I have been married to an alcoholic for 8 years (together 10) and finally going through a divorce. He was mentally and emotionally abusive but not physically abusive. We do have 2 girls together and I have an older daughter to someone else. Back in April/May my girls and I were being pushed by family, friends, landlord (we were looking at another eviction), to leave him (we needed to move). I knew that this was my sign from God, this was the time to leave. I packed up what I could and loaded my 3 girls and self and traveled from Pennsylvania to Delaware to live with my parents again. I have since found someone new that adores me and my girls. I have a new job and my girls are settled in with school and making friends. I still live with my parents but I know that with God on my side and people around me that care enough about me and my girls, I am on the right track to get my life back in order. I feel like there is nothing stopping me now. I am happier then I have ever been. I felt like I was living in a depression for the past 10 years and now I am alive.

MY LIFE
My life has been a love song
Sung to me by God,
And though I dance to the music
I seldom listened to the words.
When He was too loud, I shut Him off.
When He sang softly, my mind was distracted.
When He sang with color, it made me uncomfortable
And His accent made me turn away and snicker.
When He hit those high notes,
the snow danced excitedly down from the mountains.
And those low notes made the earth rumble
And shake beneath my feet to the beat.
When He sang with fire and thunder, I ran away in fear
While others fell to their knees and cried, “My God! My God!”
The were consumed with the heat of the fugue,
And they screamed with delight but I did not look back.
The music became a gentle breeze as it flowed past me
Grass sprung from the ground, flowers burst into bloom.
Trees swayed softly in time with it, and the brook babbled,
And people walked by hand in hand and sang in tune with it.
And the music swelled into a mighty orchestration
There were powerful winds that almost swept me away.
Thunder and lightning all around me. Trees whipped to the music
In a frenzy. Some jumped clear out of the ground.
All of a sudden it became quiet, the orchestra was at rest.
Or so I thought. My ears perked up. The silence was deafening.
I heard a scream of pain, then a baby cried, the screeching of
Tires on the pavement, the smell of burning rubber, a siren.
The sounds of two cars crashing together like some kind of sick cymbal,
With more people screaming, “My God! My God!”
I distinctly heard a fire cracker, a gun, a bomb, and more.
Screaming, louder and louder, people running here and there.
Fields burst into flames. Big buildings tried to dance to the music.
But they crumbled and fell to the ground. They were too stiff.
Mountains dove into the earth. The ground leapt into the air.
More crying, screams, laughter, giggling, crashing, explosions.
I said this is awful. What kind of symphony is this anyway?
The music is too loud, the choreography is chaotic, the singers’ voices are
Nothing but screams. What are you trying to do? What are you trying to say?
Everything stopped. And God said, “I’m sorry, but when I wrote this song for you Everyone came to me and wanted to be part of the band and choir. Many couldn’t play an instrument or sing. I really didn’t have the heart to turn anyone down,
so I let them do whatever they could contribute. It sort of got out of hand.”
Shall I stop or continue? It’s your choice.
It’s almost over and everyone worked so hard.”
Well, I guess I can sit through the rest of it. Are you sure it’s almost over.
And God said “Yes, soon . . . very soon!”
And the rest of my life passed in a flash
for it really was a short song.
And when the music was over, someone said, “Turn out the lights.”
Thank God it’s over, I thought.
In the darkness I saw a tiny little light
coming closer and growing and brighter.
And God said, “How did you like my song?”
I replied, “Song…? Oh yes, it was great.”
He said, “You didn’t really like it, did you?.
I said, “To tell the truth,
I wasn’t really paying attention.”
“Shall I sing it again? I really don’t mind.
I said, “If You wish.”
Not really wanting to hear it again.
He said, “Sit back and relax,
You’ve nothing else to do.
Listen closely, it’s really just a short song.”
“I wrote it just for you”
I sat and relaxed as He said to do.
He opened his mouth and all the forces
of the universe sang in concert,
“I love you.”
The power, the glory and the majesty of those three words
Reached to the inner depths of my soul.
Everything in my whole life finally had meaning.
Whatever pain in my life didn’t matter any more.
The grass I crushed beneath my feet was only too
to cushion my step. The flower I tore from the plant
was only too happy to sweeten the air for me.
The man I swore at and hit with my fist,
was only too glad to absorb my anger.
And a simple song with only three words
Filled me with love and compassion beyond compare.
My heart pounded. I could feel the blood rushing in my veins.
My eyes were filled with tears that flowed freely down my cheeks.
I leapt from my seat, opened my eyes and screamed,
“My God! My God! That was great, really great!”
“Did you really, truthfully, honestly like it?” said God.
“Yes, my Lord, but it didn’t sound like that the first time.”
“That’s because you didn’t listen”
I looked around. There were millions upon millions
Of people surrounding the Lord, and a huge banner
Going across the heavens saying, “Welcome Home, We love you.”
And I said, “You did this all for me? You really kill me.”
And God said, “Yeah, I have that effect on people
But it is a small price to pay for eternal life.
Come here and let me give you a great big hug.”
I smiled and said, “Your will be done.”
Amen !
by ~ Mat Albano

I was raised in a Christian home with parents who went through phases of being very conservative, legalistic Christians (though their hearts were in the right place), to falling away when times were tough. By the time I was a young adult I still had basic beliefs, but found myself drawn to the New Age movement, perhaps to fill that spiritual void. A friend of mine told me that if I prayed to Jesus and performed White Magic (instead of Black Magic) that I would be protected and there was nothing wrong with it. And so I started delving into the wrong side of spirituality, praying to God all the while.
When I look back on that time I can’t believe the things I eventually did; tarot readings, spirit guides, performing spells (they work, folks, it’s just not from God), shared visions, amazing happenings that could not be explained. But eventually it slowly started to turn dark. Very dark. The increasing power of the the dark spiritual world, which became scary at times, is what convinced me that there was certainly two spiritual forces; good and evil. And I was on the wrong side.
All those misguided prayers to Jesus as I went into the New Age movement, were now, I believe, my saving grace of protection. Now I was fervently praying to Jesus for protection. I believe God arranged for this friend to be moved far from and and for us to lose contact so the veil could be lifted from eyes to understand the error of my ways. Mystical powers can make you feel quite special and powerful and you can become enormously selfish. I started to fully realize that God was outside of me to look to, to draw upon, who had the saving power of redemption and that I wanted to be a servant to others, not powerful in my own right.
I thank God for the protection and the “saving grace” of that time in my life.
Laura McBride

While driving to a new job in a new city, a month after I had been honorably discharged from the Army, my wife, three-year old son and 18 month old daughter were hit from behind by a huge semi-truck trailer rig. We were in a VW pulling a small U-haul trailer with household goods. The trailer took the biggest part of the blow but it was destroyed and the semi then plowed into our car. It was totalled but the four of us were only bruised and in shock as we stood at the side of the road. We were in the middle of nowhere. We were in far west Texas, two hours north of Odessa.
A sheriff had witnessed the accident and called it in. A state trooper and an ambulance arrived within minutes. The ambulance took us into the nearby farm town, along with the driver of the truck. My wife’s condition and the truck driver’s made that a wise move. As it turned out, they too only had minor injuries. I had a bloody nose and my metal watchband was turned into a pretzel but I was fine – the kids were unscathed. But we were in a strange town with no transportation nor any idea what to do next.
A beautiful woman of 40 or so walked into the waiting room and came straight to me. She said, “The sheriff called me and told me of your accident. I have a car outside. Let me take you to my home and then we can decide what to do next.” We had made the report with the State Trooper and were free to go. At the woman’s home, she made us all peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with milk and we began to regain our composure. It had been a totally unnerving experience. I had no idea what to do next. I was in shock I suppose. But the sweet lady who had rescued us knew exactly what to do. Our angel called the local car dealership and spoke to the manager/owner. “This young family needs to rent a car.” I could tell he told her that they didn’t rent cars. She told him, “My husband and I buy a new car from you every two years and all the tractors and implements come from you. You are going to rent these folks a car. My husband and I will guarantee its return.” And the manager/owner did just that. We were given a new car at some low rental rate and sent on our way. We found the contents of the trailer in the salvage yard along with our poor VW and loaded them in the trunk of the new car and drove on to our destination.
A week later, after I’d purchased another vehicle, we drove back to this tiny farming community and returned the car. We drove out to the farmhouse to thank our angel for her kindness but she wasn’t at home. If we knew her name, it was forgotten in the moments of confusion we experienced. But we had found the home. Her acts of kindness and charity are something we’ve never forgotten. We left her a note of thanks but I’m happy to be able to share it today with you. Was she an angel? I don’t know. But she was angelic in her care and concern for us. She gave us something that lives today in our memories and in our hearts.
Frank~

I was always the compassionate sort,rescuing every creature that needed it. “Taking in another stray” , My father would say. “You will be that crazy old lady , living in a big house with a hundred cats.” That has been close to coming true a few times. That very compassion was to be tested 4 years ago when I was confronted with the fact that I had been exposed to the Aids virus. I was involved with a gentelman that was seperated from his wife,I was also seperated. We were a lonely and troubled pair, finding comfort and friendship in our relationship.Unknown to him , his ex-wife had been a IV drug user many years before. She had been sober for quite sometime and they had been in a relationship for 20 years.She had been in ill health with kidney problems and Hep. C but had not known about the HIV until she was dying.I Lived about 300 miles from him and was visiting my sister who lived in the same town as him, so I stopped in at one of his haunts to say hello. He looked terrible, and I was curious about what that problem was. He usually had a very large presense, being tall, darked skined and quite attractive in an exotic and earthy way. We had become good friends and he told me much of his rough life and shared with me some of his feelings, which I found out , he did not do too often with anyone. While we were talking I asked him what was wrong, he replied that he needed to talk to me about something. Needless to say I was then very curious. He walked me to my car and then told me how sick his ex had become and that she was HIV positive( I later learned that she had aids and was dying) . He was so frightened, devistated and he looked so lost. I knew in that moment even without a test that I had contracted the virus and to my surprise My reaction to him was only one of utter compassion, I hugged him and kissed his cheek told him how sorry I was that his ex wife was so very ill and that I would get tested as soon as I got home. I did and I was positive. To my surprise again there was no anger only compassion, He did not know , he was a victim too.We remained in touch for about a year longer, his ex died and he went into a deep depression. I have not had contact with him for about a year and a half. I think of him often and hope that he is better and doing the things that he needs to do to take care of himself.How is he an angel? He changed my life ,in a very big way. My mortality has become glaringly obvious to me, my spirituality very important and to my great surprise I have learned what “THE GOLDEN RULE” really is about. What everything in this life is about. It really is about LOVE, but not the kind of LOVE you get, it’s about the kind of LOVE you give.Perfect? I am not , far far from it, But I know one thing , because of my angel( strange word for the man, if you knew him you would laugh at the visual)Love in not something you recieve , it is something that you give and you are to give it without any thought of what you might gain.Christ is the compassion that lives in your heart and the sourse never dries up.

