5 Ways to View a Midlife Crisis

I joke that I've been in a mid-life crisis since I was 35. I'm now 48. I had some tough times when I was 35 but also had them when I was a kid so maybe it was just a tough time that I went through, not related to age.

I'm remember standing in the hair color aisle when I was 35, as, genetically, women in my family start getting white hair early, thinking in horror that it was time for me to start coloring my hair, which I eventually did three years later.

I'm now staring 50 in the face and am struggling with that. I'm trying to take the advice of Marianne Williamson's article on this site, looking not as staying young, which no one can do, but, yes, grieving the loss of youth and then moving on to being fabulous at any age. I have aches and pains, which sometimes get in the way when I exercise, and I have some memory problems just like you do.

As someone told me a few years ago, long ago, people in their late 30s and 40s were the elders of the village. They took care of the grandkids or advised the young men in hunting but didn't do everything that young adults did, so it was okay that they could only walk instead of run and sit instead of doing everything rlse. The past century or so, we still have to do everything we did when we were younger - work, run a household, etc., and sometimes we have trouble doing that due to age-related conditions.

For me it was hitting the big 5-0! thirty didn't bother me, nor did forty, but fifty was HORRIBLE! for months before the date, I actually had shaking and other anxiety symotomswhen I contemplated turning fifty. I was (of course) in therapy at the time, and my therapists (one of my better ones, thankfull) helped me realize that it was the fact that I wasn't anywhere near that place where I'd always THOUGHT i'd be when I hit that milestone. It wasn't just the number; it was that particular number and the EXPECTATIONS I'd grown to associate with at . Other than having a rewarding, successful career, none of my gols were on target. Financial security? Oh, PLEASE! hAPPILY MARRIED? I was divorced before forty, and as for the "happily part, thathad proven to be an oxymoron in my life. Spiritually Grounded? Still in progress(And continues to be as I approach sixty) What my two younger sisters did for me turned out to be both spiritually and emotionally theraputic. They were determined that we were going to celebrate my "half- century mark" (Although phrasing it that way didn't help the cause), so they packed me up and took me on a road trip! We went to Toronto and took in two Broadway shows (West Side Stiory and "Phantom Of the Opera" then on to Canada's Stratford Festival to see "Hamlet and McBeth". Since we were already north, we traveled a ways east so that I could see Niagra Falls (They'd both been; I hadn't) and visit the town of St Catherine's, which was where Harriet Tubman ended her latter underground railroad expeditions once the Federal Slave Act was passed andescaped laves were no longer "protected" in northern states. Harriet is one of my personal heros after learning so much more about her life than her "conductor days"; the woman spent her ENTIRE LIFE in service to others. In addition to the U>R., she also became active in the suffragette movement and ended up spending her last years opening her home to people who had none In the end she ended up bequeathing her farm to the AME cjurch and it became one of the first "nursing homes" after she died. She also spent time working with/for the Union army during the civil War, both as a spy (who knew the countryside better?) and as the one in charge of creating/administrating hospitals for wounded African American soldiers. she also advocated for black soldiers (herself included) to receive military pay for their war time efforts, taking that fight all the way to the white House! Ironically, England's Queen Victoria honored her with that country's medal of honor long before our own country even paid her the n=back pay she'd earned while serving in the army. (Perhaps NOT so ironically; the Bible talks about prophets not being hailed in their own land. Harriet might not have been a prophet, but she WAS a heroine, so I guess that same principle applied here.) While in St. Catherine's, we located the AME church which she had attended and the site of her home there (Both were at that time well-marked with historical plaques. We also found the less-wll-marked "negro cemetary. It was a WONDERFUL three weeks for me, and by the time we arrived back in MI I wasn't nearly as anxious about my age as I had been before the spirited me away. I love the theatre, so the shows we saw were a real treat, and all three of us are the kind of travelers who prefer to just drive and stop whenevr something piques our interest, so we made good traveling companions.Niagra Falls was simply a bonus of that kind of traveling, and it was AWESOME to see. No one will ever convince me that that wasn't a mid-life crisi" time for me; but again, it was more about unmet goals than the number. As a younger woman, fifty had seemed so OL, and like many people, I had a pre-conceived picture of what my life "should" look like when I got there. Now I'm better able to live day-to-day and look at progress rather than just final goal attainment (When i'm not in the clutches of the "black dog", that is) I no longer reuse to celebrate birthdays; it diesn't matter since they come and go with or without the celebrations. (Besides, why not use every POSSIBLE excuse to bake my famous "Double chocolate Texas sheet cake?

