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If I caught your attention with my title, good. That was the point. Because it was absurd (my title, I mean). Let’s celebrate AIDS! Breast Cancer! Dementia! Yeah! They are all ways of embracing our darker sides! Let’s create t-shirts that say “Suffering is Awesome!”
We read those statements as unreasonable and idiotic, and yet we are told (too many times this week, thank you very much!) to treasure our melancholy, like Abraham Lincoln did, because it leads to a path of heroic triumphs.
English professor Eric Wilson has penned a polemic entitled “Against Happiness: In Praise of Melancholy,” which was discussed as part of Sharon Begley’s Newsweek article. Now he makes an NPR appearance, in which he says:
At the behest of well-meaning friends, I have purchased books on how to be happy. I have tried to turn my chronic scowl into a bright smile. I have attempted to become more active, to get away from my dark house and away from my somber books and participate in the world of meaningful action. … I have contemplated getting a dog. I have started eating salads. I have tried to discipline myself in nodding knowingly. … I have undertaken yoga. I have stopped yoga and gone into tai chi. I have thought of going to psychiatrists and getting some drugs. I have quit all of this and then started again and then once more quit. Now I plan to stay quit. The road to hell is paved with happy plans.
Some days I wouldn’t have a problem with that. Today I do because I’m not dealing with a little boo-hoo here and there. I’m fighting a dangerous and debilitating depression. Hard. Really damn hard. Extra hard because I’m trying to figure out how to work out with a busted hip. And how to fit the prayer and meditation I need into an already jam-packed schedule. Plus some of my recovery tools aren’t working because I’m sick (hold the spinach; crackers and Sprite, please), and I can feel myself getting pulled into that scary Black Hole.
It’s a delicate dance every day, my depression is. Even if I don’t talk about, I’m working against it almost every minute. I drink one cup of coffee too many, and I feel fragile. I don’t exercise for two days in a row, I’m in trouble. I forget the fish-oil capsules, you bet I can tell. It isn’t something to take lightly, this illness of mine. Every day it demands more time and attention than does anything else in my life.
Unlike Wilson’s depression, my Black Hole isn’t a place where I can compose gorgeous lyrics that articulate the world’s sadness. No, my Black Hole tells me how and where I should kill myself. That I should do it as soon as possible, so that I don’t screw up the lives of my children…so that they have a chance to grow up with a good mother (Eric’s next wife).
No poetry there. No beauty either.
Wison’s depression must have been mild for him to be able to function, for him to APPRECIATE his symptoms. Mine comes over me like a thunderstorm. I run for cover and wait, terrified, to come out into existence again.
Like a diabetic who risks going into a coma, my mood disorder can disable me to the point where I have trouble feeding myself, because my shaking hands can’t meet my mouth in one swift movement. I have lost so much weight in depressive cycles that I stop menstruating, which in turn causes bone-mass deficiencies.
When the worst of my symptoms persist I can’t get anything out of therapy, or cognitive-behavioral techniques, or the other 15 ways I treat my depression.
I guess I need to shout this for my own sanity, on a day like today, when I don’t see anything positive in my bipolar disorder, when I’m already fighting it as hard as I can with all the help that’s possible: DRUGS HELP ME STAY ALIVE!!
Which is why I grow weary of articles and radio interviews like this.
Wilson says he is clear about not “romanticizing” clinical depression and that serious conditions should be treated. But then he focuses on the many wonderful things melancholy can do for you. Here’s the summary of his interview on NPR which you can find my clicking here:
Wilson has embraced his inner gloom, and he wishes more people would do the same.
The English professor at Wake Forest University wants to be clear that he is not “romanticizing” clinical depression and that he believes it is a serious condition that should be treated.
But he worries that today’s cornucopia of antidepressants — used to treat even what he calls “mild to moderate sadness” — might make “sweet sorrow” a thing of the past.