It seems I’ve always known Christ. I grew up with Christ. I went to church twice on Sunday, went to Christian schools, etc. Christ was crammed down my throat. It was a relationship of fear. God was scary, powerful and judgmental.
At 13, I was raped. Subsequently, my life took a downward spiral into drugs, alcohol and promiscuity. I also became involved with an extremely abusive man. All during this time, I continued to numbly attend church and go through all the motions. To explain to you just how “warped” my relationship with God was, I ACTUALLY prayed to God to help me ENDURE the abuse, not take it away. I prayed that if this is what He (God) wanted for me, that I would be able to endure. And at the end of that relationship, I prayed that if God wanted me to die at the hands of this jacka$$, I would. I gave up. I didn’t care.
God let me live.
After years of counseling, it wasn’t until I was about 28 that I really KNEW Christ. I started attending a women’s Bible study. It was at that time that I began to realize that I needed forgiveness for all I had done in my life and for straying so far from a Christian lifestyle. I also realized that everything I had suffered in the past had a purpose. God was going to use me and use those experiences for His glory. I was pretty psyched about that. Everything in my past suddenly seemed bearable and even worth it.
I remember the night I went to talk to my parents. I told them of the rape, the years of abuse, the drugs and my lifestyle. I explained to them my years of bitterness and anger. I also told them I knew, I KNEW of God’s great love for me. It was this amazing deep love that Christ had for ME. He died for ME. That was really powerful for me in that moment. (think about that sometime for about 15 minutes–you’ll be blown away!)
I remember them crying, maybe not so much for the explanation of my behavior I gave them but because of the JOY I gave them letting them know that I knew Christ as my personal Savior and the joy that that gave me.
My spiritual journey with Christ right now has been a constant struggle. In some ways, that is a comfort to me because I’m still wrestling, I still care, and love God. Over the past 20 years, I’ve suffered off and on from depression. The past two years have been unrelenting. Every day is a struggle–a struggle to get up, face the world, put on a happy face and just push my way through the day. I just don’t always know where God is in my life–but He’s there. I KNOW by faith that He is there.
I was reminded by a friend of Psalm 13, which so eloquently describes my feelings:
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death:
My enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love: my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
Unlike with the abuse I experienced, I have yet to understand the purpose of this depression. I learned to “embrace” my former life as it had made me who I am today. But now, I just don’t know. I don’t know how I can be of use to anyone in this state that I’m in. Yet, there are glimpses of hope. I attend a weekly cognitive behavioral therapy group where I’m with women who suffer from addictions, from depression, and from serious suicide attempts. I’m beginning to see that God just may have a purpose for me there–for me to be a witness of what he’s done in my life and can still do.
Happiness to me would be being content and happy with the person that God has made me to be and who I am to become.
I am not a goal-oriented person–AT ALL. Unless you count getting up in the morning as a goal or showering a goal or putting make up and clothes on a goal. But I would have to say my spiritual goal is to make Christ the center of my life–to live, eat, and breathe Christ and to MAKE HIM SMILE!
Valerie Krygsheld

Well, since I’m still struggling with depression, and probably always will, of the many angels who have come into my life since 1997, I can’t say one of them was a true guardian angel.
But when it comes to snapping me out of another chronic disease, I most definitely had a guardian angel.
As I’ve related on BB, my father was physically and emotionally abusive to me because of his alcoholism. (Because, I later learned, he was not only physically and emotionally abused but also sexually abused and neglected as a boy.) I swore never to repeat his mistakes … especially when two young classmates of mine were killed by a drunk driver when I was 13.
Yet I began drinking at age 17. It was the “cool” thing to do, and it seemed to feel good. (Actually, I realized later, it felt cr*ppy; I’m a sad drunk, but I didn’t know any better.)
As I entered college, my drinking exploded. It didn’t seem to affect my grades, since I reserved it for nights and weekends, but keg parties and bacchanal road trips to see Georgetown Hoyas games became regular events for me. I got mugged once when I was drunk, and another time fell flat on my face in a stupor in downtown Georgetown, breaking an expensive watch.
Again, there was a base stupidity to it — I wasn’t a happy drunk or a flirty drunk, I was a sad drunk, trying to wipe away pain. (A few years later, of course, I learned what that pain was — undiagnosed bipolar disorder.)
During college, I met a girl named D. She was extremely friendly, but seemed a bit of Chatty Cathy — all social life, no depth. Boy, was I wrong.
We had some things in common, we realized. She was a Navy brat; I was an Air Force brat. We had tumultuous relations with our siblings (in her case, her materialistic, vain TWIN SISTER, with whom she later became completely estranged). She was a hopeless flirt — which I won’t lie, I enjoyed! — even though she made clear she wanted to marry in her ethnic group (she is Asian). And in her quest to do that, she went through several emotionally and even physically abusive relationships in which I ended up being the shoulder to cry on.
When she visited me for the first time in my new apartment after I graduated, she was shocked by two things — one, that it was so bare (which shouldn’t have been a shock, we’re all poor after college); and two, that I was living alone yet had a fridge stocked full of beer. Far more than I would have needed to offer to her to be social. Yes, I confessed, I would drink at night after work to “take the edge off,” but never more than one or two (which was true). She was clearly upset, and urged me to be careful.
But my drinking went on — I became less of a sad drunk and more of a sloppy one. Until one day, D. and I went to the hot new Japanese restaurant in D.C., and I started ordering sake.
And ordering and ordering. Seven cups, in all. Let’s face it, if you’re trying to get drunk on SAKE, you’re at least psychologically dependent and headed toward physical dependency.
D. had enough. “IF YOU DON’T QUIT THIS,” she screamed loud enough for the rest of the restaurant to hear, “YOU’LL END UP JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER!”
That was it. Something snapped in me. I knew she was right. And other than the occasional tiny (and I mean tiny, just to be polite) sip of champagne at New Year’s Eve and family weddings for toasts, I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in 15-1/2 years.
I didn’t need A.A. (though I tried a few meetings to see if I did). I had been truly frightened by my dear friend’s admonition. (Though I am still careful to remember “One Day at a Time.”) My main 12-step meetings after that were Adult Children of Alcoholics and Al-Anon, to deal with my feelings with my dad. But my boozing days were over.
And good things started happening to me. I was making a lot more friends. I got a new job (after a bidding war, no less!). I was accepted into graduate school. And I met E., my later wife and ultimately ex-wife. (Which I still consider a good thing, in that it helped me advance my life, romantically, emotionally and otherwise.)
Unfortunately, it marked a turning point in my relationship with my guardian angel. She was so determined to go to medical school that, after being rejected by American ones, she went to one in the Caribbean. There, she met a Ukrainian-American guy from Philly who jostled her out of her ethnic ghetto ideas of dating.
He ultimately decided not to become a doctor, but is a high-powered pharmaceutical representative instead. And D. … is a psychiatrist.
E. and I were at D.’s wedding, of course. We were horrified when D. called us out specifically during the ceremony as a shining example to her — knowing as we did (and she didn’t) that we were on the verge of divorce.
And life has a way of separating you sometimes. Though D. and her husband only live two hours away, outside Philly, they have two kids now — which makes it tough to have things in common with a single guy like myself. Plus, I think D. being a psychiatrist (and her hubby, despite all evidence to the contrary that his wife and I were never “meant to be,” is still not crazy about the fact his wife and I were incorrigible flirts, though nothing more, for years) makes my presence uncomfortable, in different ways, for both of them.
No matter. In saving me from one chronic disease, D. made it possible for me to at least face my greatest challenge of bipolar disorder — including being able to tolerate the numerous medications that cannot be taken with any alcohol. I don’t know if I would have been capable of dealing with a dual diagnosis of alcoholism and bipolar disorder, certainly at that point in my life, without the hard-earned wisdom I’ve gained since thanks to being alive.
Which I might not be without that infamous night in the Japanese restaurant.
So, for “scaring me straight” the way prison tours do to petty criminal teen-agers, I nominate D., my friend from Georgetown, as my guardian angel.

In 1996, my husband and I moved to my home-town after he had been laid off from his job. We were broke. I mean, broke – no money and hardly any income. There have been several times in my life when I was living from “paycheck to paycheck,” but this was living from paycheck to paycheck when there was no paycheck! He had gotten his insurance license after being laid off and had spent the last year trying to sell medicare supplements and life insurance out of the back of his 10-year old 4-Runner. In 1997 we opened an insurance office and I went in a few days a week to help him out and we were writing some home and auto business. We had used credit cards to buy office furniture and also what we used to live on. Now, I know, we can always say, “Things could be worse.” I’m sure they could have been, I mean – we weren’t homeless, we had two beautiful daughters who fortunately didn’t have a care in the world except when The Little Mermaid came on, and somehow my Mom always knew when she should bring a bag of groceries and my Dad always seemed to know when to slip me a $20; but being the independent, educated, self-reliant adults we thought we were supposed to be, this was a hard place we found ourselves.
Since we had been married, church had never been a part of our lives, neither had prayer. At this time I decided I needed to start praying again because, well, I didn’t know what else to do.
Also, at this time in my life, my Dad was trying to make the decision if he should retire early, or try to keep working. Now, for those who don’t know my Dad, I’ll let you in on something – he’s not the kind of man who is going to sit around the family dinner table and let us all discuss the pros and cons of early retirement. No, for those of us who love him, we can only watch in despair as he struggles with decisions.
On this particular Thursday in 1997, I had one bag of microwave popcorn I was saving for Friday night. My youngest daughter loved popcorn. It was a special treat we did on Friday nights – we would watch a family movie and have popcorn. I would not have money to go to the store and buy any thing else, we were broke and the credit cards were maxed out, but I did have my popcorn for Friday night. The girls fell asleep a little earlier than usual that night and I lay down to read for a while, first I prayed. This was my prayer,
“Lord, please help us make the right decisions to be able to
get ahead in our lives. And, Lord, I don’t’ know what it is that my Dad needs to do right now, but I pray for him to have whatever it is in life that he wants.”
A few minutes later, the phone rang. It was my Dad. He wanted to know if I had any popcorn. I thought about saying no, but then I remembered my prayer that I wanted him to have whatever it was that he wanted, so I said, “Yes.” He came over and got the popcorn and said thanks. After he left I stood in the kitchen of my single-wide trailer parked beside my Mom and Dad’s house, looked up to heaven, and cried. What had I done wrong? How was I brought to this place in my life, I couldn’t even run to Wal-Mart and buy some popcorn for Friday night? I asked God why wasn’t he helping me out and taking care of me, why wasn’t I one of his children that he cared for?
The next day, I got up and went to the office, putting on the front of a well-adjusted, successful, confident, working Super-Mom (as always), but inside feeling despair and confusion; and, yes, even some anger. While I sat at my desk that day, a salesperson walked in asking if we might be in need of her services. I told her, courteously, I would be happy to take one of her business cards and hold onto it in case we ever did. She went back to her car to get a business card, and when she brought it back to me it was tied with a red ribbon to a bag of microwave popcorn.

