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You can find Therapydoc’s original post, “Coping/Managing Stress and Anxiety,” by clicking here. I have excerpted parts of it below.
Someone once wrote in asking for my personal secrets, my coping strategies, not just a lot of psycho-babble.
How do I handle stress?
This person, I happen to know, has a really high stress professional career, deals with people who are non-compliant with free medical advice.
We call it managing stress these days, not handling, not even coping. Like everything in your life has to be put in its proper place, managed. Gives the illusion of control. Manage bad news. Manage trouble. That’s why problems are called troubles. They’re troubling.
It can be bad. Like problems can keep us up at night and wake us up early in the morning. But let’s not get into sleep disorders. It’s already pretty clear that my rambling is designed to sidetrack from having to self-disclose.
Just answer the question!
BUT if you are having trouble sleeping, sleep deprivation can exacerbate whatever else is going on. Have it checked out and consider medication, take only as prescribed and don’t drink.
My stress, during MY day? From morning until midnight?
Oh, let’s talk about you.
I recommend a million things, right, from muscle relaxation, deep-breathing, real psychotherapy or family therapy, imaging techniques.
One of the best things to do with anxiety is to go directly to the catastrophic expectation, the very worst scenario, and work out how you’d handle that. Do it with another person listening, if possible. It can be fun. Think what you’d do if your greatest fears were realized.
Maybe you’d sell the house, buy an R.V., travel the country. Visit Mexico. Or lose the house, buy a mo-ped.
Learn a new language. Work at Blockbuster. (How bad could that be, let’s talk) Bag groceries.
So I’ll push you into a world of fantasy, have you step over the threshold.
I’ll make you join this world. Let your imagination wander. Such a good thing. The fantasy is best, of course, if you can find something very different that’s positive in having your worst nightmare come true.
The Chinese say, Crisis equal(s) opportunity.
Then, of course, you have to problem solve. Since you don’t want to have to really GET to the catastrophic expectation (losing a job, a spouse, etc., your life) you work to resolve the problem. This is where you call in your favors.
You talk to friends, relative, docs. You get advice. You DON’T shoulder your burden alone. If at all possible, you DON’T rely on you and only you.
Then you get to work. Put the plan into motion.
Oh. And did I mention prayer? Television? Hobbies? EXERCISE? Any other distraction is good? If distraction’s possible, it’s none too shabby a coping strategy. It’s usually IMPOSSIBLE, unfortunately, when you’re really anxious.
The idea of distraction is very different than problem solving. The idea is to fool your body/brain (same thing, remember?) into paying attention to something other than your thoughts. The brain can’t attend consciously to all that much at one time.
Now. On a very BASIC level? Me? After I’ve gone through those steps, determined a plan of action and carried through (oh yeah, you actually have to DO something to really solve problems), at the end of the day, which means about fourteen hours into being awake, I listen to music. I try to do it at work, too, but I crank it up too loud, I think, and other tenants get angry. (this is what goes on in my imagination, no one’s ever complained)
I’m not Type-A, either, for whom it’s actually prescribed, or at least don’t think so. . . .
The brain needs a good stretch, peop. Make it work. Bring on the maturity, give it a shake. This really does rechannel stress if you allow that sensory data to detour your attention from the same old depressing, distressing garbage in life.
Or go back to the gym.
What goes up really must come down. As a cognitive therapist you’ll hear this from me a lot. Be patient. You’ll recalibrate eventually, no matter what you do. I prefer to speed it along just a tad.
Copyright 2006, TherapyDoc
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Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
Meet others on the journey in
Therese’s community group
Ask Therese to be your friend
Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
posted December 7, 2007 at 11:46 am
wow, I’ve never seen that blog- great stuff here!
posted December 7, 2007 at 12:01 pm
Well, I’m working at Blockbuster (or an equivalent thereof). Which I thought would be the end of the world (catastrophic thinking).
And, of course, it’s not. In fact, even though it’s not what I want going forward, it’s OK for now.
But as we’ve discussed in the past on BB, the reframing is SO difficult …
posted December 7, 2007 at 3:42 pm
I like you so much Larry! I wish I could hug you… do you know what a possitive statement “it’s OK for now” is?? Huny, you are on to the second step – you are moving forward. I like you so much… oh and that Dobson jerk… man, I was raised with a father and son Doxie pair and no one ever ever has to use a belt on a Doxie!
love,
Cully
posted December 7, 2007 at 7:09 pm
My Daddy always told me “no matter what you do in life,always do the best that you can,and have pride in whatever you do. Makes no difference if you are flippin’ burgers or the president of a bank,as long as you do your best and take pride in the work you do!”
