I very much appreciate what Beyond Blue reader Jeff said in response to Larry Parker's post about his panic attack:
I'll thank Larry again (and Therese) for putting himself out here. My panic attacks are similar. Hyperventilating and feeling an intense amount of energy in my limbs, (good thing you didn't kick your stepfather ;-). My head spins and my ADD goes into high gear; I can't focus on anything and want to curl up in a ball and wait for my life to be over. The best thing I've gotten out of 2007 is the ability to retain the knowledge that "this too shall pass".Last Spring I went through another heart wrenching break up and learned to give in to crying. It stops. Not when I'd like it to, but it does.
Usually we can't do much for people who can't understand that we are beginning to understand our own diseases. And as one who has passed on but lived steeped in his own diseases, William Burroughs once said, "If you encounter a person in whose presence you feel like you've lost a quart of blood, avoid that person at all costs." Even if it's just going for a walk.
Love, Jeff
Actually, all of the comments show what a supportive community we have here in Beyond Blue. Thank you, all, for your compassion and insights.
Add to Del.icio.us
Add to Technorati
Add to Digg
Add to Newsvine
Add to Facebook
Add to StumbleUpon
Subscribe
Holidays=Helladays? One thing to be grateful for...they are over for another year!
Babs,
I was so glad to see your above post today; you have been heavily on my mind since you asked for prayer to get through your latest depression. I have been praying and will continue to do so, as i'm sure the rest of our community has been and will be. PLEASE don't be a stranger! keep us posted on how you're coping...We CARE about you and (I at least) need to know when my petions should become more about praise than continued seeking. God bless you in this new year and may you find at least a measure of peace. Try to keep in mind that YOU aren't the problem; this stupid illness is!(I know thats difficult if not impossible when you're lying in a fetal position at the bottom of t"the hole', but please try!!
Love, prayer and hugs to you,
Margaret
Dear Margaret,
I am so thankful for your faithfulness in prayer and concern for me. I need prayers to get through every day. I suffer from severe dissociation caused by my father's abuse, and that my mother never came to my defense. She was humiliated by him, too, but she was an adult and had the responsibility to protect her children. But her own fears and depression rendered her unable to act. Since the abuse started when I was only a tiny child, there are large areas of blankness in my conscious memory. It was the blessing of an older half-sister, who confirmed much of what I suspected regarding the areas where I lack memory. Even though my memories of events is spotty at best, the emotions attached to them make me explode when someone stumbles into a sensitive area and touches off a bomb by making a comment. That is a big part of what is going on now. I am trying hard to face what my dad did to me because it has controlled my life and relationships ever since. But his presence is so powerful, his admonition to be "loyal" to the family has made it terribly difficult to deal with. I know that once I can honestly face the trauma, I will feel so much better, because I have already done it in less stressful situations.
Right now I am weeks behind in submitting paperwork connected with a part-time position I have accepted, and am overdue in submitting course descriptions for courses I will be teaching this summer. The depression has been paralyzing and I have had to force myself to do the smallest tasks, all the while feeling that life is hopeless (as I did growing up).
The prayers of everyone mean so much to me because I never felt cared for in the way that I needed to be, even in my marriage. The marriage is improving, but nothing can replace the losses and grief connected with my childhood.
Each day I don't harm myself is a good day. I made a vow several years ago to never cut myself again. I have held on to it, sometimes barely, but haven't given in. But I remember the relief it briefly offered, and it is tempting to give in when I have been in such agony.
I am taking my meds, writing my counselor faithfully twice a day, and calling him when necessary. I know that I will make it through this awful period, but it won't be easy, and I sometimes feel not up to the task. Your prayers, and the prayers of others mean the world to me, and do make a difference.
Much love to all on bb.
Not much I can add except ... much love to you, too, Babs :-)
Larry
Thanks, Larry. I include you as an empathetic soul.
Post a Comment
By submitting these comments, I agree to the beliefnet.com terms of service, rules of conduct and privacy policy (the "agreements"). I understand and agree that any content I post is licensed to beliefnet.com and may be used by beliefnet.com in accordance with the agreements.