Getting Through the Rough Spots

Dear Therese, My letter to went under the site, celebrity depression.
Hopefully you'll find it and I'll hear from you.

Thank you for reposting that. What a great idea to repost that video... We forgot and we need to remember that we need to be creative problem solvers, treat this as a business, and keep swimming. Thanks, Therese, I absolutely hate this illness and how it affects me when it recurs -- which it always does, particularly when I am under a lot of stress. I think the worst thing is to do nothing. We have to be active, proactive and since we're all God's kids, we need reminders. Thanks for reminding us of what we can do so our lives are better and healthier. :)

I know this isn't the article about affair proofing your marriage but I wanted to make sure you got my comment directly:
I'm only a teenager starting to have a serious relationship, it's been a year and a half and already this temptations, these reasons and unwise arguments come up. After reading your article I would just like to thank you. You've made me realize and remember the true important things that go into a relationship. I love my boyfriend and the tips you have on your article are so true and obvious I just feel like a fool for not realizing them sooner!
Once again thank you and have a great day!

I don't have a comment to post rather a plea for help in dealing with my depression. First a few things you must know, in February 2007 my mom was diagnosed with untreatable cancer. During that time I took care of her and made sure that all of her needs were met. In August she had a stroke and my step-dad (who is rapid cycling bi-polar with borderline personality disorder) was unable to care for her. I knew that my mom would not be happy in a hospital so I sent my son's to stay with their dad for the time being and I moved into my parents house and cared for my mom nite and day. I stayed up with her all nite, had nurses come into the home while I was at work, went home after work and took care of her until I went to work the next day. My mom passed away 3 days after her 55th birthday. I don't think that I have had time to grieve her death. I have 2 son's ages 10 and 12. In November my 12 year old became ill and had to have a testicle removed due to a misdiagnosis. Then in January 2008 he had to have his kidney removed. He has had to be hospitalized several times since then and has a condition that just needs to be monitored (there is nothing they can do for him except to treat him with antibiotics which come in an IV pump that requires me to drive 35 miles to school from my job to change and then back to work). On top of all this at the same time my mom was diagnosed with cancer I got engaged so have been planning my wedding. I just feel so lost without her. I know that you should have coping skills do get through the rough patches but what do you do when there isn't really a brake from the rough patches? Not to mention my coping skills aren't up to parr. I was a certified nurse aid for 4 years and for the most part have been taking care of people all of my life. What do I do when I don't know how to take care of myself? I have been on Effexor (an antidepresant) since August 2007. I do not like to take medications but don't know how else to deal with or cope with all of the termoil in my life. When does it end? Please help.
Sincerely,
Margo

Margo,

My heart goes out to you over the loss of your mother. You have been through so much, with taking care of her, and now with your son (s).

Congratulations on your engagement! You must have so many emotions during this time - from joy to saddness and more. That is understandable.

Can you take some time off from work to allow yourself to rest and process what has happened? Even a week would be helpful; more if possible. Grieveing takes alot of emotional energy, and you have so much going on in your life right now. Try to take some time to rest.

And maybe your could talk to a therapist, to help you sort through all that has happened and your feelings about it.

I was not able to do that after my mother died; i was 19, and it was not until many years later that i went into therapy to deal with it all. Looking back, it would have been helpful to do so at that time, and it would have helped me to grieve more easily.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Oh, Therese! How I've missed you! I haven't visited BeyondBlue in AGES, and here is the PERFECT video that I needed at this time. Personally, I REFUSE to fall into the "black hole," or invite the "black dog" in. I'm facing a "rough patch" and feel pretty "fragile" right now, too. I'm being faced with incredible financial, physical and emotional problems, that all seemed to appear at the same time.

I owe over $25,000 to the IRS because my CPA failed to file 2005 taxes; being on Social Security Disability and a small pension, I don't have THAT kind of money to just write a check. Also, my personal mortgage checking account is rapidly running out of money, and I have 8 months to keep paying the mortgage - then, I guess - I sell and have to find another place to live.

I have had difficulty swallowing for quite some time, and my PCP sent me for a barium swallow. Turns out I'm swallowing a bit into my windpipe! Explain THAT one to me! After the last barium swallow, he said that some was going into my larynx as well - turning my "Lauren Bacall" voice into "Talula Bankhead" overnight! There's nothing that can be done at this point; I have to duck my head to swallow liquids, and follow each bite of solid with a drink of something. Life is a beach...