I’m 34. My angel turned out to be my therapist. I’ve been in counseling since the age of 20. I struggle with alcohol, bi-polar disorder and severe depression. My early childhood, although I’ve never confided in my parents (nor myself, hence the drinking), was destroyed by abuse that took place in the hands of my school. I struggle with dissociative symptoms and had my first major breakdown my final year in college. I graduated in 1995 and my life continued to spiral out of control. I was raped during college by two men because I was too drunk to stop it. I’ve attempted suicide several times, the most severe was overdosing and drinking, then crawling underneath our above ground pool to die. I didn’t die. I didn’t tell anybody about what I had done, but I was sick for the following week. Besides drinking, I was involved in self-mutilation. I’ve actually stitched myself twice and burned myself so badly that I needed emergency skin graph surgery.
Today, I am still struggling. Trust is very difficult for me. My therapist L. has been there for me when I needed her most. She is a mother figure to me, a mentor and someone whom I love. She’s my angel because she genuinely wants to help me succeed. Last year, when my husband was out of town, I made a poor decision and invited three men over to my house. Alcohol was involved and I went “away” as three naked men took their turn with me as they video taped it. I called L. that night and by the following day, my doctor sent me to the hospital to be examined. L. showed up at the hospital and I can still feel the intensity as our eyes met. She gave me permission to “go away” if I needed to. She held my hand when I could not even hold myself.
I tell you this story because I know that she was sent to me for a reason. During one of our sessions, I knew that a Higher Power was present. She felt it as well. Words cannot describe that moment, but it was not of this Earth. L. is my saving grace in many ways. She says it’s a two way street. The counseling relationship can be that. She always finds the silver lining in almost every situation. I knew from the moment I first met her, over three years ago, that she was the ONE. That together she can help me find my way back to life. I know that I have a lot of work ahead of me and that I have to stop running. L. you are the answer to my prayers.

Let me say that this is not to be an emotional jerking story but one I want to share with everyone I can
Okay, last night I invited the lord into my life. It was the best dession I have ever made.
Now, let me back up in time. I am a 34 year old mother of three and married to a wonderful man. My oldest son who is 14 years old was from a previous marriage, one that my son has no contact with him father since he was 3 years old.
Both my husband and I both work full time jobs and juggle the duties of parenthood. With barely making ends meet and struggling on how to give our kids a Christmas, I was at a breaking point. Out of the blue a family friend called me from the airport where he was waiting to board his plane.
About 3 years ago this friend, Mike, moved to the east coast from Arizona. He sold his house, left his very rewarding job, friends, etc. to be close to his family and friends on this side of the USA. Once here, he found it very hard to find work, lost his truck, ran out of money, lost the love of his life which he meant here and even his dog. He would call our house saying he was over life and was going to end things. That he couldn’t take it any more, etc. I thought we could harm him or something and was always having him over to our house. So that was an additional person to worry about on top of my 3 kids and husband and husband’s grandmother living at our home. Then one day last year, he found the Lord Jesus Christ.
The point of me telling you this story is that he usually calls my husband who is out of town working right now but for some reason called me at our house. He said that he had a really big feeling that I was unhappy or something so he called. He was right. I have been having a lot of stressful issues to deal with and was at a breaking point. I told my friend, Mike, that I understand what he meant when we would say, “I am over it, and I am going to end it” not meaning suicide but that he couldn’t take it any more.
I have heard of people find God before and I didn’t understand it. “How can I get there” I would think to myself.
While on the phone with Mike he said a pray for me before he boarded his plane. He prayed that I would find my way to God and let him in.
Once I put my children to sleep, this is a little funny, I goggled “how to invite the Lord into your life” and so many website came up. There was one that stood out to me. One that had a prayer for inviting the Lord into you life. I thought, “Is this all I have to say?”
“Has he been here waiting all this time for me to invite him into my life” So I prayed the this very prayer,
“Dear God, I confess that I am a sinner and am sorry for all the wrongs that I have done. I believe that your Son, Jesus Christ, died on the cross for my sins. Please forgive me and I invite you, Jesus, to come into my heart and life as Lord and Savior. I commit and trust my life to you. Please give me the want to be what you want me to be and the want to do what you want me to do. Thank you for dying for my sins, for your free pardon, for your gift of eternal life, and for hearing and answering my prayer. Amen.”
It was the most amazing experience I have ever felt in my 34 years of life. I felt the Lord Jesus Christ come right on into me. He is hear, he has been here all along just waiting for the invitation from me. I feel so refreshed and clean. I feel like as long as I have my faith in him and look to him for answers and guidance, I will be able to make it.
I have told a few people that I work with what I did last night. I knew that it was an amazing thing I did but didn’t know how much so until I got the reactions I did from my fellow co-workers and friends. They are so very happy for me. A few cried, happy tears, a few hugged me and a few just smiled and said, welcome to this family. I must say, I am happy to be where I am today, not even 24 hours after my amazing event. I am so glad that I invited him into my life. I will never lose faith in our father again.

Wow, you guys… I have been off line for the past few days and reading your stories has been wonderful!! We never know just who our angels might be but never ever doubt that God loves you (… more than sliced bread)
We are so blessed!
love and hugz,
Cully

I have worked the last 20 years with populations of people who were disadvantaged in some sort of way or another. Hunger reform, mentally ill, mentally retarded, physically challenged, physically, mentally and spiritually challenged, drug and alcohol addicted, abused women and children and a long list of life’s casualties. I did my best to improve thier lot in life and assist them to grow towards a life free from the difficulties. I worked hours upon hours and had to live with the federal, state and various company’s rules which did not always fit with my own code of honor and rightness.
At the time I was driving Medicaid clients to and from their doctors appointments, dialysis, surgery, hospital ect. A short day was often 12 hours a day and I was getting tired of not really being able to significantly help them improve their life.
Meanwhile on weekends I was going to the powwows doing rock medicine/native american medicine to help bring people there back into balance.
I was truely thinking that I might not be able to continue to push myself so far anymore yet I still wanted to help the people.
On the day I was praying for an answer, I received a call asking if I wanted to be a part of a Healing Center that was getting ready to open. I would be able to offer natural healing services to whoever might choose to come into the Center for treatment. I was offered a contract that meant that I could choose how I provided treatment. The rules would be my own. No more having to do things that went against my grain. Choosing freely what I thought best.
For a few minutes I thought that maybe I should not embark upon the unknown with no true assurance that there would be much income. I hesitated only for brief moments and agreed.
I realized this was my chance to help the world.
Since then(8 months) we have built a wonderful healing business. Not only do we give individual sessions and people are reporting an increase in life’s quality, we are gathering other natural healing providers together to offer a wide range of Natural Healing options to the public.
We host Natural Healing Arts Fairs(our first one brought together over 70 natural healing practitioners of different modalities together for the public).
Many wonderful things are happening for many people. On my search for local natural healers I found that I could not stop there in my search. I have gradually spread out across the country and even across the world.
My defining freeing moment was when I risked everything to begin this new phase of helping people better their lot in life. And even when I do not know how bills are going to get paid, a piece of my art sells or divine intervention happens. Now I do not concern myself with these things of this world. I trust the universe, the Creator.
It is almost a build it and they will come.
I am grateful to meet and be with all these incredible natural healing providers and be in their presense and feel like I am at last at home with my own kind.
Peace, love, harmony, balance and gentle healing to all,
Cookie

I am Sarah Daly, and I have an amazing Grace experience to share. I say Amazing Grace because it took God Almighty to turn my life around, no one else could.
I was living on the streets of Oakland, without money, food, change of clothes,mylife downfellwhen my Father died at my age 10, then at 14 my Mother passed away. I had an older sister, but her life was more important than mine and she didn’t care what happened to me. I desperately was looking for Love, but only found people that would use you, and throw you aside. I gave up totally on life and thought to take my own. By God’s Grace, I didn’t. I met a guy who I stayed with, but he tried to kill me about 4 times, finally I left him.
When I was in Oakland, California on the streets, a voice came to me and said “go back to your husband”, that was the one who wanted to kill me. I ignored this voice for 3 days, when I slept, I kept hearing these words and everyday, so finally I decieded to search this out, where he was. My sister told me he was in jail in Washington, and for some reason I just knew I had to go see him.
I had become a very hard, negative person because of the way the world had dealt with me, so I just wanted to be left alone to myself. But this other guy I was with said he would go to Washington with me, because I had to hitch hike because I had no money.
People picked us up and gave us food and lodging, then I needed another ride to Washington, so I found a christian couple at the rest area, and they were going right where I was headed, and offered me a place to stay with them. I was not interested in God at that time and did not want any salvation. The guy I was with went a stayed with them and I stayed close to my husband to see why I was there. After 3 days I called the christians and told them I needed a place to sleep, they said fine but I had to go to their church meetings, I flatly refused. But being desperate, I agreed. Someone in the meeting tried to get me saved, and I told them they were wasting their time. I still had to go to the meetings everytime while I was staying with the christians. So the next meeting, I was sitting in the back, with my dirsty jeans on and feeling very dirty. A preacher up front was calling people to come to the front, and I was wishing he would shutup and sit down. But then I felt something all around me like, Love, and it was trying to pull me up to go to the front, but I refused. But this Love, wouldn’t leave me alone, but I resisted as long as I could, so finally after being tired, I got up. As soon as I did, flood of tears poured out of my eyes, and I couldn’t wait to get to the front. I fell down on my knees at the alter, and gave God my life. He turned my whole heart around to serve Him. Praise God, Praise Jesus.
Then I got water baptized, and it felt as if someone took a huge toothbrush and scrubbed my whole insides, I felt so so clean, like a new babe. A couple of week later, I received the Holy Ghost, I was in a room by myself, praising God and blessing Him, when all of a sudden, I heard a noise and felt something come down inside me and was speaking in a tongue, using my tongue, and I knew it wasn’t me talking, and it was a language I didn’t know, it was the Holy Ghost.
Later on, I had backslid because I could not find the whole truth of the Bible being practiced in the church meetings, and I wanted everything God was saying in His word.
A girl told me of a christian station, and I wanted to put up a poster for a chrusade, so I went there and the man I was talking to told me about a way of Holiness, that we need to gather together as in a sheep fold, being one people for God’s name, and by God’s grace I knew this is what I was looking for, so I went with him right then. I have been in the true Body of Christ 35 years, and God has taken care of my every need. I finally found the Love in a body of Saints, living everything in God’s word.