“And if that happens, I wonder, what will the future hold? Will our culture become less vital? Will it become less creative?” he asks.
Wilson talks to Melissa Block about why the world needs melancholy — how it pushes people to think about their relation to the world in new ways and ultimately to relate to the world in a richer, deeper way.
He also explores the link between sadness, artistic creation and depression — which has led to suicide in many well-known cases: Virginia Woolf, Vincent Van Gogh, Hart Crane and Ernest Hemingway, for instance.
Wilson says perhaps this is “just part of the tragic nature of existence, that sometimes there’s a great price to be paid for great works or beauty, for truth.”
“We can look at the lives of Dylan Thomas, Virginia Woolf, Hart Crane and others and lament the fact that they suffered so. Yet at the same time, we’re buoyed, we’re overjoyed by the works they left behind,” Wilson says.
The husband and father of a young daughter also acknowledges that melancholy is “difficult terrain to negotiate in domestic situations.” He says there are certainly times when his family hoped he would be “happier,” and yet they would not want him to pretend to feel something he doesn’t.
Wilson says that by taking his melancholy seriously, his family ultimately will get to know him more deeply and develop a more intimate relationship with him.
“To get to know your partner, your spouse, your friend fully, you really have to find a way to embrace the dark as well as the light. Only then can you know that person,” he says.
Again, I go to an interview with Peter Kramer, author or “Against Depression,” for the facts. In “The Johns Hopkins White Papers, 2006, Depression and Anxiety”:
“Against Depression” grew out of Kramer’s frustration in repeatedly being asked the same question after public speaking engagements, “What if Prozac had been available in van Gogh’s time?” The assumption behind this question is that grappling with depression leads to insight, creativity, and depth, ultimately conferring noblility on the sufferer. Kramer attempts to answer and challenge the van Gogh question by breaking it down into two queries: It is truly noble or productive to suffer? And just how harmful to one’s health is depression really?
Kramer describes his approach in “Against Depression”: “This book is about discrepancies between standard medical views of depression on the one hand, and popular or culturally determined views of depression on the other. It offers a way of merging points of view from genetics to cultural history.”
Kramer does not mince words. From a public health perspective, “depression is the most devastating disease known to mankind.” Unlike many diseases that occur mainly in later life, depression often robs sufferers of prime years—often decades—of life. It is a chronic stressor that significantly worsens the severity of diabetes, arthritis, pneumonia, cancer, heart attacks, and strokes. “Even if it had no effects on schooling and work and marriage and parenting, if it caused no daily suffering, if it were as invisible as blood pressure, depression would still earn its place among a brutal and elite group of chronic illnesses,” Kramer writes. “but of course, depression causes significant harm on all those levels.”
Kramer acknowledges that the research and development of new treatments for depression has been “treading water” for a decade, but explains that enormous progress has been made in using imaging technology to identify the disease’s pathological devastation in the brain. He provides an overview of research studies that sketch out the effect of stress hormones in the prefrontal cortex of the brain. The amydala and hippocampus regions are shown to suffer significant death and shrinkage, and show diminished capacity for nerve regeneration. This devastation contributes to fragility at the emotional level. Kramer says this evidence has changed attitudes. “Psychiatrists have learned that depression is progressive, and there is widespread agreement that we need to interrupt it very promptly and decisively to prevent further deterioration.”
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Previous Posts
Therapy Thursday: Sweat
posted 6:01:57am Feb. 09, 2012 | read full post »
Scrupulosity: What It Is and Why It's Dangerous
posted 6:17:35am Feb. 07, 2012 | read full post »
The Treasures of Darkness
posted 6:06:40am Feb. 06, 2012 | read full post »
On Groundhog Day: 12 Winter Depression Busters
posted 6:30:47am Feb. 02, 2012 | read full post »
6 Ways to Stay Resilient in Stress
posted 6:00:24am Jan. 31, 2012 | read full post » |
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Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
Meet others on the journey in
Therese’s community group
Ask Therese to be your friend
Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet and is a regular contributor to the award-winning blog, World of Psychology, on Psych Central. Therese is the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue, visit her website, or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.
