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As I read about Britney’s hospitalization last week, her increasingly erratic and bizarre behavior, and her deteriorating mental and physical health, I react with the simultaneous disgust and sympathy that most people (who have a heart) do: “Get some sense, woman!” and “God, I feel for you, woman.”
Because, even as I’m disheartened by her decisions, I realize, on some level, that she is sick. So very sick. As reader Cathy eloquently said in response to my earlier Britney post: “She has no sense of herself in the world anymore.”
When I was a sophomore in college, my therapist suggested I read Colette Dowling’s book “You Mean I Don’t Have to Feel That Way?” It forever changed the way I viewed mental illness, alcoholism, and the relationship between the two.
Early in chapter seven, “When Sobriety Isn’t Enough,” she quotes Daniel Goleman, who back in 1990 was a science writer at The New York Times:
For several years, scientists have suspected that at least some drug addicts suffer imbalanced in brain chemistry that made them vulnerable to depression, anxiety or intense restlessness. For such people, addiction becomes a kind of self-medication in which drugs correct the chemical imbalance and bring a sort of relief.
Dowling goes on to say that scientists believe that identifying an underlying psychiatric disorder and intervening medically will help treat the addiction as well as the disorder. After reading the following paragraph I finally understood why I craved booze from the time I experienced my first buzz, and what that had to do with the biological underpinnings of my depression:
Scientists think that in predisposed humans the production of endorphins and enkephalins in the brain is abnormally low from birth. Low levels of these mood-regulating chemicals result in anxiety and a feeling of need that is extremely uncomfortable. It is this bad feeling that makes people susceptible to the brief mood-lifts provided by drinking and drug taking. They are not really look for euphoria. What they long for, what their bodies are trying to achieve, is the state of chemical balance that those of us enjoy who are fortunate to have enough neurotransmitters in the first place.
The fact that the two—addiction and mental illness—are codependent is no surprise. What’s complicated is how to treat a person with a dual diagnosis because the treatment cultures are so different. According to Dr. Ken Duckworth, M.D, who I interviewed for my Friday series “How Do You Move Beyond Blue?” it sucks to be a family member of a person who is simultaneously suffering from addiction and a mood disorder (he didn’t use those words) because in the substance abuse culture, the person is generally viewed as the agent of the problem and are held accountable for their relapses (“Dude: get it together!!!”) but in the mental illness culture, the person is regarded as the victim of her illness (“Baby doll: come to mama”).
Thus our divorced, disconnected response: “Get it Together! Come to Mama!”
Says Duckworth:
Now what I have experienced, when the person has both substance abuse and a mental illness, people don’t know how much to do for the person, and how much to have them be accountable, and to have them learn from their mistakes because in this case, when you have both together, the mistakes could easily be lethal.
You can see this dichotomy. And when I work with families dealing with both conditions, my heart really goes out to them because in the AA world, and in the substance abuse culture, they are encouraged to have the person hit bottom and be accountable, but that’s not the case in the mental health world.
Once you throw in the stigma of mental illness, you get even more confused. I can hear the conversations among all of Britney’s peeps in Hollywood (talent agents, public relations folks): “God no, not bipolar. Let’s stick with addiction. I agree, addiction is much better. People get addiction.”
When I stopped drinking in high school, I had no problem telling people I didn’t drink. All I had to say was that the same phenomenon that happened in Michael Jackson’s music video “Thriller” would happen to me when I drank large quanties of alcohol: I grew chest hair, my nails curled, and I’d do stupid things like provoke cat fights in bars.
“Oh … cool,” was the response. I got a few raised eyebrows, but nothing like when I drop the B word: bipolar.
“Ack! You BELIEVE in bipolar???! We all know that’s a make-believe diagnosis for people who can’t get beyond their childhood crap, are too sensitive to function in this world, or don’t know how to properly train their thoughts. Really, just swallow some fish-oil capsules, get yourself to yoga, focus on your blessings, and you’ll be fine!!!”
What’s really fun for me to watch, as a person afflicted by both addiction and bipolar disorder, is when the “experts” like Dr. Phil weigh in. I’m intrigued by the diagnoses and treatment plans thrown out for the same reason we, as a culture, are obsessed with this stuff: we get to see on national TV the familiar struggles we fight within ourselves and with family members every day.
But, in fairness to Hollywood, just when I can’t stand to read another tabloid story, I’ll stumble onto a gem like Craig Ferguson’s poignant monologue on the topic, which I’ll sum up with the words: “There but by the grace of God, go I.”
