The only time I bless this disease is when I’m riding the crest of the wave. Most of the rest of it is getting smashed into the ocean floor. Good thing for me I’m a strong swimmer. I can hold my breath till I emerge. Sometimes life’s a beach!

Lynne: Thank you for your metaphor of riding the wav’s crest a opposed to crashing to the ocean floor Like There’se other post today, you truly jelped me see that I MAY VERY WELL have bipolar II disorder, because I can relate very well to that experience even though the only waves I’ve ever ridden were the smaller ones good old Lake Michigan produces in her stormier moments. Sadly, my desire to experience swimming in the ocean will undoubtedly remain only a desire for the remainder of my life since swimming (which I’ve always loved enough to have sought an inground pool when my exhusband and I were house hunting) is one of those activities no longer avaolable to me because I only have one operating arm anymore. I CAN (and DID in aqua therapy) tread water a little and float on my back, but neither long or well enough to make me g=feel comfortable in large bodies of water. nonetheless, your metaphor was extremely helpful to me in looking at my diagnosis and entertaining the possibility that perhaps my neuro psychatrist’s years of training DID help him properly rediagnosemy depression as bi rather than unipolar. Thank you for sharing that insightful description with the rest of us. Peace to you as you continue swimming through life. May you spend less time on the ocean’s floor.

That is the curse of this disease — when we have the exciting moments interspersed in a hard life (and be honest — no matter how much we complain, even legitimately, about our lives, we all have good times, too) — we are still left to wonder in retrospect whether the thrill was a “natural high” or our mania.
Enjoy the thrill for a moment. You deserve it, Therese — everyone deserves it.
But one ride on a scary roller coaster is exhilarating. Ten (for most people, anyway) will leave you retching.
So remember to get off when you’re done with the ride — and remember that true happiness is in the delicate “balance” of which you speak.
And IMO balance — with our emotional sensitivity and biochemistry — is never, as Jamison might say, “boring.” More like the skill of a gymnast at her peak.

Every morning when I wake up and wonder…how do I feel….I wish for a boring life. The closer I get to peace, the more I read and study and pray, the more alive I really am and am not masked by the ‘retching’ manic or ‘convulsive’ depression. “Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the nidst of those things and still be calm in your heart.” (unknown)

manic means shopping sprees dearly paid for by the storm erupting from my wife and the guilt of spending what we don’t have, or road rage in which have no fear, or compulsive shop lifting which inds in getting busted and being sent to the psych ward where my doctor doesn’t practice, arriving in a strait jacket, ending up with shock treatment and thorazine. I now know what it’s like to have alhiemerze desease where you can’t concentrate on anything for long and all you can do is shuffle around. I was a drunk manic when I arrived at the psych. ward. My little manic episodes are not verry high but are temporarily fear free, but the reprecousions way a lot heavier in my mind.

the thrill of the mania can be so awsome the strength and confidance one has is such a feeling i wish we could all find a happy middle ground.

At this time of my life I feel I am depressed to the limit. I am so tired of life andd everything to do with life that I keep praying on and off nearly everyday to God to just free me from all the weariness. I am tired so tired of everything and just want to be done with being around this planet. I have a great son who is 26 yrs and I’ve just joined him after 5 yrs.He had been studying and now has a job. I am a widow and know the pain of losing 2 of my beloved sons and also my husband. I don’t feel happy even though I really wanted to be with my son and I feel no matter where or what I do I’m never going to be happy again. I have reached rock bottom and a dead end. It is frightening because I can’t seem to make decisions. I would like to go back and be on my own but don’t want to hurt my son. In this country I don’t have friends and no job as yet. But I have this feeling now of being weary……I just want to be freed from all the mudane things in this life as I do not see any purpose to go on. I know my son can take care of himself now and I just want to rest and be at peace. Dear God where are you???? I want to be free of this constant sadness, regret pain and unhappiness….

Hi (((Mary)))
My heart breaks for you.
Let’s start with doing this:
IF you haven’t gone to Therese’s Blog on:
* APRIL 8th. GRIEF VERSUS DEPRESSION.
Lot’s of great help and other’s sharing the same feeling’s.
*(You may already know this, but just-in-case:
Scroll down to: ARCHIVES on the right side of your screen.)
If you need to talk some more there are wonderful people here that want to help you…or you can leave a post there.
Mary, we’re an email away for you.
Just Hold On…there is Hope.
Consider yourself hugged!

Hi, this is my 1st time on a message board…I’m a 24yr old girl & I think that I’m in the begining weeks of my 2nd manic episode in 3yrs, w/a depressive episode in between. I have a few days of manic behavior followed by a day of depression. My moods go from extremes w/no breaks in between. My new Dr. put me on 10mg of Abilify last week to bring me out of this, it has helped my moods, but makes me feel like I have the flu. Is that normal?? No other Rx that I’ve ever taken has been this heavy of `side effects’. Everybody I have to talk to on a personal level has never really gone thru this themself before…so no matter what they say to try to help, when I’m like this….I loose patients easily and am afraid I’ll eventually push them all away w/my rage fits. I scream at them w/out realizing it, a lot. I loose train of thought in the middle of every conversation. It’s starting to really effect my performance at work and I don’t want to leave my career. My Dr. suggested I go through group therapy and a partial hospitalization, but I’ve tried that before and it wasn’t for me….is there anybody out there who can give me some advice so I can find a better way to control this and make me feel like myself again, instead of this out of control personality that make me feel like a totally different person.

Annie,
I am writing from work so I must keep this short. Just wanted to let you know that someone has read your post and to let you know that I’m sure you will be hearing from many of the fine people who post on this site tonight or tomorrow.
From my perspective – please phone your doctor, make some notes of the things that are important to you first, and let him know how things are going on the particular med you are taking. He may want you to continue for a while longer or may change it right away.
In the meantime, check out “7 Things to Do to Calm You Down” from Therese’s Sept. 26, 2007 blog and if you can manage, read some of the Archives for this site.
Oh yes, do not underestimate the value of regular rest, regular meals, lots of water and regular exercise. I learned this from reading Beyond Blue — and I ignore these things at my own peril.
Hang in there.

Mary- I just read your post and I feel so sad for your pain. When I can’t find comfort from friends, family, or things I again reach out to God wholeheartedly. Divine Love is the ultimate Counselor and will show you the way. There is a reason you are still on the planet; ask Him to show you what you need to do. And you must trust that He will; listen and look for His guidance. Your 26 y.o. son needs you to be here and I’m certain he has suffered greatly too with the loss of his brothers and his father. If you are able to read or get books on tape, that may help. There are a lot of wonderful, healing books out there. And music always helps me too. Sending thoughts of peace and comfort your way.
Faith

i know it may be hard and difficult
but i have found the best way
To cope – with those – like me,
who have difficulty – with mental health,
… to trust in
routine, God Almighty and medication,
that is the trinity of mental Health,
Do not mind the boredom,
because that will cease,
once one finds – the right drug cocktail
As mania sometimes needs one,
just hang in there – drug cocktails are hard,
to find – and please do not mind – your psychiatrist,
they are only human – its best to have them -
on one’s good side – As for Canadians like me,
You may have to get help -
from Canadian Mental Health Association,
i have found they are the best way,
to beat the cost so often comes with mental illness
i do not know the name of the U.S… counterpart