THANK YOU lINDA M FOR BEING A SHINING EXAMPLE OF ENCOURAGEMENT TO OTHERS WHILE FACING YOUR OWN STRUGGLE. SEE YOU IN GROUP.
CHERYL

sometimes I think that the reason we go through our personal struggles in life s s that we CAN be there for others when they face the same struggles. throughout the Bible, God used everyday ordinary people to accomplish His wishes here on Earth, many of whom (like Moses) felt totally unworthyto be His emissary. Thank you, Linda Marie for reaching out to Cathy, especially since you know what it feels like to be holding onto the last thread of hope. And cathy, don’t lose sight of God’s presence in your life through people like linda Marie. He LOVES you, as does He us all and he cares that you are in pain….like the Good Shepherd He is, He knows exactly where each of his lambs are every hour of every day and will seek out ththose in distress in order to bring them back to the flock(safety and well-being)

My wife left me after twenty nine years of marriage for a younger man of seven yeary difference.My wife is fourty six and he is thirty nine.
Ever since she left a few weeks ago, it has been like living in hell for me. You see, I loved my wife with all my heart.
I think of her every minute of the day.I go to sleep thinking of her. I Get up thinking of her. I am unable to work and eate properly. To me, there is no reason to go on living although she says that she still loves me.
I am grieving. I am hurting. I think i’m the saddest man on earth right now.
Please! Can someone help me? Can someone tell me what to do to get out of this misery? I need to be happy once more. Thanks.

I’m not sure if I’m commenting in the right spot, but I want Victorin G. to know that this hurt you are feeling right now will not be this bad always. Life will go on and you may even meet someone new.
Don’t take it personal or let hate or bitterness grow in your heart right now. Your wife is at a strange age, I’m not quite 46 yet but I am 43 and I notice there is a lot of hormone fluctuations that cause me to have mood swings I don’t ask for and strange thoughts, she may be acting out on what’s going on in her head.
I am a Christian and depend on God, however, I still struggle. I am happily married, but wasn’t always. Life does go on please believe me. I tried to self medicate for years and got into some trouble with my job because of it, at which time, I was forced to go to a counselor. Probably the best thing that happened to me.
I recommend that for you, someone can help you get through this time and maybe some past stuff too. God Bless. I am praying for you.

Victorin:
Of course you are deeply depressed due to the situation. I went through a difficult divorce myself, so I empathize.
To turn the question around, is it possible your wife has bipolar disorder? Flagrant, in-your-face infidelity is a classic manic behavior.

Linda-Marie–
Even though we use keyboards and wires and data streams to communicate, I truly felt your heart in your response to me.
You helped ground me by the way you acknowledged me.
You helped me think about how my mind might be creating quite an unproductive stew. You helped me re-think a couple of thoughts.
I truly hope you find the light and warmth we both seek. I hold you in my heart, thankful for your insights the other day.

Victorin,
hang in there. perhaps it would help to know that this is not your fault, you are not guilty of this. Perhaps it is OK to let yourself be angry, as long as you don’t hurt anyone. think of yourself now, what is good for you. Be creative. Perhaps do something totally out of character that you may have always wanted to do, but do something, make yourself move. Express yourself in a new way., break the pattern. Buy a great big sketch pad and some cheap paint. Kick a ball, throw one around. Sing a song, dance. break the mold somehow. pray.

Victorin: As one who was also “cast aside for a newer, younger model, my heart goes out to you. the ONLY thing that really helped me was therapy. Matquous is right on about telling you that this is NOT your fault; your wife’s lack of fidelity is her OWN problem; one for which she will one day be held accountable, though I know that doesn’t help right now. I also understand that yuou still love and want her, but if that isn’t in the cards, the more quickly you find a counselor to whom you cn relate the better! One caution: Sometimes it takes a while to find the right therapist, in fact, I believe it’s quite rare to connect the first time. whatever you do, DON’T GIVE UP! You may need to tolerate several “initial visits before you discover the counselor who can help you pull yourself out of this quagmire. The good news is that there IS a professional who can help you, and it’s worth the searching to find him or her! Prayer, as marquos also suggested also can help. I will be including you in mine, since I know from experience how deep the pain of abandonment can run. If you’re not active in a chutch, I would also suggest that you find one where you can meet new people and find spiritual nourishment.