Praise Jesus,
I am Sarah Daly again, I forgot to invite you to “know The Truth” broadcast at 7 a.m. on cable 96 or 20,on Thursdays. Also 4:30 p.m. on cable 96 or 20, on Fridays. Again on Saturdays at 7:30 p.m. on cable 18
Thank-You. sarahwiththesaints@yahoo.com

I can’t say my intervention came from an angel I believe it came from GOD.
In 2000 I married my husband. It was bumpy from the start. It got even more bumpy by November 2002. My husband and I were not on good standing during this time. We were heading for seperation or diviorce. I asked him to leave. Before he left he kicked in the front and made a big scene in front of my son. Story short it wasn’t an easy departure. After he kicked in the door and my son went after him with a knife I broke down and cried. I went to the bedroom where A woman minister was preaching on forgiveness and self searching. I fell down to my knees. GOD immediately start to show me my wrongs. See we must use the mirror image to begin to heal emotionally. Before we point our fingers at someone else we must take our blame. Whether we were wrong in the pain caused or wa we wrong in allowing us to be hurt. We really need to stop and analyze. Well, the point is God intervene at the right time. I started going to church and really started putting GOD first. GOD became real in my life. I learned more about the son Lord Jesus Christ. This was really a time of maturing spiritually for me.
A few months later my mom got really ill. She was in and out if the hospital on ventilating machines. In March we had to make some tough decisions. My mom requested to go home. We knew what she meant. She communicated by sign and writing; wanted to be baptized by my pastor. My mom had been baptized as a child. God had intervene in my mother’s life also. She was accepting GOD’s will for her to return to her true home; Heaven. My mom died March 9, 2003. In order for you to clearly see GOD’s intervention in my life at that time, let me tell you about the dreams I used to have as a little girl. I used tohave a re-accuring dream about this huge picture that hung in my grandmother’s dinning room. It was a picture of a long dirt road with trees standing tall alongside the road. In my dream my mother had passed away. The picture was our mean to communicate and see one another daily. My mother would walk down this road to meet me, so that we could talk like we did when she was alive. I never saw myself in the picture but she was in it. I had these dreams on up into my adulthood. I stopped having the dreams for years. Then months before my mom got really ill. I had the dream again. Not aware of how ill my mother was. I did’nt think much of the re-accuring dream. Back to that dreadful day, March 9, 2003. I had been communicating with my husband about my mother’s health. He told me he would be there. He arrived a few hours before my mother passed away. We watch my mother die. You would think I would have fell apart. God was my strength. I cried but I kept it together. Although I had those dreams. God intervene to let me know to not lean on my own understanding. Trust in the Lord for comfort. He showed me that I can find peace with him and not in a picture or dream. GOD is so awsome. HE is an on time GOD. He was preparing me for my mother’s departure. That’s why I had that dream right before my mom died. I had to let it go as well as let mother go. Although I keep her in my memories. Well I lost my mother but gained peace stealer husband back.
Sorry, GOD don’t like ugly. but he do love truth. Forgive me GOD for making that statement about my husband. Well GOd me through the grieving of my mother. I pushed forward with the strength of the Lord. My relationship with my husband was next on the list of life changes. In this area GOD needed to show me not to put my trust in man but trust in HIM (GOD). In 2005 I became homeless and jobless due to trusting in my husband. To make a long story short. My husband had left me with alot of lies and empty promises. My son and I had nowhere to go. My husband called back to claim he would repair what he had destroyed by giving us a new life in another state. I told him to priomise me he would rescue us. He promised but did’t come through. We were homeless. I put my son up at my sister and I found a cheap room at a grungy motel. Homeless and jobless. So much transpired during that 2 year period, I must briefly say. During all this I was diagnosed with cancer in June 2006. I’m in my last stage. That is the diagnose the doctors give me. But GOD have something else in store for me. People ask why I always wear a smile through all that I go through. I answer them by saying, “It is the love iof God that keeps this smile on my face. I know what GOD is capable of doing. We just got to trust HIM. Let him lead your life.
Well this is my story of being delivered from darkness and despair.
Let GOD be your deliverer. God bless you all.
Thank you for letting me share my story.

SAVING GRACE OH YA GRACE GOES BEFORE ME AS I FACED THE PUBLIC WHEN MY BOY FRIEND WENT TO VEIT NAM AND WHEN RETURNED AND NOW OUR SON WENT TO IRAQ AND ALL THE FEELINGS LONG HIDDEN AWAY CAME FLOODING BACK FOR BOTH OF US AND BY GODS GRACE AND HIS ANGELS ARE GIVING US PEACE AND HIM THE STRAINTH TO DO THE JOB HE MUST DO FOR THE NEXT YEAR AND A HALF GODS GRACE GOING BEFORE HIM AND HE FEELS IT AND SO DO WE

Well I had the western nile April 21,2003,and I was paralize from my head to feet,and I was in a comma,for one month and a half.I almost die about 3 time,but God saw fit that I stay here.And I know it was only by the Grace of God that I am still here. And I thank Him everyday of my life,even the pain that I have,I have because it was a time when I didn’t feel anything.So know I am trying to walk now,when the doctor said that I would not be able to.And through all of this I lost my mother and she was a big help to me. And she all ways let me know how bless I was.And at the time before I got bit by the western nile. I was in church off and on.But now I know where all my strength,and health comes from.And I can see my self being any other place than church on Sunday morning or any other day, it something going.So I just want to let everybody know no matter what you are going through God is able and capable of being you through. So just keep the Faith. And beleive that God is Able.And just put Him first in everything you do. And everything will be alright.And to all you, that do not know Jesus,He loves you no matter what.So just ask Him for forgiveness and He will supply all of your need,as long as you beleive and have faith that nothing is impossible for God to do. Jesus Love You and So do I.
Rita Elie
12/13/07

As a person of different moods, I also would like to mentioned that trials don’t always come in big packages. Its those daily mundane un inspiring feats we do daily that finally bring s us to a point of desperation, boredom and then at most times, frustration, not knowing where its coming from. Those are the hardest for me. Trying to fight the gremlins within myself is a challenging task. When times like those arise, the only thing I can do is quote Jesus’s promises and give it all to Him again. This helps as I must remind ourselves to trust Him for whatever His plans are for me.

I wanted to share my story with everyone to understand my last three year journey. I was married 13 years to I thought was a good man but not a godly man. We had all the financial comforts of the world. My world fell apart when my husband quit showing up until late at night and leaving early in the morning. I never could pinpoint when and where he was. We were both self employed but in different offices. I trusted my exhusband with all our investments and finances. I always turned over my income straight to him to take care of the bills no questions asked. Well I found out within the six months we had 4 homes foreclosed on including our own personal residence, he had spent $80000 in credit card debt of course my name on it, and paid to take his girfriend on vacations. I was so taken back all the years we worked for our retirement out the window and was thousands of dollars in debt. I prayed and prayed, went to counselling and talked with God for months to repair our situation. God cannot repair a marriage if the person is unwilling and this was not God’s plan. I was trying to move my furniture and clothes out and was crying in the garage. A voice comes out of nowhere and tells me to quit whining. My tears stopped rolling because I was scared and thought I was losing my mind. I moved all my items out of the house into storage. I moved into my mother’s house and kept teaching the two years olds at church. After three years of the slow journey back to life I lost my old life of greed, hate, and a husband that did not love the Lord. I may have lost all my possessions but I did not lose my love for Jesus. I still teach my two years old at church and have found my passion in life. I love teaching and helping people to realize their dreams by providing a roof over their head. I have found a Godly man I have been dating and taking it slowly. He loves children as much as I do and loves to teach and help others. I wanted everyone to know there is a God out there. I had some serious doubts.alot of days but God was right to dry my tears up and go help somebody else.
Thank you Jesus for showing me I will go on.

