Ah yes, boundaries. How is it that mine are knocked down as often as the towers of blocks David and Katherine build? I am getting better at boundaries. Therein lies my hope. And I’m sure constructing them will eventually get easier. But right now I have to erect some tall ones regarding my time online, my involvement with Group Beyond Blue in Beliefnet’s Community, and my e-mailing capacity to Beyond Blue readers.
I am so grateful that Beyond Blue has grown into a supportive and vibrant community; however, it’s unrealistic for me to expect that I return each e-mail as the community grows. I’m now spending much more time in front of a computer than with my family. And as much as I care for every member of Beyond Blue, I have to put my time with my family and my own needs first.
So, I’ve decided to allot a half-hour to e-mailing readers a day. That’s three and a half hours a week. Versus over ten hours a week that I have been doing. So, in the minus seven hours, some of you may not hear back from me. And I do apologize for that. But I figure you’d want me healthy and writing my blog than on my bed with heart palpitations from anxiety.
I also need to invest some time into the friendships that I have let slide because of my involvement online—like the college buddies who really want me to go to our reunion this summer, something I was afraid I was too busy to do.
And as I feel around for what feels right with me, please take comfort in knowing that boundaries are an evolving thing, and that if you are bad with yours, well, you have some company!
Add to Del.icio.us
Add to Technorati
Add to Digg
Add to Newsvine
Add to Facebook
Add to StumbleUpon
Subscribe
I am with Tracey. You are a great role model. Ihope you will write more as you continue on your journey of boundaries and let us know how it is going for you and how you are feeling about it.
I too, have been struggling with boundaries between family and work and that is, for me, about where I place my value as a person. There are soo many things that I want to do, that I feel I need to do, to help, to listen, to be active, but I am making myself sick. I am begining to feel the cold feet of depression upon me - a clue that I need to pull back a bit and reasses my life. Watching you do that too, is a help to me. No pressure intended! :0) Thank you for all that you are and who you are. Best Wishes, Lisa
I can understand where you're coming from. I should set boundaries on alot of things in my life which includes being on the computer for hours on end. But you see I go a couple of days without being on the computer for anything. There're nights where I can't sleep so I stay up blog on different subjects until I get tired or I decide to check on other things on the Internet or answer my E-mails to my nephew & my friend in Washington State. Another boundry I should set is put my health ahead of others but kind of hard because I'm too much a people person. I'll have to pray & meditate on it real hard because I know I'm just hurting me in the long run. Good luck to us both with setting all boundries we've got to set for ourselves.
People pleasing is accualy my job.I'm a hairstylist.I have had to learn to set bounderies for the clients,in how I have allowed them to treat me .I still strugle with this a little bit.I try to get a grip before I get too agitated.So I am glad to know you are taking charge of your life.We all need to remeber our feelings count too. We deserve time for ourselves as well as our family members .
Learning how to set boundaries is a necessary step in learning to a friend to ourselves. It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves, and to protect ourselves when it is necessary. It is impossible to be loving to ourselves without owning ourself and owning our rights and responsibilities as Co-creators of our lives.
Once we start having a more loving relationship with ourselves, everything changes.
It's relatively easy to set boundaries in relationships that don't mean that much to us - it is in the relationships that mean the most to us that is so difficult. That is because, it is those relationships that our inner child wounds are the most powerful. That inner child is terrified of setting boundaries for fear everyone will leave.
(The other extreme is those who throw up huge walls to try to keep people from getting too close - and sabotage any relationship - to protect the wounded child from getting hurt.)
There is no blame, there is no bad guys, only wounded souls with broken hearts and scrambled minds.
Boundaries don't separate us from life - they enrich it. After all boundaries gives us the freedom to become the person we wish to be.
The purpose of setting boundaries is not to be separated from others, but to gain the freedom and the strength to better serve them. For it is only after we learn to protect, honor and love ourselves that we will be able to do the same for others.
With heart-filled gratitude, Therese....
Therese, you sweet angel, you! A poignant, moving post from one of my favorite fellow travellers. In other words; I hear ya, Sister and You Go, Girl! You have provided so much food for thought we'll be busy digesting for some time.
Ain't it the truth?! Lack of appropriate boundaries, in terms of both self-control and people-pleasing, has caused much unnecessary grief and conflict in my life. Growing up with 9 brothers and sisters, there was as much room for boundaries as there was space in the closet!
Aged 51, I started working on boundaries within the past few months and am beginning to learn that life isn't always about serving...it's ok to allow yourself to really enjoy whatever you are able to enjoy. That sounds basic but when emerging from depressive episodes it can be unfamiliar territory.
I am finding that 'No, thank you', 'Maybe later', 'I'd love to, but...' or any combination of those with a short, honest explanation have sufficed amazingly well. (For those stubborn cases you just can't 'shout' out, a second or third 'application' may be necessary;-)
May God richly bless your comings and goings and may you enjoy every moment of every day as much as you're ready, willing and able to.
Literally, with literary affectation and affection,
The other French Therese
PS: UNDER PENALTY OF 'RAW'(nerves;-) DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS OR ANY OTHER MESSAGE UNTIL SUCH TIME AS 'BLOGGA' HAS TIME...
Post a Comment
By submitting these comments, I agree to the beliefnet.com terms of service, rules of conduct and privacy policy (the "agreements"). I understand and agree that any content I post is licensed to beliefnet.com and may be used by beliefnet.com in accordance with the agreements.