posted February 19, 2008 at 11:38 am
a little melancholy I could live with — it’s the PIT, the deep, dark pit of self-lothing and suicidal thoughts that I will do anything to a avoid falling into again. Not long ago I heard a minister talk about the ‘too frequent use of anti-depressants.’ And that a little sadness is not to be run from, “God uses the dark times,” he said. I went to him and talked to him. Sharing that it was messages like that that kept me from help for years. His response, I always make exceptions for “clinical” situations.
And who the hell wants to admit they are clinical –
Might as well preach against lipitor — after all, diet and excercise are the ‘holy’ way to control colesterol.
and this man of God saw the point — because, ouch, he had been started on lipitor the week before. He actually apologised, did some research, and the next sunday discussed the difference between a little melancholy and depression —- and supported publically the need for medication for people with severe depressions.
personally, if melancholy lasts for more than five days =— I call the doctor. I can not afford to be lost in the pit again. for my sake, my family’s sake, my client’s sake, and for God’s sake.
posted February 19, 2008 at 11:38 am
Wilson most certainly is romanticizing clinical depression by tossing off Hemingway’s, Thomas’ and Woolf’s suicides by saying, “Oh, but they left such a legacy”!
Megan Meier may well leave a legacy of improved cybersafety online. But she was also 13 when she committed suicide — and the stress of her death led her parents to divorce. What kind of “legacy” is that?
As I recall, I think Kramer’s conclusion based on the medical science was that a Van Gogh on antidepressants/anti-manic medication would have been a BETTER painter. Funny how college professors wrapped up in their ivory towers forget the misery the rest of us down below with depression are living with.
posted February 19, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Professor Wilson’s address at Wake Forest is wilsoneg AT wfu.edu.
posted February 19, 2008 at 1:06 pm
goodness, there’s a difference between being a cynic with a sharp sense of humor and being someone who has the sickness of depression. While I wish that reading and practicing what Martin Seligman wrote in Authentic Happiness and his other books was enough to keep me from sinking under the weight of anxiety and depression, it’s just not!
I think that there are people who see the adds for meds on tv and go to their primary care dr for an Rx, and perhaps many of those folks don’t need the Rx. A few new coping skills would be good for them, some short term cognitive behavioral therapy perhaps.
But for those of us for whom a self-help book or a few therapy sessions aren’t enough, ignoring our dark side (or whatever you’d like to call it) is not going to cut it.
posted February 19, 2008 at 1:25 pm
I am a right-handed. Would my life be different if I were left-handed? Better? More productive? Creative? I can’t know because I am not left-handed.
I don’t know how different my life would be without depression’s influence. I do know that depression has created problems, kept me from living a complete life. Has it made me a deeper thinker? It has *kept* me from thinking and given me jumbled thoughts. It has made my life fragmented and taken a lot of emotional energy that may have been used more creatively. I wonder who I am without depression. Whatever I’ve accomplished in life has come in spite of depression. It has not been the wings I’ve ridden, but the creepy voice in the background calling me a phony, a pretender, a liar. It is the short, trench coat-wearing-guy standing in the shadows saying, “Psst. Remember how far short you fall,” when I am enjoying the fruits of my labors.
What a joke it would be, if depression became the newest fad; if checking into a psyche ward became trendy.
Therese, hold tight to Jesus and know that He is holding tighter to you.
posted February 19, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I’m so sorry you’re so down…. This, too, shall pass. Whatever voice is telling you to kill yourself, and that other nonsense, tell it to Go back to hell!
Therese, tell yourself that nothing can separate you from the love of God, not this depression, not hip problems, nothing, and God loves you and we all do, too.