Let me begin by saying that I love “Saving Grace”. I see a lot of the “old me ” in her.
My name is Laycee and I am 30 years old. I grew up in a family that is all too typical these days….dysfunctional. My father was a hard worker but had severe depression and my mother was over-bearing and made our whole family feel as if we were walking on egg shells. With no guidance from my parents on what I should do with my life, if I should go to college or what kind of career to choose, I quickly turned to drugs.
The crowd I hung out with seemed to be die hard friends, not realizing until much later that they were really only there for me if I had drugs.
I went from one bad relationship to another being physically and verbally abused and used, bringing my self-esteem lower with every passing day. Anytime any big trouble came my way, I moved to another town thinking I would be able to make a fresh start. I only succeeded in accumulating baggage and meeting the same kind of people everwhere I went.
At the time, I thought I was having fun. I felt complete, as long as I had a man in my bed and drugs in my body to make myself feel “normal”. Looking back, it is a wonder I ever made it out alive. But, I now believe that God was watching me and decided it was time for a wake up call.
On May 06, 2001 I was spending a typical day out with friends. I was at a lake with some people I worked with along with some of their friends that I had never met. There was a guy there that I had never seen but was immediately attracted to. I will call him Chris. The day was pretty normal except that for some reason, I didn’t really have as much to drink as I normally would. I had a margarita and smoked a joint and that was it(the night before I had a little cocaine). After several hours on the lake, it was time to go. The sky had started to fill up with some nasty looking storm clouds and everyone decided to meet back at the restaurant I worked at to have a few drinks. Chris and I rode in a car with three of our friends, getting to know each other the only way I knew how to; by making out.
By the time we got to the restaurant, it was pretty clear that we were going to have sex. So, we decided to skip the drinks and head back to his friends house to pick up Chris’ backpack. I was not intoxicated(blood alcohol tests would later show that I had .004 in my system)but Chris was(three times the legal limit). So as the storm clouds rolled in, we headed out to a near by town about 25 miles away. Enroute, the rain began to pour. I drove slowly, trying to see where I was going and because I had never been to this particular town before. I remember the two of us holding hands, talking about our families and other such small talk.
The next thing I remember was waking up in the ER at a local hospital. I was in pain, I didn’t know what had happened. I thought maybe we had been hit by a car or something. I kept asking if everyone was okay. As the doctors and nurses worked to stabilize me, I drifted in and out of conscienceness. When I fully came to, I was greeted by a policeman. All he said was, “Ms. Hill you’ve been involved in a collision with a train. The young man with you was killed, I thought you should know”.
The next thing I really remember is my dad being there the next day. He explained to me that my car had been struck by a train on the passengers side, where Chris had been sitting. The next two months are a blur. I went to Chris’ funeral, consumed with guilt. I had several injuries so I had at least 4 different pain killer perscriptions, anti-depressants, anxiety medicine, just about anything a doctor would give me. And as if that weren’t enough, I was drinking heavily. I wanted to disappear, eventually trying to kill myself. Finally, I was arrested. I was charged with intoxicated manslaughter and thrown in jail. For two and a half months I sat there, feeling sorry for myself, convienced that I hadn’t really done anything wrong. I wasn’t legally intoxicated, it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t even have any memory of the actual accident. But the district attorney was convenced that he could show that all of the traces of drugs I had in my system with the small amount of alcohol had an “encombanent effect”. Eventually, my father bailed me out of jail and I went home to live with him, or rather, where the court could hold my dad responsible for my whereabouts.
I began to go to AA meetings, NA, CA, any meeting I could get my hands on. Not because I thought I needed it, but because I thought it would look good in court. For three years, the court proceedings were drug out. In 2004 when I was sentenced, I thought, “it’s over”. But it will never be over. The day after my sentencing I went to an NA meeting. I listened to a man who was 13 years sober talk about how much better his life was “today”. He had real relationships with family members, a wife who loved him for who he was, a home, a car, a support group. And it was while I was listening to him that I heard God speak to my heart. He told me it was time to except what my life had been, the decisons I had made and let go. He was telling me that all this happened so that I could enjoy and appreciate my life today. I didn’t have to live my life in the past anymore, that was all behind me. I only needed to remember my past so that I wouldn’t repeat the same mistakes. I didn’t need to worry about the future because I would always be able to feel Him beside me. And today, I can be grateful. I’m grateful that I have a job. Grateful that I have a home. Grateful that I can pay my bills like a responsible memeber of society and not have to hide from the law.
And most of all, He has shown me this. I may not know the purpose in my life, but that I do have one. I wish everyday that I could bring Chris back. That I could heal the pain I have caused his family and friends. I was on a dangerous, destructive path. All I can do today is try to help those around me, make something good come out of this tragedy. And had I not traveled down that road, I may never have gotten sober, met my husband, had my son, or had a real relationship with my father. Today, I am grateful to be me.

Without joy in my life I’m as good as dead. It’s kind of embarrassing to say why, hopefully someone can understand. I have had limited self esteem, shreds of confidence, and insecurity issues. As a result, the joy in my life dwindled down to about the size of a pea. I imagined myself an old lady with a broken heart, broken everything, unable to look back and feel like I lived the best life that I could. That’s when I realized I can’t let myself live that way. I’ll do whatever it takes to uncover the joy I buried so deep inside. I feel like I’m a prisoner and I have to break out of this self constructed Alcatraz even if all I got is a chiseled toothbrush to do it with. I do my best to “save grace” everyday, by grace I mean me.

forgot my email

Laycee, THANK YOU, it takes courage to admitt all that!!! I am an alcoholic? addict, are stories are similar, i got a D.U.I., on 08/ 05, again it was not my fault, what were they going to do take my birthday away, it happend, 30 days latter, my precious son Chauncey Craig was killed in a drunk driving accident, yhe day before my 35th birthday, he was only 15, the kid driving got 33yrs, my heart breaks for him, he did not know going out that night he was going to kill 2 people, Chauncey, lil cousin, Arial was also killed she was 14… i now am sober, thanks to the grace of GOD!!! I speak @ victims wittness panel, to D>U>I>, offenders, i pray my message will help, wake people up…
It was nice to have read your story…
MAY GOD BLESS YOU & YOURS!!!
Kelly Wise
p.s., if you ever need to talk, my email is kejowise@yahoo.com, i also have a blog on yahoo 360, also under kejowise

I understand,Ive had problems with my marriage,and im now allowing my precious loving lord and savior to come in my marriage,and I have learned alot about being a cristian.I always believed in the lord, but I DIDNT KNOW ABOUT BEING A CRISTIAN IS MORE THAN GOING TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY AND BEING OBIDIENT TO GOD.Its also about trusting,and not by fleshways,to trust in the lord ,and learn to put everything in gods hands,wait for the lord.Also learn to have a relationship with the lord and Savior.Ive learned to do things through the lord ,and not fless ways.my husband is not a cristian man,he is a good man loyal,but not a godly man.I have been praying for my husband,and teenagers and their SALVATION.My husband wont let me force the children to go to church,although I feel that the parents should teach their children to go,My husband doesnt go with me to church,the children use that sometimes as a excuse,thats a teen for you.I have been frustrated learned to trust in the lord,wait for the lord,and have faith in god.

I would just like to say that I enjoyed reading everyones stories. I found that there were bits and pieces of me in almost all of them. I also was raped at 13, addicted to drugs and alcohol and men as well. Anyone who would give me “love”. Well, what I thought to be love because that’s the only way I knew it. I am now 30 years years old and have finally had my wake up call. I was in a relationship with a man who is a alcoholic. I knew he was from the beginning and he knows he is as well. Sadly it took HIS near death to make ME wake up, not him. One day I woke up to find him throwing up blood and I insisted that I take him to the hospital. After a couple hours of convincing he let me take him. I found out later that he had been doing this for four days and hadn’t told me. All the doctors told him and I that he needs to stop drinking or he will die. He is also a prescription drug abuser which does not help. At the age of 28 he was killing himself and didn’t seem at all concerned about it. After staying by his bedside for four days in the hospital I got to take him home. He stayed sober….for a day. By the fifth day of staying at the bar from the time I left for work till the time I came home he finally “lost it”. He had lost count of how many pain killers he had taken and how much he drank. He started getting out of hand and when I tried to calm him down he flipped out and started betting me and slamming me against the walls and the floor. This wasn’t the first time he had done this but this time he had such an empty look in his face I was terrified that this was going to be the day he finally kills me. I got away and got help and he finally just passed out. The next day he didn’t remember what happened at all. I finally woke up and thought “Why am I still here after 5 years of trying to save him when I’m the one who needs saving?” If he was not wanting or willing to accept the love I was trying to give him then how can I give anymore of myself? I have always put others first and finally realized that now it’s my turn. I finally left him but he continued to call me or conveniently show up where ever I was. He always told me I was nothing with out him and I’ll never amount to anything. The typical things the “abusers” say to keep you down. Then my “Angel” who is my best friend reminded me that I am worth more. The last time I seen him I told him “You have no right to speak to me like that anymore, you have NO power over me.” He stood there with a look of amazement that I actually had the nerve to say that to him and he walked away. I have been raised with Christ always in our life but like most I was “just going through the motions”. Now at 30 years out I am finally learning to “Let Go and Let GOD.” Everyday is a miracle, I now just remember to breathe in , breathe out and let go. Things will always work out one way or another. Be thankful everyday for the small things in life because tomorrow may never come, and no matter how tough life gets just remember that with Faith you will pull through. There is always someone out there that has it worse then you and you WILL survive. So wake up everyday with a smile, say thank you and Breathe in, Breathe out and Let Go….True Love always within YOU and with Jesus in your heart your never alone….Love to all of you and thank you for letting me share with you…and thank you for sharing with me….Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday Jesus

Stacey you touched my heart with your story (some similar issues). I too have finally found God and keep him close to me. Something brought me here to your story to remind me again how life can seem so bad, but for the grace of God to pull us through. Thank you for reminding me again… one day at a time, one breath at a time..

I was driving home from work in my husband’s car. He was away from the area and I’ve decided to use his car (newer) until his return. I didn’t even bother to check the gas gauge, so I ran out of gas in a deserted part of the road. On one side only fields and swamp, on the other power windmills. I didn’t know what to do because in that road there have been reported several violent incidents and not far from there they’d found the body of female not long ago. I sat in my car praying to God and asking for help. I was almost paralyzed with indecision on what was best to do. This was before the the cell phones came to be, at that time we only had car phones and my car didn’t have one!
Out of the blue I saw a car slowly stopping behind me, the driver descended and approached my car. The moment I saw his eyes, I knew I was safe. He looked inside my car through the window and said “Oh you ran out of gas!”, without another word he went to his car and made a phone call to AAA. He returned and said I’ve called AAA, they’ll bring you some gasoline, I’ve put it in my card. I was speechless,only could stare and mumble “Oh, no need, I’ve a AAA card, please, let me pay you for the gas” he refused, and said :”I’ll sit in my car until I see the AAA truck, this area isn’t safe for you to be alone, even if you lock yourself in your car”. When we saw the AAA truck approaching he came back to tell me “Make sure to check the gas gauge before you leave home and also try to get a phone for your car, OK?” I asked his name and where he lived, he just smiled and said “my name is Andre and I live in the same town you live in”. I’ve never told him where I lived…I never saw Andre or his car anywhere. But recounting the story to someone she told just said to me “You’ve entertained an angel unaware…”

(THIS IS NOT A SECOND ENTRY, THERESE)
Laycee:
I don’t know if the NA speaker or Chris is your guardian angel (I suspect Chris) but you have done a remarkable job rebuilding your life from unbelievable tragedy and self-abuse.
I don’t know what the purpose of life is either. Maybe it’s just to endure — although you’ve had to endure a lot more than I ever have (and my life is not easy by any stretch).

