Holly Lebowitz Rossi: How Do You Move Beyond Blue?

The honesty and courage to tell the truth because it is a person's real experience whether it is about hard things or things that bring joy and relief is a great gift.

I found the Anne Morrow Lindbergh reflexion, "Gift from the Sea", so soothingly profound, yet, my next thought was, "Yeah but, my rent and monthly payments, they DON'T have any patience."

I need to RUSH to find a solution to my financial distress. Soon. Everything else depends on this... my mental health, that is. Thus, my very Life. Just the THOUGHT of having to go back to a job that goes so against my core nature (therefore, so ANTI-JOY), brings me closer to the Abyss, once again. I'm faced with the choice of, going to work and feel like dying, or, not going to work within a month, run out of money, and feel like dying. I really don't feel patient, one bit. But I will read that quote again, and again, and maybe it will calm me down, some. So, THANK YOU for that.

And Larry, I really do not agree. "...still a small minority of people who have depression..." Well, I look around and around, and around, and this is not the picture I see... even if I take into account, the grey filter over my eyes. Denial, is what I see. But I do love that you share your thoughts, that you do find good news and that you are trying to understand. So, yes, THANK YOU.

Francine

Francine, I may be wrong, but I think the "huddled masses yearning to be happy" (thank you Ezra Pound) whom you see are people reacting to a particular situation with sadness or depression rather than those of us who must battle it 24/7. Not to minimize unipolar depression, because it, too, is a lightless place, or can be, but it isn't, IMHO, as all-consuming as clinical or bipolar depression is where you need no REASON to slide into the abyss but rather simply live there much of the timne no matter what positive things are going on in your life. And unfortunately, as there's famous "They Just don't Gwt It" post so beautifully verbelizes, only one who spends serious dwelling time in the abyass can truly relate to the miasma which envelps everything we see/do/say/see. That said, I'm so sorry you're faced with the financial "non-choices" you describe; I've been there, and sadly, the song "Money makes The world Go Around" is all too true. You have been added to my prayer list, specifically that G-d will provide you with a way that you musn't sacrifice either the money you need to live or the satisfaction with happiness the job; both are important, at leastIMHO. Don't give up, the journey to find such an occupation is long and riddled with quagmires, but in the end worth the trek. Job satisfaction (both fiscally and in terms of personal needs) is a struggle for many these days. Sometimes I think we must be creative in finding ways to adapt the job to meet our personal needs (ANOTHER monumental and at times. depemding on your supervisors, IMPOSSIBLE task. Is there ANY aspect of your job which allows you to give of yourself? For me, that's proven to have been the key to satisfaction through the years, both in terms of co-worker relationships and the job itself. I will continue to keep you in my prayers until I hear that your problem has resolved and things have eased for you at least a bit.

Dear Margaret,

just read your comments and you cannot believe how much it went straight to my heart. It touched me to no end. I love you already... and forever. Thank you so.

As for the number of people with depression, you do have a point, in you're all talking about clinical depression. But I still think that it is WAY under-diagnosed/reported.

As for the job, there are only a few good news left about it, now... but exactly what keeps me hooked, at the same time (it's very hard to adapt to shore life, because of this. I have tried).

One, the money is interesting... And right now, I simply could not afford to make anything less because I just could NOT make ends meet, period.

The other good news about my job is that it does END, (as opposed to a regular Monday to Friday job, for years at the time). I can work for one, two, three months (seven days a week, though!), depending, and be a couple of months off, IF I really choose to... though, going less and less, is basically what keeps me in poverty, but when I'm back, I am so destroyed now, that it takes me at least a month to find myself again. The last trip was a five-month torture I actually thought I would NEVER get over from.

As much as I enjoyed doing this years ago, I so don't belong, anymore, it makes me cringe. The shipmates and co-workers are just not what they used to be, either.

Margaret, I so want to thank you, once again, for your compassion and your prayers. Boy! Isn't that just wonderful... two complete strangers, only a minute ago... though you just don't feel like a stranger to me, now.

I will pray for you, as well. This might work.

Francine

Very interesting article.. sure we all can move beyond blue. However what the end and do we really want to….. wanli ferris

Hi, Margaret!

I don't know if it's BECAUSE of your prayers, but, unexpectedly, I just shipped out... and on what SEEMS to be a bit of a better boat. We'll see.

As much as I hate the idea of leaving, I really had to, before the end of this month, so, I feel a certain sense of relief. Will be gone 4 to 6 weeks.

Thanks for the comforting words.

Francine