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Dear God,
I’ve always felt bad for Joseph, that his amazing faith in You and dedication to the Holy Family have been somewhat overlooked in the whole nativity story. I’m trying to picture myself in his shoes as I reflect on today’s reading in Matthew (1:18-24):
This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about. When his mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was found with child through the Holy Spirit. Joseph her husband, since he was a righteous man, yet unwilling to expose her to shame, decided to divorce her quietly. Such was his intention when, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary your wife into your home. For it is through the Holy Spirit that this child has been conceived in her. She will bear a son and you are to name him Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.” All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel, which means ‘God is with us.’” When Joseph awoke, he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took his wife into his home.
If I were Joseph, and learned that my fiancée was knocked up, I think I would be so disturbed that any wild dream I had at the time I would immediately blame on my meds. (Doesn’t Zoloft cause vivid dreams?) When I think about Joseph’s predicament, I don’t know of a whole lot of people who would have been as kind as to quietly divorce their prospective spouse with a bun in the oven, much less listen to a flaky dream.
And Joseph remains the totally devoted, modest, and faithful father and husband throughout Jesus’ entire life, and yet he’s barely mentioned after Jesus’ birth. He is the silent but steady and strong force behind every picture of Madonna and Child.
You have to wonder if he wasn’t a tad perturbed every time Jesus told his disciples and Pharisees and Sadducees that God was his father. That would be kind of like the dad who snooped around on his son’s Facebook page only to discover that the kid’s biggest hero in life was his stepdad. Ouch.
I guess because we mothers carry the baby inside of us and have the privilege of enduring labor—or are usually more involved in the adoption process—we sometimes overlook the pivotal role that the dads and husbands play.
In this year’s Christmas card, my guardian angel Ann wrote this to Eric:
Eric, you are the reason Therese is able to flourish. You have the sense of humor to know she is authentic, and the confidence to let her have center stage. You have so much ahead of you.
I’m a bit worried by that last statement (as is he!), but I think she’s absolutely right with regard to Eric’s role in my recovery from depression. As scary as it was for me in that Black Hole, I have no doubt it was even more terrifying for him—because he had absolutely no control over the situation. And it was Eric who steered me toward Johns Hopkins, to a team of adept doctors, when I had given up on traditional medicine after 21 different cocktails and six bad shrinks.
Joseph is like the male figure skater or male ballet dancer who lifts the elegant ballerina or skater in the air, as the audience breaks into applause. I never realized how difficult that must be until a few weeks ago, when my sister-in-law bought tickets to the wrong “Nutcracker,” and so we drove a half hour north to watch some high-school production.
When the Nutcracker went to lift the Sugar Plum Fairy, his cheeks turned red, he grunted, and then he lost his hold and down she came not all that gracefully. I felt as though I had the giggles at a funeral. I couldn’t look at my sister-in-law, and she me. And it didn’t help matters that Katherine was sitting on my lap yelling “Mommy, boys are supposed to do ballet.”
I’ve been to so many professional ballets in my lifetime—where the males are so strong that the lifts are seamless—that I realized I take their jobs for granted. Just because they make it look easy, doesn’t mean it is. Those moves are quite difficult, especially if you have to lift a size-14 ballerina, like the poor guy in the high-school production.
Male ice-skaters and dancers never get to wear the cool costumes, either. Not only do they have to lift 165 pounds into the air (at least that teenage Nutcracker had to), they don the boring outfits, while the females get the sequenced tutus and squirts.
Which reminds me of the lyrics to Bette Midler’s “Wind Beneath My Wings.”
I know, God, you probably think the lines are as cheesy as we humans get. But this song gives me goose bumps and makes me laugh every time I hear it. Goose bumps, because I think of Eric when I listen to the words—he’s content to stay in the background, or in the shadows, supporting me in so many ways, as I publish my face all over the internet—and laughter, because I think about his version of the song, which he sang to me the day before we got married. It went like this: “You were my urine when I couldn’t pee.”
I just want you to know, God, that I don’t think St. Joseph should be Photoshopped out of any more portraits of the Holy Family. Because believing that his fiancé was pregnant with the Holy Spirit is right up there with giving birth to God. And he didn’t even consult an attorney. Wow.
