I think the theology is wonderful, Therese, but there is a practical aspect as well.
Non-writers find it very difficult to understand the writer’s mindset. No less than my bete noire Rod Dreher has said that a writer’s curiosity and creativity is so overwhelming that he/she is compelled to write about everything in his/her life — including friends and family who might not, or perhaps can’t, understand.
Writing is like breathing to me, and I sense to you too, Therese. I can’t NOT do it.
And writing and love … here’s some theology in closing from the Hollies:
“All I need is the air that I breathe, and to love you.” Whether the “you” is a romantic partner or G-d.

The Prayer of St. Francis is integral to what I strive to achieve in my journey. It was introduced to me by friends who are involved in the same prison ministry I participate in – and it has ministered to me every time I contemplate its power.
Finding the grace to extend or receive pardon is essential, not easy, but essential. At some level, I feel as if when Jesus was wounded for my transgressions, it sealed a bargain. And as long as I try to live up to the bargain, then His sacrifice is mine – on a spiritual level. I’m a pale copy but I do try to follow His examples and be open to the moment and ‘see’ with more than these faltering eyes.
God’s blessings…
Frank,

Yeah, hurting people’s feelings is no fun but it’s inevitable. The truer we are to our souls, our Selves-aka Christ within us–the more ‘hurt feelings’ we hear about. Therese, you have a gift–this alone makes you a target. You cultivate this gift–more enemies follow. It’s a sad thing but people do throw more jabs, manipulate, and plot your downfall as you ‘walk the Red Road’ as the Native Americans say or ‘follow Christ’. Nothing easy about understanding and making peace with the admonition: “Let the dead bury their own dead”. It may not sound loving but it’s necessary…

Even though we can’t see Him, God presents Himself to us everyday. Although He isn’t virtually before us as on the road to Emmaus, He is all around and our faith is being tested by what we do in our life. Absolution and pardon from sin is a must. Forgiving and forgetting ourselves and our ommissions on a regular basis prevents our opening of our hearts to others who may have hurt us in some way. True peace and love of ourselves and each other comes from forgiving. It’s the act of His total giving to us that allows us to even be gifted with grace at any moment in our lives. Our journey on the road to enlightenment is sometimes hard but what would we be if not for the learning experiences. I for one have became wiser and a greater person within my self confines. I feel better for it..

Makes me think of a situation where I was told my apology did not seem sincere and I thought if they only knew how hard I am on myself and how long I had beat myself up mentally for the hurt I had caused. If they only knew. But they can’t know the inside of me so now I have to forgive them for judging me and choosing to not forgive me. When I talked to the priest about this in confession, he was very kind. We can only do so much. I, too, find it difficult to forgive myself.
As for the Emmaus reading, the priest on Sunday interpreted it in part to mean the two men did not recognize Jesus because they were walking side by side and not facing each other, which I thought fell a little short, but then he went on to apply it to families who need to face each other, say, around the dinner table more often and look at each other and they would find Jesus.

But upon reading Francis’s line about pardoning, and giving, and dying, and loving, and consoling, and so forth, I realize that the forgiveness has to start with me and all the hurts I hold inside. Because I will never allow the possibility of someone else forgiving me if I can’t let go of my own resentments. Moreover, the only thing I can do in this situation—and so many other people-pleasing complications that adult children of alcoholics seem to find—is to forgive on my end: the other person, but, even more so, myself. (your words)
Therese, so true for me, too. Thank you for sharing and know my thoughts and prayers are with you. I went through the same thing a few years ago and I found that as time passed, so did most of the emotional pain.

Therese…some days I think you have a direct line with God and Jesus to be a carrier of messages for others.
It just never seems to fail when I have something going on mentally in my mind…you end up blogging about it.
I will explain. Yesterday I got an e-mail that was a poem about a kid who accidently killed his grandparent’s duck. He didn’t tell grandma but when it finally came out grandma said she was watching through the window and already had forgiven him.
Last night I could not sleep. Being tired and exhausted, my thinking went into it’s own private “mental room” in my head about something in my past that I can’t seem to forgive myself about.
And today, I open up my e-mail and find this.
The topper of all of this is my horoscope today. It reads “your learning interesting theories from some of the most quirky characters in your life” (yes dear your quirky but so am I so that is a compliment).
Therese, your a diamond among stones and I thank the heavens regularly for helping me find your blog.
Nancy aka sixlittlekitties