Not many people at the age of 16 need a saving grace as much as I did back in 1986. I was in between my Sophomore and Junior year of high school and loving life. I had been a cheerleader, vice president of my class, sang in the high school choir at church and was an all around awesome teenager. When I started getting really bad headaches, I shook them off as migraines, but when they got to the point that I was throwing up all the time, my mom knew it had to be serious. I’d lost 20 pounds off my 85 lb. body and was so sick that I could hardly function.
When my family doctor told my mom for the third time that there was nothing wrong with me, she insisted I see a neurologist. The next two hours would change my life forever. As the neurosurgeon looked into my eyes and shook his head, I knew that something major was wrong. And there was. I had a brain tumor.
The next day a nurse came in and shaved off all my long locks of blond hair. That was the first time I cried. Later that day, I had an operation to place a shunt in my head, which relieved the headaches right away. I asked God “How can this be happening? I’m just a child. I haven’t even begun to live my life yet.” What He gave me was a serene calmness that helped me get through the next few weeks.
On the day of the craniotomy there was a parade of people wishing me well as I was wheeled to the operating room. Everyone prayed throughout the 7 1/2 hour surgery. The result of my surgery was grim, to say the least. The doctor was really aggressive in trying to remove all the tumor and I hadn’t come out of surgery. I was in a coma.
For the next 28 days, I was in a coma and in very critical condition. I suffered two strokes, lost all function to my pituitary and hypothalamus glands, had numerous seizures, and almost lost my life on many occasions. The strokes left me paralyzed on my left side and in a wheelchair. The doctors at the rehabilitation hospital told my mom I would never walk again. They also told her that I was now at a sixth grade level and would never get beyond that. For the next three months, I went through intensive physical, occupational, and speech therapy. I walked out of the hospital on the day I went home and returned to school one month later to finish the last half of my junior year. I went on to graduate with my high school class and have since received my AA degree. I will start work on my BA next fall.
I have been dealing with this for 21 years now. I’ve battled extreme depression and have often had my doubts in God and questioned why this happened. Satan loves to play tricks on me and question my purpose, but through living in His daily word, participating in bible study, and going to church regularly, I am able to rise above my misfortune and go on with life. The only reason I’m here today is because of God’s grace.

well i can say that after the my year of battling breast cancer since january. the financial, physical and emotiontal journey was very difficult but right after i finished my radiation treatments i moved my son and myself to tenn with a man that i had been with for 2 1/2yrs i was there for 17 days before he turned into a complete monster so i rented a truck we packed our things and yes i drove a 16 ft. truck and my wonderful 16 year old drove my car.shortly after getting back i went for a test because i was’nt feeling right and they found a spot on my lung now one of the best hospitals in the country could not say if it was cancer or something else so in oct. i went in for surgery. i know god exist and listens because i asked to please move my surgery upand withion 3 hours i got a call saying they could do it that monday this was wednesday. the next time he answered me was when in the hospital was supposed to be overnight turned into 5 days on the fifth day a nun-sister not sure came into my room and as you can imagine i was not a happy person as i did not want to be there anyway i let her talk she said a prayer and left, again within an hour or two i was told my xray was good and i could go home. then this past month knowing that i have to move from where i am and not having the money to do so my customers where i used to work before getting sick it was a golf course i worked in the restaurant anyway unbeknownst to me they had a benefit and raised enough money for me to be able to move. so i know that not only does god exist but also that there are so many angels walking this earth helping to help the ones that need it. so even though i fought a disease and had my heart broken i know that god is watching over me. he walked me through the fire and i passed the test and learned my lesson. so good luck and god bless all that need it as i have been blessed. sincerely carol muise

There are 2 parts to my “Saving Grace” moment. I can’t tell one without the other, because they are intertwined into one. In February of 2006, I was diagnosed with stage 3 mestatic melanoma. After completing my surgeries in March, the only approved treatments for this cancer were interferon and/or interleuking. Both of these would make me sick, possibly lose my hair, and would increase my chance of survival by approx. 8-10%. My mother-in-law got busy and found a clinical trial for a vaccine at the Natl Inst. of Health in Maryland. I was accepted into the trial, flew to MD every 3 weeks for 9 months, and the vaccine had no side effects. God knew I couldn’t be sick that year, because of what was going to happen next.
My 2 year old was diagnosed with JDMS in November of the same year. It is in the arthritis family (auto-immune) and were told it was treatable with steroids and methotrexate. By January the following year, Amber had a hard time breathing. The disease was attacking her lungs! We were admitted to ICU at Egleston in Atlanta GA on January 18th, 2007. Amber passed on to Heaven, Wednesday, March 14, 2007. She fought the greatest fight. God must have said, “Well done child, come on home”. She had suffered enough. The Monday before she died, my sister-in-law had a vision of seeing her hospital room full of angels. One angel was holding her, taking her up and taking her down. Waiting on God’s timing! (we did not know she would die 2 days later). I am so grateful to God for allowing me to spend my daughter’s last days on earth with her, not being sick from the treatment of my cancer. He is the Sovereign, All-knowing, Everpresent, Wise-beyond-measure God and I will praise and worship Him forever.

The last 3 1/2 years of my life have been so stressful I couldnt hardly stand it,I have tried to do many things to make my life move forward positive,my husband and I have been separated and since he left my life has been turned upside down, and nothing worked.Yesterday something big happened and it showed me that my life is really going in the right direction,I have prayed and asked for help but it didnt seem to come. My brother and daughter live with ,me but so many problems,finally a man I have been seeing showed me I dont need all the crap and that he does love me and stood up for me no matter.It was a eye opener and my Saving Grace moment was knowing that all along God and his angels were there for me but I know from yesterday my life is going to go in the right direction.I felt so alone and afraid and lost.My husband and I are headed for divorce but he hasnt done 1 thing to help me in all these years,he left me with large amounts of debt and I couldnt see ahead.My eyes are open and its my life to have and do the things that are right for me.No one has stood up for me like Donnie did yeaterday, he has been so good to me and now I know how he really feels.Better things are on the way,its been hell for 3 1/2 years.Thanks for letting me share this even if I dont win it may help someone in the lost state I was in.

My Saving Grace moment came this Summer when I wrote a song by that same title, unexpectedly and “out of the blue”. I am currently going through my second divorce at age 50 with three college aged children, and limited funds to help them out with their schooling. Also, I am a singer/songwriter/guitarist and my life situations and feelings about them usually turn into songs, almost on a subconcious level. My emotions then rise to the surface in the form of a song. That is how this song came about. I was sitting down at our community beach and it was an unusually blustery day; the boats moored there were swaying ominously as a storm was about to approach. It was a tumultuous scene and it reflected the inner turmoil I was going through due to the impending divorce. My husband is bi-polar and refuses medication or couselling, so I feel I have no choice but to leave this marriage for the sake of my own sanity and the peace taht I so desire in my family life and household. As I sat witnessing this scene at the beach, I looked across the “angry sea” (a lyric in the song), and saw the mountain across and envisioned a weary traveler trying to find their way in the wilderness (all lyrics of my song) without a compass to direct their steps, and suddenly realizing that they couldn’t go on alone. Night was falling and they feared they would lose their way in the dark…The chorus emphatically cries out to God, “You are my Saving Grace…Your love leaves me a trace that can’t be erased” (like my marriages were erased). I realized, in the song and personally, in a whole new way, that I really need His love to guide me, and I know He’s right beside. It’s very powerful and moving, and at the same time, comforting to know God is always there for us, and also that, no matter how lonely it might get, we are never really alone as long as we know we have God to guide us in our daily struggles, whatever they may be. It is only through God’s “Saving Grace” that I am getting through this trial. I know I can’t do it alone and He is seeing me through , with the help and concern of caring friends and family. I couldn’t help but tell this story because of the title of your Blog and my song…Nothing is a coincidence! Thanks for letting me share this, and God’s blessings to you at Christmas time. Kathleen Kruze

Well, I have been a practising chritian since I was about 13 or 14.
During those years I went to church, read the bible and fasted mostly because I lived with my grandmother and mother and father were not around and I could easily have fallen into peer-pressure doing things my peers were doing smoking weed, running after girls and having sex with them but I made the decision to be a positive influence on myself and my younger brother. That is why i was a practising christian
but lately those experiences have kept and helped me endure a lot of crap like people hating for no reason instead of encouraging and supporting when you are trying to do something positive.
What I don’t understand about people is that when you are doing something negative they talk about you in a negative way and when you are doing something positive they wait still you do wrong then they pounce on you instead of helping.
Anyways has nothing to do with “SAVING GRACE” right?
Just venting a little. OK back to topic. “SAVING GRACE”.
I have been brought out of depression and I believe Jesus revealed himself to me through an angel in the form of an image.
What I mean is that i was reading on beliefnet.com about angels
which by the way helped me out of depression and spoke these words
“SHOW ME A SIGN ANGEL” and a couple minutes later I got a man on the internet talking about he could let me see Jesus so I followed his directions. He had an image of a picture and wanted me to look at the image and count to 30, blink 5 times and with the lights off look at the sealing an image of Jesus will appear and sure enough it did.
I believe this was an answer to my previous request of having the angel show me a sign. I believe my saving grace in this time of my life is just being able to say words and get a response. This makes me feel like someone is listening even though the answer is sometimes not always obvious. “THIS IS MY SAVING GRACE”. Someone listens to me when I feel alone in my feelings.

Saving Grace has prevailed in my life. I am a sinner saved and the Lord has been merciful. Even though there has been times in my life where I could see no end, His love for me has been the beacon to pull me through. Relationships are most important in life. He commands us to Love. Love Him, Love Ourselves, and Love One Another. Love Much.