Dear Victorin, My heart goes our to you, too. My husband left me last year for a younger model. While I do not know all that you are feeling, I do know the crushing, all consuming sense of loss that goes with being left behind by someone you thought you were going to love forever and spend your life with. I felt like a zombie, just praying and waiting for each day to end in the beginning. You have received some very helpful words of comfort here even though i know they may not penetrate your pain at the moment. I”ll agree that finding a therapist you connect with might be one of your first best steps. Believing that your wilfe’s behavior is not about you is so true, even if you are asking yourself “What? What happened?” and picking YOUR behavior apart. It is about HER. My therapist helped me see that all the things I was feeling about my sense of betrayal were normal, perfectly so . Who wouldn’t be hurt, angry, scared to death? She actually said she would be more worried if I didn’t feel the way I was! It was so comforting to hear that. So, don’t feel like you have to fight your feelings all the time. At first the intensity scared the #$%# out of me! But distracting myself with movies-especially those with opposite moods– physical activity, being with the people who loved me best and would squeeze my hand during that first period helped me , too. They gave me something else to think of, even if was only for brief minutes of time. I still feel sad, but not all the time anymore and believe it or not I can concentrate on a project and even laugh again..things I thought I’d NEVER be able to do. Keep doing the things that help you feel cared for. Reading here daily has helped me tremendously. For the first few months all I did was read. This is the kind of place where people are very real with how their lives are truly going. It’s very comforting to know we are not alone in our struggles while trying to make sense of our lives. Be with us and among us if you’d like. You can do this, really, and if you fall down, we’re here to help you stand up again. I don’t know who or what you believe in, but wherever you go to at the deepest part of yourself, as each day ends, lay your burdens there and your tears, too. The light may seem completely gone at this point, but you will start to feel the first glimmers down the road and it does get brighter as you give yourself time to heal. Blessings to you, Victorin.

Victorin:
And I hasten to add, after Mark/Marquos’, zana’s and Margaret’s excellent posts, even if my wholly uneducated guess is true, IT’S STILL NOT YOUR JOB TO RESCUE HER.
If the fates/G-d work out that you will be back together, it will happen. In the meanwhile, as Mark/Marquos, zana and Margaret say, this can actually be a time of self-healing (therapy) and self-discovery for yourself.
When you can see that, of course. Until you start to see the light in the hole, we’re here for you. (And beyond that, too.)

Victorin: You’ve made a good first step by reaching out. The days ahead will be difficult — grief-work always is. But keep reaching out.
Keep talking to these dear people who are not “too hardened” to understand and listen. Finding a group that won’t tell you to “get over it” is worth mega-riches IMO.
linda-marie

Thanks to all of you who have written such encouraging things. I can’t say I’m unselfish in my actions because in finding a use for my pain, at least I can see some sort of purpose in my life.
Brokeness, I think, can be a gift. Until we are broken ourselves, we really don’t have a clue as to what it feels like.
Unbroken bread feeds no one.
I was terribly distessed some years ago when my therapist told me that I would likely be on medication all my life. I wanted to be “fixed” — not realizing that any scar tissue that might remain from my wounds might be painful as well.
I am not suggesting hopelessness. Not at all. But I’m beginning to learn to accept who I am and to work with what I’ve been given.
It is an uphill battle. And I need the help of others badly. Most of the time, when I behave in a positive way, folks respond as if I’m “all well” and that everyone can go back to “normal”.
Thank you all for understanding that just because I’m sounding “strong” doesn’t mean that I’m feeling strong. It means a lot to me. And, for once, I don’t feel so alone.
linda-marie

“Unbroken bread feeds no one …”
Another thought for me to ponder for months or years …

And Linda-Marie …
YOU hang in there!
Larry