I’ve always had problems with the concept of ‘pardoning’ or forgiving others for their trespasses against us, for their infringing into our lives, for destroying our lives with their malice. To what extent is one to pardon others? I’ve a friend, now in her 3rd marriage, that wrecked the marriage of a man working for her husband. This man had two small children, ages 5 and 3, he was a veterinarian, his wife a teacher. Both working long hours trying hard to make it, to pay the mortgage to raise the kiddies. He was ‘distracted’ from his troubles by my ‘friend’. She didn’t care what happened to his wife and the kids, her excuse was “Hey, he was the one who came after me!” Well, it was hell and disaster. Now 20 years later, both kids have been in deep trouble, one is serving a sentence in a maximum security prison, the youngest is addicted to drugs, the mom tried to commit suicide twice and may have succeded later.
My ‘friend’ not only destroyed a marriage, but a family, she married the guy and his life became hell, he’s now an alcoholic and can’t practice veterinary medicine anylonger, he’s living with his elderly mother. My friend divorced him but not before moving into another man’s life.
She often talks about how his ex husband’s ex never forgave her, and that’s why she destroyed her own life and the lives of the two boys.
Had this woman forgiven the home wrecker would she have been able to save herself and her boys from misery both economic and spiritual?
I know in pardoning we are pardoned, we take that burden from our own soul, but why is the sacrifice always demanded from the injured party?
My ‘friend’ went on to make another marriage to an oncologist now, she lives now the life of Riley. Seems that some people can do no wrong while doing nothing but…

Cosima:
There are always destructive people (as I think I said recently) whirling through the world like Hurricane Katrina. Nothing you can do about it.
“R.,” my Javert/Salieri-like tormentor for two decades, is naturally a multimillionaire while I can barely rub two nickels together (and am still, temporarily, homeless). But if you spend too much time worrying about such gross unfairness, I realize, you can literally kill yourself.

Cosima:
As the ” injured party” in a similar situation to the one you describe, allow me to share with you that forgiving in those kinds of situations is even more difficult than it always is, However, the good news is that once finally freely given, it does indeed open up parts of your inner self you didn’t realize were closed off and allows you once again to discob=ver small joys along the path of your life, things which were always there but which your anger and bitterness kept you from seeing or enjoying. For me, at least, the trick was in realizing that those extremely deep hurts caused when someone else DELIBERATELY causes you pain require an equally deliberate effort to forgive and a commesurate longer space of time than do the transgressions caused by thoughtlessness or insensitivity.

Therese, Sometimes when you are dealing with HSP as you know, you can easily hurt them without intending to. My Mom is one of those people. So what can you do but apologize and let it run it’s course. Time heals wounds that don’t run that deep. When the injured party realizes that their world is a better place with you in it they’ll forgive you. The hardest thing is forgiving yourself. What does Jesus say about forgiveness? Seventy times seven. That includes us too!

Interesting stuff. Pardoning the person who has hurt you is very difficult especially if the damage has been personally destructive such as your partner being lured away by an habitual lurer. Not only do you have to forgive your partner for his/her weakness and betrayal, you also have to forgive the lurer. On top of that you have to forgive yourself if you know that your own failings led to the failure in your relationship. Failure to forgive all 3 parties means you remain a victim of all 3 until you die.
If a “friend” is a habitual destroyer of other people then it makes sense to lower the level of friendship into avoidance unless he/she is making attempts to mend (assuming one has tried to get the message across). Would a Christian or even Jesus seriously continue being a “friend” of Hitler (even if he has not damaged the Christian or damaged Jesus) once he moved into his seamier behavioral side?
I myself was molested by a family member when I was 10 and deep down I have not been able to forgive the molester or myself. The truth is that I let myself be “damaged” more through not only not reporting it but also letting myself enjoy further molestations. I did get “happily” married and I had children however I’m now divorced from a women who I betrayed with my hidden sexuality (which emerged though not practiced when the marriage got tougher with children….and unfortunately we were not practicing Christians). For the sake of not damaging her further and my children (whom I’m close to) with my coming out with the truth on this I have kept it inside me which of course is damaging me. I pray and practice life as a celibate Christian and ask G-d to pardon me but the hate I have for myself for the damage I’ve done to others eats away at me. I’m not sure where to go from here as I know somehow I cannot be ever pardoned unless I take more earthly action to seek forgiveness from both my ex and my children. Sorry if I’m saying to much as it was not my intention when I started my response to this post (my very first).