well i am 37 now. Mom of 4 girls. 20.18.16.13.
I became a single mom at 28. I got a job , went back to school. Then i thought no problem when i turned 30.I cried that night,for what I felt had been years wasted. I had my girls.No physical abuse.I should have been grateful.I found myself in a crisis. and i know they can come at any age. I may not be the average joe-ann. I am an alcoholic who finally got sober and it took my mother's passing to do that. At 37, I am married 3 1/2 yrs. to a wonderful man and father to my kids.He is also in recovery 4 yrs as I am. He is 45.I am just now learning to live, love and laugh each day. I can only say of the crisis' that when they come , as i know they will. I am happy to be here to go through them. Chrissy

"Still, what about the midlle-aged men who, besides buying tiny sports cars, cheat on their wives with girls half their age or younger? Are they trying to prove they still have "prowess"? Explain that one to me."

Maybe it's because their wives lose interest in sex. No one ever seems to mention that as possibly being one of the reasons.

Anyway, the reccurring thought I have as I approach 40 is, "Is this it?" Often my whole life seems pre-arranged. The world doesn't hold anything new or unexpected for me. It's a ridiculous thought, I know, I have experienced only a small fraction of the world but still, that's the way I feel.

i don't call it a crisis, but i believe 'it' happens. i'm 44 and just now feel like i'm waking up after dozing through 43 years of my life - how amazing, huh? i am blessed to have been able to give birth to a gorgeous daughter, now 12 i am beginning to 'let go' of my period and give it to her :) I am pumped about this stage of my life, even though i'm not quite sure which direction i will point it - not lost just not sure which road to turn at. i am currently single, and like that i spend time with myself so that when i'm ready to give my self wholly to a man again, i will feel at peace with myself. it's all better NOW, i believe God brings us to these cross roads equipped with the tools to make it happen - yes scary at times, but i wouldn't change a thing. i like me better now than i did before, I like the idea of this being called a new beginning, or beginning of a new stage in our lives. it only becomes a crisis if we choose to make it so. the 'fuzzy' stages pass - meditation helps me to gain clarity.

The word crisis is the critical issue, a crisis is seen as a problem, the real thing many people experience is a questioning of things they regret doing or not doing, these regrets come from decisions made, for the wrong reasons, Iresently read a good book which talked about how we need to get other poeples oppinions when we make a decision due to the rule that we do not know what our future selves want, things change, when we make a decision. these changes can stack upon each other to create major peoblems for our future selves. when thes problems become to much we need to make another choice, scrape the old and start over or keep trudging through. this is the so called "mid-life crisis" but it doesn't have tobe all crisis, it can be easy if we do not have regrets, personnally my crisis came when I was in the army and finnaly decided what I wanted to do with my life at age 31, once the decision was made I ran full force into the beginnings of the end of a six year marriage, which lasted another four and a half years. until my wife hit her "crisis" Now I am rebuilding my life as a single father, while my ex is doing the same thing, we both have regrets. we are both in the same place, but we are not together. when she talked to me while the divorce was being processed. she said her lawyer said some time people are in different places in their life, but we are really in such a simular place, we will never be so close, but so far apart as we are now. there are crisis's in live but they are not predictable. this is why there is so muchjdispute over the subject of "a mid-life Crisis" be cause of the differences between personal experience.
these differences can seem close between people, as shown in studies, but they appear within diferent ranges, of age. and experience, middle age is not the deciding factor there are to many deciding factors, such as life satifaction, choices made, desires, neededs, self esteme, the list can go on. How can we measure all of these things in a scientific way. we can't. that is the limit of science, we must have some kind of faith in God to resolve the "mid-life crisis therories" what ever you believe is correct will determine when it will happen.
Faith is the answer here.

A crisis is only a crisis when change, or not, hurts you and those around you. It can come at any age. Think 24 years old. I spread my wings and behaved somewhat without thought. And that's putting it mildly. The next time was at 30; same sort of behavior- shorter period of time. Then I started to believe I deserved to treat myself better and with dignity and respect. Long story short, I am now almost 47 and still believing in the dignity and respect aspect. Now spreading my wings means sticking up for myself more and getting involved in more activities. That's where my midlife is at. Spreading my wings has taken on a richer meaning this time around. Yay!

