I myself have suffered on and off for years with depression, and trust me when it happens you cannot control it takes over your whole being. I was saddened to hear of Ledgers death so soon afterI found my own22 year old son in his bed ad he twohad passed during the night still no answers. I am deeply saddened and once again hae fallen into a very deep depression. For those people who do suffer from depression you now who you are nd what to do. Never be afraid to admit you need help and ask for it. I at this timeam feeling anoverwhelmn need to be with my son I now this unrational but none the less he feelings are real and he depression and saddness are very real.
thanks
A Grieving Mother

Poor Eleanor had to learn that the hard way

(((sunday marchand)))

Dear Grieving Mother,
Your feelings are so overwhelming, but appropriate. I am sure that there are many people for whom Heath Ledger’s death opened wounds of sorrow and loss. It takes time to be able to remember your son without longing to be with him. He would not want you to cut short your own life. I hope that you reach out in your community, as well as here. For myself, posting here is a great help, a very great help, but I need flesh and blood people, too. One of the entries on the blog this week mentioned massage. I think that just being touched by another person is therapeutic, whether it hits the “right” places or not. It removes us from feeling so isolated and alone. Especially at a time like this, it may be beneficial for you. It would probably release a lot of tears, but that, too, would be a blessing.
I am so glad that you took the time to post your situation and I hope that you continue to ask for help as you need it.

Dear Grieving Mother -
My heart aches for your loss. There are no words that can adequately express what you must be going through, just to survive. I think all mothers, when they hear of the death of someone’s child, just cannot fathom being faced with this themselves.
I have 2 sons, ages 22 and 20. My brain cannot even wrap around the thought of trying to cope with your loss. We can all say the logical, rational cliches that go along with this circumstance, but that nowhere touches the depth of your pain.
My 22 year old son received a call this past Sunday from a friend to tell him that a mutual high school friend, 20 years old, a track teammate attending Wagner College in Staten Island had killed himself. I told my sons that this young man had to feel the deepest pain imaginable to take his own life. It’s one that I have unfortunately been privy to, and I believe at times (especially recently), I do not do so in what it would do to my husband, but particularly my sons.
Having severe clinical depression myself, I am very cognizant of the “genetic” lottery, and I hope my sons miss having the pre-disposition in their bodies and minds.
Naturally, my son and his friends came to see how vulnerable we all are to facing the deepest pains of loss in this earthly life. Needless to say, the viewing/wake was attended by an extremely large number of people to support the family. It took over 1 hour for my son to get in to say goodbye to his friend and share his condolences with the family.
The parents of this young man have 3 younger children that they must live on for, but I hope to never know what they and you must draw upon to not – “move on”, which is ridiculous, but to “live with” the death of your son.
Again, Grieving Mother, I am so sorry for your loss.
May God fill you with a peace that passes understanding in order to endure this time in your life,
Nancy L.

Dearest Grieving Mother,
Your comments made me cry. I cannot imagine how deep your pain must be. I am so sorry for your loss. You articulate your pain so well–I hope you found some comfort in writing.
I will keep you and your son in my prayers.
Warmest regards and deepest sympathy, Julie

Nancy L.:
As always, you are incredibly wise. I hope Sunday Marchand gets some small comfort from you words.
I would pray for anything to relieve you of even some of your excruciating pain. It gives me tears to think of the thoughts it is driving you to …

Larry – Thank you so much. This past week was one of my lowest ever. The two tests that I had to do, accelerated the intensity of the illness. It was almost unbearable. At times, I can be more “spiritual” about this whole thing, and then I can just get to the end of my rope, tie a knot in it, and hang on. I would love to say that I always take the high road in my “thinking” these days, but that would be a lie. Even just a few hours ago at 11 pm, I said to my husband, “I don’t want to do this anymore, it’s never going to get better and this is to difficult to endure, and it sucks.”
I just woke up, which is not great for this “broken” hypothalamus of mine, and I have this “sleep hygiene protocol” I am to follow, but I woke up and just needed to connect with Beyond Blue.
I was thinking of the grieving mom and then I saw your note. Thank you Larry. Your words will sustain me for another day. Super Bowl Sunday – I don’t know about your household, but here – this is huge. So, I may not be where I want to be (not by a long shot), but I still try to count my blessings, have hope, trust the process, don’t do anything destructive, listen to my meditation tapes (I miss walking – I used to love to walk and before than, run), and Pray!
I hope all is going well with you and that your Mom’s recuperating well. I haven’t read any of later part of the week’s posts or gone on to the community page, so I’m not quite caught up with all that has transpired. Just know that I think of you daily and was so glad for you that her surgery was a success.
Nancy L.