That, in my opinion, is the best response of all.
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Previous Posts
Therapy Thursday: Sweat
posted 6:01:57am Feb. 09, 2012 | read full post »
Scrupulosity: What It Is and Why It's Dangerous
posted 6:17:35am Feb. 07, 2012 | read full post »
The Treasures of Darkness
posted 6:06:40am Feb. 06, 2012 | read full post »
On Groundhog Day: 12 Winter Depression Busters
posted 6:30:47am Feb. 02, 2012 | read full post »
6 Ways to Stay Resilient in Stress
posted 6:00:24am Jan. 31, 2012 | read full post » |
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Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
Meet others on the journey in
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Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
posted January 7, 2008 at 5:24 pm
You had catfights in bars as a teen-ager? Cool. (NOT!!!!!!)
I was just sloppy, falling-down, sleepy, morose and depressed. As if the very disease I was trying to suppress with a (semi-)legal drug was in fact emerging due to it.
That Craig Ferguson video on alcoholism is one of the most touchingly funny things ever — he brings the laughter on himself yet is brutally honest.
I wish he’d spoken about mental illness too, though. We live in a society where people laugh at Tom Cruise — but secretly believe him.
posted January 7, 2008 at 5:51 pm
re: “I wish he’d spoken about mental illness too, though. We live in a society where people laugh at Tom Cruise — but secretly believe him.”
Posted by: Larry Parker | January 7, 2008 5:24 PM
ok, you got me…. believe him about what?? (see, I don’t even listen to him)
Cully
posted January 7, 2008 at 6:27 pm
His Scientologist beliefs about depression — and his attack on Brooke Shields for taking antidepressants.
(But hey, Cully, I have to applaud you for being out of touch with Hollywood. That’s a good thing!)
posted January 7, 2008 at 7:59 pm
I feel for the poor thing. When I recall how mixed up I felt at her age, without the burdens of fame, early marriage, children, and a messed-up family, I marvel that it hasn’t happened before now. I just want to give her a hug.
posted January 7, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Wow. I was reading the blog “dooce” for the first time a few moments ago, and specifically an archived post about post-partum depression. For those of us who struggle anyway, the act of creating, growing and birthing a child can truly wreak havoc far beyond the “usual.”
And when in my mind I combine THAT (in Spears’ case twice over, in a short period, even!) with BP (which my brother was diagnosed with after decades of struggle)… and the unique stresses of international fame at such a young age…. I can only gasp with what she has gone through. It’s been quite the sport, the way people (ahem, entertainment “news” programs) have been snarkily following — and dare I say, contributing to — the downward spiral of Spears, and I hope they back off. I find myself actually thinking, “wow this kid is a fighter, if only b/c *I* would have fallen inexorably over the edge long ago.
posted January 7, 2008 at 8:47 pm
In view of all the dreadful happenings which so routinely occur in our world and with so many deprived and suffering people shuffling off the mortal coil by the minute, to observe that everyone is so centered upon Speers, including 24 hour news channels, results in my feeling irate. So, she is mentally ill? OK, join the club, already, is how I feel! What the heck is all this celebrity worship and adulation? There are thousands of people roaming the streets, all over, who are deserving of equal interest because they suffer from the same! At *least* she might serve to make mental illness popular, come to think of it!
posted January 7, 2008 at 9:37 pm
I like the last post…Britney, a poster child for Bipolar Disorder as well as a spokes person for Abilify or one of the wonder drugs. Let her use her celebrity to help others. She chose to live in the fishbowl….
posted January 7, 2008 at 11:03 pm
I’ve never been a Britney fan, but I am now.
She has to do what most of us get to do in the privacy of our own homes.
Her new song “You Want a Piece of This?” only makes me cluck my tongue and tap my feet at those folks who want to see her sink further. This gal is a scrapper and deserves a lot more credit then I think she gets.
I harken to Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing”…my Ally McBeal style, life anthem!
I don’t know why I have taken an interest in her. Maybe something Gloria Steinman wrote about in “The Revolution From Within”–she wrote about how as mature women, we need to embrace and support the younger woman across the room and give them space to make mistakes.
Gloria didn’t say anything about being judgie.
She’s so darn cool, that bra-burning-she’s-in-her-sixties-and-she’s-still-a-babe, feminist.
I have had a few marvelous discussions with my children about Britney. Is she a role model? Is she human? Is she –like all of–capable of monumental mistakes and deserving of compassion?
I’m going to forgo connecting any dots and hope that she lands on her feet with grace and style, in a way that a young, inexperienced 20-something should.