I have a great IPod so I am not trying to win one, I am writing this post in the hopes that it is a gift toward everlasting life for someone out there. It is the best gift I can give on any occasion.
I have been a widow for the past 14 years since my husbands’ death in a work related vehicular accident. He was only 31 years old at the time of his death and many people said that he was too young to die. I always replied that if God said he was finished, then it was so. Man is always trying to measure out what is supposed to be the length of something and the quality of good/bad things in life. Yet, as the occurance of my husband’s death was not my first tragedy nor my last I am of a mind that God’s increments of joy and sorrow ought to be left up to Him.
Please don’t misunderstand me when it seems I’m saying that we cannot perceive what is pain or joy, my intent is to admonish everyone not to consider everything that comes upon us as our absolute breaking or highest point in our journey. When my husband died I was pregnant with our fourth child (I miscarried our third midway through my second trimester 1.5 years earlier), and I carried her until about the same time as the third and then miscarried again. During the period between my husband’s death and the death and burial of our fourth child, I experienced a breakdown for which God gave me the presence of mind to seek help.
Everyday for months after my husband’s death I went about my daily routine of caring for our older children and daily routines; feeding, dressing, taking them to school, lessons, cleaning, etc. But every single minute that I was alone and sometime when I was with them I was screaming on the inside. Many times as I would drive them across the bridge to school the devil would come to me and say “Go ahead and drive off the side of the bridge. Who will miss you and the girls, it was always just the 4 of you anyway.” I never said a word to anyone I just spent all of my alone time in bed with the covers over my head. Then one day I heard a voice say “I can come under there too, you know!” I immediately called the insurance company to ask for help and insisted that it be Christian based. Greatest counselor ever, but I still miscarried and suffered sadness.
Through many turmoils and ups and downs since then, including loosing everything except 3 days of clothing and a laptop to Hurrricane Katrina, I hold steadfast to God’s unchanging hand. When I’m down, He encourages me. When I’m lost, He shines a light on the right path to take. When I’m lonely, He never ceases to comfort me. When I fall out of fellowship with Him, He forgives and receives me over and over.
If you listen quietly and with intent to hear, you can hear Him answering your prayer or questions. There is nothing that He cannot heal or deliver you from, and there is nothing under the sun that cannot be answered in His Word.
I don’t remember my absolute turning point in God, because like many people there were leaps and small jumps that brought me to my true relationship with Him. I just know that with every part of my journey good and bad, He has increased my capacity and the number of ways that I can testify of His goodness, grace, mercy, and lovingkindness to bring another person(s) to a higher place of praise. After all that is our main purpose, to draw others to discipleship in and through His Joy, which is in Jesus Christ.
Blessings To All!!!

Ten days after Easter my fiance passed away during surgery. He had been thrown from the mustang that he was trying to train and hit his head on a big piece of Sandstone. I was drowning in grief and depression. But I still had to go on as I was taking care of my baby niece who was only 3 1/2 months old at the time,going to college full time, and working full time as a private caretaker to a young man with Cerebral Palsy. I pushed my grief and depression way down deep. That’s the worst thing to do. Then at the end of September my patient passed away unexpectedly from an allergic reaction to a new medicine. I had been helping to take care of him for several years. The grief and depression that I had buried for all those months had resurfaced and intensified. I started drinking, was contemplating suicide, and my grades at school started dropping. Then one night at the first part of December the depression got to the point I was ready to end my life to escape the pain. I grabbed a bottle of Scotch out of the cabinet and drove out to the family cementary where my fiance was buried. I sat down on his grave and proceeded to drink the entire bottle of Scotch and then I laid down hoping to die from alcohol poisoning and exposure. The mustang that caused Rhett’s death walked up to me and started nuzzling me. When I didn’t respond he laid down beside me and kept me warm all night. The next morning I woke up with a monster hangover but alive thanks to the mustang. I also woke up with a new outlook on my life. I stopped drinking and I started working on my depression and my grades. I will be graduating the first of February with my Associate’s degree in Health Sciences. I know that Rhett and Ben are proud of me and love me. I feel that the mustang was God saving me from myself.

these are wonderful stories and are an inspiration to me. I am a Mormon and our church is being maligned at the present but I have a deep an abiding belief in Christ thou some may consider it unconventinal. I feel His presence often, read the scriptures and pray daily and always try to follow His will by serving those in need. What would life be like without Him as our never ending source of comfort and peace.

My “Saving Grace” moment occurred due to Hurricane Katrina. I had retired from the USAF in ’91 on the Mississippi Gulf Coast with my then husband. We were growing apart, my dad and two of my closest friends had died. I went to the casinos for what I thought was entertainment and being around people while wanting to be alone. Within just a few months I went from going once or twice a month to weekly then daily to play video poker. Initially, I took only $20-$30 with me, and if I lost it, I went home. Then one day I won $1199, and was thrilled. My gambling turned from entertainment to compulsive in a very short time. I went every chance I got, taking cash advances on credit cards. Within just a few months, my credit card debt was over $37K, so I took money out of my IRA to pay off the debt. Then within an even shorter time, it was more than before, so I cashed in the remainder of my IRA to pay of the debt, all the time telling myself I would not do this again. I tried to stay away, but couldn’t. It got to where I was writing hot checks, stealing money from my husband’s accounts by forging his signature, pawning jewelry, walking the casinos to see if anyone had dropped tokens, and many things totally out of character. I tried Gamblers Anonymous, but kept going back to gambling. I even went to an in-patient treatment center in Louisiana, but as I was driving there, stopped and lost $600 at a video poker stop. My husband came to the final day of treatment to tell me he wanted a divorce. He had never thought it an addiction, just irrespon-
sibility. Our divorce was final Christmas Eve 2003. I was living with my Mother, who’d moved down from Dallas and built a house in Bay St. Louis. I had my suicide all planned to look like an accident–to drive on a dangerous two-lane highway and run off the road at one of the curves and hit a tree. Then in August 2005, Katrina took a turn and grew from a Class 2 to 5 hurricane on the Saturday before she hit.
We were already packed and left for Dallas that afternoon. I knew in my heart it would be the last time we would see our home. We lost the home and all contents, and the homeowners claim with Nationwide was denied. But through the tragedy, I found the blessing and grace of our Heavenly Father who showed me material things are insignificant, led me away from the casinos, reunited us with my brother, reunited me with my childhood church, provided human angels who donated money and items we couldn’t afford at the time, and provided us with an apartment when so few were available. My Mother had a malignant tumor,
and the medical facilities were available that would not have been in MS. Our lives are full of blessings now—we just purchased a modest, but comfortable home, and I am Mother’s caregiver. God teaches lessons
in many ways, but it is up to us to listen and learn. More importantly
we must see and feel the blessings He gives us even in adversity. I am active in my church, and I praise God and Jesus daily for their forgiveness and grace. They were always with me; it was I who had turned away. They patiently waited for me to return to them, and I will never turn away again. Although most perceive that I lost everything–my 20-yr marriage, hundreds of thousands of dollars, my integrity, and most of my friends–I had lost my self, and now I am found with purpose and a happy heart, through the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Thank you for letting me share–I pray this helps other addicts see they are not alone. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

I have read all the postings thus far. We all have angels working in our lives through the Heavenly Father’s guidance and grace. I watch “Saving Grace” faithfully, even the re-runs. There are many of life’s lessons revealed in this series, and everytime I see an episode, new or re-run, I learn something new about life and how God works in our lives.

I was 13th the first time I purged. I didn´t know what bulimia was, I just felt that I had eaten too much and I couldn´t afford getting fat.
The first time I saw everything I purged I couldn´t believe the amount I ate. I felt relieved to throw all that out of my body. By the time I was 18th I was purging up to 4 times a day. By then I was skinny and I was very good at keeping my secret. I was an expert at cleaning toilets and purging with ease. I would drive home from school looking forward to buying a big bag of peanut M&Ms, grabing a good book, and reading it in my bed. It didn´t matter if it was midday and sunny outside. I had everything I needed inside. And it would have been paradise but half an hour later I would feel miserable, unworthy, and I would ask god for forgiveness only to do it again, and again…and again.
I had asked my mother for a shrink when I was 15th but she told me there was nothing wrong with me. She thought I was a perfect girl. But at 21st, tired of living in hell, I confessed to my parents the truth. With their help I found a therapist specialized in eating disorders, and I finally began to see the light. The light wasn´t a big bright bulb at the end of a tunnel, the light was understanding me and my life. Really slowly, I was able to see me and what was happening around me. And when I opened my eyes and had the courage to face my surroundings, it wasn´t pretty. I realized I was living with grief and fear. The bulimia was just a big pair of sun glasses covering what I didnt want to see. I had buried my only brother when I was 12th, and I had never properly grieved him for fear of causing more pain to my mom. And though I had a good life and we were rich, my father verbally abused and terrorized my submissive mother and me every single day.
It took me sometime to understand and forgive, not only myself but my parents too. But I did, and I healed and moved on. My mother died young, my father is still his same old self, but surprisingly so, last year when I was ill, he was the one to help me the most. I can never thank him enough. Go figure. The world does turn around.

My Saving Grace Moment
I had lived in abusive relationship for over 5 years. The untold horror of what me and my small child went through was undescribable.
Not only was my husband abusing me we lived next door to his mother and his brother lived on the other side of us. They all had there hands in the pot too. I got the brunt of it and protected my little one.
During the marriage, I got rare form of breast cancer upon diagnoses I was automatically put at a stage 3B. My husband told me that I had only 6 months to live and that is what a person at John Hopkins told him. I later found out that my husband was lying and was telling me that to plant the seed and let it grow because he said he hated me and wanted me to die and only wanted Taylor our daughter for his mother.
But you see, I had a 2 y.o. who inspired me and made me fight and pray and love to no endless bounds. My husband and his family were abused people, they lived by the code of meaness, anger, and hate. It was hard for me to live in that situation during cancer treatments. I prayed for love, healing and grace to handle these problems. No matter what I did how I did it I was always wrong, bad, loser, insert your own negative word here. It was always a no win situation with a high price to pay.
The fifth year into our marriage, I had later found out my husband had been having affairs, not only was he drug addict and a alcholic he was doing this. He called the cops and pulled a psych order on me. For over 13 hours I stood in a room naked waiting to get the ok that I was normal.
I was forced to live next door to my inlaw while my husband moved in with his mother till the lease was up. They took great joy in tormenting me and my child. My husband had a Sheriff friend and would fabricate a story about something I had done and would call him so it would go on the record for court. His friend had no problem
man handling me with his handcuffs and abusing his authority. He and his mother snuck into my house trashed it and took pictures to court with them to show that I was incapable of taking care of my daughter. I had lived all over the world in my younger days and had collected many things. During the times I was away they came in and just took all of my memories. They planted pot in my house. They lied in court about my ability to take care of my daughter and how abusive I was. There are so many things I could tell you that would roll your eyes and thank God that you have the life you have now but it would fill a book.
I was finally able to move out to a low income housing area. My husband refused to pay alimony and child support. My father went back to work at 70 to help me pay the bills. You ask why wasn’t I working? Right after moving in and being cancer free for 3.5 years the cancer returned. I had two long hospital stays and at one point died and came back. To this day I do not see dying as an option, someone has to be around to show my daugther what love, kindness, peace, and grace is.
It is normal in our state for a divorce to take only 1 year at most. My husband dragged it out for two years as the judge had said “undue tortuous burden” and to a tune of over 100k in debt. It didn’t matter, I would do anything to save my child. The day the divorce finally came is when my “Saving Grace” moment came. I had prayers being said in Maryland, Colorado, Florida, Illinois, and Texas. I entered the court room in such a State of Grace is was amazing. The feeling was indescriable. There was no fear, anger, negative feelings, tears, anxiety, depression, nothing. What I had was love, peace, understanding, guidance, and I felt a warm glow all around me.
The trial was over eight hours long with me on the stand for almost 4 hours. Nothing could penetrate my positive and loving light that was inside of me and surrounded me with such impenetrable strength, wisdom, and truth.
My husband decided to be his own attorney and when he questioned me he actually yelled and belittled me to the extent the court would allow. It had no affect. I was filled with such grace and love that nothing was able to knock me off my center. I left the court a winner. We actually made court precedence in the state. I felt no one up manship, or happiness at my ex’s great loss or justification for it. I felt peace, grace and surrounded by unconditional love of the most complete kind. I felt pity for a man and his family that would never be able to feel these emotions and rise above their dysfunction.
I am still battling the visitation my daughter has with her father and his mother and the abusive she suffers. But I have received several how do you say it? Signals, signs that all will be all right.