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Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
Meet others on the journey in
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Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
posted December 24, 2007 at 12:28 pm
I’m not Christian, but I’ve always wondered about Joseph. At least out in popular culture, he certainly does get short shrift. Poor guy- what a lot he had to deal with!
Thank goodness for our behind-the-scenes partners. We couldn’t do it without them, that’s for sure.
posted December 24, 2007 at 12:36 pm
St. Joseph is no slouch when you think about it. As the male head of a Jewish family, he must have been quite a devout man, that God would entrust the care and education of his Son to him.
If you think about it, St. Joseph is one of few married people to be declared saints. What is that all about, anyway?
posted December 24, 2007 at 1:31 pm
Joseph is a man committed to god , for that everything that has to do with god came to him easy to obey . such an obediance heart what i pray for as a christian women who will not question god . he joseph was send into mary’s lofe to protect her from the the culture and the tradtion of man. i understand that culture is harsh and unmercy , and unforgiven . may god bless all with a mercefull heart and one that loves and forgives
posted December 24, 2007 at 4:26 pm
RE: “I guess because we mothers carry the baby inside of us and have the privilege of enduring labor—or are usually more involved in the adoption process—we sometimes overlook the pivotal role that the dads and husbands play.”
If more men (and women) had mothers like Mary there would be no war, no families broken in pieces… no one would have to relinquish a child to adoption and no child would ever have to wonder if they will ever be loved.
posted December 24, 2007 at 4:45 pm
on a more positive note…
re: In this year’s Christmas card, my guardian angel Ann wrote this to Eric:
Eric, you are the reason Therese is able to flourish. You have the sense of humor to know she is authentic, and the confidence to let her have center stage. You have so much ahead of you.
I’m a bit worried by that last statement (as is he!), but I think she’s absolutely right with regard to Eric’s role in my recovery from depression. As scary as it was for me in that Black Hole, I have no doubt it was even more terrifying for him—because he had absolutely no control over the situation. And it was Eric who steered me toward Johns Hopkins, to a team of adept doctors, when I had given up on traditional medicine after 21 different cocktails and six bad shrinks.
YOU are a wonderful wife, T… you’ve gone to hell and back, and you are not affraid to say, Thanks!, to your wonderful husband. It takes special people to stick with us during this wild ride. God Bless them all!
posted December 24, 2007 at 5:35 pm
Yep ! That Joseph, was a Hell of a guy. Talk about being caught between a “Rock” and the hard place ! Marriages don’t last because the couple is perfect, but because they have the intense ability to accept each other’s faults in the name of God/Love, and make no mistake about it, that couple set the standard of faith in a marriage commitment for Yeshuah to follow for the rest of His Life ! (don’t forget He never got married either … at least that we know about !)
LUV 2 ALL
Wisdum
posted December 24, 2007 at 6:11 pm
Thank you, Therese, for giving Joseph his “day in the (winter) sun. ! I’ve always looked to his fathering Jesus as the ultimate example of adoption, and what an example he set! In addition to more mothersl like Mary, the world could certainly use more God-fearing fathers like Joseph aas well! Not only did he listen to the vivid dream He had; he also heeded the warning given to the Magis in THEIR dream and got Jesus9temporarily )out of the hands of Herod. thus sparing hhis infant life so that he could fulfill God’s mission. Now, THAT,IMHO, is faith!
posted December 24, 2007 at 6:16 pm
Forgot one thing! I echo the blessings for your Eric, Therese. He is clearly one of the underlying reasons for B.B., since it took your escape from the black hole to bring it to us! Thank you, Eric, for the blessing that Theres is to each of us! She’s not the ONLY one you helped rescue, you by proxy had a hand in our deliverances as well!
posted December 24, 2007 at 6:24 pm
Thought i already posted this, but it’s not showing, so i’m going to try again sine this poat script us important to me! therese, I echo the blessings of others for youerEric, Therese. If you think about it, eric is in no small way partly responsible for the miracle of B.B., since you hadto escape the black hole for it to reach its conception and fruition! Bless you, Eric; in a very real way you by proxy are responsible for helping all of us climb out as well! What a guy!
posted December 24, 2007 at 6:37 pm
hey, Wisdum…”make no mistake about it, that couple set the standard of faith in a marriage commitment for Yeshuah to follow for the rest of His Life ! (don’t forget He never got married”
huh… I’m cornfused %-]
posted December 24, 2007 at 7:55 pm
Glad to know Eric has the right spirit about Bette Midler lyrics. (Although, it must be said, “Wind Beneath My Wings” is Shakespearean compared to “From a Distance.”)