Thank God people weren’t cheering against me when I was at my lowest.
posted January 7, 2008 at 11:21 pm
“Depression Can Be Treated, Depression Can Be Defeated”
“Happiness Is Cool. Happiness RULES”
Just as there is a part of our brain that controls our heart rate, body temperature, and breathing, there is a part that controls our moods and emotions. Some people require medication to help control their blood-sugar level. Some people require medication to help regulate their moods and emotions. Our bodies don’t always function perfectly every hour of every day. That’s why we need science and medicine to live better, more productive lives. Society will accept a malfunctioning pancreas or kidney more than it will accept a malfunctioning brain. It accepts that we don’t have full control over some organs, but not the brain. It’s time that common sense became more common in this world. My best hours are spent with my “Sane Circle of Friends”. Some are near, some far away. I can always count on them to lift me up and allow me to live in a better world.
WiseSteven
posted January 7, 2008 at 11:44 pm
chatter:
“I’m Still Standing” — great anthem!
Though I might choose “Solsbury Hill” or “Unwritten” myself.
(“Oops I Did It Again” might be a little inappropriate in this context, though …)
posted January 8, 2008 at 12:16 am
I’m sweating from the Craig Ferguson monologue I hadn’t heard before.
I also saw anew how difficult the addiction vs mental illness thing is when I read Therese’s post.
I see how I’ve been hiding behind the addiction label when I’ve been suffering from the mental health problems.
In the end, I haven’t been properly treated for either problem.
wow.
posted January 8, 2008 at 12:32 am
and thank you Therese, Craig Ferguson, Britney Spears, and all of you here for the insight that came a few minutes ago.
As for theme songs… even though I also chose “Solsbury Hill” for many years as mine and have a deep love for Peter Gabriel, I’d say my real one is either the Fuzzy and Blue song that Grover sings or Amazing Grace no matter who sings it.
posted January 8, 2008 at 12:39 am
OOps i did it again. Holed up all day, hid from the world and I feel like c—. depressed, guilty, anxious. I can’t imagine how tough it would be living in that fish bowl. If all my screw ups were played out on national TV and tabloids I don’t know how I would survive. A “friend” called and asked if I went to work today, I stuttered and stammered about being sick, and felt worse. What if there was a camera crew outside my door speculating about such things?
posted January 8, 2008 at 1:28 am
Marquous,
That’s called “empathy, my cyberfriend; something tis world doen’t seen to practice a whole lot anymore. As I said in response to There’s last post on Britney, I fear thar before long the media will end up creating ann end similar to that of the late Princess Diana, who was also a membe of our not-so-exclusive club and had to see her very personal struggles played out it the media
“How many roads must a (wo)man walk down before you can call her a (wo)man….(With apologies to the great Bob Dylan)…”When will they ever learn, when will they ever learn? I grant you that britney has in some ways courted this coverage, but I doubt very seriously if she’s invited ALL of it, especially the speculations.
posted January 8, 2008 at 7:44 am
I wish the best for Britney. Let’s not judge, lest we be judged. Richard
posted January 8, 2008 at 10:45 am
I advocate giving Britney all of our love and support! She was gifted with incredible beauty, talent and personality, but with all of the demands on her, I think she may have forgotten to take care of “Britney” in the process. Now, she is “crying out for Love” and likely wants to be accepted as just a person, with faults and shortcomings, just like the rest of us. I think she deserves that.
I offer Britney all the love and support that I have and I encourage everyone to do the same. When she “gets it” that she is loved no matter what, when people in her life take the time to meet her needs and perhaps with some assistance from counselors, etc., she can fully recover. Once through this crisis, she will again be able to deliver “Britney” to her fans, give appropriately to her children, and still have something left over for herself as well.
posted January 8, 2008 at 11:04 am
I only wonder if my life had been spotlighted and published for all the world to see, how my journey would have appeared. Thankfully, I was allowed to make my mistakes with little notice and little remark.
My prayers go out to Britney and all other children of God who are lost and cannot find her way. Who knows she may end up finding her way and provide inspiration to many others that are lost.
Love one another,
Doyle
posted January 8, 2008 at 11:52 am
Britney is the poster child of bipolar people who fuck around and fail to deal with their illness. Yeah, it’s an illness. But if the individual chooses to drink and fuck off instead of seeking treatment, it becomes a self-propelled problem.