I’m sorry you are feeling so down, take a break, and PUT on some music to drown the negative thoughts (it works!!!). Count your blessings — you have many, and realize that the Depression is telling you all those lies. The Truth is that you’re beautiful, wonderful, gifted, funny and smart, and a Godsend to soooo many people throughout cyberspace.
Be strong, we love you! God bless you, Renata
posted February 19, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Well, this is interesting, folks …
I wrote Prof. Wilson and received a response! I gave his e-mail address above and encourage everyone else in the BB family to do the same …
Prof. Wilson:
I confess I have not read your book. I have heard the discussions of it in Newsweek and NPR.
And what I have heard horrifies me.
I have bipolar disorder. The idea that clinical depression should be left untreated (despite your obligatory and all-too-brief disclaimer) in order to let the pain and angst of one’s art out to the world is a recipe for slow or quick suicide. (As, you must and do admit, it has been for so many artists through the centuries.)
And your idea that “legacy” justifies the violent and premature end of one’s life is, to put it charitably, misanthropic and perhaps even nihilistic. What about the “legacy” to loved ones, family and friends — even if one stays alive but profoundly disabled? (The section of your NPR interview after the 4 minute mark was particularly noxious on this point. My own depression led directly to my divorce. I hope and pray the same does not happen to you.)
From what I can tell, you seem to have your own “bipolar” view of melancholy vs. euphoria — either embrace your inner depression, or else fall victim to the blandishments of the The Secret, one of the most comprehensive frauds ever perpetuated on the public. (Yes, people with depression can think that too, contrary to what you are locked into believing.)
There is a third way, Prof. Wilson. You can fight like hell against your own depression and still acknowledge life is going to be incredibly hard, never easy (and certainly never AS easy as it is for those without depression). Maybe this is all you meant by acknowledging “melancholy” — but by completely ignoring/sloughing over the horrendous disease that is clinical depression, you dismiss in a wave of the hand the plight of millions in this country and hundreds of millions around the world.
And as far as your anti-medication bias … trust me, you wouldn’t want to meet me if I didn’t take my lithium. I’ll just leave it at that. (Oh, I’m in therapy as well — and I try to eat my salads, and I exercise, etc., etc.)
For better perspective than mine, you may want to read the commentary of Therese Borchard, one of America’s leading bloggers on depression, about your writings (I then gave the permalink for this blog post).
Regards, Larry Parker
Mr. Parker,
Thanks for your very passionate note. As I’ve made clear in several interviews and as I make crystal clear in my book, I would never argue that clinical depression should be left untreated. I’m not sure how you gleaned that idea. In fact, I say in my book that clinical depression SHOULD be treated, by any means possible, pharmaceutical or otherwise. I’m also not in the least romanticizing depression. What I’m saying, in public and in my book, is that melancholia–which I clearly distinguish from depression–can often be a generative state, a condition that can sometimes lead to self-revelation and creativity. In my book, I’m concerned that American culture may be overemphasizing happiness and thus ignoring or repressing what might well be a state that is essential for a vital life. Certainly melancholia can make for difficult relationships–but it can also, at least in my mind, reveal parts of ourselves that would otherwise remain unexplored. As such, it can often lead to greater knowledge of others–such as spouses. So–I’m not anti-medication or really any of the things you accuse me of. I regret the confusion.
Eric Wilson
posted February 19, 2008 at 4:27 pm
god loves us. we do what we need to do to survive. take pills. don’t take pills. smoke pot. don’t do anything at all. it doesn’t matter. god loves us either way and won’t be unhappy. work on yourself. don’t work on yourself. do a combination or none.
i do want to say, though, that i sometimes have had clients from the big pharmaceutical companies. their companies give them perks so they come in groups occasionally for massage and hot tubs etc. they are always beautiful, young sales reps. usually female. they leave huge tips. they wear very expensive clothes. they can afford to pay for my massage and leave a huge tip when i can only afford to do trades with other therapists. whenever they come i wonder if i should have gone into pharmaceutical work when i was young, thin and cute instead of more “natural” healing modalities. there is obviously big, big bucks involved in the pharmaceutical industry. there is something about that that creeps me out. but that may be my own problem with how i view wealth.
