Speaking of Kay, I don't know if I am the only one who caught this comment of hers of the message board of my post "Video: O Holy Night":
Merry christmas to you, Therese, and all BB readers and writers. I have experienced rare moments of peace and happiness. I hope you have, too. It is a magical and spiritual time. It was lovely listening to the church bells from my terrace. I prayed for us all....
I was taken aback by her message because all of her comments have come from a place of pain. Take the one on the message board of my post "12 Ways to Care for a Depressive":
Dear all: Thank you for being so open about your depression. I am depressed and also suffer from panic attacks and I feel I am never going to get better. Some days are so difficult. Others better. It’s a problem going out. I feel alone in this as my husband has left me. So my panic attacks have to be dealt with at all times of day and night alone. On Wednesday I am going to try to go back to work as a teacher. Pray for me that I will have the courage to leave the house and face a class. I have to earn a living as I get no financial support from my husband. I feel that I am never going to be free from this type of life, where everything is an effort and every day lived an achievement. It’s too much and I am always so tired and exhausted.
Kay, the fact that you were able to enjoy moments of Christmas, to experience some peace, gives me great hope. I hope that you continue to feel better in this new year.
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Sometimes, those of us who suffer from depression have to celebrate even the TINIEST od repreives, hard as that can be, especially if we're alone and are also feeling betrayed by the aabandonment of a spouse.IMHO, there is nothing more crushing than being kleft behind by the person who promised both you AND God that s/he would love you until death. there is something so horrible about being forced to accept that thoe vows were nothing but a lie that no one who hasn't experienced it can possibly relate. In a life where we've trusted very few people with our hearts and emotions, most of us DD believe those vows and MEANT them ourselves down to our very toes!In addition to the betrayal and lonliness, we have to face the fact that this person whom we loved and trusted so completely was comfortable even lying in G-d's name! How much more feckless can a human being BE?
kAY, i KNOW your pain, and agree wholeheartedly with therese that if you were able to experience even MOMENTS of joy/peace over the holidays, it was a gift from none other than G-d himself! The fact that in spite of your anguish you remained loving(And STRONG) enough to reach out to someone else who was hurting speaks volumes about your character and the depth of your own ability to love. I hope by now you're feeling at least SOMEWHAT better and that yu continue to forge ahead every day, no matter how short the movement might be. Know that you are loved and appreciated by those of us to whom you'vegiven a remnant of hope here on BB! You will remain in my prayers as 008 continues to unfold.In addition to asking for you to experience some surcease, I'll also be THANKING G-d for directing you here to us on Beyond Blue A spirit like yours is truly a gift to everyone you touch, and that includes us!
Kay:
Comfort and peace are SO hard-earned for those of us with these diagnoses.
You deserve such precious moments! (As do we all ...)
Kay, Ditto to Margaret and Larry. I hope being back in your classroom fills you with a sense of purpose and, that in giving to your students you receive. I am right behind you trying to pick myself off the floor trying to survive the sting of abandonment, watching the clock tick away until the day I have to go back to teaching, too. It IS an exhausting profession. I was surprised it wasn't listed as one of the Falling Down ones since the attrition rate is skyrocketing. A noble profession yes, but a very difficult one to earn enough on your own to be comfortable. My thoughts and prayers are with you. One foot in front of the other...and a hot bath at the end of a long day!
Zana, It's true that no one reaches mTERIAL prosperity through teaching, but the nonmaterial perks areAMAXING! iN WHART OTHER PROFESSION DO YOU GET TO WITNESS THE EXCITEMENT A CHILD FEELA WHEN S/HE FINALLY UNDERSTANDS A NEW CONCEPT? How many other professions allow you to "bump into" former students years later to have them tell you how well they are doing and how much of it they credit to You? There are still some perks in life which cannot be given a price tag, and of THOSE rewards we're at the very top of the payscale! As a matter of fact, those are the notes and reminders which comprise the bulk of my SEF folder! It WOULD be nice if society could come to place a monetary compensation on those helping prepare the world' future with, un..say the equivalent of an apprentive plumber, however, I agree. Unable to teach any longer, i've turned to tutoring as both a way to give back and a way tofeel like I'm still contributing to sciety.I do not charge for this service as there are already enough for profir agencies available. What I get out of it far surpasses anything I could take to the bank!
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