Mid-life crisis? It seems like navel gazing to me. People are so selfish now - how many of us get everything we want in life? Even the super-rich cry and whine about their problems. So, what does it all mean? I learned a wonderful life lesson from my Dad. He chose to be content; that made him happy; and happy made him love life. He chose to honor his wedding vows for 54 years; he chose to help his children all his life. He chose to be a grandfather to kids who are in their 30s and 40s now and still miss him and cry when they speak about him. He has been dead since 1990 and family & friends still talk about him in glowing terms. He came from a family of 10 kids; his mom was killed by a street car when he was 11, right in the middle of the kids; and I never heard him complain how hard their life was. What he did say was how they all pulled together to keep the family going. My dad's family stayed close and raised their own families to feel loved and secure. Meaning: your character is built at home. It is built in worship and civic duty. In doing your best - all the old standards. I am going to be 60 years old this August and sometimes feel the long night of the soul. But no matter what, all we have is our character and that makes for good ground for a good world. We have strayed so far from goodness on this earth, I sometimes fear it is too late. Something is coming; don't know what it is, but I feel a major change outside of our control lays ahead. I wish people wouldn't hurt and kill and cheat and betray one another; that we could find a way to rise above our coarser selves and evolve to a higher standard. Maybe I should run for Miss Universe? Oh yeah, and a good laugh doesn't hurt either. God bless us everyone!

I am now 48 years young, and have finally found my 'calling,' if you will. After teaching some 24 years, and feeling like something was missing; I returned to an old love--writing. I write part time for an online political newspaper and love every minute! I have decided that it is time for me to pursue my passion and write closer to full time. Consequently, I will be forming my own company (for my bread and butter), and write. I am tired of living for others and their expectations, now it's my turn. I don't consider this selfish, merely honest. Frankly, I'm just coming home to my true self, and I've never felt more genuine. I've found my voice. Growing older isn't necessarily good or bad; it's what you make of your relationships and your outlook. For me; I'm ready to 'fight the good fight,' like my hero I.F. Stone.

my mid-life "fun" was age 59. Bought a bright red Toyota Yaris (40mpg), streaked my hair (didn't have any gray). I'm 60 now and loving every minute of it. Age is only a number, live life to the fullest. Hugs!

Let go and let God handle it. I'm single, male, and 48. Since I found Jesus, he has given me the inner strength and peace I've been searching for all my life in ALL the wrong places. Seriously folks, give Jesus a chance. He will change your life in the positive ways that only He can. I'me living proof. I pray that this may help, comfort, and bring at least one more person to recieve Jesus Christ as their Saviour. You can recieve this indescribable transformation for absolutely no charge; just accept Jesus Christ as your Savior too. If you need help with how to do this, email me at grobe59@yahoo.com, and I'll get you some links to some excellent sites that will explain it all to you(and I'll be glad to give you any help I can as well). God bless you all.

39 going on 40!!! You're just starting to live. Mid Life Crisis, Bah , HUMBUG!!! Enjoy every second. Live your life to the fullest, have NO regrets! I'm 53 going on 54 but I'll never be old. When I was younger I did all that I wanted to do so I'd have great memories in my old age.
So, now I'm older with heart problems, arthritis, lung problems and some GREAT memories. I tell my kids and my younger co-wokers to enjoy your life, work hard. Play more, laugh more and worry less.

Well what the heck...everyone is entitled to a theory, and you don't even need a PHD to have one. Here goes: 1) How do you know WHEN to have a mid-life crisis? If you only live to be 60 then you'd have to have one when you're 30...right? 2) I think men definitely have an advantage over us ladies. They get to chase women and ride motorcycles! Sure sounds like a lot more fun than pre-menopause and varicose veins! 3) Since society has new definitions for aging ie; "40 is the new 30, 50 is the new 40, etc. Who knows HOW old anyone is anyway? 4) When does "over the hill" begin? I'm 53, I don't remember any hill! Maybe a few "speed bumps" like the onset of arthritis from previous misadventures and fighting the "battle of the bulge" from an increasingly sluggish metabolism. I think Toby Keith got it right when he sang "I ain't as good as I once was...but I'm as good once as I ever was."

I like what Carlo Strenger projects. He said turn it into a different perspective.
At 52 yrs. I have no career because I stayed home and raised my children and I've been cleaning houses for 5 yrs now. Not a bad way to make a living, but I'm tired of cleaning toilets

I was getting really depressed at the picture that was posing it's ugly head all the time that this is my future, so I did exactly what Strenger proposed. I hadn't read anything like this, but was not going to go down without a fight.