posted February 19, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Just checking in to say I agree with Jennifer… though it doesn’t help that I’m in the middle of a religious crisis, which is kind of depressing in itself…
posted February 19, 2008 at 6:47 pm
hey, Therese,
Let me weigh in with my counterparts and say how sorry I am that you, too. find yourself sliding down that ever-slippery slope. May I also say that IMHO your children ALREADY have the best mother they could hope for (Eric’s PRESENT wife, a sentiment I’ll bret Eric would second! Did you somehow not complete your OWN “It’s a Wonderful Life homework assignment back in December? Shane on You! That has helped me immeasurably since I did it. So, my friend, leave all those old prescriptions locked safely away in the garage, and DON’T YOU DARE GO OUT THERE UNACCOMPANIED! I can’t imagine a world without you in it! Well, actually, I can, but it’s muck darker and bleaker for all of us left behind.
Also, larry, thank you for your wonderful and as always well-articulated letter to Prof. Wilson. Yur activisim is to be applauded.
posted February 19, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Depression sucks, plain and simple. I find it hard to think of it as a “gift” when I have to fight my own thoughts all the time, when I have to remind myself that I will destroy my son if I rid the world of my sorry self, when I have to struggle to believe that God really loves me because I think I’m pretty darned unlovable. I know it’s a combination of my screwed up brain and the Enemy knowing exactly how to use that to confuse me, convince me of lie after lie and get me to give up. But when I’m in the throes of a Deep Dark Depressive Episode, it’s pretty hard to hang onto that.
Good thing God hangs onto me. Good thing He gives me beautiful verses in Isaiah that remind me He will never, ever leave me, that He will pull me through the deepest waters and through the hottest fires and that I won’t drown or be fried. Good thing I can occasionally feel His love through those words. Enough to get me through each day until I’m into a breathing space where life doesn’t seem so hopeless. Otherwise, I wouldn’t still be here to type this.
And lucky me — I married a depressive person. All that junk about “Wilson says that by taking his melancholy seriously, his family ultimately will get to know him more deeply and develop a more intimate relationship with him.
“To get to know your partner, your spouse, your friend fully, you really have to find a way to embrace the dark as well as the light. Only then can you know that person,” he says.
Know what? Ultimately you wish the person would find a medication that works so you don’t have to keep dealing with it. Ultimately you wish they would EVER be happy. I know it’s hypocritical, because I want him to be infinitely patient with MY depression, and I certainly want to minister Christ’s love and compassion to him, but depression is so self-absorbing that it becomes a black hole on both our parts. It’s not always a relationship-building experience. It’s more a test of our commitment to each other and of our faith in God.
Nope — depression sure as hell isn’t noble or sweet or even a beautiful sacrifice to give to the world. Don’t you bet van Gogh would have liked to be a bit less morose, lived a bit longer? Anyway, I’m ranting now, but puhleeze. I like being creative, but I’d rather be able to function more normally and give my family the relatively happy wife and mother they deserve!
posted February 19, 2008 at 7:38 pm
i agree you have been a blessing to alot of us and your family already has the best wife and mother they could ask for.and untill a person walks inside the mind of a person with depression they should not be telling peopl hoe to deal with it. we get by one minute one day at a time but together we weather the storms of life.so just know that i will ride out the storm with you. take care my freind.
posted February 19, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Pleeese hang in there. WE al.l need people like you. Remember your positive affirmation file.
A dozen famous people with mental illness achieve greatness for some parts of society to enjoy. Millions suffer through agony and live in desolation. Hell of a trade off.