The best thing would be for that ditzy bimbo to grow up and take some responsibility for herself. “Poor Britney”, my ass.
posted January 8, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Mozena, so well said! How can anyone judge her behaviour to be much more bizarre now, in contast to her behaviour when she was worshipfully considered to be “well!?” Lord! How people permit and encourage American entertainers to get away with with *everything.*
posted January 8, 2008 at 1:12 pm
(((Mark)))
And you’re right about the camera crews — I have my own story about that, about a public figure even more unsympathetic (at the time) than Britney is now, I can share off-line. (Didn’t involve mental illness, so it’s not really on-topic.)
Jill, you’re right about the cult of celebrity both contributing to and enabling the problems of Britney and so many others. But given what we’ve learned about Britney’s dysfunctional family just in the last few weeks, I give Britney a touch more mercy.
posted January 8, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Mozena, clean up your language as it brings everyone down to your low level of expression.
There’s no character in the “f” word. It’s just a base, angry word meant to shock.
I notice most of the greatest writers in the world don’t use gutter language to express some of the most devastating, angry, bitter or equally joyful, euphoric and uplifting thoughts written on paper.
Again, please leave the nasty language for other blogs.
Thank you.
posted January 8, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Paula,
Totally agree with about the gutter language,there is without a doubt no place for it here.How can anyone be so angry at a person they don’t even know!! Brittney is no different on the inside than any of the rest of us……ill and suffering extreme pain. Me thinks Mozena and Giliana need to walk a mile in Brittneys moccasins before they so cruely judge her.Does it make people feel superior to bash others,when,as all of us here are aware of,all of us have undoubtedly said and done things in the course of our ilnesses that we regret. I say leave the girl alone,she deserves the chance at recovery without the whole world recording and commenting on her every move.Those cruel and judgemental comments above,seem to be made by someone in denial and need to see a therapist asap!! Maybe those awful words would be better posted on myspace or some other teenaged based blog,where people ‘just don’t get it!!’
posted January 8, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Touche, Patricia!
Paula
posted January 8, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Brittney: wasn’t she first promoted as “wholesome?” Seems like she was. I feel sorry for her. She has always courted the press and attention, and still seems to be doing so. Now it comes back to bite her. She reminds me of a high-speed water craft without rudder control. A crash is gonna happen.
Ah…the public loves stories like this where they can feel so superior to to these wigged-out Hollyweird types. If you ever read an online story about her, the comments following are vicious. Celebrity-watching as blood-sport. Saw the Craig Ferguson monolog just after it was posted on you-tube. Very classy. Wish I could stay up late to watch the show. I hope that Brittney’s story doesn’t get any more tragic than it already is.
posted January 8, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Have come to the conclusion that the best thing that we can do for Britney and her family is to pray for her conversion, that she will realize that she shows no love for her children by not getting help. If she wants to be a legend, show the world how a God can take a shipwrecked life spinning out of control and make it all right again. All Britney needs to do is surrender to Jesus Christ and ask Him to be the Lord of Her life.
Britney would make a great Christian Singer or a Great comeback story,Hollywood is toxic for Britney. Faith and turning to God, realizing that the void she is trying to fill in her life can only be filled by God our Loving Creator and His son Jesus Christ through the Power of the Holy Spirit, the Spirit and source of all Love.
posted January 9, 2008 at 5:11 am
As a mother, every highlight of anothers pain to serve our own false superiority is a disgrace. There is no need to heighten the fear and guilt. Honor the path she has taken as we are not in a direct way to intercede. Pray..of course. Write her a letter…might help. As for me,
I trust with all my heart that Britney and anyone else labeled addicted,mentally ill or just plain stupid will find their way…even a way that we as a society deem “right”. My heart is with all of you struggling with your path and if Britney’s story is uncomfortably close to your own, may you find something useful in it. And Britney…if you are reading this…consider looking within for what you need. I honor you and love you
Peace unto all
posted January 9, 2008 at 9:44 am
Re; John ” All Britney needs to do is surrender to Jesus Christ and ask Him to be the Lord of her life.” Surely that is’nt all she needs to do but it’s a great start!
posted January 9, 2008 at 1:11 pm
After getting into AA, after suffering 25 years of drinking, one thing that seems to stand out continueously is that due to a chemical imbalance in our brains (be it caused by imbalanced chemicals, imbalanced memories, imbalanced thoughts, etc.) we self-medicate ourselves to ease the pain.
The other thing is that all of us have turned to alcohol to self-medicate ourselves because we “don’t fit” into what the world considers normal. I know fit into the world of AA.
