie I have actually come to KNOW you to a degree from himdreds of miles away. I may not always agree with you, but at least it's clear where you are coming from! I can't speak for ALL women, but for me at least (and most of my female friends with whom I'm close as well,that's a quality we LOOK for but rarely find!(Willingness and ability to communicate emotions and thoughts, I mean) Your thoughtful response to janet is just ONE example. I would add to you, Janet that there are times when (undiagnosed) medical conditions such as diabetes or hypothyroid are responsible for a marked change in libido. Encourage your husband to have a complete physical, not just for the sake of your sex life, but because undiagnosed conditions can and oftenDO leadto even more serious complications. (More serious than a decreased sex drive?....You bet! That's not meant todeminish the sexual aspect; it TOO is serious....for BOTH of you!)
I have been divorced for over 25 years. There haven't been any relationships during this time and I don't date. This is my choice although I would really like to meet a man that would be happy with me. My ex was always looking over my shoulder at the young chicks which did a terrible number on my self esteem. He met a woman online and moved into her home. So much for that. I do have 2 beautiful adult children that came from the marriage. I am very proud of both of them.
I have never experienced the love of a man, the warmth and affection and the intimacy that goes with it. The companionship, committment, honesty and loyalty.........which I read about every day. I was a good wife, did everything for him, kept the home clean, washed his hair, cut his hair, washed his body in the bathtub, polished his shoes washed his dentures and had his dinner ready every night when he came home from work. I honestly thought those were part of a wife's duty to her husband. I know differently now.
I have been fulltime caregiver of my 95 year old Mother for over 6 years after moving to Az. from NJ to take care of her. Had I not made the trip she would have gone into a nursing home which I couldn't bear the thought of.
I am full of love and compassion, I am a good person and I do everything I can for her. She is being cared for by Hospice and I am here to oversee things.
Thank you for allowing me to share.
Love to you all,
sassie
I am male...45 years old, but not unhappy at all. I read some comments here, and I have to say something. Most men are still designed with primitive traits. What I mean.. is that in our brain there is a 2 inch part that thinks about sex every 2 seconds. In a womans brain its about the size of an eraser. This same part is what makes him look at attractive people. I know... why does he do this?..well this is why. Its primitive! From birth both male an female are sent in 2 different directions. Girls are given baby dolls to play with, and boys are giving trucks, cars, etc. When we go to school we are taught to be anti social. School teaches us to be good little workers for management thats all. All relationship stuff learned is either by dating or following the pattern of your parents. Think about it! If someone would have taught you about the other human species, and how to socilally communicate...well maybe it would have been a different story. Yes... I know all about the feminist movement, and I do agree with it. I will say this...life is short, and happiness in life is even shorter. If you are a female, and wondering why does he look at other women? Well its because of the primitive mind set. Most guys will not make an approach for fear of rejection, and because they were not taught to be social with women. Some will, but most will not they will just look. Its all about attraction, rejection...I know that this does not affect woman as bad as men, but a woman can use this method in her favor. If your man is always looking around the room...well its time... either you live with it or you do something about it. Yeah... you can get rid of him, but remember all men are made the same... unless they are medicated..ok..lol. You have to step up...look at yourself. Rememeber that you to can be just as sexy as any woman in the world. You just have to erase your mind, and take control of the situation. Do not let this primitive mind set ruin the one life you have. You have to make each other happy, and by being aggressive in the bedroom, living room, kitchen...lol is a way to start. If your husband likes boobs..well dammit get some boobs...if he likes legs...s*** tell him that both of you are joining the freaking gym. Do not wait for his butt to do anything...take control of this situation. You have to find out what makes both of you tick, and share it with each other! Tell him how you like oral sex when you do it to one another. Just communicate..talk...show each other how to seduce one another! I could go on an on, but you have to let go of what you believe. Make each other happy....REMEMBER YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE!
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