A side bar:
Reminds me of people admiring a great palace built by some prince. The human race forgets where all the pain and suffering on whose back the effort was made. Some works are great but also caused great suffering to be constructed. That wealth could have been used to help so many. We must focus on society on those who go unnoticed. I guess that’s why saints stand out – they are for us.
posted February 19, 2008 at 11:45 pm
OMG……when depressed I can’t read a page, take a shower, eat. Who does he think he is? How sad for him that he’s resigned himself to be perpetually sad and how tragic for his family and any children he may have. We all know depression affects not only us, but those around us.I want to say more but the words won’t come….I’m too depressed. So you speak for us Therese. Thank you. Thank you.
posted February 20, 2008 at 12:13 am
Hello,Therese,
I just found this site. I want to reply to the comment of how to exercise with a busted hip.I definitely do suffer from depression also.
I want to know how to walk with a leg with nerve damage. I am trying.But very hard. I had a hell of a bad hip surgery Oct,over year ago. But, am still in therapy.Have eighteen year old way out of control,verbally, abusive. I am doing most all of the chores except taking out trash. I cannot sit very long without getting sore or leg starting to fall asleep. I definitely am glad I ran across this site tonight. I definitely want to live alone until I find a spiritual mate.I do ask for prayer a lot and call on a close friend and church friends also. I am going to believe God to walk again, no matter when. I will stay in therapy till then.
posted February 20, 2008 at 12:30 am
Therese -
Thanks so much for that blast of hot fury! I am usually outraged by writing like Wilson’s, but I have too much of a mediator’s mind just to let loose – I struggle to understand that other view and find some grain of truth buried in the mud. Not usually worth it. Thanks for skipping that step! And for reminding us of this book’s anti-namesake, Against Depression.
Even those romantic poets didn’t believe depression was a source of inspiration or joy. It’s worth quoting Coleridge on this. No one has ever improved on his lines:
A grief without a pang, void, dark, and drear,
A stifled, drowsy, unimpassioned grief,
Which finds no natural outlet, no relief,
In word, or sigh, or tear –
…
My genial spirits fail;
And what can these avail
To lift the smothering weight from off my breast?
It were a vain endeavor,
Though I should gaze for ever
On that green light that lingers in the west:
I may not hope from outward forms to win
The passion and the life, whose fountains are within.
…
But now afflictions bow me down to earth:
Nor care I that they rob me of my mirth;
But oh! each visitation
Suspends what nature gave me at my birth,
My shaping spirit of Imagination.
No, Coleridge had no illusions about depression or melancholy.
From the bottom of my heart, I wish you wellness -
JohnD
posted February 20, 2008 at 12:56 am
Dear All,
Am praying for spiritual friends.Please write me back if possible.Dear Therese hang in there. You can make it.You are beautiful, intelligent, and have family that loves you. I would be so grateful to find spiritual mate or boyfriend and/or find new spiritual friends.love susan
posted February 20, 2008 at 1:05 am
Depression is hell on earth. Hell is where everything is excruciatingly painful. Hell slowly but surely destroys, debilitates, it is simply a place of torture, of indescribable evil. No good comes from hell, to say so is to praise the Devil. Brave people manage to bring good from it with God’s help. The cost is far, far too great. For every tragic masterpiece there are a thousand masters destroyed that no one ever knows. I am apalled. The depth of misunderstanding here is mind boggling. One might as well say the world needs more war so as to produce more heroism.
posted February 20, 2008 at 3:27 am
Dear Susan Rutkowski,
WELCOME!!! You’ve come to the right place to have spiritual friends.
Being a “NEWBIE” to the neighborhood myself; the best three pieces of advice I can give you is:
#1) JUST JUMP IN!
#2.)WHEN YOU SEE AN ARTICLE or A COMMENT THAT INTEREST YOU DON’T BE AFRAID; or HESITATE, TO POST A COMMENT(s) ON IT FROM YOUR OWN UNIQUE VIEW.
#3) REPEAT STEP #1 AND #2 AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN….AND AGAIN.
