When are people going to learn, you CAN’T accomplish anything if you don’t have a healthy mind to “put to it.” (Even if you believe that philosophy, which I’m not sure I do.)
Requiem in pace, Vicki.

Sometime knowing others love you just isn’t enough. Every time I tried to kill myself it was because I felt “they” would be better without me making life worse for them. My girls grew up knowing Mom could try to kill her self anytime. And to my dismay I have passed this disorder on to one of them. It’s in my family gene pool. I didn’t find out till I was grown. But now I know it’s not my fault this is happening to me and my family. It just is, and I have to deal the best I can with it.

How very sad. It is too bad she couldn’t /wouldn’t accept medication. My uncle was mentally ill, and fortunately accepted medication, and took it religiously. He was a loner, but did manage to live on his own until the age of 87.

Oh yes, it does follow the gene pool for generations. No, not one person taking their own life will stop depression from REARING IT’S UGLY HEAD.”
I do remember some of my Mom’s relatives being strange or pecular, as my sister was called. My Mom suffered many “break downs” but she didn’t want help BECAUSE THERE WAS A CONSPIRACY AGAIN HER. Growing up with this Mom, I didn’t know any differently.
The more we read now about this disease of the brain………mental illness, it may be easier to help ourselves. Also, the big one is watching for signs or words spoken. It may be time for help them NOW!
I feel so sorry for the greiving family and friends of Vicki. Then will never get over or miss her or if only they had gone something, etc. A prayer for all folks on both sides of suicide.

I disagree with the comment that an ugly divorce or life threatening event does not cause depression. In the space of a year, I lost my father, job, and got a divorce. Severe depression was a natural occurrence after experiencing these events. These events caused a latent depression to manifest itself which had not been much of a problem prior to these events.

What hasn’t been made clear here, and most people don’t know – Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) regulations do not allow pilots to fly taking any mind altering substances, and that includes legal prescriptions, the anti-depressants etc. If she were to “accept” medications, she would lose her pilot privileges.
I had to make the same choice this winter, to take meds which make me feel somewhat better, but now I can’t fly and I am grieving a loss hardly anyone understands. Fly anyway? The risk is that if there was an accident the first thing that happens is a blood test, and if traces are found of illegal substances, the penalties are great including cancellation of one’s insurance coverage. No, I have to accept this as it is. While I grieve the lost of flight, at least I have happy memories of flight and insights to apply in the rest of my life.

I have fought depression since I was 12 years old and now at 59, it still haunts me. It wasn’t until I couldn’t get out of bed at age 50 that I finally found help. Athough I have been on medication for many years, through counseling, and have many people who love and need me, it is a constant battle to resist suicide. Even with medication, I have to find something everyday that keeps me from commiting the fatal act. And yes, it has been those setbacks in life that have made my depression worse and more intolerable at times. In my opinion, for what it’s worth, the best doctors in the world and medications won’t stop someone who is determined to kill themselves. You have to reach within yourself and look for that one thing or person that has meaning to you who you don’t want to hurt. Hopefully, those of us plagued with this illness can find a reason to fight the urge, save ourselves, and spare our loved ones from the pain that we would bring upon them.

All too often, children who acheive things beyond their years end up as another statistic. At times it makes me wonder if indeed the “firsts” are worth the later price.