The denervation in my back last January failed to produce the results the doctor hoped for, and I am back in excrutiating pain, requiring the use of opioids for the "discomfort." I HATE being on them; but the alternative is no option.

And - last weekend, my boyfriend of 3 years told me he didn't love me; he felt "no attraction" and also that he "didn't have the capability to feel love." So - all the attention and giving of love to him, has made me feel like a fool. I haven't had the time to process this information; do we go on like before, or do I "cut my losses" and start "the search" all over again? I've been given the good advice from my girlfriend, that if I just STOP being so needy and "desperate," LOVE will find ME. I'm willing to give it a try...

So - with ALL the above weighing down on me like Damocles' sword - yes, I SHOULD be depressed. But - in my bipolar disordered mind - I HAVE to maintain a little bit of anxiety to function. No - I DON'T feel GOOD about the things that are happening to me; but I get up in the morning - and realize - I'm still ALIVE, and I have the means to be proactive with ALL these "distractions" and NOT have them control me.

I feel REALLY badly that you're in the midst of a "relapse," but I agree with the blogger - KEEP SWIMMING!! Even doing that exercise gives your life meaning RIGHT NOW. And unrealistic expectations will kill you. I MAKE "down time" for myself every afternoon - I get the mail from the postboxes downstairs, while drinking V-8 and eating chips&dip - for how long it takes - and then go on the computer and blog my heart out. THANK GOD for BeyondBlue; I learn soooo much from the other people on your blog, and I can only hope that I can contribute some wisdom that can help THEM in their distress.

Take care, dear Therese, and I hope your "relapse" disappears as abruptly as it appeared. My prayers are with you.

Amen. Quite noticable serendipity for me. In 2006 I had a car accident which killed me at the sight to have an ambulance save me. It put me in a coma for 9 months and I walk around having had my life do a 360 to 375,380. Keep on swimming. I can't actually run but I can swim. That probably now has no option but to be one of my goals now. Accept my limitations by improving in areas that were completely out of possibility. Quite the idea to strike on and to have Beliefnet spark anything leads me to a feeling of confidence and watching the unfolding of the Lord's plan. God bless

Hi.

A beautiful video. Keep swimming, move a muscle. Thanks for the reminder and HOPE.

I enjoyed the video on depression and slumping. I am in a big slump and depressed right now that I do not even want to do anything. I feel like why should I try, nothing is ever going to get better, they only get worse.

Getting through the rough spots gets easier..I log on. I still have lots of ups and downs but if I stay busy enough, I don't focus on the down. Being a bit of a workaholic does have it's perks...does it not?

Hi Mike,

I *hear* you. I, personally, am involved with other groups.
However, I keep in mind,,,there are many boats but there is only one river.

So with that thought in mind: I see it as *my* responsibility to join in on each particular boat's community and do my share of rowing and growing.

You have an open invitation to try another way and come on board and help this community as well.

We are all one.

Hi Therese

I just bumped into this bloging through Beliefnet. So just out of curiosity I listened to your video. I really didnt get it, but some of the darker parts I understood because I have been diagnosed with depression, bipolar and antisocialize. I also go through mood swings and have my ups and downs some days. I struggle with being friendly to people. I like having friends but cant find myself to become a friend. Of course, I am taking several medications, which helps me but what also helps me ALOT is that I believe in Jesus Christ with all my heart and I have faith in Him and I pray and listen to Christian music. All this helps me with positive thinking. I also go to Church which helps me also.

Mr./Ms. Calling 'All' Angels,

Please forgive an old fool but I must make this comment: I just love metaphors - they make me smile and realize just how far away we are from the reality of depression.

I have been away far far far too long and my spirit is hurting but not because of the inability to row - or the boat I am in or the river I am on - it is because this pale blue dot is such a lovely place - a gorgeous place - a phenominal creation - and yet when you ad one mamilian group to the scene - it becomes ugly - and what is odd is that without us - all the beauty is for naught - it is because of how we describe it/see it/feel it/be a part of it - that it (planet earth) comes alive - and yet the irony of all this is we still feel and see and am a aprt of the ugly - while we have the resources to make it whole again - to feed the hungry, heal the sick, console the lonely - and yet what do we do -

we play silly games with the lives of people who need us most and forgive again this old fool - we rely on using metaphors - and that is OK - as long as we get our hands dirty spewing them out - and yes I am filled with sarcasm and anger - cause we who accepted a philosophy of love are the self appointed master rowers on this 'one' river - sorry but I have and continue to try another way and sometimes it isn't in a boat but on shore - so as a land lover (and in all sincerity I am exceedingly afraid of water, especially out in the ocean - simply my phobia) -so I respectfuly decline coming aboard - but welcome you and all sea fairers to host your sails - sorry I can't bring myself to use a metaphor - just know that I am OK - and will keep my feet firmly on solid land - thanks anyway.

As the nike commo states - let's just 'do it'! I like this quote from an old friend: The true measure of a man (or woman) is how he (she) treats someone who can do him (her) absolutely no good. -Samuel Johnson

as an aside to the person who lost his/her job - please don't let that stop you from becoming a part of this wondrous world - I have been out of work now some 3 years - and at my age (62) I am not a ready hire - altho I have credentials - it is meaningless - and this includes my christian brothers and sisters who look at me and say, without hesitation 'retire' - altho I have no retirement funds to fall back on - and so they think/say, hey hang it up already and yes, I love their heartwarming solice - and so I stay active with a variety of groups that keep me 'working' and alive - and they are out there - try a woman's group like women in crisis, or a disability advocacy group like UCP or try a food pantry or Salvation Army, this will allow you to network and maybe find someone who is willing to say hey I could use your talents and land that job that will get you out of the house and back into the work force - I am optimistic and that goes for both of us - peace my friend! As Gandhi once said, I like your Christ, too bad your christians can't be more like him!

Correction:

The first line should have been:

I have take no personal offense to your posting regarding my use of metaphors.

ah, you have made an old man's heart smile and feel the grace that is in that (forgiveme but I must) methophical mind/heart/soul/life of yours and I can feel the beauty - I am just saddened that I cannot say the same for the author of this retort - I love words like that too

for what I feel in addition to the joy is the hurt that words can and do bring to people - even people with thick hides/yet hearts of wonder and awe and simply filled with his love - and feelign this I am - and why - cause no need for the two corrections since I was not attaching you but the system that we created which I and I alone do not believe the god of love ever intended, but because we as humans are so insecure - we needed or else how could we have grown to this point - heck I simply wish to convey my deepest apologies and why - cause I feel inside me - even now - asn that is not a good feeling, not one I like to perpetuate - so please accept my apologies for my rudeness and arrogrance - yep time for a methphor isn't it - I think "I threw the baby out with the bath water" - sorry

whatever, here is a thought since you are 'calling all angels': "We are each of us Angels with only one wing. To fly we need only to embrace one another."

Thanks for your kindness - this old fool appreciates it - and that ain't no jive!

ah my friend,

the toilet paper analogy is neato and notonly made me smile but laugh most heartily, somethign I haven't done in a while. I do like belly laughs and I have been told because ofmy style of humor, I would make a great commodian, so the toilet paper and meta/fores fit right in (which is the name of the place Carol and I stay when we go to the beach - The Fit Right Inn - see, you got me thinking about my sicko humor)

regardless - I am taken aback by your journal - and the use of the liberal versus the conservative side - nice touch (no pun intended and yes puns are just as neat as metaphors)

however I am miffed at several of your comments, style usage: I do not speak greek and thus 'mon ange' is foreign to me and I assume a nice way of saying something nice? and then the use of a triple parentheses ((( ))) around my name and then a smily symbol (and forgive me (not sorry for this but just not with it) but I am not one who has any talent when it comes to keyboard artistry. Well I am devastatedly lost with the word or connotation/reference to "flight". And believe it or naught I am far older than the biblical Meth Ooze Lah and thus green (with envy) for those who know how to use such words/symbols to convey a message/idea. Help?

I will tell you this tho' when I ask for forgiveness or say I am sorry, and altho you say no need - that is where we differ since I know my own heart and it is here that hurt resides, the very instance a word is spoken or an action taken that is not done with any semblance of love or kindness - I know and it is not a nice feeling, it is one of much hurt and sorrow - and it doesn't make me smile nor will it ever - for in my life I have been extremely hurtful and that also includes simple/complex? thoughts that run thru my head - and it that little tiny voice that speaks tome constantly that makes me realize just how valuable that other person is in my life and so, when I beg forgiveness it is because of the depth of my despair at being anything but a follower of the shepherd.

one more thing/thought from a friend I never knew but feel close too: Leo Buscaglia said this and it has such meaning for our lives, “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

In His way/most times

David

“A coincidence is when God performs a miracle and decides to remain anonymous.” or “Chance is perhaps the pseudonym of God when he does not wish to sign his work.” I like 'em both!!!

ah it seems like a stand off, no more like a can I top this and yes I can, hey my name sake wa sknown for it and I am not that far removed, generationally speaking.

apologies, regrets, feeling the impact of a word spoken inhaste, or maybe never spoken when it could have saved a life - it is OK, cause their is nothing more beautiful than being human and allowing that humaness to stretch out and touch another - and yet some times we hesitate and then, want to talk apologies? so my dear friend with the penchant for asterisks (and I love it - please believe me when I say they make me smile and in this world at this time in my life I need all the smiles I can get/receive - and they are beautiful/thanks)

and so know that Iknew mon ange was not greek but that line is from an old joke from way back in my college days when one would say to any foreign phrase or word, that's greek to me - and it also reminds me of a line that Mark Twain once said, those french have a word for every one of ours. Here again, just a little trivia which I used to say makes up the majority of mylife and that too makes me smile, thinking back - what a ride, and unfortunately it was not on a boat in the river, but a bicyle in the country side (too bad I can't add an attachment of some of the scenes/barns - want to talk beauty, its there and all around us)

secondly - I like the hugs symbol - thanks for the info - maybe now I will do what I do best *plagarize* - heck that is also a neato human trait - heck it is why we mimic our favorite people - for me George Burns or was it Gracie - I know it was a Burns andno it wasn't Fats Burns

and now to the 8th wonder of humankind - Mother Teresa (Leo is 9th)
“One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody.”

Ms CAA, I understand and well I even know your intentions and even if they were skewered in any way, that would be OK - why cause I sense even across this distance/this infinity of life that you are one bautiful person and that is one nice feeling - so thanks for sharing some of that beauty with me and I am sure many others - cause as Anais Nin once said: “Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious, one should preserve it.” Plus it was not yor ignorance but mine, so forgo that lion - ignorance is mine saith the wannaB giant slayer?

and so I shall - until the next *Divine Intervention* - I do believe god at times intervenes with the best of intentions - and yes, god likes my humor too or at least I would have been the recipient of a few lightning bolts which to date have simply only been static electricty shocks - so I never let a day go by without some sharing of my good humor with her - and believe it or naught, she likes IT!

I am, opps, no you are somewhere in here (((CAA))) and thanks for being so gentle and kind - *DI* huh, I like that (it must mean I am forgiven - nice (but all I can say is thank god her seeing eye dog ran off?). Have a great day my friend

David

just a thought

I can be located at beliefnet community:

http://community.beliefnet.com

this would probably be a better way to exchange community size (mine is 4000 and well shrinking) - only if you wouldlike to do that - if not I will not be offended - just a thought

I am DWB.

whatever you elect, thanks for the smiles, the sharing, and the strong sense/feelings of what it means to be a christian - and you are a rare one, in deed and that is nice!

David

It is in the shelter of each other that the people live. -Irish proverb

and one more by our friend Leo

It's not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of personkind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely. --Leo Buscaglia,

ah my good friend CAA

I am sorry to say and not in the strictly sorry sense of the word - I am not a groupee - no funning intended - I find it hard ot join any of the rationale groups, for my ideas/beliefs/theories/thoughts are usually off the wall and well - not conducive to such standards - as you might have already noticed in my responses - I have always been the odd man out - that is why I did a graduate paper in the style of ee cummings (one of my favorite poets) - I thought it unique and stylish and of course the prof didn't care too much for my creativity, but then he had no choice but to get on my case - the course was psycho-biology - loved every minute of it - even the tongue in cheek tongue lashing

sorry I digress - I am located at the community site - if you are a member of one of the groups I could contact you if you feel uncomfortable simply being one of my friends - I hope to hear from you here or there - but I do appreciate your willingness to continue sharing a smathering of life with me - let me know! I am DWB (check out the pics - that will give you an idea as to who I am in RL (real life))

(((CAA))) and

L/David

another couple of favorite authors/leaders who tell us it'a all about four little letters

“In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are its worst. In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title. Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads. Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it's yours.”

Ann Rand

“When evil men plot, good men must plan. When evil men burn and bomb, good men must build and bind. When evil men shout ugly words of hatred, good men must commit themselves to the glories of love.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.