I’m glad you’re here, Susan. So, so get your flippers on and…..
(I’ll give you a hint:Step 1.)
Your new Cyber-friend
posted February 20, 2008 at 3:45 am
CONSIDER YOURSELF HUGGED, THERESE…
In the Warm Love of HIS Wonderful Son,
Valentine
posted February 20, 2008 at 7:18 am
Dear susan, Letmeaddmy welcome to valentine’s. the friends I have made here have become a mainstay for me, and I hope yourexperience will be the same. One more piece of advice, however: join belief net’s community and createa home page that will enable us to find our more about you, email you more directly and allow you to ask specific Bbers to be your friend. It took me a while to follow that advice and even longer to figure it out, but it was WELL worth the time and effort.
again, welcome, and hope to see you on B-net.
posted February 20, 2008 at 9:02 am
Of course no one wants to suffer and ideally we’d all be happy all of the time, but as Catholics, don’t you and I have an obligation to remember that regardless of how we suffer, Christ suffered worse? And in doing so, He sanctified it. He made it something we can use to become more holy — if we unite our suffering to His.
posted February 20, 2008 at 9:13 am
Depression is a hellish thing to be burdened with. I am very grateful for the drugs I take that help me stay out of the Black Hole, or at least not fall too far into it. Still, there are days when I feel as though I am peering into that hole, fully aware of its desire to pull me in, and I have to fight hard to stay away from it. Anyone who thinks depression is a gift to be cherished does not know what true depression is. I wish this “gift” came with a receipt so I could return it for a refund of all that it has taken from me.
Thank you, Therese, for writing and sharing with us even in the midst of your own pain. YOU are a gift.
posted February 20, 2008 at 10:54 am
Mark:
As always you are brilliant and (unlike me) incisive.
Bob:
That’s at least a point to consider — except I don’t think Prof. Wilson is coming from a religious perspective …
posted February 20, 2008 at 11:33 am
Good Morning, Margaret,
Thank You! I didn’t know about about creating a home page, so you helped two “Newbies!”
Gratefully…Valentine.
PS:
I’ve always enjoy reading your posts.
posted February 20, 2008 at 2:56 pm
I’ve contemplated reading the Newsweek article, the magazine issue is lying somewhere in the basket where I casually throw in all the mail I don’t want to read or the magazines that I subscribed to when I was in a hopeful set of mind.
One thing though, I never contemplated getting a dog for my own purposes, this I find disgusting and selfish. I’ve always rescued animals in need and will do so until I exhale my last breath, hopefully. But…what I’ve done for others, in my case, innocent, mistreated, starving animals, has in the end turned to be a gift for me.
I’ve cried bitter tears while hugging one of my dogs while he was sitting there, not even daring to move, except to lick my face and to place a friendly paw on my hand, “just to bid me understand”, like the poem goes.
I found Wilson’s vagaries hard to take, so into himself, so into finding the perfect note that will bring back his harmony.
Yeah, he needs something, in his case I’ll begin with changing his diet and beautifying his insides with a good dose of Metamucil.
posted February 20, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Bob, please spare me the lecture. Thinking about Jesus sufferings don’t make me jump out of my own suffering, au contraire! It makes me feel even worse and more of a failure.
There are conditions that can’t just be solved by remembering “our obligations” thank you and I hope you never find yourself in the depth of despair some have found themselves in just to have some well meaning person tell them to remember how Christ suffered.
posted February 20, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Cleo:
A point of agreement on Wilson, then!
posted February 20, 2008 at 11:30 pm
My dear Therese,
I LOVE your videos that show your personality and kindness. I look forward to the next one.
My depression has played “tag” with me most of my life, 60+. I have always tried to hide it from everyone else. My 3 adult kids have no idea that the idea of suicide is a clear option for me. It’s my failsafe.