I have a message that can help and serve countless people out there who are fighting depression and suicidal tendencies, to save/transform their lives. Let everyone know thse few things for sure :
1. Even if we think that bipolar depression is basically a brain disease, and events like divorce etc. can only trigger depression but not create it, we must realize that brain circuits can be rewritten and
when needed, new brain cells, of which we have an abundant ‘standby’ always available, can take over. In the 2nd world war, the incredible survival of soldiers shot through the brain, and the slow but sure restoration of their impaired brain functions, is an inspiring example.
2. The body has a tremendous capacity to bounce back and recover, as long as there is life force and a will to survive. Our negative perceptions, feelings and thought-habits hardwire the brain circuits. Through our central nervous system, we constantly affirm sorrow and suffering, we think diseases, so they exist and grow – we can as well affirm healing and wellness. Through what the modern Psucho-Neuro-Immunology science calls ‘neuroplasticity of the brain’, we can rewrite those faulty brain circuits with new,better ones.
3. How to rewrite the brain circuits ? At the bodily level, long walks, deep abdominal breathing, healthy food (with lots of seasonal greens and vegetables, almonds and honey etc), abstinence from addictions, sufficient rest and sleep etc
plus
two most important techniques : Yogic 12-step ‘Surya Namaskar’ done with feeling and ‘Pranayama’ like Bhastrika, Kapalbhati, Anulom Vilom,etc. As inner positivity geadually returns, one can slowly take to meditation. Having been a Yoga Coach, I know how a student in 40′s, through these techniques, got free of all his daily anti-depressant doses and started living a full life again, in just 4-6 months. Anybody can do it. I am willing to help. We don’t need to shut ourselves out with fatal submission, we must reach out and seek help which is so much easier with modern internet connectivity etc. We have nothing to lose, except our loneliness and suffering.
4. At the mental and emotional level, one needs to be positive. Mind is higher than the body. Any bodily technique can easily be rendered useless by a negative mind. But positive thinking is a big hoax which in itself will not work, unless supported by positive feelings of love and belonging to family/friends – important inclusions being kids, pets and plants. Love has an omnicurative power – ref. the recent research on the heart also having a brain of its own complete with ganglia, its 65% cells being neural in nature, its being like an endocrine gland secreting a hormone called AFT, and its ability to respond to the brain’s puzzled questions on life’s important issues,etc. When we love selflessly, the complete biochemistry changes (starting probably with secretions of certain immunity-boosting hormones from the the pituitary gland.
5. At the spiritual level, we need a grateful awareness that life is meant to be lived meaningfully, that we owe it to our Maker Who is kind and merciful, that our own past Karma – misuse of the freedom of choice- and not His arbitrary will is at the source of our troubles, that no matter how hard our tests, He constantly wants us to come out strengthened and victorious, and that He has mercifully planted in us a power of self-healing which outdoes the power of any ailment anytime,etc. If mind is higher than the gross body, the Soul is the highest ; as souls,we are children of a loving God and we are made in His image – full of bliss, love and peace. The body will die anyway one day, but while it is alive, it has a sacred mission to execute : to live and spread love, of which hope is a natural ally.
Yes,there is always hope. My mail ID is hans@hansyoga.com and I live in Noida,India. Normally, I charge fees because motivational training on wellness/self-help is my present full-time work and I have to run my family, but for those who cannot pay, I am willing to do it free – as labor of love. Feel welcome. Peace unto all.

I have suffered with manic depression since I was a teen. My whole family sisters and mother have depression and anxiety disorders. At the age of 30 I was diagnosed as bipolar and borderline personality disorder. The same year my dad at age 53 suddenly died of a heart attack. Even though I was taking a regimen of antidepressants the grief was overwhelming for years afterwards. At age 40 my husband of 20 years decided to leave me and divorce me which threw me into circumstances beyond my control Thus leaving me with financial desperation and no health insurance coverage. I found out the week he left me that I had blood clots in my lungs and legs due to a genetic blood disorder. Since my divorce six years ago, life has been one bad thing after another without any relief. Yes i have contemplated committing suicide and nobody around me sees the pain and agony and utter despair I am going through. I cannot afford the hundreds of thousands of dollars of hospital bills my blood clots have caused me and no insurance to help. Me being bipolar and not being able to hold down jobs for very long has added another hufe pressure in my life.
If it were not for my faith in God I do not know what I would have done. My friends and church family see me always as energetic,kind, and “bubbly”. But deep inside I wish for a ray of hope. If you are reading this and have a friend or family member who suffers from depression things are not always what people project them to be on the outside. Nobody but God and my immediate family know the darkness and personal depths of despair I feel on a daily basis. And yes situations can affect a persons life and bring about an onset of depression. Until you have experienced the huge chemical inbalance that causes manic depression or anxiety you cannot know how life can overwhelm you. If you see know a loved one is exhibiting signs of depression, please do not ignore it and hope that it will go away on its own. Let that loved one or friend know you have seen a change in them and talk with them about it. You might be saving someone from taking their own life.

Lastnight, I lost my beloved pet cat, Luke, to cancer. For people who love animals they will understand the depth of pain and sorrow I am feeling. I don’t have children, so these kitties were my children. I had Luke and his sister (still and thanfully)for 11 years. When they arrived into my life it was truly one of the best moments I can truly recall. I looked at these two cute, white and furry kitties and I was flooded and overjoyed with such love and happpiness. They were mine to love and guard and I made that promise that they were with me until their last breath! I remember I could not wait to love them and give them all the nurturing one would give to any living breathing miracle.
Upon losing Luke, was like seeing chapters of my life going by. He was with me through a marriage, a bad divorce, a near-fatal car accident, a 5 1/2 year relationship that ended up broken for good,the death of a close friend, etc. etc. and I always had these little furballs of utter joy to come home to in the end.
Poor Luke had cancer and I did EVERYTHING in my power to save him, but in the end, his battle was greater than his will or strength. And, believe me when I express– he gave it his all!
I often wonder why I would rather be with animals moreso than our human counterparts. Perhaps it is a lesson I witnessed during this time about how cold people can be when they think of an animal as being just that and nothing too much more. I tell you readers, I have suffered with depression since I was in my teens and I am nearing fifty. Animals are unconditional and truly amazing perceptors. I hope if I arrive in heaven there will be my beloved pets, or, it won’t be heaven for me. I truly believe we have to know this lesson of unconditional love in order to understand depression better.