This is a quote of Elanor’s with which I was not familiar,therese, and I know several of hers. It may well become my favorite, which up til now has been “No one can hurt your feelings without your cooperation.” She was one wise lady abd endured her own share of heartache due to Franklin’s (fairly public)unfaithfulness and illness.
This is SO true. being “in love” may be an emotion, but loving itself is rather a choice,IMHO. that’s (ahain,IMHO) a “good thing”since emotions simply are and are often out of our control wheras choices are COMPLETELYwithin our realm of influence. Confusion of the two is undoubtedly one of the largest factors in our constantly rising divorce rate. As I write this, I’m contemplating what that means in terms of my New Year’s resolution to learn to love myself. If I truly believe that love is a choice, it ought to be easier, right?

Would have liked to write a note to “grieving Mother, but her words seems to have disappeared! (Unless it was on a differentpost?)

Dear Margaret,
Please click on “Read All Comments” at the bottom of the list showing, and you will be able to view all the posts, including the one you want to respond to.
Beliefnet_Tiger
Community Monitor
Beliefnet.com

Dear sunday Marchand, thanks to B.net’s community monitor (Beliefnet tiger) I located your post and now can respond as I wanted to earlier. As a mother, I can’t evenIMAGINE how much your heart is breaking. The death of any loved one is difficult, but we pretty much grow up expecting to bury our parent. Losing a child HAS to be compounded by the very fact that it violates the “natural order” of things. And to find him must have added yet another layer of horror! Because I personally HATE platitudes and have yet found myself writing them of late, I want to be careful how I word this, but I do hope the passage of time will bring you at least a MEASURE of solace.I’m sure thoughts of wanting to “join him” are natural, but I sincerely doubt that your son would want you to take that route. Ask yourself if you would have wanted him to do that had the situation been reversed, and try to find a fissure you can sink your fingernails into and hold on. I will be praying for your needs and asking God to give you the peace which Nancy wrote about earlier. you’ve motivated me to put my arms around my own son (only metaphotically, since he lives fifty miles away and it’s not possible at the moment; a phone call will have to suffice. You, however have nade me grateful that I can even do THAT! i HOPE YOU RECEIVE THE ANSWERS YOU NEED BEFORE TOO much more time has passed and that you will feel the presence of “The Comfortor” sooner yet! Keep returning here and keep us apprised of your situation; I’m sure that all of us who are praying for you wwould appreciate that. I’ll continue lifting you up in prayer until I hear that you have BEGUN to heal. (And after, if you still stand in need; grieving is a long process) tHE PEOPLE HERE ARE TRULY BLESSINGS TO MY LIFE, and I’m sure they will be to yours if you decide to climb aboard! As support groups go, BBers are the cream of the crop! Here’s wishing you some peace and comfort,
Margaret

Dear Grieving Mother, I am so sorry for your loss. It is natural to feel the way you do about the unatural order of life sometimes. Talk to your son and you keep him alive in your heart. Your spirit is connected to his irregardless of the distance. I am sure he is at peace on the other side. Know however that you must continue on this plane. There are people here that still love you and need you here. I know how I would have felt had my brother suceeded in his suicide attempt. Please stay…I am sure the world is a better place with you in it. You have a lot of love yet to offer. My prayers are with you.

I wanted to say thank you to Margaret and Lynn for their thoughts and kind words during what is the worst days of my life. It has been 9 weeks now since I found my son in his bed,I’ve done alot of crying a whole lot of crying–If it weren’t for all the signs we’ve been getting that he’s around I don’t think I would have made it. But here I am, I would never have believed a month ago. I’m trying to stay strong for my other children-but the Pain is soo deep my Heart hurts soo bad like its been ripped into!! I’m still not able to leave the house still haven’t got the tears under control but getting better. Thank you for all your love and support. Sorry it took so long to get back!!
Love To All of You