Beliefnet's Judaism editor is looking for "exodus stories" to include in a Beliefnet special gallery. She prompted me to reflect on the moment that I met my authentic voice as a writer, the day my ego officially died. Here's my...
When you got out of the way, you allowed the authentic you to come forward. THAT is the person we love.
Larry Parker
March 28, 2008 10:04 PM
I think serious hospitalizations, if they lead to forward progress, are always Exodus moments for people with depression.
In my case, unlike Therese's hospitalization, it was negative rather than positive affirmation that drove me forward. Though I was separated from my wife, we had not begun divorce proceedings. Yet she refused to even visit me. I even pleaded for her to bring the dog we shared for me to see through the window.
It was so pitiful. And her response was so pitiless. "You made your bed, you lie in it."
And I realized I was completely on my own in at least two ways -- one, that this "thing" I'd had for 2-1/2 years was far worse than I thought and was never going away; and two, that I would be getting divorced soon and restarting my life that way as well.
In the hospital library was a copy of John McCain's "Faith of Our Fathers." I read the story of how he summoned (and there were so many times where he thought he could summon no more) the will to survive seven years of torture from the Vietnamese. SEVEN YEARS.
And I snapped out of my solipsism (even though I don't agree with McCain's politics, mind you) and realized others had been through worse. And if they could get through -- even alone, as in McCain's case, except for code scribbled between fellow prisoners -- I could too.
Even during the many moments afterward when I thought the end was nigh.
LadyBeams
March 29, 2008 12:52 AM
I am so sorry to approach you this way, but you used to have an email address to write to. I can't tell you how much I get out of your writing. I have passed links to my daughter on many occassions, who also struggles with depression. Thank you so much.
The reason I was trying to write to you was on a different "mental" issue. It is not a problem I have, but my boyfriend. There are many who suffer, and many more who want to know how to deal. I am worried about starting the blog because of the people that know him. I would never want to cause him any harm, and I'm not sure mutual people we know would ever read it, but what if? How does your husband feel about what you are doing? Do mutual friends of yours know about your blog? Do people make snide remarks to him? Are you using a "pen name" vs. real name to keep some kind of anomynity(I probably spelled that wrong).
I understand you get so many emails a day and I hate to ad to your burden, but you're the best I know, especially in this catagory, so I would appreciate your point of view.
Thank you again for all your help with my daughter, and in advance with this.
My email is ldbeams@yahoo.com
Lauri Beamish
San Jose, CA
Priscilla
March 29, 2008 4:47 PM
Thank you, Therese, for so eloquently describing to your readers how you access the powerful, authentic, compassionate, funny voice that so many of us love. By describing how you found your brave voice you have, as usual, exhibited enormous bravery. And grace. And generosity.
Larry Parker
March 29, 2008 10:35 PM
BTW, Therese, IMO (I omit the "H" intentionally), I don't think one can be a writer and want to project one's thoughts to the world without having SOME ego. Which I don't think is a bad thing.
If you say the negative, self-destructive part of your ego died that day, I'm with you 1,000%
Lance
March 30, 2008 1:58 PM
Thank you for your putting yourself out there, and I have no wish to denigrate who you are and have been thru, BUT
For those of us without your beauty, talent, friendships, lovers, whom life has also given deep issues, it rings a little hollow only in this sense (again, I do not mean to minimize your life and struggles): that your positive story and that of others can give false hope sometimes to those of us more average, whom genetics, or fate, or environment has given a poor hand to play, and here I speak not only of myself, but others I have known and do know. Not that this news is all negative, because there is probably a way for anyone to find their way, but my oh my, it may entail some very harsh realities, in a sense that the universe does not love them and not all things are possible, even if highly desired and necessary to health and well being.
Mayanne
March 30, 2008 6:27 PM
J. K. Rowling was depressed because of her divorce. Divorce, according to many experts and thousands of studies, is likened to death in that the person moves through several stages until finally that person is healed. One such stage is depression. Some people weather the storm better than others but most people who divorce experience some of the stages.
In my opinion, using her comments is just a way to draw in your readers. Rowling's thoughts seem simplistic and obvious.
Cathy
March 30, 2008 8:46 PM
Excellent -- wish I could pass this site along to many who cannot access a website because of poverty or other issues -- you are inspiring --
Rose
March 31, 2008 6:42 PM
Therese,
By putting your experience out for anyone to see and to listen to, I believe that you show how far you have come in your life experience. The message you got that day, that there is an unconditional love for each of us, from our God first and if we look, believe and accept it, from people around us. It is believing that we are worthy of this kind of love that is the hardest to believe. My life changed when someone told me to write down the name or names of people that made me feel bad about myself and write down the names of people who I would go to if I wanted to celebrate. They told me to get rid of the first list (one was my then husband and one was one of my sisters) and when I did get rid of the negative surrounding my life that I would be able to grow. I am divorced and limit my time and what I share with my sister and surrround myself with positive people and I cannot tell you how blessed my life is now, no matter if I am in poverty or grief, I have love from my true family and friends and that gets me through.