I stay clear of people when I feel the worst. I just wait it out and nobody knows how dark it feels to me. Yes, I am on meds. from doctor and conselor sees me plenty.
Please, please come back for yourself, family, friends and all the “nuts” who LOVE you, dear person.
posted February 21, 2008 at 12:12 am
Thanks Larry.
Oh Dearest Therese,
You are so dearly loved by us all. Your courage, insight, openness, talent, compassion are so greatly appreciated. We are all praying and pulling for you.
posted February 21, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Last night I read the article in Newsweek, and it refers to “sadness”. Seems that too many today interpret sadness over a loss or a defeat, as depression. I believe that article tries to say that not all sadnesses are depressions, but that in today’s world they’re treated as such because we’re not allowed to mourn our loss.
The only thing I object is bringing Beethoven into the mix, when everyone knows that they guy, while a genious, was seriously affected by something, and it wasn’t just plain ‘sadness’.
I think that so many people in history have been afflicted by bipolar disorder or unipolar disorder but there wasn’t the science to determine it or to diferentiate between sadness over something specific or depression due to a chemical imbalance.
Still the article isn’t good or deep enough. I found myself plodding through it, boring writing.
posted February 21, 2008 at 5:24 pm
I don’t get it! What is the point of wondering about the effects of prozac on Van Gogh or Lincoln on lithium? Does it really matter if the outcome is that we have these things now? Why ponder the unanswerable? The fact remains that some people absolutely and beyond the shadow of a doubt would not be here among us without these safety nets. Why add guilt to the equation? I think that’s a step in the wrong direction! I don’t believe depressive disorders should be romantisized either. Who the #$%& would choose to live like that voluntarily? Sometimes I get the impression that these “deep thinkers” are in over their heads.(or out of them)
posted February 21, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Dearest Therese, Please know how much we love you for who you are! You are ever in my prayers. May your remission come quickly. I know it can’t be fast enough! Spring and a promise of new hope are right around the corner. A shower of roses and a bright dream and sunrise on the ocean. Soft waves and sand at your feet and the warmth of the sun on your face. That is my place of peace…and there’s plenty of space here on the beach. Lots of room to share…please get well soon.
posted February 22, 2008 at 9:04 am
Let me tell you how suffering can, indeed, bring you and others around you blessings although it is certainly difficult to see that when you are in the midst of it yourself. My mother married a man when I was four who decided that I was his personal plaything. He sexually abused me for five years. When I finally managed to work up the courage to tell my mother, nothing came of it (I was six). It would be three years before I would tell her again. This time she took my story to the police. He wasn’t just sexually abusive. He also beat my mother and my brother. He twisted my mind, telling me it was okay to lie and steal as long as you didn’t get caught. He undermined my ability to trust in people, I stopped crying because crying just made him angrier. I was completely shattered when the abuse finally stopped, and I didn’t even know the full extent of what he had done or the impact it would really have on my life. To make matters worse, during family counseling sessions before he went to jail, he admitted that he hadn’t abused me because he really wanted me, he had abused me because he wanted my older sister and she wouldn’t have him. I am here to tell you, though, that it took me years and years to put myself together. Everytime I think I’m fully healed I find another spot that’s broken. I will probably live with this for the rest of my life, but I am also here to tell you that everytime I meet a woman who has been raped or molested I am able to give her hope because I’ve walked through her valley and I’ve been to the other side and seen that there is value to be had in what I went through not because God wanted me to have to go there but because God led me through this to a better place. I’ve been angry with God, I’ve been horribly self-destructive. I’m here to say God saw me through that. Your suffering IS bringing blessings to you and to others. Your site is proof of that, this community that you’ve built, the lives you’ve touched and saved, you can’t argue with me that you have taken your pain and built with it a bridge for others to cross and make it through. No, you haven’t composed sonnets or lyrics or painted a master piece. That wasn’t your gift. You’ve built a community of people who love and encourage one another. To me, that is a greater gift.