Yes, AA encourages us to hit bottom and be accountable BUT that hitting bottom can be a very dangerous area. It is a very thin line when we hit bottom if we try going up or ending it all. Many have ended their lives (I came close) rather then try to find out what really is wrong with us.
I am thankful AA didn’t ask me to become accountable until the 4th step when I had to do a moral inventory of myself. If my home group had mentioned that during the first few months…forget it I was going back into the pit of despair.
It took me 2 1/2 years before it finally was a “requirement” of my home group to do my 4th step (I don’t recommend that to anyone) but I kept slipping and 2 members refused to give up on me.
I laugh now but I can see how my small group (only 15 of us) worked behind my back so that when it was time for my 4th step there was nothing I could say to argue with their suggestions.
After I had been around the group weekly for 3 months – they started “rotating” their seating so that they would sit with me at twice a month and got to know “how I processed things in my head”.
Sneaky little devils I have often called my sponsors for they had arranged the rotation just as they had arranged me sharing my 4th step with them first THEN started bugging me to share it with my homegroup, 4 members at a time. THEN started bugging me to stand up at my homegroup and share my inventory with everyone at once.
I admit…this is not normal AA members or sponsorship etc. but they have found this to be very effective when they realize someone really wants to get their sh** together but fear stops them from doing so.
I will always and forever be in debt to my sponsors and my homegroup for each and everyone of them has told me that the more I shared my inventory with them and others…the more my emotional unstableness would balance itself out for I have faced my fears and won.
It is because of my homegroup never giving up on me and their “antics” to get me to work the program that I seldom need medications (some mental illnesses require them for life), my depression seldom flairs up, I do 12 step work regularly and not only accept but offer to do service work whereever it may be required no matter what may be required.
Nancy a.k.a. sixlittlekitties
posted January 10, 2008 at 10:48 pm
The poor kid! She is obviously having a nervous breakdown and seems to me that no one cares how sad. That so called man she married didn’t care either I think he was a complete gold digger and rode on her coat tails to try to gain fame and recognition. I think that he broke her heart. She could be suffering from post partum depression also. It breaks my heart to see that no one around her seems to care about helping her especially her own mother. She is in my prayers and I hope that someone will step up and help that poor child.
posted January 11, 2008 at 2:24 am
Well, I feel for Britney & her family. My daughter has been a true fan even still now. Britney needs to want to help herself or else nothing will ever work. She needs to mend her relationship with her Mom and let her back into her life so she can help get her through this. As far as her ex, I think he is just taking advantage of a low time in Britney’s life and is selfishly not trying to help her but hurt her as much as he can. He sure kissed up to her in the beginning, that’s why he is where he is now all because of her. Prior to Britney being in his life he was a nobody spectacular!I think her life spiralled downwards when she got together with him and well the rest is history.I can imagine how hard it is to be in the spotlight all the time and how it takes a toll on some people,but Britney needs to know that a lot of people love her and a lot of people are praying for her and God is the only salvation for her. I hope that she gets better so she can be on top of the world again. As far as her ex and anyone else trying to crush her, I hope that they come to there senses and show some compassion and realize that they are not perfect either, so who are we to judge?
posted January 11, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Nobody really knows what happened between Brittney and KFed( or whatever they call him) except them!Again people bash him and accuse him of causing Brittneys meltdown because that’s what the media is portraying!Did it ever dawn on anyone that it was her illness that caused the breakup in the first place and maybe he DID try to get help for her,and becuse of her denial (?) he really was thinking of the well-being of the little guys? Is it really about just ‘cashing in’ on her fame or did he know that she was headed for a breakdown way before it became a household topic? Just a thought,don’t think it is right to judge before knowing all the facts,if it is any of the pubic business at all.Eveybody involved are human beings first and foremost and private matters should be private and being a ‘star’ should make no difference. They should be able to make public what they so choose to make public,but society doesn’t allow that.Hopefully it will die down soon,unfortunatly probably at the expense of another troubled ‘star’,is the public so self-rightous and bored with their own lives that ‘kick ‘em when their down’ is now the norm? In this case I have to admit that I am one of those folks who ‘just don’t get it!’.
posted January 12, 2008 at 7:13 am
I know that no matter what we do, God love us. Just remember to keep Brittney in our prayer. We look at man outward appearance, but God see the heart. We all sin.
posted January 12, 2008 at 3:19 pm
What is all this pity party for britney. NO one can help Britney except Britney, and until she admits she needs help nothing can be done. Until she hits rock bottom no one can help her. She laughed at the judge and went out partying right after he told her she was not do that anymore. She is totally responisible for her behavior.
What she really needs is tough love.