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When you got out of the way, you allowed the authentic you to come forward. THAT is the person we love.
I think serious hospitalizations, if they lead to forward progress, are always Exodus moments for people with depression.
In my case, unlike Therese's hospitalization, it was negative rather than positive affirmation that drove me forward. Though I was separated from my wife, we had not begun divorce proceedings. Yet she refused to even visit me. I even pleaded for her to bring the dog we shared for me to see through the window.
It was so pitiful. And her response was so pitiless. "You made your bed, you lie in it."
And I realized I was completely on my own in at least two ways -- one, that this "thing" I'd had for 2-1/2 years was far worse than I thought and was never going away; and two, that I would be getting divorced soon and restarting my life that way as well.
In the hospital library was a copy of John McCain's "Faith of Our Fathers." I read the story of how he summoned (and there were so many times where he thought he could summon no more) the will to survive seven years of torture from the Vietnamese. SEVEN YEARS.
And I snapped out of my solipsism (even though I don't agree with McCain's politics, mind you) and realized others had been through worse. And if they could get through -- even alone, as in McCain's case, except for code scribbled between fellow prisoners -- I could too.
Even during the many moments afterward when I thought the end was nigh.
I am so sorry to approach you this way, but you used to have an email address to write to. I can't tell you how much I get out of your writing. I have passed links to my daughter on many occassions, who also struggles with depression. Thank you so much.
The reason I was trying to write to you was on a different "mental" issue. It is not a problem I have, but my boyfriend. There are many who suffer, and many more who want to know how to deal. I am worried about starting the blog because of the people that know him. I would never want to cause him any harm, and I'm not sure mutual people we know would ever read it, but what if? How does your husband feel about what you are doing? Do mutual friends of yours know about your blog? Do people make snide remarks to him? Are you using a "pen name" vs. real name to keep some kind of anomynity(I probably spelled that wrong).
I understand you get so many emails a day and I hate to ad to your burden, but you're the best I know, especially in this catagory, so I would appreciate your point of view.
Thank you again for all your help with my daughter, and in advance with this.
My email is ldbeams@yahoo.com
Lauri Beamish
San Jose, CA
Thank you, Therese, for so eloquently describing to your readers how you access the powerful, authentic, compassionate, funny voice that so many of us love. By describing how you found your brave voice you have, as usual, exhibited enormous bravery. And grace. And generosity.
BTW, Therese, IMO (I omit the "H" intentionally), I don't think one can be a writer and want to project one's thoughts to the world without having SOME ego. Which I don't think is a bad thing.
If you say the negative, self-destructive part of your ego died that day, I'm with you 1,000%
Thank you for your putting yourself out there, and I have no wish to denigrate who you are and have been thru, BUT
For those of us without your beauty, talent, friendships, lovers, whom life has also given deep issues, it rings a little hollow only in this sense (again, I do not mean to minimize your life and struggles): that your positive story and that of others can give false hope sometimes to those of us more average, whom genetics, or fate, or environment has given a poor hand to play, and here I speak not only of myself, but others I have known and do know. Not that this news is all negative, because there is probably a way for anyone to find their way, but my oh my, it may entail some very harsh realities, in a sense that the universe does not love them and not all things are possible, even if highly desired and necessary to health and well being.
J. K. Rowling was depressed because of her divorce. Divorce, according to many experts and thousands of studies, is likened to death in that the person moves through several stages until finally that person is healed. One such stage is depression. Some people weather the storm better than others but most people who divorce experience some of the stages.
In my opinion, using her comments is just a way to draw in your readers. Rowling's thoughts seem simplistic and obvious.
Excellent -- wish I could pass this site along to many who cannot access a website because of poverty or other issues -- you are inspiring --
Therese,
By putting your experience out for anyone to see and to listen to, I believe that you show how far you have come in your life experience. The message you got that day, that there is an unconditional love for each of us, from our God first and if we look, believe and accept it, from people around us. It is believing that we are worthy of this kind of love that is the hardest to believe. My life changed when someone told me to write down the name or names of people that made me feel bad about myself and write down the names of people who I would go to if I wanted to celebrate. They told me to get rid of the first list (one was my then husband and one was one of my sisters) and when I did get rid of the negative surrounding my life that I would be able to grow. I am divorced and limit my time and what I share with my sister and surrround myself with positive people and I cannot tell you how blessed my life is now, no matter if I am in poverty or grief, I have love from my true family and friends and that gets me through.
Post a Comment
By submitting these comments, I agree to the beliefnet.com terms of service, rules of conduct and privacy policy (the "agreements"). I understand and agree that any content I post is licensed to beliefnet.com and may be used by beliefnet.com in accordance with the agreements.