Most families are like snowflakes—unique and interesting, but at times cold and flaky.
Most families are like snowflakes—unique and interesting, but at times cold and flaky.
Subscribe
Meet others on the journey in
Therese's community group
Ask Therese to be your friend
Follow Therese on these partner sites:
Advertisement
Add to Del.icio.us
Add to Technorati
Add to Digg
Add to Newsvine
Mamcy(fnjwn),
Please forgive me if I sounded self-righteous. I DO understand that most if not all of us who have formed this wonderful B.B. family have come through painful years because of either one or both of our parents' inabilities to love and cherish us as we were meant to be when God first loaned us to them. I don't need to know all of your unique details to be more understanding since there are,IMHO more similarities than differences in our painful growing up years. I CERTAINLY didn't mean to imply that you were a less-than-dutiful daughter, and I apologize if that's how it came across. I guess I was just missing my own sainted ,other so much that I projected that onto you. (In my case, it was my father who inflicted the most pain.) I'll do my best not to be so careless in my comments in the future; you have EVERY RIGHT TO WHATEVER FEELINGS YOU HAVE ABOUT YOUR MOTHER'S AND BROTHER'S TRIP AWAY THIS cHRISTMAS. One of the areas in which I obviously still need to do some growing is the truth that feelings are neither good nor bad; they simply ARE! Again, please forgive my callouseness; it was not my intent to cause old wounds to reopen. I hope you had a wonderful day and will enjoy another good holiday this coming weekend.
Margaret -
I sincerely appreciate your reply to my post. Thank you for taking ownership of what you understand to be your own feelings of loss of your Mother during this season.
I lived so much of my life hiding my feelings and burying the pain, that I felt so blessed to have BB here to express in a safe manner with others that I would not necessarily blurt out to the world. I don't mean that I haven't addressed all of the issues in therapy, but I think you get my point.
So, yes, it was very difficult and hit a nerve deeply to read your initial comment to my post, which was obvious. Had it not affected me, I would have thought "Oh, well, everyone can have their opinion and so what". Or I could have buried the feelings and pretended that the words did not sting. They did. I cried, and I wrote. I discussed it with my husband.
As you said, we have similar backgrounds, but there are differences. A good friend of mine from years back, once said to me, "Nancy, your stuff is your stuff". Now, that does not sound very profound; however, it was in reference to minimizing the impact of what goes on in my life. I was always made to feel as though I was wrong or it didn't matter. She was the first person (around 16 years ago) to acknowledge that what I had been through and go through is not to be discounted.
I pray now that I can have one final good cry over the matter, let it go, and move on. I rose above it yesterday for my husband and sons' sakes, but it hit me to the core.
Thank you, Margaret. I feel "safe" once again to express my own truth.
Nancy L. from (yeah, we know, NJ)
Mamcy,
Thank you for the gracioousness of your response to my apology; it takes a truly BIF person(spiritually, i mean0 to not only forgive but to do so in a manner that allows the transgressor to feel better anout what they;ve done! Obviously, you have a beautiful soul and have truly "put on the scriptural description of forgiveness. Lots of us, including ME, can learn and grow from your example! You are also 100% correct that your 'stuff" has importance, and only YOU can truly know how much; God BLESS the friend who reminded you of that so many years ago. It's easy (I know I'M guilty, anyway) to become almost jaded by our OWN experiences and thus discount someone else's. that's not, however, the woman I want to be or the one I see myself being. I'm so glad that my less-than understanding words didn't ruin your day with your husband and sons, and very sorry that I made you cry! I see my purpose in life to be a supporter/nurturer, not a demolition expert, so it pains me when I realize I've fallen so far short as to have the exact opposite effect on someone else, especially since I know only too well the pain and lonliness of believing that my "stuff' doesn't count as well as the work it takes to get to where you now have arrived. again, nancy, thank you fot your generous spirit, and have a wonderful new Year's, one where you almost ALWAYS feel "safe", especially HERE! You will be in my prayers, and I will also be asking for an extra measure of empathy for myself as we enter 2008.
Margaret
I am thankful for my one remaining brother and I. My parents have been gone since the late 80's and lost my other brother last year and do to my crazy relatives I disowned them many many years ago. And I am only 45 years old!
Yes, my mother and deceased brother were royal pains in my butt and my father I never got to know except a little bit the last year of his life due to his drinking.
If I could have one more day with all of them...I would take it in a heartbeat!!!
While they were living it seems you can only remember the "bad" side of them but in my experience after their passing and some time passed I started remembering little things that make me realize they did love me in a unique and special way.
This X-mas my brother helped remind me of years gone by for he created this "plastic pipe" guns that you use as blow darts with marshmellows. For over an hour 8 of us were in the backyard in cold weather nailing each other! That is what I am going to remember the most about this past X-mas.
Nancy a.k.a. sixlittlekitties
Skittlekitties: What a hoot! (The favorite memory being one of armed(albiet with harmless weapons)agression! certainly adds a different twist to the prverbial snowball fight! I wouldn't want to hav to launder your outerwear, however....sticky yuck!:-P
Post a Comment
By submitting these comments, I agree to the beliefnet.com terms of service, rules of conduct and privacy policy (the "agreements"). I understand and agree that any content I post is licensed to beliefnet.com and may be used by beliefnet.com in accordance with the agreements.