Larry,it’s great to just have a job isn’t it? That’s how I feel anyhow.I’m a janitor and work my butt off but I’m so grateful to have a job to go to (acually 2 part time jobs) Makes me feel a bit better about myself,not to mention pays rent and gas in the car and all other costs of life.:) I like you also,Larry and cully ,lived your christmas diorders and carols!!! Stay Warm!!
posted December 7, 2007 at 7:13 pm
Cully,that should have said LOVED your christmas disorders and carols although have lived and am living a few of them.LOL
posted December 7, 2007 at 7:23 pm
Cully,that should have said LOVED your christmas disorders and carols although have lived and am living a few of them.LOL
Posted by: Patricia B | December 7, 2007 7:13 PM
Aren’t we all (living ‘em)… I love #9 (ADD) and strangely enough it’s just like me – but I call it Multi-Tasking. ;-p
love and hugz,
Cully
posted December 7, 2007 at 8:37 pm
I came across this list last year and rurned it in to a Match game for the adults to play on Christmas day as a change from ur traditional and always raucus Hassen[feffer games! I also created a Christmas “Wheel of Fortune game and another one based on “Jeopardy” A good time was had by all, even though my rwo adult nephews kept trying to deal the cards while the rest of us were matching the carols and disorders or attemptong to solve the word puzz;es talk about “regifting! I scured my apartment for as many “little” items as I could find to put into a “Bag ‘O Prizes…what fun! Winners reached in blindly (it was only a shopping bag with rafia handlres; nothing fancy) and selected their “prize” by feel alone! Prizes ranged from a bath sponge (unused, of course) to a pill splitter. Everyone wants to know if I’m going to do it again this year, even the rereluctant card happy nephews!
posted December 8, 2007 at 1:00 am
I like you too, Cully
Patricia B., I feel for you. So much, in fact, I wrote a blog entry (unintentionally, of course) just for you (HTTP://):
community.beliefnet.com/blogs/3028
posted December 8, 2007 at 8:58 pm
“Fantasies and illusions fade away. Fight the madness every day”.
Exercise your right to good health and happiness. No one should have led you to believe that life would be easy for everyone. Everyone faces challenges both internal and external. There are hundreds of resources available, but you have to do the work for yourself. Develop your own therapy and work it, work it, work it till you’re done. Most anxiety and depression are caused by repetitive thoughts that are difficult to reject. If you suffered a traumatic brain injury and had to re-learn how to walk, talk, eat, and dress yourself that would be a difficult task, but you would do it. It is possible to gain control over your thoughts and mental activity. Studies have shown that regular physical exercise can be as effective as anti-depressants in most people. I decided to stop whining and start shining. I’m working hard every day. It’s time to take back control and rise above.
Google it:
http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=healthNews&storyid=2007-09-
posted December 8, 2007 at 11:48 pm
Praise the Lord …
… but pass the lithium.
posted December 10, 2007 at 6:26 pm
Larry,
and am glad you can relate. Although,I hope you don’t think that I am feeling sorry for myself cause that is totally NOT where my head is at.But with bipolar,adhd and fighting meth addiction(6 months with 1 relapse) my head is all over the place.Being a janitor isn’t the greatest job,but I am grateful that I have not 1 but 2 part time jobs,and 2 bosses that trust me with keys to 2 businesses,depend on me to ensure that the job gets done 5 nights a week and is done to the satisfaction of each business.I take much pride in my work and have never had any complaints,which in turn makes me feel very good about myself.It enables me to deal with all the negative crap going on.For each negative thought I have,I try to match it with a positive one,for instance,my car,a 1987 Toyota Celica,is on its last leg,but……at least I have transportation(knock on wood) and don’t have to walk or bum rides. Some days it is very difficult to think positive and it is frustrating on the rollercoaster ride to finding the right combo of meds and not fall back into self medicating with meth.Also,I can look in the mirror(not literaly cause I HATE mirrors)and know that I am doing the best I can,don’t lie cheat or steal,wonder what time it is,do I need to wear a coat,did I put gas in the car,need to pay my insurance,oops,adhd kicking in!!LOL Any ways,I really did get distracted and am grateful that it is okay here to do that! Thanks for listening,keep warm,gotta go to work now.