I get wistful reading a post like this, especially at Christmas. Because I truly have admiration for all the men, from Eric back to Joseph and back into the Old Testament, who are the strong and silent supporters behind their wives or children. That’s really who I want to be in life.
Unfortunately, I have the example of a father and stepfather who were so far back in the distance as to be practically non-existent — and of being a husband the fruit of whose labors for trying to support his wife (yes) from a distance was an ugly divorce for “not being strong enough,” health- and otherwise.
On that typically Larry note, Merry Christmas, all!
posted December 24, 2007 at 10:02 pm
Re -Cully | December 24, 2007 6:37 PM
hey, Wisdum…”make no mistake about it, that couple set the standard of faith in a marriage commitment for Yeshuah to follow for the rest of His Life ! (don’t forget He never got married”
huh… I’m cornfused %-]
** You know by now (I’m sure ) that I set people up for this! There is little about Joseph after Yeshuah became about 12. Most assume that he died long before Yeshuah started His ministry, but that is only because those scriptures were left out of the Bible along with everything Yeshuah did between 12 and 30 (Why?, Because it did not fit the Roman Catholic Theological Agenda) It is assumed that Yeshuah pretty much knew what His future would be, and would not or could not make a commitment to a wife and family. The Life of a revelutionary is usually not suited to the kind of family Life that was exibited between Mary and Joseph. Also Yeshuah, was not about to take a back seat to a wife,or take orders, especially when it came to sacrificing His Life. (if you catch my drif), and so set up that whole male dominant theology… Merry Christmas !
LUV 2 U / LUV 2 ALL
posted December 25, 2007 at 5:42 pm
As a stepfather, I have always looked at Joseph as the ultimate. He willingly and lovingly rose another’s child as his own. Joseph raised Jesus to persue his life and to complete his mission. Joseph did all this with no fanfare, not an iota of recognition. He did this only for the sake of his stepson and his wife.
Joseph is the idol of step-parents everywhere.
posted December 25, 2007 at 10:52 pm
I have often wondered what DID happen to Joseph? When and where did he die? What was his role in the raising of Jesus?
posted December 26, 2007 at 1:24 am
Armand – that was a beautiful concept in “step-parenting”. My husband is one also and has been for many years. I am in awe of his love for “our” boys. No birth father could be more devoted. He loves them entirely. I truly believe he thinks he was in the delivery room when they were born, despite the fact that he entered their lives at the ages of 5 and 8. They are now 20 and 22. His thoughts and actions are that of an extremely loving parent.
Nancy L. from NJ
posted December 26, 2007 at 11:13 am
Re -Patty Schildberger | December 25, 2007 10:52 PM
I have often wondered what DID happen to Joseph? When and where did he die? What was his role in the raising of Jesus?
** There is a lot on the net, but most of them say the same thing, Joseph died before his “step-son’s ministry” They also say that he was in his 90′s when he got married to Mary. He was a bit upset about that when they chose him to take care of her “But I am old, everybody will make fun of me!” He also had children from a previous marriage.(Who is my mother and brothers? -Yeshuah) Of course the RC Church says you have to take all of this with a grain of salt, since there is no absolute proof (guess what there is no absolute proof of any of this…it’s all a matter of faith ! … Interesting how we are ALL to reading and willing to kill each other over our own personal faith perspective (and perspective is everything!)
LUV 2 U / LUV 2 ALL
Wisdum
posted December 27, 2007 at 11:13 am
Therese,
I do love the song “wind beneith my wings” but I am beginning to think Eric’s version might be better.
Your so fortunate to have married a man with such a sense of humor for there is nothing better for someone who suffers mental illness then someone who can make us at least smile a tiny bit during our moments of severe depression.
God Bless,
Nancy a.k.a. sixlittlekitties