Just Listen

There is a down side to the celebrity depression issue. The folks you mention have the money and insurance coverage to obtain the best care. I can tell you from experience that it is often not possible for the average person to obtain medication or help for depression. And, if they do, they may be penalized for it if their circumstances change. When my husband's cancer returned we actively battled it for 18 months. After about 14 months I went to my doctor and said, "I've run out of coping before I've completed the course." She gave me anti-depressants, and they were a critical component of allowing me to support my husband as he completed his treatment and transitioned back into good health. However, the day after he took his last chemo treatment he was laid off work. That was when I discovered that I could not obtain any sort of private health insurance until I had been off anti-depressant medication for at least 6 months. Because of our situation, we had to continue the insurance we had under "COBRA" - and that meant we were paying $800 per month for health insurance for a family of four. We were fortunate because we could afford it. However, I learned that I will not go to a doctor for treatment of depression because I will be putting my ability to get health coverage in general at risk. I currently take St. John's Wort, and it seems to work.
But the celebraties have no comprehension that most people cannot obtain the help that they talk about with such enthusiasm - and that can make the depression even worse.
Just a thought to bear in mind. May God bless you and yours, Vivian

You might be interested to know that Krista Tippet recently interviewed Dr. Remen on Speaking of Faith on NPR. You can get a download of that interview by going to Krista's site. Google "Speaking of Faith." Thank you for the reminder. As James writes: "Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger." Yep.

As I read more and more in the press about the mental illness of the shooter, I dread a further stigmatization of those of us who suffer mental illness and have family members also afflicted. I shudder to think about the "after the event" diagnosis that is inevitable. What if the diagnosis is the same as mine, my daughter, or grandaughter? My sweet grandaughter is in second grade. She is on an antidepressant that has helped her so much over the past year. She is such a happier child than she was merely eighteen months ago. How stigmatized will she be? Depression runs on both sides of her family. Her parents are shielding her from the present news, but she is a smart, very perceptive child. Thank God, if she has questions, she is not afraid to ask them. Before anyone jumps on me for saying she is on an antidepressant, let me say that prior to the use of medication, everything was tried over several years, but she continued to get worse. Her mom is an educated, stay-at-home mother and followed a counselors advice on using behavior modification. Still, she was down on herself, acting out impulsively and agressively. That has been reduced by 80% easily. She smiles now, has friends, and knows that she is a happier person. While my husband and I had initial misgivings about her taking a medication, the turn-around was so pronounced and such a relief to her, that we now believe it was the right thing to do. She sees a therapist as necessary, but the medications are monitored by the only doctor in the area who specializes in mental health conditions in children. I have not been "in-the-closet" about my condition. I think it helps to be able to talk about it with colleagues, (at the proper moment) who see me as competent and caring. I hope that my small statement changes minds about the mentally ill. Years ago, there was a tremendous stigma attached to cancer. It took a few prominent women speaking out to change the public perception. I hope that those who have the power to attract media attention, will have the courage to speak out, especially now.

I, too, have been fortunate to have a handful of genuine friends who will listen during moments of grief or anxiety, and let me vent out my problems by giving them words. I have also been on the "receiving end," and I feel I am being used by God to allow these people (some, strangers like written about) to express verbally their pain and their angst to someone who will ONLY listen, without judgment, without "tips," without interruption, as the words come (s)tumbling out in their dispair. The very experience of being "a shoulder to cry on" enhances my spirituality, and allows me to just "be there" in the hour of need. If someone had just "been there" for the shooter, or maybe just said, "God loves you, and so do I," the massacre might not have happened. But, then, it has been expressed in media that he was mentally disturbed, and even when sent to counseling, did not improve. Our hearts must go out to the lost souls in this world; there are enough believers that I feel this can, and must, be done. The real tragedy at Tech is a "lack of communication." My pain and my prayers go out to the families of the victims of this tragedy, and I know that God will heal in time, in His time, and that they will ultimately be comforted.

HI,I'VE READ ALL THE NOTES OF CONCERN,I FEEL BAD FOR ANYONE THAT LOSES A LOVED ONE. THEIR IS NOTHING I CAN DO BUT PRAY FOR THE FAMILIES THAT LOST SOMEONE. ITS TO LATE TO PRAY FOR THE YOUNG MAN THAT'S DEAD. BECAUSE HIS FATE IS ALREADY SEALED. IT SOUNDED LIKE HE DID HEAR ABOUT GOD AND DID'NT RECEIVE THE IMFORMATION CORRETLY. WAS I MISTAKEN WHEN HE SAID THAT HE DIED THE WAY JESUS DID FOR MANY PEOPLE? NO! HE TOOK MANY LIVES.ONE OF THE COMMANDMENTS SAY THOU SHLAT NOT KILL. THEIR IS NO WAY TO GET AROUND THAT. PEOPLE CAN HIDE THE COMMANDMENTS IF THEY WANT TO IT'S STILL THE SAME.IF PEOPLE THINK THAT IF THEY HIDE RIGHTEOUSNESS FROM VIEW THAT PEOPLE WON'T KNOW IT'S THERE. BUT THE FACT IS GOD CANNOT BE HIDE. I WOULD LIKE TO GET INTO THIS A LITTLE DEEPER. BUT IF THEIRS MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT SERVING GOD. I COULD HELP.

In the book, "Good Grief, this quiet type of listening that's just being there for someone who's loved one has recently passed is called "sitting shiva." It's traditional in the Jewish culture. Years ago, when we lost my ex-husband's brother to a gunshot wound, (murder or suicide, we'll never be sure which), the people in the town in which we lived knew how to come to us and be just quietly there. It's the best thing they could have done! No sermonizing, no preaching, not even much talk about why; they were just there for us. What a priceless gift! Thank you for taking time to do the same for this man. Listening with your heart is a priceless gift! Robin Hummingbird Songs

What if a friend just wants you to listen to her and she can't or doesn't want to listen to you?

Ok, I'm Latin and we do cry easily and openly. Now you make me think about this. How many times I've cried in front of others, how many times others have cried in front of me...? Many, many times. Sometimes a person begins a sentence with aplomb and ends it in a sob. We think that it's good to cry, just like it's good to laugh, both purge the system.
I've cried many times in front of others, but I've also found so many that feel uncomfortable, I've seen them looking embarrassed for me or maybe for them. Others have overwhelmed me telling me not to cry that everything will be OK. Well both approaches leave me feeling as if I've done something wrong. I think the best experience was when I called a friend long distance and began to tell her something then I heard her crying over my pain...we both cried in the phone for some time, my husband wanted to know why I was making a long distance call and crying and sobbing, and hearing the same in return. "But you're not saying anything!" He doesn't understand, he doesn't know...