Read your blog entry that was just for me
posted December 10, 2007 at 6:29 pm
Oh yeah,about being a janitor,the job keeps me in shape,don’t have to deal with crowds,and can wear jeans and tee shirt!lol :0
posted December 11, 2007 at 12:52 am
Patricia:
But oh, yes, walking has helped me lose weight this year …
Well, some of us DON’T have a car, and haven’t for several years, so it’s all a matter of perspective
One of the day jobs I have applied for is as a public relations person for SEIU 32BJ, which of course is the janitors’ union. (I actually had a small role in publicizing the “Janitors for Justice” campaign several years ago in Houston, which is obviously ongoing in other cities.)
Who knows, maybe our paths will cross outside BB.
posted December 11, 2007 at 10:33 am
Be PATIENT? GET REAL! pATIENCE IS AN UNKNOWN STATE OF MIND FOR THOSE O(And don’t we ALL gave those ?) When i’m in the abyss, I want out NOW! LIving (even for short periods of time) is NOT conducive to patience.! Suggest that to somebody who’s sitting next to a snake which is shaking it’s rattle at you and “tasting” the air ready to strike at you with its fangs It’s useless advice for those of us wh are desperately trying to learn the ancient art of snake charming!
posted December 14, 2007 at 7:21 am
Larry,
Just curious,what is “Janitors for Justice”all about? I’ve never heard of it.Here in Wyoming we probably won’t here about it for a few more years.LOL I poke fun at living in Wyoming,but I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else…the winters are cold and the summers are……short,but the Indian summers are absolutly breathtaking,and the wide open spaces ,the wind blows so strong and so often that are trees grow at a angle and we all walk that way too:) We all have to have cars cause we are just in the first stages of public transportation,with maybe ten bus routes around town.I just moved from a small town that has no stoplights,only a four way stop sign on main street,and four point bucks ,does,fawns,bunnies,owls,and assorted other critters in my yard…..and stars that seemed close enough to touch.I absolutly willnot,cannot even drive in Denver,just freaks me right out.I’m sure there are other states just as beautiful,no I think every state has its own beauty,I just don’t care for road trips like when I was younger,There’s just no where like home.Dam I annoy myself when I go off on a totally off track subject.
Oh yeah,I must have knocked on wood too late about my car making it through another winter cause last night while heading to work,first my radio quit working,then blinkers and dash lights started to fade and by the time I got on the Interstate,it was YIKES!!!!,my headlights had faded to bout nothing.First reaction…..PANIC…shit I have no headlights,pulled over and my little old car was a goner.With a windchill factor of right around 3 degrees F ,I whined to myself,damn,now I have to open the hood if the wind doesn’t blow it and squash me,and then what the hell to do????Like I don’t know squat about cars nor do I want to know,although over the years I’ve been forced to learn,you know,if you want it to get done you got to do it yourself.In the midst of my whine,a vehicle stopped and a young man with about 8 piercings in his bottom lip alone and a couple in his nose jumped out(with NO coat on) and offered his help!!He was a Texas boy in Wyoming and his Momma must be so proud of this thoughtful,polite,young man who turned around on the interstate when he noticed my ever so faint headlights cause he said’someone is in that car with no heat and its cold’.I asked him where is your coat and he replied I was in a hurry and forgot it!!! Yet he went out of his way to help someone in dire need…Unfortuneatly my alternator drew its final breath and my little toyota sits still on the side of the road.But my point of this story is that my usual reaction to one more episode of “if I didn’t have bad luck I’d have none at all’would be to stress…panic…freak out on how I would get to work,how much it would cost and a whole shit load of out of my control issues,because of this awesome young man,and his act of kindness,not to mention freezing his butt off,the situation just didn’t seem as helpless and hopeless and overwhelming.Instead of going manic and stressing on getting it fixed right NOW (which no way could of happened at eleven oclock at night in Casper,Wyoming)I gave him a big hug and made a funny about the whole thing and have laughed about it since cause it will work out some how.Its like something clicked in my brain and thought okay so you had to move with 30 days notice…freaked out in a major way….but my son was there for me and my true friends,of which I have 3 and damn if I feel sooo blessed to have them for reals and forever.So I’m sleeping in my sons living room on the hideabed,my son loves me enough to have gladly offered his home to me,I know I must be sounding kinda corny but ohmygosh how honestly blessed I am.And please bear with me,I’m on a roll…..an ex boyfriend,forever friend of mine who was a quadraplegic was found dead in front of his gate last month and his brother called me today and said that I was beneificiary on a life insurance policy of his.This is where I become an emotional mixed up mess,I loved him dearly and grieve for his death yet at a time in my life when my financial problems are piled vary high,in his passing he was there for me. I don’t feel glad I feel sad he is gone but now I will be able to get a reliable vehicle…I don’t know what to feel…I’m not dealing with this well…does anyone understand or can help me to understand how or what I’m feeling.This is so very new of a feeling that I can’t even begin to sort through it.Can anyone help me
I did forget my meds today but I am not manic manic,just so many different feelings all at once has my head spinning.Thank You!
