Sex Gets Better With Years

WISDUM: yOU NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE ME! When i first joined the BB family, I assumed you were female because your perspectives were so heartfelt, funny and covered the emotional gamut so thoroughly! (Sorry, guys!) It's our society that has put sex/intercourse/orgasm on suchan overemphasized pedestal. Everywhere we look/listen/go/touch/taste/etc. we are bombarded by images of what "Good" sex is--Everything from that new expensive sports car to a particulasr brand of shampoo, mouthwash or whiskey promise either forthrightly or subliminally that the ultimate sexual experience can be ours if only..." It took me literally YEARS of "practice before I ever "felt the earth move or "heard the bells on the hill" and I think that's one of the reason so many young people today approach sex so casuallyi.e "friends with benefits. They're looking for the fireworks they've been promised by implication not realizing that it requires a certain maturity of relationship to light the fuses that will send those Roman candles aloft. (Note that i said "maturity of RELATIONSHIP,rather than matirity of and in itself.) Like everything else, we've come to expect immediate gratification in the sexual arena as well which is doubly sad because if ever the saying"..it's the journey rather than the destination" was true, it applies to i sexual relationships. While the final burst of colored sparklies is wonderful, the little pops along the way are equally fulfilling.

Larry: It saddens me my friend, each rime I hear you say that your marriage was such a painful experience. while I, too was deeply hurt because of my husband's inability to actually commit to "til death do us part"(Oh, he said the words, but as I later found out it wasn't a week-long committment)there are still some memories which I can reflect upon that were good ones, and the sexual aspect was, for me, incredible and incomparable! I'm SO sorry that you don't have any of that (It sems the leas we could expect to make up for the pain of failure, huh?) Inspite of your (often sarcastic) sense of humor and your tendancy to opine quite at length on particular issues, you have always struck me as "one of the god guys! Your intelligence is obvious through your vocabulary (You actually taught me the word "solopistic" not long ago...I had to look it up..and I'm known as the "word lady" to my circle of intimates-- the one others turn to to help draft letters of importance in order to make themselves look good! I now have a new synonym for "egocentric; THANK YOU!) i SAY ALL THAT TO LEAD UP TO THIS: Myprayer for you (Both figuratively and literally) is that you DO find ANOTHER MATE; ONE WHO WILL BE WILLING...PERHAPD EVEN eager?......to commit to you with the kind of dedication to making it work that a successful marriage requiresand that you and she will be able to finish growing old together. (48 is still a BABY in my book. I hate to think of you living your entire ife without having experienced the joy that kind of commitment can bring. Keep yourself open to whatever possibilities God/the Universe/your Higer Power (God, to me) may still have in store for you; she may...probably WILL?... come from where you least expect her! I hope this doesn't come across as too presumptuous, it just seems to me that you'vehad an adult life sadly lacking in real intimacy! (Not that I'm in a position to judge; REMEMBER this is the woman whose (pasror) wife was expecting a baby with another member of the congregation before they were involved in the legal process of divorce, and she wasn't by any means his FIRST) In spite of its painful ending, I DO at least have some good memories to wrap myself in whenever the world seems especially cold and inhospitable. EVERYONE of us deserves that, and I believe with all my heart and soul that that is part of the abundance god means dor all of us to experience. So I will continue to petition our heavenly Father to send that individual He meant for you; you just have to keep your eyes(and HEART)OPEN. It's next to impossible to accept a blessing when you've already clenxced your fist tightly around the belief that it's not for you,and even more so if your eyes are tightly squeezed together.

My husband informed me that since we are in our 50's (just barely!) he no longer thinks about sex and we haven't had sexual relations in months! I feel hurt and have turned off any desire for him or anyone else! I guess I will be content to live my life without the sex but I wonder if this is normal or is he just not owning up to a problem he might be experiencing and is not man enough to let me know about it?
End of my love life...

"As for the opining, well, it's probably not my strongest charaxter virtue, no. but i'm from Jersey, so it's in my bloodIEven if just from the toxic waste I no doubt took in as a kid!):
Actually, Larry, I DO see your willingness(Need) to express yourself as a virtue (And you do it so well!) Too many men (IMHO) aren't willing or able to expound on their belifs/feelings, and without honest communication, ALL relationships are doomed (Be they marriage, friendship or parent/child.) From your wonderful way wth words, I feel lie I have actually come to KNOW you to a degree from himdreds of miles away. I may not always agree with you, but at least it's clear where you are coming from! I can't speak for ALL women, but for me at least (and most of my female friends with whom I'm close as well,that's a quality we LOOK for but rarely find!(Willingness and ability to communicate emotions and thoughts, I mean) Your thoughtful response to janet is just ONE example. I would add to you, Janet that there are times when (undiagnosed) medical conditions such as diabetes or hypothyroid are responsible for a marked change in libido. Encourage your husband to have a complete physical, not just for the sake of your sex life, but because undiagnosed conditions can and oftenDO leadto even more serious complications. (More serious than a decreased sex drive?....You bet! That's not meant todeminish the sexual aspect; it TOO is serious....for BOTH of you!)

I am male...45 years old, but not unhappy at all. I read some comments here, and I have to say something. Most men are still designed with primitive traits. What I mean.. is that in our brain there is a 2 inch part that thinks about sex every 2 seconds. In a womans brain its about the size of an eraser. This same part is what makes him look at attractive people. I know... why does he do this?..well this is why. Its primitive! From birth both male an female are sent in 2 different directions. Girls are given baby dolls to play with, and boys are giving trucks, cars, etc. When we go to school we are taught to be anti social. School teaches us to be good little workers for management thats all. All relationship stuff learned is either by dating or following the pattern of your parents. Think about it! If someone would have taught you about the other human species, and how to socilally communicate...well maybe it would have been a different story. Yes... I know all about the feminist movement, and I do agree with it. I will say this...life is short, and happiness in life is even shorter. If you are a female, and wondering why does he look at other women? Well its because of the primitive mind set. Most guys will not make an approach for fear of rejection, and because they were not taught to be social with women. Some will, but most will not they will just look. Its all about attraction, rejection...I know that this does not affect woman as bad as men, but a woman can use this method in her favor. If your man is always looking around the room...well its time... either you live with it or you do something about it. Yeah... you can get rid of him, but remember all men are made the same... unless they are medicated..ok..lol. You have to step up...look at yourself. Rememeber that you to can be just as sexy as any woman in the world. You just have to erase your mind, and take control of the situation. Do not let this primitive mind set ruin the one life you have. You have to make each other happy, and by being aggressive in the bedroom, living room, kitchen...lol is a way to start. If your husband likes boobs..well dammit get some boobs...if he likes legs...s*** tell him that both of you are joining the freaking gym. Do not wait for his butt to do anything...take control of this situation. You have to find out what makes both of you tick, and share it with each other! Tell him how you like oral sex when you do it to one another. Just communicate..talk...show each other how to seduce one another! I could go on an on, but you have to let go of what you believe. Make each other happy....REMEMBER YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE!