Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue

Kay Redfield Jamison: Learning to Love Our Jagged Edges

posted by Beyond Blue | 9:45am Tuesday April 15, 2008

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My absolute favorite essay on depression is a piece Kay Redfield Jamison wrote for NPR’s “This I Believe” collection of testimonies. It’s about learning to love our jagged edges.

I believe that curiosity, wonder and passion are defining qualities of imaginative minds and great teachers; that restlessness and discontent are vital things; and that intense experience and suffering instruct us in ways that less intense emotions can never do. I believe, in short, that we are equally beholden to heart and mind, and that those who have particularly passionate temperaments and questioning minds leave the world a different place for their having been there. It is important to value intellect and discipline, of course, but it is also important to recognize the power of irrationality, enthusiasm and vast energy. Intensity has its costs, of course — in pain, in hastily and poorly reckoned plans, in impetuousness — but it has its advantages as well.
Like millions of Americans, I was dealt a hand of intense emotions and volatile moods. I have had manic-depressive illness, also known as bipolar disorder, since I was 18 years old. It is an illness that ensures that those who have it will experience a frightening, chaotic and emotional ride. It is not a gentle or easy disease. And, yet, from it I have come to see how important a certain restlessness and discontent can be in one’s life; how important the jagged edges and pain can be in determining the course and force of one’s life.


I have often longed for peace and tranquility — looked into the lives of others and envied a kind of calmness — and yet I don’t know if this tranquility is what I truly would have wished for myself. One is, after all, only really acquainted with one’s own temperament and way of going through life. It is best to acknowledge this, to accept it and to admire the diversity of temperaments Nature has dealt us.
Exuberance and delight, tempered by deep depressions, have been lasting teachers. An intense temperament has convinced me to teach not only from books but from what I have learned from experience. So I try to impress upon young doctors and graduate students that tumultuousness, if coupled to discipline and a cool mind, is not such a bad sort of thing. That unless one wants to live a stunningly boring life, one ought to be on good terms with one’s darker side and one’s darker energies. And, above all, that one should learn from turmoil and pain, share one’s joy with those less joyful and encourage passion when it seems likely to promote the common good.



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Comments read comments(8)
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teri

posted April 15, 2008 at 10:41 am


What a beautiful way to describe bipolar disorder! And learning to love ourselves for who and what we are/have. Congratulations to Kay Redfield for articulating this so well!!
teri



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Larry Parker

posted April 15, 2008 at 10:50 am


**So I try to impress upon young doctors and graduate students that tumultuousness, if coupled to discipline and a cool mind, is not such a bad sort of thing. That unless one wants to live a stunningly boring life, one ought to be on good terms with one’s darker side and one’s darker energies. And, above all, that one should learn from turmoil and pain, share one’s joy with those less joyful and encourage passion when it seems likely to promote the common good.**
I wish, when someone cited the second line of this statement from Jamison, they had included the full paragraph.
The second line of the paragraph, taken alone, offended me. (A bit like Barack Obama is “offending” people because of an admittedly awkward sentence taken out of context.) But the whole statement, together, makes perfect sense.



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Barbara

posted April 15, 2008 at 12:42 pm


Beautiful!



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Miriam

posted April 15, 2008 at 4:00 pm


This is very interesting, especially in light of Peter Kramer’s article tht you a quoted on this site. I think that all in all, I agree with him that eradicating depression and mood disorders would be a wonderful thing. And I guess until then, I’m happy to listen Dr. Jamison. Thank you.



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Lisa K

posted April 16, 2008 at 12:55 am


Yes, you have to learn to accept yourself for who you are, but you don’t have to leave yourself there. I too, yearn for peace and admire those around me who have achieved a kind of peace (most are in their 50′s and none are bipolar like me). But I also think that living a peaceful life doesn’t have to be boring. I think peace can allow you the time and energy to enjoy that which life has to offer without too many jagged edges that are sharp and hurt when they cut. Accept yourself for who you are, yes…but not necessarily where you are.



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Margaret Balyeat

posted April 16, 2008 at 4:46 am


Since first becoming fanukiar with Jamison’s writing, I have totlly admired wat she authored and believe EVERYONE who suffers from bipolar disoerder should, at the very least, read her book An Unquiet Mind”
This quote was one with which I was unfamiliar however, and I thank ou T, for sharing it with us today To me it is reminiscent of the Kahil Gibrain quote…”The greater your sorrow, the greater your joy…” yet fine tuned specifically for those of us who are bipolar Learning to love oneself is a difficult tak for most human beings IMHO, but oftenmagnified for those of us with bipolar disorder. Might that be because our “inner children ” have experienced so many extremes of emotionwithout knowing WHY others around us didn’t seem to feel things so deeply. For children, being like everyone else is almost a badge of honor, like having the “right” tennis shoes or latest fad in clothing. Feeling like they DON’T fit in is extremely traumatic for even preschoolers, and the slightest difference leaves them feeling vulnerable to their peers’ opinions of them. It’s quite rare to find a child who can celebrate his or her uniqueness, and s we all know, those of us who have a mood disorder like on of the bipolar disorders are DEFINITELY unique. A display of deep emotion also tends to “target” a hild to bullies as well leading the to be esy victims.
As an adult, I can celebrate the fact that I can feel things deeply, because it tends to make us more compassionate IMHO, but a child isn’t able to extrapolate that truth from his or her emotional experiences. While this is especially true of boys in our society, girls aren’t immune to ostracization because they “wear their hearts on their sleeves” nor can they derive any solace from knowing that this trait is shared by many if not most of some of history’s greatest acheivers.(Even as an adult, that offered me little comfort when I was diagnosed; I’ve never honestly aspired to greatness. (“Fitting in” matters to grownups too. especially before they’ve learned to accept their “jagged edges.”) I think that’spartly why I refused to accept my disorder for such a long time; it made me “different–and “CRAZY” i I didn’t honestly care WHOM had also whom HAD BEEN “TOUCHED BY FIRE”, ANOTHER OF jAMISON’S WONDERFUL BOOKS; I didn’t want to be ! Somehow, Therese you never seem to run out of pearls like this one to offer us as we travel the bumpy road of recovery, and I, for one, am EXTREMELY thankful that you are so wise and giving.



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Anonymous

posted April 17, 2008 at 8:48 pm


I love KRJ…..Her book the unquiet mind is awesome!!!



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Lynne

posted April 19, 2008 at 8:53 am


Since I must finish out this life with the hand I’ve been dealt, I have little choice but to take the good with the bad. So, if I can be occasionally brilliant…I can learn to live with my darkness. An artist learns how to make use of dark and light in his composition and discovers the beauty it holds…so they compliment each other. If darkness and light hold the key to creativity…bring it on!



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