posted January 8, 2008 at 12:33 pm
One foot in front of the other, Patricia, and you truly are an inspiration. Keep up the walk, and eventually, you will have all that your heart desires. Someone told me that when I was down and out, years ago, and I laughed. I felt that what I had was sufficient, but wow, looking back, I got all of my inner strength from those experiences. You are one brave lady, and my prayers are with you. Hugs.
posted January 8, 2008 at 12:43 pm
My goodness, Patricia, I could spend all day talking with you. How wonderful that your friend left you the money and that you can get a car. Things work out, if we just get out of God’s way, don’t they. I remember when my son needed shoes, and I prayed for them. A friend called and asked if I could do some typing for her company (I already had a full time job.) Her job would pay next to nothing so I said No. I hung up and this little voice said “What about shoes for your son?” I called back and took the job, the paycheck was just enough for shoes, and that job led to others that led to others, which has made my life a success. One day at a time was hard for Ms. Controlling Lady, but you have it even worse with your medical conditions. Keep writing, and keep on doing what you are doing, and it will turn around. Or not. But by then, you will have reached happiness just by loving the simple things in life.
Of course, you mourn your friend’s passing, because losses leave holes in the heart, but he would want you to enjoy the money and what it will buy to make your life a bit easier, rather than mourn him beyond the normal mourning period. Each time you think of him, sadly, end the thoughts with a blessing on his soul and a big thank you for his generousity. Have a great day. With your attitude, it will happen, and darn, why do we have to go through life sometimes like you are…and my answer for me was “Why not?” I am happier than all of my friends who had everything easier. And man, do I have empathy. Been there, done that. God bless you abundantly, and pave your way with love.
posted January 8, 2008 at 2:32 pm
mY HUSBAND WAS WOUNDED IN vIET nAM. hE’S VERY LIMITED IN SO FAR AS WALKING OR DOING A LOT OF ORDINARY THINGS. wE’VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 12 YEARS. tHNGS HAVE SLOWLY GOTTEN HARDER. wE LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH. i EXPECTED TO BE A NURSE AS TIME PASSED. bUT I’M AWARE OF DOING MORE AND MORE AND HIM DOING LESS AND LESS. iS THIS THE NATURAL WAY THINGS ARE TO BE? sHOULD I BE MORE ACCEPTING? HELP, HELP, HELP!
posted January 9, 2008 at 8:38 am
Happy New Year!!!! Yes I hope that it will be a happy New Year. As the New year came in I was awoke as usual, thinking about what is ahead for me in 08. I thought about the fact that I don’t have job, I graduated in 06 with my Bachelors in Social Work- but I can’t get a job because I HAVE SEVERE PANIC ANXIETY DISORDER!!! and I am scared to drive. When I was a student they didn’t tell me that having a car or being able to drive was part of the degree requirements!!!! Now I have a degree and NO JOB!
I have been on disabilty 10 Years.Along with that I have be seeing my Doc just about everyday. Basically, all we’re doing at this point is talking LOUD and saying nothing! I am so tired of being anxious and scared all of the time. By the way did I mention that I have Major Depression also! This is the 9th day of a brand New Year! My goal is to take each day at time and try to not WORRY about what is to come. MY FEAR is that I WON”T MAKE IT.
Carmen
posted January 16, 2008 at 4:50 pm
I’ve suffered from panic anxiety disorder, too, and agoraphobia since I was in my early 20′s. All of my closest friends from when I was in high school and college have been great travelers with some being in the arts, education (teaching French to French girls in a private school in France), living in Bangkok amidst citizens of Bangkok (no military housing for families there), traveling and buying antiques in Europe for a shop in San Francisco, etc. I could go on and on. None of these friends stayed in touch and some have never known that I became disabled from agoraphobia and social phobias. My doctor put me on imipramine in 1985 and have been taking that all of these years. It keeps a lid on having full-blown panic attacks and has helped with depression and rage that comes from having agoraphobia. My sister had somewhat the same problem but also has suffered from severe depression. She’s been on Prozac for four years and is feeling much better and can drive long distances from her home to visit our mother and me.