(NOT ANOTHER ENTRY, THERESE …)
Michele:
This is very important …
Have you tried the state mediation program in Mississippi? I don’t know the number off-hand, but if you call the Department of Insurance/Insurance Commissioner’s office in Jackson, they should be able to help you. AT NO COST.
You are entitled by law to get a hearing, at least before a neutral mediator, to force Nationwide to tell you that your damage was storm surge and not wind and to give their evidence. And you are allowed to present your own evidence through the mediator to Nationwide that your damage was wind and not storm surge. As far as I know, the statute of limitations has not passed on such filings regarding Katrina.
You may also be eligible to join the class action suit that I believe Richard Scruggs has started. Isn’t his office in Pascagoula?
I’m not meaning to minimize the spiritual rebirth that Katrina gave you in terms of perspective on life, and I am so happy for you. But it seems like there are at least a couple of ways to try to get back some of what the horrible storm took from you materially, as well.
All the best, Larry

My “moment of grace” occured while answering some very probing questions. I just turned 60, am happily married to my high school sweetheart, raised five daughters, have a Master’s Degree and have been blessed to work as a Pastoral Associate for almost 15 years. There is only one part of my life where I have been a miserable failure: weight loss. At my highest, I was carrying 250 lbs. on a 5’3′ frame. On January 2nd, 2007, I began a program in Overeater’s Anonymous called HOW (Honest, Open, and Willing) that comes with an amazingly healthy food plan. I have now released 75 of the 110 lbs. I plan to shed and I know that I will NEVER be heavy again. The paradigm shift, the grace-filled moment came as I answered 30 personal questions taken from the AA Big Book, which are part of the program. In honestly looking at myself, I came to understand that I am an addict who is just as enslaved by my little white powder (white flour and sugar) as any cocaine junkie is to his crack. The other light-bulb moment was realizing the reason for years of failure. Life is full of “special occasions.” I’d do well on my latest diet and then a special occasion would come along and I’d think, “Well, I HAVE to eat that cake,” and the cravings for more bad carbs would be set in unstoppable motion. Last night, I attended an annual Christmas party where I used to spend all my time grazing. I ate before I went this time, and thouroughly enjoyed visiting instead. Thank You God for this miraculous enlightenment!

Amazing Grace was the song I sang to a child Inannied, just before I would put her down for her nap. Holding their sweet little miracle would give me little glimpses of love, and ward off the pain that I could not have a child of my own. When I read over my journal notes I realize that while on the outside I put on a really good front on the inside I was a wreck. The only thing that kept me remotely sane was what I refer to as “a knowing”, admist the pain of childlessness, I knew someday God would bring me my child. I just couldn’t imagine how. We couldn’t concieve, we couldn’t afford an agency adoption ($40,000+), and foster to adopt just worried my husband too much. My lifes dream seemed impossible, but I faked a smile and continued to work away thru the pain. Weekends I designed wedding flowers helping build happy new lives and during the week I raised two precious children that belonged to another family. I convienced myself my life was good enough and I could live w/ my gapping hole. After 12 years of disappointing tests and dark depressing nights I tried to live with my infertility, being insane benifited no one, especially me, and sitting with what God was doing in my life was really all I could do. Any one who has ever HAD TO SIT with something knows that the days are long and intolerable most of the time. Then on my brother-in-laws birthday life changed.
A young man I worked with shared his pending fatherhood. After a brief dicussion, I became aware that he was far from feeling ready, and further discussion led me to believe his girlfriend may not be either. I offered as a friend to visit with her. Another of Gods lessons had been to place me many times in the lives of young women who had suprise pregnancies, and hold their hands thru there choices. I prepared myself mentally for this task once again. But this time was different, she was much further along than I expected and had already done a considerable amount of processing. She had decided that adoption felt like the right choice for her child. she wanted her child to have a mother and father available at all times. We started going to lunch together, and filled our conversations with what God was, what spirit was, how every cloud had a silver lining and nothing was hopeless. She would share with me, what the agencies offered her as compensation. I knew I had nothing to bring to the table because the law prohibits it, so i just listened. if she was considering us, all I had was me, and my spirit. While she was on a return trip home to see her mother and discuss her options further, we went to see a lawyer, and find out if we could even afford a private adoption. This is the part where you realize that God is doing something. The cost for lawyer fees was the exact amount we had in cash value for an old life insurance policy my decieced father in law had taken out on my husband. A gift from beyond we had just learned about months before when Dad died. The air grew thick with waiting. She returned and asked us to dinner the next week. After a lovely meal, conversation, games & desert. I asked her if she had come to some decision, her voice had sounded so clear and happy after visiting her mom, I felt she was resolved about something. She explained that after much soul searching she felt adoption was the best choice, and if she had to she would go to an agency. I felt my heart literally fill my big toe. Then she said, that she didn’t feel right about an agency and believed that my husband and I had been brought into thier lives because we were the babies parents and if we wanted her it was thier wish that we adopt her. There was an overwhelming YES! Then we shared that it happened to be our 12th wedding anniversary that day. We were all beyond delighted. I should add that my husband suffered from very dark spells as well,especially after his fathers death and the events that began to unfold felt surreal to two people who questioned thier worthiness.
So the count down began. We told ourselves daily if they changed their minds it was okay and Gods will, but with each passing week we prickled with excitement. We met after every doctors visit, we started cooking meals at each others house, because law once again prohibited me from buying lunch out. Buying babies for burritos was our ongoing joke because she craved Mexican food. Seven weeks later the call came and she was on the way. I called my mother and she flew like a bat out of Haites to get to the hospital. After a quick check in with the birthparents, mom reminded me it was her 30th wedding anniversary to my adopted father that day. Syncronisity or GOD?
After the longest 15 min. of my life from the time I heard her tiny little cry in the hallway, our birth daddy summoned us into the room and my little saving grace was placed in my arms by her birth mommy. My miracle had arrived, and the biggest suprise of all, I recognized her. She was the child in my heart, Danielle. She was the child I had been journaling to for years and years. On Dec. 19th that year we celebrated the finalization of our adoption. Our daughter was nothing short of a miracle for us, and she changed our lives for the better in ways I can’t even begin to explain, as if someone had come into the dark little house we occupied and tore open the curtains and windows. We refered to her as a bright light, near blinding.
Her birthparents remain in our lives, though they are living in seperate cities now, we still talk as much as possible. they feel like sibling to my husband and I. We adore them for all they brought into our lives, their faith in us, their gracious hearts and of course our angel. A few years back during Katrina, our birth mommy got caught in the storm, and when she was able to get out we picked her up in Houston. She stayed with us for a month or two before going home to New Orleans. We talked constantly about the adoption choice and she said repeatedly that she knew it was the best thing she had ever done in her life, one of her proudest and most painful moments. And it was so rewarding to see her with our girl. they would sit and hug, talk, and my daughter found a way to wear every shoe her mommy had escaped with. (which helped me understand her shoe obsession, I didn’t know a fleeing person could have so many shoes!)
She was Gods promise to me and my husband, she was Gods promise to two sets of grandmothers who have no other grandchildren. She is a great source of pride for her birth parents as her brilliant little brain continues to amazing everyone. She is a light in our little community as she skips thru our town and entertains all at church and community theatre. She is the light of so many lives that it has become apparent to me that she saved many souls. She somehow renews the spirit and gives hope that God must have good plans if He chose to bring such a bright spirit forward to touch every life she comes in contact with. It is not just parental pride that causes me to make such statements. I am her mother, and have been for eternity, but she is the star here. She told me once when she was three that it was birth mommies gift to us to bring our souls back together. She guides us all and gives us renewed hope in the miracles that God can preform when one choses to pay attention and practice patience. I thank God everyday for His blessings in my life, and the baby I could finally sing Amazing Grace to and be there in the morning when she woke up.
Every year around Dec. 19th we go to school and do a little story for her class on how adoption is a great way to grow a family. It’s our favorite lesson! Thanks for letting me share our story this year(due to schedualing we had to postpone it this years story telling until the 1st of the January), it’s been awaile and I forget the details sometimes, it really is still my favorite story. Someday her birthmother and I hope to cross our journal notes and tell the story for all mommies out there who are waiting and wondering. In the mean time our little star will continue to write her own story. Stay tuned its going to be Amazing!

I think you write very good article I agree with the views and ideas! Second, the article gave me the feeling is very large, so I learned a lot of knowledge. Very grateful to the author’s share. I also like Full Color Screen and LED tunnel light very much , very much !too.

Very happy to see your article, I very much to like and agree with your point of view. Thank you for sharing. At the same time,i love
LED tunnel lamp led moving sign very much .Welcome to look at my website and blog articles.Hope we can become good friends, and exchange and to help each other! Thanks!!
Are pleased to re-visit your blog, from which I learned a lot of knowledge, and totally agree with your point of view, I hope you can be the exhibitions, once again thank you for sharing such a wonderful text. I will wait to see what’s! Thank you!i love
LED tunnel lamp very much .

thanks for your share

It’s good that we can receive the personal loans moreover, that opens up new opportunities.