I gave it thought and said, well I've been an adult for about 30 yrs and I probably have another 25 to 30 yrs left, so it's like a second part to my life. Do you know what happened when I started to think that way? I asked myself what I want to do. I told myself, I can do anything or nothing, so I'm going to go into interior design (something I wanted to do when a teenager, but never pursued it) and I now feel better, much better, about life and have hope, and desire, and energy. It's all mental, so observe how you talk to yourself!! Make it positive.

To live somewhat and hopefully better quality of life, don't be afraid of tomorrow, because no matter what you do do or don't do, it will be here. Learn to never say never, and be thankeful that you have each other and be thankful that you are still breathing and hopefully healthy. I know millioaires that are diseased and plagued with drug and/or alcohol abuse, that the millions do not buy away loneliness, or buy away strokes and heart conditions. Don't live too fast and start wishing today away and try to make everything count that you do. Life is a moment so live for that moment, "mid-life crisis" included.

The first major crisis came in my life at 30, a year after my dear Mother died at a fairly young age. It wasn't so much losing my best friend, and discovering in her absence my father could not fill her void for good company and advice, it was that I finally discovered there was a ME. I was no longer a print of who my parents wanted me to be, I was a person who had to finally think on her own. I began seeing myself and the world in a whole new perspective. It was scary enough to bring me some major first time panic attacks. I began living at 30, the life I should have lived at 18. With a marriage and two small children, I allowed myself to experience going back to college with the goals of finding a better job and finding out who I wanted to be besides Mommy and Wife. Of course, with change often come conflicts, positives, and sometimes negatives. We all worked through them and life seemed to get back on track for ten years. Suddenly, I found myself up against a new parent figure in my life who came out of the blue wanting to make my life better as he didn't see fit that the life I was living was good enough. He was my real father I had never met. He stalked me, humiliated me publicly, promised me big rewards (I haven't seen in 20 years), did everything under the sun to try to change me to suit his needs and make me the belle of the ball. I was back to square one again, helpless and alone with no escaping this man. The hard work I had done when Mom died, learning to live life and grow, was all negated because I didn't fit his diagram for good living. He wasn't proud enough of me. He sure made that known to the world too. Presently, I face the crisis of avoiding this dictator and his cruelties. I am alone again like when Mom died. My "family" refuse to get involved. I am being consumed by a life-eater, and trust me, there are many types of situations like this out there. I guess the crises come when we don't connect strongly enough with our Higher Power and being true to ourselves.

It's not about a number and it's not about the various "crises" that happen to us along the way. Having a "midlife crisis" is just that: when you are "midway" through your life -- maybe having established a career, having gotten married and having raised children, etc. -- and you wake up one day and ask, "Is that all there is??" Suddnely you realize that the life you've lived all those years is not necessarily the life you wanted to live. Maybe somewhere along the way life took a turn that wasn't necessarily of your own choosing, but you went with it anyway and now, years later, you realize you would have much rather gone down a different path. Then you are faced with the fact that your years and opportunities to do anything you may have ever wanted to do are running out and if you are going to make any changes, you need to do them NOW! That's why it's called a "MID-life crisis." You are midway through your life, if you are going to live to full maturity, and it could be "now or never."

For some, it's a last-minute panic of losing their youth, which is why men go out and buy new cars and women spend thousands of dollars to look younger!

But true peace and fulfillment comes in recognizing who you are and setting out to achieve goals that maybe you left behind in your youth. Or it could just come from accepting who and what you are and where you are in life and just being content. However you choose to face the rest of your days, get out there and enjoy it!!

Yes, crises - my first was, as others have written, when my mother died when I was 33, had 2 small children and a husband. I guess I thought my mother would live forever. She used to tell me she wouldn't. She died suddenly - had a stroke. My youngest daughter had just turned l - I cried for a year. I tried to cry when she wasn't looking but that wasn't always possible. It's 27 years later and I still miss my mother terribly. I was busy then, bringing up small children, but when they were in high school and started driving, I found myself alone, feeling totally useless. I had stayed home w/them as they grew up, abandoning my career. I went back for my Master's degree but found the adjustment to empty nester tremendously hard. My husband missed them too, but his job carried him through. Years later, I'm only beginning to "find myself", a term I always thought to be ridiculous. I'm just now starting to get back to where I was before I "dropped out".

