Young Pilot Ends Her Life at 26

I have suffered with manic depression since I was a teen. My whole family sisters and mother have depression and anxiety disorders. At the age of 30 I was diagnosed as bipolar and borderline personality disorder. The same year my dad at age 53 suddenly died of a heart attack. Even though I was taking a regimen of antidepressants the grief was overwhelming for years afterwards. At age 40 my husband of 20 years decided to leave me and divorce me which threw me into circumstances beyond my control Thus leaving me with financial desperation and no health insurance coverage. I found out the week he left me that I had blood clots in my lungs and legs due to a genetic blood disorder. Since my divorce six years ago, life has been one bad thing after another without any relief. Yes i have contemplated committing suicide and nobody around me sees the pain and agony and utter despair I am going through. I cannot afford the hundreds of thousands of dollars of hospital bills my blood clots have caused me and no insurance to help. Me being bipolar and not being able to hold down jobs for very long has added another hufe pressure in my life.
If it were not for my faith in God I do not know what I would have done. My friends and church family see me always as energetic,kind, and "bubbly". But deep inside I wish for a ray of hope. If you are reading this and have a friend or family member who suffers from depression things are not always what people project them to be on the outside. Nobody but God and my immediate family know the darkness and personal depths of despair I feel on a daily basis. And yes situations can affect a persons life and bring about an onset of depression. Until you have experienced the huge chemical inbalance that causes manic depression or anxiety you cannot know how life can overwhelm you. If you see know a loved one is exhibiting signs of depression, please do not ignore it and hope that it will go away on its own. Let that loved one or friend know you have seen a change in them and talk with them about it. You might be saving someone from taking their own life.

Sharon, I am so sorry about Luke. I totally understand that you love animals more than people (although people are animals really, and some are beasts lol). I have always felt like that and when my beloved cat Mimi died 10 years ago I was totally shattered - I still am when I think about her. Animals are the best thing on this earth and actually I cannot stand them being slaughtered - any animal. The reason you love animals is that they return your love unconditionally and are not judgmental - I wish I could say the same about people. I wish you all the best - get another lovely animal.

My life is rough too. Sometimes I have thoughts like that too and for some reason have a strong notion that the way I'm going to go is going to be self inflicted as well. Not only for the certainty of knowing and the power of choosing the exact moment when I'm going to go but to finally end all of the nonsense and manipulation for seemingly pointless causes, causes lacking importance, or any real objective meaning. As I write this, Randy Pausch's "Last Lecture" is playing from the AOL's front page post.

I have a strong belief through experience in 'the secret' and apparently the demise thing has been coming up a lot. Really, I understand J.K. Rowling's point of view of nothing being able to stop you when you really want to end it but really you want to end it because things are bad, if one were to get a few things that they want, have a few things go right, or change their perspective and all of the badness of life melts away. Unfortunately the way you feel feels so right simply because it's the way you feel, that's its legitimacy, that you'd believe there was no way out of it. As I heard it once put its a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I think suicide is self embedded into a person who believes that they are either malfunctioning or unwilling, perhaps they believed they are unable, to go on after a particular change or perceived loss. Anyone who really looks at it must realize that there is no loss because there is no gain. One thinks they gain and one thinks they have and they get acclamated to that one particular way or benefit or status. You come from nothing you go back to it and all you ahve in between are thought constructs which may or may not be based upon actual objects but the world is so free flowing and such an open infrastructure that basically anything is possible (evolution) and nothing means anything except what you believe through perception. Making reality quintessentially what everyone agrees exists.

Consciousness is a unity of the cells of the body. We are the ambassadors of every single little living animal of our body, aka Cells and this is true on the fact that they react to our thoughts. Thereby this to me makes it obvious that when one is to go, when the bodily cells die and seperate we literally do become back one with the circle of all of this earthly matter and since the bodily unit of the cells are broke you literally go back nowhere from whence you came. Nothing to answer to, no heaven no hell, if anything memory you hold in each and every cell that was once in you. In other words, happy cows make good milf and beef due to the cell memory of it all. Religion seems to be an archaic and only semi-accurate attempt on each and every religion's part to describe the phenomenon easily described by a combination of science, common sense, critical thinking, and deductive reasoning (being careful not to generalize, examination from the macro to the micro - from the big picture to the details, from the overlapping to the linear and every single thing embodies the entire spectrum, both sides and all in between). For this reason, I'm niether for or against suicide, it's a thing that either happens or doesn't based on the person involved. But if there's one wise thing any one of us can do, is to recognize yourself attached to everything always and only in a detached fashion. Even from pain, pleasure, and other first person experiences. Even the you you think is you isn't you per se but your cells, you're just an ambassador, literally you are only a thought process. Depending on the point of view thereafter you can be a person, one of a culture, or everything entirely (all is one). Everything depends on point of view but at your most basic you're a thought process. Do what you do, but detached as you do it - recognize it for it's artistic beauty and allow it to do whatever it does while caring for it when you can while it's around. That I believe is the key to a successful relationship, career, life, and anything else because I feel we all know that what we must have what we worry about being without, we often wind up without while what we don't want, sort of want but only slightly detachedly went after, or did and forgot about was accomplished by simply falling into our lap after the intended and detached effort. Give life a shot, and if you really don't want to - atleast make sure you reckon all accounts and give parting words to any and all loved ones.