From beliefnet I’ve copied very pertinent quotes that helped me travel to places that I wasn’t able to do before. Mainly, I was highly motivated to be with the person I was with–I wanted to see things through his eyes and experiences which were very uplifting and positive. And we had so much in common–all of my interests were his also. It was so wonderful to have a conversation with someone who shared common knowledge plus I learned even more about some of my interests from him.
I feel that with time your problems will diminish if you have the right medication and also, with more life experiences taken with very small steps, you will gain more faith in yourself. The problem usually is a very complicated one and you need to go through a desensitization program along with discussing issues that trigger off panic. These are my thoughts and experiences. I’m still not free to get into someone else’s car unless they know about my problem. At times in the past, I have been able to date if I stayed in the immediate area. At other times, I have told my date that I have a problem and in many cases, they were very supportive. Some people, however, are phobic about my phobias!
I don’t know if this little input will be of help to you. I’ve had a difficult life and have not been able to afford the help that I’ve needed. There are times, though, that I’ve been so glad for the things that I’ve pushed myself to do, and I know that I haven’t given myself enough credit for the things I have accomplished. Your degree will eventually open doors when you’re ready. I regret not being able to finish college. Don’t give up. When I feel sorry for myself, I tell myself that life is too short to feel so miserable. And I do need a kick in the seat of the pants occasionally!
You will make it!!
posted February 11, 2008 at 3:29 pm
hey
i am also in such a bad place..military for 20 years..married abusive divorced him.. married him again…no people do not change..he is in jail in geogia for dui and disorderly house which i was arrested as well
jail…horrible dont want to go back
but i still feel bad why??
my support system has said THIS IS IT NAOMI NO MORE…YOU TAKE HIM BACK YOUR ON YOUR OWN
that scared me enough to go to court and get a stay away order
BUT I STILL HURT WHY AM I SO WEAK??
thanks
NAOMI
posted September 12, 2008 at 1:45 pm
How con helay you ?
All friends ,….!
posted September 17, 2008 at 6:09 pm
I lost my husband last year on July 23 and it was the darkest day of my life along with him I lost my house and his dogs which I loved dearly I have had headaches and stress since then I am not a happy person at all
posted November 6, 2008 at 3:59 pm
I am the kind of person that knows and believes that if you don’t want to be depressed and anxious you won’t be, as a teenager and all the way through my mid 30s I suffered from depression and anxiety and anger rages,, I didn’t know what do to about it or why I felt so bad and unhappy all the time, I lived unhappy every single day making everyone else miserable, I blamed my alcoholic father and 2 abusive brothers and the whole world for my problems, there came a time when I was tired of suffering and I started doing alot of work with inside my self and with God and prayer, I also started reading some good books about my thoughts,I KNOW that how I think is how I will live my life, we all feel down now and than but I truely decided not to pay attention to anxeity and depression, they love attention and they are out to kill us and I made up my mind that they are not going to kill me or dominate my life in any way any more, when they try to even come near me, I have told them both”
posted April 8, 2009 at 12:46 am
Boy, I could write a book about my life and it would probably be a best seller. I married at the early age of 17, right out of high school to a wonderful man who was only 1 yr older and in the air force. I traveled overseas with him and that was quite an experience.I raised 3 wonderful children , one whom I put through medical school and is now an internest.
I was married for 28 yrs when my husband died suddenly at age 45. My children were grown but it still bothers me that he didn’t live to see any grandchildren. I have 8 of them.and now there are 3 great grandchildren.
I did remarry and was very very happy untill he had a heart attack and was a changed person after he got out of the hospital. We are now divorced.I had to go to work to support myself and now I am part of the unfortunate group who has lost their jobs.
I’ve learned one thing over the years . That being ” IF EVERYONE HUNG THEIR TROUBLES OUT ON A LINE, AND YOU COULD PICK AND CHOOSE, BELIEVE ME YOU’D CHOOSE YOUR OWN.
posted April 17, 2009 at 3:04 am
My wavering faith in my self is fraught with anxiety and fear. This holds me back over and over again. I want to be more steady, more stable but life issues keep popping up and interfering. I know we each could make our own personal list. Once I’m able to walk away from so much denial and label the reasons for chronic anxiety and the fear that comes from this, I want to move on. I want to be the person I can be, with purpose, passion, and hard work. You can’t get nothing from nothing. I know my thinking helps to create my reality. I am choosing to reinvent my negative sense of reality that plagues me and move on to better things. This is my own personal note to my self. We can help to empower each other.