I consider each day a gift. My life has had the usual events - marriage, children, deaths of family members, loss of jobs, financial problems, cancer. But, I still find life exciting and fascinating and look forward to each day. We were never promised a "rose garden", so I feel life's events are a "tapestry" of love, loss, successes, failures, family, friends - why should we ask for more?! Lee

I'm 51 just turned,In August of 07' my husband & highschool sweetheart left me for a exotic dancer with 2 kids,34 yrs poof gone no chance at counciling nothing, my parents both in poor health 1 in a nursing home 5 yrs & the other struggling to stay at home with dignity both died in Dec of 07', my husband choose not to come to either funeral despite the love both of my parents had for him. I am now divorced as of march 08. I still miss my husband but he made a choice that has now started to really mess him up; I am doing really OK because of my remaining family & friends who have given me increidable love & support. I do worry even after all he's done to me about my ex. did he have a midlife crisis I'd have to say yes I found about about the stripper the day after his 50th surprise birthday party. But life goes on and as my mom always said "you made your bed now you lie in it" so what kind of bed do you want?

After 14 years of mmarrage. Not even a mjor fighr and 3 children. My ex bought a harley. He all of a sudden had "friends". Went out amost every night and complained I would pay all the bills and not leave anything for the weekend! welcome to the real world. For several years I put up with this behavior. He got into porn big time. Magazines, Videos, Cd's, phone sex to actually jeking off in my bed, while I was in it!! Ultimately moved on to meeting people off the internet for sex and paying a whore. (probably more than I know about) We are now divorced. He is still into porn. He he just a sick basard, or midlife crisis. After 20 years I was diagnosed with MS. His ultimate responce was, so. Later he did offer to help. To late buddy My whole family is broken up by this. This is not the man I married!! Like I said sick bastard or midlife crisis?

At age 27, I married the first guy to treat me decently after several years of counseling to learn how to find one of those. I'm 49 now, but at age 38, my "midlife" crisis began. Or was it really a crisis? Just a change in the way I felt about life maybe. My mother had passed away. Without my mother, I lost my buffer against having to face my own mortality. Found myself asking, "Is that all there is?" We had 2 children but I just wanted more of everything, more fun, more money, more variety in sex, a different house, a better job, just more of everything! Even a different and better husband. I bought a red sporty car. Some told me I was having a mid-life crisis. Nowadays, we have seperate rooms and no sex, have our own interests and friends. We make extremely good parents to our girls, ages 11 and 15. There's been periods of content and happiness, moments of joy of course, lots of sadness, and finally I have realized my own happiness is up to me. I'm still asking, "Is that all there is?" but now I'm ready to do something about it. Not sure what that is, but I just do not want to keep living this way for the rest of my life!

Therese, and any of you reading this who have aches and pains. My husband had a lot of pain in his elbows and knees and I had pain in my hip from a fall and a previously injured finger that was stiff every morning when I woke up. A year and a half ago my husband and I started taking "Tumeric" in a gel capsule form. It is amazing. Neither of us have pain any longer. My finger is no longer stiff. Tumeric is actually a spice that is contained in curry. It is an antiinflamatory and is incredible. It is suppose to prevent arthritis, cancer, altimers, and to prevent the progression of MS. I am a very health conscience person and only take things that I am convinced are healthy for you. I hope that any of you who are suffering from pain research it for yourselves.

Arguments over whether or not midlife crisis exists would be avoided if the terminology was thrown out. Too much labeling creates too many inaccurate statistics. They say x% of those in 40s blah blah blah. No one came to my town and asked anyone.

But I will say that such a crisis doe exist and it is purely constructed by an individualistic culture such as in America. Other cultures dont seem to have these problems.

It can happen to anyone at anytime in their life depending on their perceptions at the time. After all, the seriousness of anything is Fight or Flight dependent on what a person believes.

For me personally, a 37 year old male, I spent my entire childhood dreaming about doing big things for personal satisfaction. I know what its like to be on a big stage doing something grand and getting an applause for it. Its hard to throw that away. But I did. I got married in my early 20s and later had three kids. Now I am facing a crisis.

Should I return to my dreams and fullfill them while I still can? Should I NOT wait until wrinkles set in on my face and ruin any chance of getting the proper attention I need from such a materialistic and narrowminded society?

There are many goals that I did not fullfill that I knew I would someday. After you spend more than a decade trying to make ends meet, and then realize that all you are doing is surviving, you start to question the point. I dont believe that life was meant to be enjoyed at retirement age. I think that age is meant for sitting on a back patio, doing lazy things with the person you grow old with. Boring things are big things for old people.

But yet, I do those things at 37. It makes you feel 65 minus the experiences of life. We should throw out the conformity ideas and become free flowing spirits that do as we choose. As much as I adore my wife, I dont adore marriage. Its a hindrance on individual discovery.