Sharon, I am so sorry about Luke. I totally understand that you love animals more than people (although people are animals really, and some are beasts lol). I have always felt like that and when my beloved cat Mimi died 10 years ago I was totally shattered – I still am when I think about her. Animals are the best thing on this earth and actually I cannot stand them being slaughtered – any animal. The reason you love animals is that they return your love unconditionally and are not judgmental – I wish I could say the same about people. I wish you all the best – get another lovely animal.

Thank you Rosemary, your words are quite comforting. I have to realize there will never be another Luke, but I will always make room in my heart for another cutie! I look back and wish his death was not so horrific. Cancer is such a cruel disease.

My life is rough too. Sometimes I have thoughts like that too and for some reason have a strong notion that the way I’m going to go is going to be self inflicted as well. Not only for the certainty of knowing and the power of choosing the exact moment when I’m going to go but to finally end all of the nonsense and manipulation for seemingly pointless causes, causes lacking importance, or any real objective meaning. As I write this, Randy Pausch’s “Last Lecture” is playing from the AOL’s front page post.
I have a strong belief through experience in ‘the secret’ and apparently the demise thing has been coming up a lot. Really, I understand J.K. Rowling’s point of view of nothing being able to stop you when you really want to end it but really you want to end it because things are bad, if one were to get a few things that they want, have a few things go right, or change their perspective and all of the badness of life melts away. Unfortunately the way you feel feels so right simply because it’s the way you feel, that’s its legitimacy, that you’d believe there was no way out of it. As I heard it once put its a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I think suicide is self embedded into a person who believes that they are either malfunctioning or unwilling, perhaps they believed they are unable, to go on after a particular change or perceived loss. Anyone who really looks at it must realize that there is no loss because there is no gain. One thinks they gain and one thinks they have and they get acclamated to that one particular way or benefit or status. You come from nothing you go back to it and all you ahve in between are thought constructs which may or may not be based upon actual objects but the world is so free flowing and such an open infrastructure that basically anything is possible (evolution) and nothing means anything except what you believe through perception. Making reality quintessentially what everyone agrees exists.
Consciousness is a unity of the cells of the body. We are the ambassadors of every single little living animal of our body, aka Cells and this is true on the fact that they react to our thoughts. Thereby this to me makes it obvious that when one is to go, when the bodily cells die and seperate we literally do become back one with the circle of all of this earthly matter and since the bodily unit of the cells are broke you literally go back nowhere from whence you came. Nothing to answer to, no heaven no hell, if anything memory you hold in each and every cell that was once in you. In other words, happy cows make good milf and beef due to the cell memory of it all. Religion seems to be an archaic and only semi-accurate attempt on each and every religion’s part to describe the phenomenon easily described by a combination of science, common sense, critical thinking, and deductive reasoning (being careful not to generalize, examination from the macro to the micro – from the big picture to the details, from the overlapping to the linear and every single thing embodies the entire spectrum, both sides and all in between). For this reason, I’m niether for or against suicide, it’s a thing that either happens or doesn’t based on the person involved. But if there’s one wise thing any one of us can do, is to recognize yourself attached to everything always and only in a detached fashion. Even from pain, pleasure, and other first person experiences. Even the you you think is you isn’t you per se but your cells, you’re just an ambassador, literally you are only a thought process. Depending on the point of view thereafter you can be a person, one of a culture, or everything entirely (all is one). Everything depends on point of view but at your most basic you’re a thought process. Do what you do, but detached as you do it – recognize it for it’s artistic beauty and allow it to do whatever it does while caring for it when you can while it’s around. That I believe is the key to a successful relationship, career, life, and anything else because I feel we all know that what we must have what we worry about being without, we often wind up without while what we don’t want, sort of want but only slightly detachedly went after, or did and forgot about was accomplished by simply falling into our lap after the intended and detached effort. Give life a shot, and if you really don’t want to – atleast make sure you reckon all accounts and give parting words to any and all loved ones.